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30 October 2015 Title Ch Lindsay Lohan vs Michelle Keegan

Page history last edited by Vassago 8 years, 2 months ago

OFFICIAL "HALLOWEEN" SSB PPV

JUGS OF MASS DESTRUCTION TITLE BOUT

Posted by Lookout! Boxing on October 30, 2015, 6:12 pm

Michelle Keegan v Ch. Lindsay Lohan* (*JMD title) by Lookout/simgrrl
Keegan: 5'4”, 119#, 28yo, 36E-24-35; Lohan: 5'5”, 115#, 29yo, 36D-24-35

Before: Keegan little known in the US, but she starred on “Coronation Street” the UK's most popular soap opera between 2008-2014 and was voted “Sexiest Female” in the annual Soap TV Awards SIX times from 2009-2014. She was also voted the “Sexiest Female” by UK FHM in 2015.

After “Coronation Street” Michelle brazenly announced she “wouldn't mind going topless” if it landed her a role on “Game of Thrones” - usually actresses going so vocal about stripping down sounds desperate... as Lohan took great pains to point out. Adding snidely, “I get topless all the time and am proud and happy to flaunt my assets without expecting something in exchange.”

Nothing came of Keegan's 'GoT' ploy, but recently she emerged as the front runner to replace Jenna Louise Coleman on “Dr. Who”.

Worth noting is that “Coronation Street” airs on ITV in Great Britain while “Dr Who” is a BBC production. When it comes to the UK TV market, they are the two biggest rivals out there, so Lohan accused Michelle of “whoring” herself to the two broadcast networks, an idea Michelle flatly rejected, pointing out, “I'm not only beautiful, I'm also a talented actress. They were both happy to get my signature on a contract and these,” she laughed as she grabbed her boobs and gave them a shake. “Just added to my bottom line, thank you very much. It's not bloody likely the Disney folks were hiring Lindsay's taa-taa's when they signed her for 'Herbie The Love Bug'.”

Few common opponents with little to choose between them, this fight looking very much like a 'toss-up' with - perhaps - a slight edge to one or the other... depending on how you weight your evaluation criteria. Lohan with a slight height edge, Keegan one in weight. Age no factor with both in their prime.

One unknown, as always, is 'fitness'. Keegan had 44 fights since 1-1-11; Lohan just 24. This year, Keegan fought into the tenth round in three of five; Lohan hasn't seen the tenth round even once. But Lohan knocked out her opponent in her last four fights; arguably a preferable result to a decision.

Other things to consider: Keegan came out of the BBU, and while the quality of her early opponents may be suspect, her results can't be questioned, She's knocked out her opponent in 85% of her wins! Lohan, since hooking up at Ginny's Academy last year, is 7-1 and she won the JMD title stopping Champion Jessica Lowndes before defending it against a BBU 'big bust' veteran in Lucy Pinder.

COSTUMES? Sure! Keegan in white bra and panties w/matching white thigh-hi's and trainers. She's got two big plastic pumpkin jack-o-lanterns on her awesomely huge breasts. The crowd goes wild at the sight of her “plump pumpkins” as she dances and prances to the ring, earning a standing ovation from her fans before she carefully removes her “pumpkins” and hands them to her corner women.

Lohan more understated in her own approach, choosing to go “catty” in a leopard woman head to toe catsuit. When she arrives in the ring, however, LiLo turns up the heat with a slow, erotic, striptease peeling off until she's down to a barely there, leopard print thong bikini with three tiny triangles of printed cloth hiding her girly 'bits 'n' pieces' from prying eyes.
* * * *
During R1: Keegan out quickly to establish the jab, stops Lohan in her tracks with her opening salvo. LiLo circling left behind her own little jab. The limber-limbed redhead up-tempos midway, bouncing and jiggling to her left (Michelle's right) as Keegan pivots on her lead (left) foot keeping her right cocked at her cheek ready to fire while she paws ineffectually with the left. Late, Lohan lands a couple of thumping right crosses to Michelle's chest, putting a wince and a frown on the face of the brunette as her mountainous mammaries absorb the impacts! Lohan getting the better of Keegan down the stretch, landing a sharp right hand that staggers the brunette, then cleans up on her chest to the bell. Michelle minces back to her corner, rack throbbing while Lohan returns to a high-five from her handlers.

R2-3: Michelle wins 2nd round; Lindsay the third....both close. Girls put up back to back action-filled rounds as first Keegan, then Lohan, wins, loses, then regains the advantage. Bristling back-and-forth battling entertaining ringsiders who bask in the thumping sounds of the impact of soft calves' leather gloves digging deep into soft, smooth, girl flesh! Second round sees Keegan find success just above Lohan's low-slung waistband while LiLo targets Michelle's taa-taa's with scrubbing left-right criss-cross bashing. Third round role reversal has Linds punishing Keegan's belly button while Michelle shifts her focus to come up the middle with heavy uppercuts that have Lohan's “ladies” ajumpin' and ajiggling - to the delight of the slim gals ringside (doubtlessly fantasizing it's them dishing out abuse to a busty rival).

R4: Small, subtle, adjustments pay dividends for Keegan who continues her heavy bombardment of Lohan's topworks! Lohan ducking low to get at Michelle's tummy, is straightened up by right and left uppies that Keegan's slings from her knees! Champ forced to clinch, breathless and red-faced from the brunette boob-bashing she's taking. Lohan caught flush with a left hook late, sags back onto the ropes, holding on. Keegan with a two-fisted back and forth attack drives Lohan sobbing to her knees, then to all fours! Crowd screaming in appreciation as Lohan sits back on her haunches, blinking back the tears. Lindsay struggles to her feet. Then as the referee gives her a standing eight, she gingerly tucks her abused bosom back behind the minimal protection offered by her tiny, displaced, triangle top. Keegan swarms LiLo at the bell as Lohan desperately hangs while the overworked ref struggles to pull the brunette off the weepy redhead.

R5: Lohan's corner working frantically to resuscitate their fighter, finally get her on her feet before the bell, but she's looking rickety! LiLo suddenly recovers and leaps out, catching Keegan with a right hand lead that sends shock waves through the brunette's lush body. Keegan backing up wide-eyed, Lohan windmilling punches at her head, Michelle too busy ducking and blocking to throw herself, weathers the furious onslaught. Keegan back on the offensive once Lohan's fury subsides, digging hard to the middle, coming up inside with left uppercuts. LOHAN'S HURT! LiLo rocked by the left uppercut, never sees the overhand right that drills her flush on the chin. Freckled redhead pitches forward, crashes face first on the canvas. As the referee pushes Keegan away, Lohan rolls over on her back, blinking up into the bright overhead lights; hands cupping her tormented taa-taa's. Lindsay rocks back and forth, unable to beat the count, then collapses flat on her back with her hands covering her eyes as the referee raises Michelle Keegan's hand in victory. KO5, Michelle Keegan is NEW JMD Champion!
* * * *
After: Keegan dancing and jumping around; unable to contain her excitement as she watches the Academy corner drag Lohan back to her stool and try to revive her. While she watches intently, Michelle is getting her gloves removed, then rubs her hands together like she can't wait to get them on Lohan.
LiLo groggy on her stool; bent over, elbows on knees; sweaty, disheveled hair covering her face when Michelle arrives grinning, combs her fingers thru a fistful of reddish-blond hair, closes her fist and then twists hard as she jerks the still dazed ex-champ to her feet. WHUMP! Michelle drives her fist low and deep into Lohan's belly, buckling her knees. Keegan uses her hair to pull Lohan's face into the deep, dark, valley of her cleavage, then wraps her free hand around the back of LiLo's neck, imprisoning her in the darkness.
Unable to replace the air driven from her by the unexpected belly punch, Lohan is weakened almost immediately. Her hands flap helplessly against Keegan's ribs, then as her knees slowly began to give way, her weakly beating hands slap Michelle's hips, then her thighs as Michelle bends forward, lowering herself to her knees; forcing Lohan's face to remain trapped in her bosom's fleshy embrace.

Only after Lindsay Lohan's hands drop to her sides does Michelle stand up, maintaining her tight grip on Lohan's hair, keeping the former JMD champion on her knees at her feet, LiLo's cheek resting against Keegan's thigh as Michelle calls one of her seconds over.

The young brunette arrives carrying one of the plastic pumpkins Michelle had worn on her bosom when she entered the ring. When the girl hands it to Michelle, the new champ takes it and holds it overhead to show the crowd, then she lowers it and forces it roughly down over Lohan's head, twisting and turning until it's tight. Only the openings for the eyes and mouth of the jack-o-lantern allow Lohan to breath, although in her unconscious state she's unaware of even that kindness.

Michelle raises her arms overhead, then knees Lohan in the chest, between her JMD's, sending her sprawling onto her back, spread-eagled at Keegan's feet. Michelle struts around the ring, basking in the adulation of the crowd, before finally returning to her corner, collecting the bejeweled brassiere emblematic of her JMD supremacy and heading off to her dressing room to touch up her make-up before her press conference.
* * * *
Later: Lohan doesn't appear for the postfight press conference. “It's not a big deal,” the flushed commissioner explains in a hastily called press conference. “She's with the USADA folks for the mandatory postfight testing. There was a mix-up; someone didn't get the word; they had problems getting together. Hey, it's happened before, it'll happen again. There's no story here.”

Keegan all bouncy and excited winning her second “title” (see: BBU flyweight title, 2011). “This is a real rush,” she gushes breathlessly. “The BBU flyweight title was my first, but looking back I realize that was small potatoes compared to the (entire) World of JMD Championship bra,” she says, holding aloft the jewel encrusted brassiere that is emblematic of Jugg Supremacy while grinning maniacally.

“Taking THIS BRA,” she again raises it overhead, “from a fighter like Lindsay Lohan... WOW! A woman who has done SO much to advance the cause of busty brawlers with her participation in JMD fights over the years...well, that just makes THIS win so much sweeter!

Later that evening, Lindsay Lohan announced (via Twitter): “I'll be taking some time away from boxing for the next several months. I'll be meeting with financial types interested in backing a possible run for the Presidency in 2020.” In a possibly related note, Lohan's camp refused to address rampant Internet speculation of a failed postfight drug test; dismissing it as “the usual Internet garbage.”