Two wily old-timers square off in the tournament to crown the first JMDD champion in FCBA history. JMD is a contest of will, as much as skill, because it's unlike any other boxing style! Here, the aim is to make the opponent admit, and submit to, the winners mammary magnificance even more than knock her unconscious or render her incapable of defense. In fact, boxing is often of secondary, or even tertiary, importance – according to connoisseurs of the “art of rack wrecking” which is what less-than-mainstream publications call JMD and now JMDD - the “sports” challenging MMA for 'eyeballs!' 

No love lost between battling blondes Ryan and Nolin, long powerhouses in the FCBA since its inception in 1999...YET THEY'VE NEVER MET BEFORE although they've studied each other extensively over the years and several times came “oh so close” to signing contracts. Something - or someone - always threw a monkey wrench in the works. But there's nothing they don't know about the others strategy or tactics, and certain not her rack! Both have had numerous chances over the years to watch other women's faces plunged into the deep, dark, revine that was one of their cleavages! Tonight, that pleasure will be almost assured for the lucky blonde loser. 

We say “almost” because of late, Jeri Ryan has been stalked by Ali Landry and Kelly Brook who've taken to showing up at her fights to disrupt the postfights. The bad blood goes back to the halcyon days of “Jeri's Knockouts” - the stable Ryan headed from 2007 until it (sadly) disbanded early this year. The cause of the stable's failure has never been disclosed, but Brook and Landry have alleged it was Ryan's fault and charge it was due to “mismanagement” - not only of stable finances in general, but of Landry and Brook's careers in particular. (It's interesting that Landry/Brook were the ONLY members of the stable not signed by another stable, surely a big part of their ill will toward Ms. Ryan.) 

Both Brook and Landry are at ringside tonight, both wearing what must be the skimpiest of thong bikini's commercially available. And they've been joined by another long-time Ryan hater, Debbe Dunning, whose 'bathing costume' leaves little Debbe equally exposed to the elements as are Landry and Brook. If there be JMDD shenanigans in the postfight, don't be surprised if Landry, Brook and Dunning are squarely in the middle, because their distaste of Nolin is second only to that for Ryan! 

A final tidbit: Jeri Ryan and Gena Lee Nolin between them held twenty-four (24) FCBA titles in their careers. At their ages, it's unlikely either will win another, so they must see the newly minted JMDD 'jewel encrusted bra' as a “last, best, shot” at a title (unless the FCBA brings back the 'Seniors'). 

Ring set up on the beach, 6x6 wooden poles pile-driven deep into the soft sand the night before, wrapped and strung with Manila Hemp hawsers on loan from a near-by marina in exchange for ringside seats. As befits the genre, both blondes in teeny-tiny thong bikini's (Ryan-white; Nolin-red) with triangle cups leaving most of their expanse of JMD bare. 

This is a televised PPV, so a network 'standards and practices' lady spent the hour ahead of the bout with each contestant. We have it on good authority “more than 3 rolls” of double sided tape were expended so the viewers won't be subjected to 'Swan Lake'...at least not until the conclusion of the fight and the obligatory JMDD show. 

(NOTE: Fox Business Channel reports 'Boob Police' tee-shirts are hot sellers at concession stands; two dozen men wearing them are hanging around ready to grab one (boob) should it attempt to escape during the bout - something that's happened far too often in recent fights!) 

During R1: Gimlet eyed vixens bouncing and jiggling up on tip-toe before the bell, tear from their corners to unleash Holy H*ll on one another's upper works! Nolin making use of her near 10 pound weight edge, putting her body on Ryan's and bull rushing her back to the ropes where a “stray” elbow pancakes Jeri's left breast. Ryan wincing in the opening seconds, fires uppercuts into Nolin's puppies with both fists at once, then spins and dances away, pumping a piston-like jab in GLN's face! 

Nolin shaking her head, her breasts shaking right along since they're as good as unsupported by her so-called 'cups'. 

Ryan circling behind the jab, snapping it from her shoulder to set up the right hand she's famous for! Jeri giving GLN's hooters a heated reception; but Gena Lee lighting up Jeri's jubblies with equal energetic malice! From the grins (grimaces?) on their faces, you'd think Jeri and Gena are enjoying the 'give' they feel in the other's rack as they flatten her boobs with either fist. Last thirty seconds give the fans what they came for: two near-naked blondes standing toe-to-toe, mindlessly attacking rack; fists flashing, blond hair swirling, sweat flying...tops barely in place (poor Boob Policeboys!) Bell: Both women still hard at work on the others 'rack' in furious back and forth trading with no defense to speak of. In the end, Nolin takes a closely-contested first round. 

Ringside: Landry, Brook, Dunning lead a pro-Nolin contingent of fans and 'Boob Police' in chanting, “GLN...JMD! GLN...JMD! GLN...JMD!” Jeri's own fans try a counter chant, but get drowned out by the crowd reaction as Brook pulls up her tiny top and shows her nips to them! 

R2: Oh the humanity! The wild women of JMDD pick up where they left off, with Nolin barreling into Ryan, wrapping her arms around her, digging her toes into the sand and chug-chug-chugging the lighter, older, blonde backward onto the sagging ropes at the ocean side of the ring. Then hammers away at Jeri's juggs with criss-crossing uppercuts slamming into the soft underbelly of Jeri's heavyweight hooters! Ryan can't fight her way off the ropes - they're so slack she hass no 'umpf' when she pushes her butt against them. GLN all 'big girl' on Ryan early, grabbing to pull her back when Jeri tries to get away. Gena Lee's left thigh is positioned deep between Jeri's and she can't go laterally more than a foot either way! 

After a minute of being body and boob battered at the ropes, and since the referee isn't interested in forcing a break; Jeri knees GLN's groin! Whatever you think of Nolin's acting ability, GLN can 'sell'! She grabs herself in both hands and whirls around, stumbling and staggering to the referee, almost falling, then whining “She kneed me, ref” or it sounded like that since whatever she said was muffled by her mouthful of tooth protector. Buying it hook, line, and sinker, the referee immediately ordered a point deducted from Jeri, then warned her “Don't do it again!” 

Nolin wanders off while this is going on, a big smirking grin on her face when she winks at Kelly Brook ringside who gives her a friendly 'thumbs-up' back. Ryan walks away in disgust, holding her hurtin' hooters up with both gloves so they don't bounce, turning her back on the referee to show displeasure. Nolin sees this and runs around the other way, slamming a shoulder into Jeri's back and sending her headfirst over the top rope! Ryan's hung up on her belly over the top rope; head and torso outside; butt and bicycling legs, inside! 

Nolin gets a devilish look on her face as she LIGHTS UP Jeri Ryan's raised rump with both hands. It's hard to spank anyone wearing boxing gloves, but GLN does about the best job possible. She gets in six or eight rapidfire smacks before the referee pulls her off and grabs the back of Jeri's thong to tip her backward into the ring. (Ryan fought the rest of the round with a 'plumber's crack'.) 

A minute left in the round as Jeri vents some pent-up anger and frustration on Gena Lee, closing some of the gap GLN opened in the first two minutes. Suddenly, Gena Lee dips her right shoulder and uppercuts Jeri's “mound of Venus” so openly and blatantly even the referee is shocked by how little she did to try and hide the foul! Jeri doubled in pain as the referee gives Gena Lee Nolin a very stern and quite demonstrative, finger wagging, warning! (huh?) Then gets out of Gena Lee's way so she can spring at Jeri and slam her backward onto the hard wood corner post. There, GLN jacks Jeri up and boob-batters her with both fists! Jeri clinching; cheek on Gena Lee's shoulder; holding on as GLN helps herself to a second helping of Ryan Rack all the way to the bell! No surprise. Gena Lee wins the 2nd round (wide). 

Between: Jeri stumbles several times in the churned up soft sand as she struggles back to her corner; her shaking hands supporting her ravaged rack; tears glistening in the bright sunlight as they run in rivulets down her ruddy cheeks; shaking her head in dismay. And there's no professional help at hand either in Ryan's corner! With most of the trainers working elsewhere - Jeri called on two volunteers: her 'Body of Proof' co-star, Dana Delany (cooly icing Ryan's beleaguered bosom) and Kyra Zagorsky of “Helix” (trying not to blush as she holds an ice pack against Jeri's groin.) 

Across the ring, Nolin laughing, joking, and cutting up with Dunning, Landry, and Brook, all clusted by her corner. When Gena Lee points out that the flush-faced Ryan is wiping away her tears with her gloves, Brook hurriedly tweets it to the entire world. (#RyanHater) 

R3: When Nolin stands for the third round, she pushes out her chest, grabs her boobs and shakes them at Ryan, silently mouthing, “They're waiting for you!” Ryan - outfought so far - mentally kicks herself for not fighting smarter, harder and, when necessary, dirtier. That was about to change! Jeri told herself she was just going to have to accept more hurting hooters if that's what it took to do some Nolin chin-checking. For the third round in a row, Nolin came charging across the ring to tackle Jeri into the ropes, and while Jeri thought she was prepared, she reacted a split second too late. As Gena Lee launched herself, Jeri bent low and came up with her powerful right fist, putting it deep in Nolin's belly! 

GLN's momentum and her weight kept her going forward, and almost tore Jeri's arm off. Ryan turned in the direction of Gena Lee's travel, moving with her as she tried to get her hand free but GLN had her right arm over Jeri's holding it against her body. Gena Lee's chest slacked into Ryan's corner post with a loud grunt of pain, her arms dropping over the top rope leaving Jeri's hand trapped between Gena Lee's body and the post! Jeri reached around Nolin with her left hand to punch the back of Gena Lee's bulging left breast, shoving the mountain of soft flesh up, under, and around the tiny triangle of cloth stretched tight over her erect nipple. Every time Jeri drove her fist into that sweet, soft, fleshy, orb, Gena Lee let out a soul-satisfying groan. Ryan finally managed to use her right arm to turn Nolin around, pulling her back. When Gena Lee's front came into sight, Ryan's left fist was already moving toward Gena Lee's belly. Her fist smashed Gena Lee's belly button and the blast of expelled air blew Jeri's hair back. She felt, rather than saw, the shockwaves rippling thru Gena Lee's body as Nolin sat back on the middle strand of ropes. 

Jeri drew back her right, but before she punch, Nolin fell forward to wrap her arms around Jeri's chest, locking her in a bearhug and this time trapping her left hand between them. Nolin laid her cheek on Jeri's right shoulder, her face toward Jeri's neck. This kept Jeri from punching her with her right hand other than to slap the back of the head. But it didn't protect Gena Lee's “assets” and Jeri happily began to heave right hand shots up into the underside of Gena Lee's heaving and rapidly reddening rack. 

Gena Lee's own right hand was free and she used to to good effect, coming up over Jeri's left shoulder to punch her in the side of the head, cheek and jaw while she held onto the back of Jeri's bra with her left hand to prevent her escape while Nolin recovered her wind. The referee had let things go long enough and finally intervened, slapping them both on the back and ordering a “clean break.” Jeri did as instructed, but as GLN stepped back she tuned to her left and brought her right elbow sweeping up and across Jeri's chest, driving the point of her elbow deep into Jeri's left breast, which in turn was pushed into her right breast. Gena Lee walked away smiling as she looked back over her shoulder toward Ryan who was replacing her skewed cups...two strips of sweaty double faced tape each not withstanding! 

On the restart, Jeri got the jump and as she came forward NOLIN'S HURT! Nolin rocked by an uppercut; she's forced to clinch again. That gives Ryan the opening she needs to dish out some ab abuse, then RYAN GOES RACK ON GENA LEE NOLIN! Ryan with a frenzy of punches labeled for Nolin's nobbies; Gena Lee's knees buckling under the assault; she's reaching out to try and wrap Ryan up and clinch, but all she's doing is leaving herself open form more uppercutting blows to her cups with both fists! Ryan setting her feet, teeing off with two, three consecutive right hands; ringing Gena Lee up and sending her careening backward onto those sagging ropes...and nearly over them! Crowd on their feet screaming drowns out the sound of the bell and Ryan keeps punching! Referee takes a few seconds before realizing, Nolin's corner frantically climbing into the ring waving their arms trying to get him to stop Ryan's assault! Order restored at last! Nolin's fast start for the third round in a row was looking like she might just blow Ryan away and run off with the fight, but Ryan's turnaround did enough to win her the third (close) and it suddenly looks like it may be anybody's fight. 

Between: Now it's Nolin turn to walk with mincing steps while supporting her jiggling juggs left arm across her chest beneath them, as she jiggles unsteadily back to her stool where she's greeted with silence by the three tweeters hovering nervously close to her corner (Dunning, Landry, and Brook). Dunning's already into her cellphone, checking results of the earlier fights and the odds. “Theron's a 5-1 underdog already and the fight isn't even close to starting yet,” she tells no one in particular, then moves to the next screen. 

“Anybody wants Theron can have her,” Landry sneers. “But you gotta get her drunk first. Cost you at least a fifth too; the woman can drinks a Russian sailor under the table.” 

“I'd trade Theron, AND Lawrence, both of 'em even up to get Yvonne Strahovski,” Brook babbles. Adding, inappropriately, “I like my blondes young and supple. Theron? She's past her 'sell by' date...if you ask me.” 

“You three have been reading Tractorpull again, haven't you?” Jennifer Love Hewitt chided as she came up and leaned over Debbe's shoulder to check out her phone. “Oh, look at that!” she gasped, pointing to her wallpaper photo. “When was that?” 

“A while; maybe 2010...or so. One of Jeri's less successful JMDs. Those are, I think...um...Vergara's?” 

“Nope!” Hewitt giggles. “With those freckles, it's gotta be Chrissy Hendricks. You can barely see Jeri's face under all that. No wonder you saved it, it's a classic!” 

R4: If it works once, try it again; and if it works three times...well, why not one more? Nolin churns thru the sand at the bell but this time, Jeri Ryan really IS ready. Like a matador with a bull, Jeri shows Gena Lee the cape (in this case, her rack) then takes it away at the last second. Nolin's right hand lead hits nothing but empty space as Ryan pivots to crack GLN on the side of the jaw as she comes to a stop in a halt in cloud of sand. But Nolin's not totally dumb, she fakes turning right and then goes left, fortunate because where she'd have been if she went right was where Jeri Ryan's big, powerful, right fist was aimed. Nolin chugged away to her left while Ryan circled to right and they met on the opposite side of the ring right in front of Dunning, Landry and Brook...now standing with Hewitt. All of the them eagerly waiting for Gena Lee to get her big juggs on top of Jeri's lyin' eyes after beating her juggs so bad they no longer looked like Jeri's heavyweight hooters and more like yo' grandmomma's titties. 

Jeri was about to spoil the party, however, because when Jeri came slogging thru the sand toward Gena Lee this time, she didn't slow or even put up her dukes. She just kept coming, then at the last second, after Gena Lee lifted her gloves, Jeri leaped into the air, her right arm back - and at the apex of her trajectory, brought her fist down right on Gena Lee's jaw! Her so-called “superman punch” - named for the flight of the puncher's body thru the air - knocked Gena Lee back into, then over the ropes out onto the hard pack sand at the beach side of the ring. Everyone on the opposite side came running around the ring, joined by those whose view was being blocked by the new arrivals. Soon, most of the bikini babes and jams guys were crowding around Gena Lee's body. Jeri remained in the ring, hands on the top rope, leaning over watching intently to see if Nolin would - or could - get up. As the referee counted, GLN half rose, pushing up on all fours, lifted her head, then collapsed back down on her chest. She couldn't beat the count and at “TEN!” Jeri Ryan raised her arms, then and climbed over the sagging ropes and walked to Gena Lee who lay facedown in the sand, the object of Jeri Ryan's KO4 victory! 

Jeri posed for pictures with a foot on Nolin's butt as cellphone cameras went off around the ring. Then... JMDD! (to the dismay of Hewitt, Dunning, Landry, Brook and Tess Valmore!) 

* * * * 

After: Ryan brazenly doffing her top, flaunting her proud, but battered, rack. After Jeri and the referee got Nolin to her knees, Jeri squirted the contents of a bottled water in her face, watching as it streamed down her defeated chest. Once Gena Lee (vaguely) realized where she is and what happened, Ryan raised her leg, put a foot on Nolin's chest and kicks her over backward, putting her on her back in the sand. Nolin looking up, blinking stoopidly, with a dazed, dumb, smirking grin on her face, looked up and saw Ryan's abused, flushed, ruddy, bruised, battered, proud pale orbs slowly descending until they blocked out the sun and covered her face. 

Gena Lee squirmed, kicked sand and pawed weakly with both hands at Jeri's back, her shoulders and even pulled her hair a little bit, but the KO punch, combined with the suffocating soft flesh of Ryan's near-legendary mammaries molding themselves to shut off her nose and mouth, quickly rendered GLN incapable of any effective resistance. Nolin's arms slid down Jeri's back, her left hand dropping at her side in the sand, her right hand slipping under the waistband of Jeri's bottom, remaining there until Ryan sat up straddling Nolin's hips. Jeri retrieved her top and put it back on, then stood up and as several of the fans shook her hand and congratulated her, she looked around for Landry, Brook, Dunning and “that little weasel Hewitt.” 

None of the four were anywhere to be found. When last seen, Landry and Brook were piling into a taxi to the airport and Dunning was at the bar with a redhead, regaling the wide-eyed young woman with tales (many possibly true) of her fights with “legends” such as, Cat Bell, Charlize, Ryan, GLN, Liz Hurley, Krista Allen and Shannon Elizabeth. (The poor girl only appeared to recognize about half the names Debbe threw at her, but Deb didn't seem to notice!) Nobody knows where Hewitt was, and nobody seemed to care! 

As Jeri Ryan walked away surrounded by well-wishers, she was heading for another contest, this one against the winner of Daddario-Krupa in what as going to be one of the two semi-final bouts in the FCBA's First JMDD Tournament!