Posted by Lookout! Boxing on December 30, 2015, 11:15 am

Perry, packing KO power (25 of 31 wins via stoppage) and with a flexible, lively, young body that can take punishment. Ryan thought to be 'over the hill' showed she still has a bit of the old finisher in her when she won a couple of fights in the recent JMDD tournament - before losing in the final to a woman 20 years younger. Whether Perry has the same “stuff” as Kate Upton still remains to be seen!

Front Street declining Ryan's (generous) offer to make this a JMDD rules fight; several commentators chuckling as they pointed out, “Perry's got two R's in her name, but she ain't got a R(ack) to compare with old lady Ryan's.”

Perry sniffing indignantly, “I don't do those things and never will. That stuff is beneath me and I don't deign to stoop to that ####'s level. If she wants to wallow around in the mud with some top-heavy harlot, that's her business. I'm an entertainer; a world class singer. I don't mud wrestle, oil wrestle, or JMD....no matter how many D's they attach to it.”

The Wizzer, and his highly compensated mouthpiece, Mademoiselle Tess Valmore de Tractorville, both take to the airwaves, digital media and even the outmoded medium of PRINT to disdainfully dismiss the slightest hint that Perry would - as Valmore huffed indignantly, “... stoop to putting her chest anywhere near Ryan's face. Who knows where it's been or who it's been in contact with. The poor girl might catch something that could ruin her singing career!”

Jeri shrugging off all the thinly veiled insults and unflattering anatomical comparisons, to shrewdly point out, “I've whupped gals with bigger racks; and I lost to some with smaller ones. It's not the size of the rack that matters, it's the amount of fight in the gal. The other stuff's just window dressing.”

Attire: Jeri Ryan's “of a certain age” but still has the face (and figure) of a women a decade, or more, younger and she'd be a fool not to take advantage of it fighting a girl 2/3 her age. The shiny silver bikini Jeri wears reminds some of Cat Bell's in a magazine spread in Maxim? FHM? Stuff? Busty? Oh, who knows! Who cares? They're all the same!
(We mean the lad mags, not Jeri's and Cat's JMDD's. No, come to think about it, THEY'RE pretty much the same too!)

Perry, restricted by the strict terms of her Front Street contract from stooping to “tawdry flesh-peddling” chooses a demure, leopard print, one-piece, but one cut low in front and high at the hips far enough to raise heart rates of older men at ringside to alarming levels. The buxom, leggy, look serves Katy well in the faceoff comparison as they lean in during prefight like they're hard of hearing rather than trying to make a point (or two) to their opponent. Fans divided on which is “bustier” - according to a non-scientific Quinnipiac University poll taken ringside moments before the bell.
(Not that it matters; it's a boxing match after all! Jeez guys, get over it!)
* * * * * *
During R1: “Jealous Jeri” makes her final appearance of 2015, getting right down to the business of sending a message to Ms Perry's puppies. Ryan rack attacking with malicious, single-minded fury from her opening combination to the final punch just after the bell. Perry, unaccustomed as her JMDD's are to receiving this type of attention, put back on her heels and forced to fight backing up for much of the round. Ryan, making a it her mission to point out to one and all in the weeks leading up to the fight that, “...this is not a JMDD fight” nevertheless does a good impersonation of a women intent on turning it into one! Historian's can argue later, but “experts” at ringside after the round are hard-pressed to think of a punch or angle Ms Ryan didn't try in an all-out attempt to intimidate Katy's bosom. After three minutes of throwing leather from every which way, Ryan rumbled back to her stool panting and slumped on her stool for some refreshment and a cool toweling down. Perry minced gingerly back to her corner for a dose of “endswell” to her ... um, “chest area” while Ryan got the points!

R2: Perry gets a dressing down from her corner (in addition to the above treatment) between rounds and comes out looking like a different fighter for the second. First punch Ryan throws is a straight left to Perry's right side chest. The first punch Perry throws, immediately after Ryan's, is an uppercut that snaps Ryan's head back and nearly drops her on her backside! As Ryan stutter steps back, Katy turns on a left hook to the hooters that PANCAKES Ryan's right cup. Jeri in disarray at the ropes, blinking and earmuffing with her gloves in front of her face and her elbows tucked in protecting her suddenly available bosom. Perry's never been known as a “tit-for-tat” kinda fighter, meaning just because she's fouled she doesn't automatically respond in kind. But she's apparently flexible in her attitudes, because it seems that for Jeri Ryan, Katy's willing to make an exception!
For most of the rest of the second round, Perry bludgeons away at Ryan's aging body starting with her belly and moving quickly Northward, ending up with a solid thirty seconds of “speedbag” work that had two women in particular on their feet at ringside. Kelly Brook and Ali Landry, two women still out of work after Ryan disbanded her stable, felt some measure of satisfaction seeing the tears welling in Ryan's blue eyes as Katy Perry hammered away at her famously JMDD worthy bosom!
At the bell, Perry turned away with a big grin and a little bounce in her step as she sauntered casually back to her corner, pausing just before she sat down to watch with undisguised joy as Ryan held her puppies to keep them from bouncing too much as she collapsed breathlessly onto her stool. Perry wins the round on points to balance the cards after two surprisingly puppy-centric rounds in what wasn't billed as being “all about puppies!”

R3: Ryan hasn't succeeded in bullying the brunette, but this late in her career, she really doesn't have a viable 'plan B' so Jeri goes with what she does best, Attack the Rack! Single-minded can't accurately describe the level of commitment to Katy's J's of MD, but at least it gives you some idea. From bell to bell, Jeri's fists rarely stray far from Perry's Puppies, and even when she head hunts or targets tummy, Ryan always gets right back on the soft tissue by the second, third or fourth punch of her combinations. Katy's face flushed and red at the end of the round, as is her torso, which proudly wears a healthy, ruddy, glow after it gets almost all of Ryan's attention for three grueling minutes.
Oh, Perry punches a couple of puppies herself - when she's not soaking up Ryan leather, but it's clearly Jeri's round as she teaches a master class in the fine art of bosom busting to her young brunette student. Jeri “the queen of mean” this round, but both women are reeling at the bell. Ryan rubber armed from throwing so, so, many punches while Perry's rack weary from taking them on her proud prow like heavy surf crashing on a rocky promontory. Ryan's round on points, but both are left breathless!

R4: Student steps up! Katy shows she was paying attention in class, steps out brusquely to give Jeri Ryan some payback in kind this round. Aging blond slow to recover from round three, gives Perry an opening in the first minute and Katy takes advantage. With Ryan working a desultory jab to rest her right, Perry comes over the top with a big right of her own, swiveling Jeri's head to her right. Katy jumps on the Ryan Express with both hands, chug-chug-chugging jugg as Ryan is hammered backward step-by-step to the ropes where she is jacked and stacked by the young singer. Perry giving Jeri's midsection all the attention, hammering away at that smooth, sexy, little pooch just above the waistline, gettin' inta Jeri's innie belly button like putting a key in a lock to open the door to the Magic Kingdom. Ryan reeling along the ropes, grabbing to clinch and slow the assault on her body.
Cheek on shoulder, they bludgeon away at close range - which works to the older fighters advantage as Perry's power is muted somewhat. Cagey veteran move by Ryan buys time and when the referee finally breaks them apart, Jeri drops 'The Hammer of Thor' on Katy! Big right hands have always been Ryan's “go to” when times got tough and this is no exception. Huge right to the chin nearly drops Katy Perry, but she rolls with it and stumbles away to her right and Ryan misses with a left hook that may have ended the fight on the spot. Ryan righting herself, turning in pursuit as Perry paws a defensive left in her face while slide-stepping backward.
Ryan showing patience on offense, using combinations to set up another right hand and twice she lands it! The first on Perry's left ear, the second glances off her forehead as she turns at the last second. Jeri remains offensive, pushing forward, not giving the younger woman a chance to set her feet or collect herself. Pressure from Ryan is constant, but her punch rate has fallen since the third round and she's being more selective in when - and where - she targets her right hand. Perry's puppies getting a badly needed breather this round, as Ryan does far more head-hunting than rack attacking.
Ryan in control until the closing seconds when Perry seems to catch her second wind and as Ryan comes forward pumping her left in Perry's face, just running out the clock, Katy brings the left hook sharply across Ryan's frontage to pancake her right breast! Jeri's eyes widen in jugg shock and Perry hammers her in the side of the head with a right that briefly buckles Ryan's right knee. Perry coming on, pounding Jeri's body with both hands, working upward from waist to whoppers. Late surge by young Katy Perry steals the points right out from under Ryan's rockin' and rollin' rack with a final flurry of power puppy punching! Katy narrowly wins round (oh so close) to pocket the points.

R5: Perry animated in her corner between rounds, at one point leaning thru the ropes to chat with Rihanna who is sitting and joking with Beyonce at ringside. Katy on her feet early, leaping out before the echo of the bell fades to attack Ryan on her side of the ring. Perry really getting into the JMDD stuff, going right after Ryan's rack with both hands. Jeri's defenses getting shredded in the opening minute as Katy has her way with Jeri's jubblies; smacking sack with either hand and loving it! Ryan battered along the ropes and when she tries to clinch, Perry shoves her off with two hands to the chest, inflicting a little bit more pain whenever and however she can. As Ryan begins to fade, Perry smoothly transitions to a more conventional style, working the body and throwing combinations to the head. It's as if she's flipped a switch and told herself, “OK, you did the JMD stuff, now back to boxing.”
The last two minutes of the round are all Perry, all the time. Oh, Ryan does a little boxing, throws enough punches to look like she's still in the fight, but Ryan lands her right hand four or five times and it never makes an impression on Perry who walks right thru them to slam lefts or rights to Jeri's head or hooks to her body. She's breaking Ryan down one punch at a time and Jeri Ryan just doesn't seem to have an answer. Ryan hurt early and often and Katy, after setting herself up for success with early sack slugging, goes conventional to head-hunt her way to her best round of the fight using more or less straight boxing as Katy wins the round (wide) by taking all three minutes.

R6: More Perry punishment of Ryan's rack. Katy's in a groove and she rolls right over Ryan in the opening minute of the round. Classic combinations stagger Jeri right off the bell, buckling her knees with a clean left hook that forces her to clinch at the thirty second mark. With Ryan's gloves draped over her shoulders, Katy has a clear and unobstructed path to blond puppies, but she foregoes the route of cheap satisfaction in favor of a fight-winning strategy, attacking Ryan's 47 y/o body. Lefts, rights and more lefts and rights, hammered into Jeri's firm abs soften her up. Katy shoves Jeri back to give herself more punching room. It's not until several more rights and a couple of left hooks to the belly leave Ryan doubled over wheezing does the brunette finally give herself permission the treat of targeting taa-taa's. Uppercut left cup! Uppercut left cup! Uppercut left cup! Uppercut left cup! It's the fourth one that finally gets the job done. Ryan, with tears streaming down her face, crumples to her knees, rocking back and forth holding her mashed mammary in both hands, slowly rocking back and forth shaking her head from side to side as if she's saying 'no more'. Her mouthpiece slowly slips from her mouth, bounces down her chest into her cleavage and disappears into the deep valley between her red, heaving, battered, and badly abused breasts. The referee had seen enough and waved it off. Katy Perry's win goes into the books

After: From the expression on Perry's face as she holds cold packs to her hurtin' hooters, it's clear she wants some kind of JMDD-style “payback” for all the pain she's in As soon as they get her gloves off, Katy storms across the ring red-faced, fists clenched, angrily glowering at Ryan who sits sobbing on her stool while her overheated hooters are hosed down with several bottles of ice water.

Perry's trainer, Jewel Kilcher, chases her girl down, grabs her and turns her around. Katy hesitates, then yanks the arm free. Fans ringside lean in eagerly, trying to hear what Jewel's saying as she wags her index finger in Katy's flushed face, ranting and pretty much reading her fighter the riot act.

Shame-faced, Perry nods as Kilcher barks like a Marine drill sergeant dressing down a raw recruit. Then, Katy starts snapping back at her handler, at one point gesturing toward Ryan's corner. After another exchange of opinions, both calm down. Jewel takes Katy's elbow, turns her around facing Ryan's corner, and points to Ryan as she whispers something in Perry's ear. Perry nods obediently and, head bowed sheepishly, walks over and meekly offers Ryan her hand.

Jeri takes it and as Katy pulls her to her feet, Jeri lays her arm over Perry's shoulder and pulls her into a hug. Both women grimace as their breasts pancake between them and quickly back off. Each leans in and they hold a whispered conversation in each others ear. Then Perry turns and walks briskly back to her corner, blushing. She's still flushed when her good friend Rihanna greets her in her corner after climbing up from her seat beside Beyonce in Perry's corner. She joins her friend in the ring and together they celebrate her victory with a slow circuit of the ring.

As they pass Ryan still sitting on her stool holding an ice pack to her left breast, Ri-Ri pauses to say something to Jeri. Ryan looks up sharply. Rihanna maintains eye contact, her face an expressionless mask until Jeri looks away and sheepishly lowers her head. The Barbados beauty smirks as she pats Jeri on the head in an overtly condescending manner, then bends over and says something to her. Ryan reacts as if she'd been slapped, rearing back against the turnbuckle, her face pale and her lips trembling.

Rihanna turns and struts back to rejoin Perry who is ready to leave the ring. On the way to the locker rooms, Rihanna was overheard telling Perry, “Mental toughness. That's how you dominated her tonight. Once you got the upper hand in the fourth round, I saw her confidence wilt. After that, she put up less and less resistance. If I were you,” Rihanna laughed, “I'd fight her every two or three months... you know, give those 'things' a speedbag workout to keep your hand-eye coordination sharp!”

They were both laughing when the locker room door banged shut behind Katy. Rihanna turned and disappeared into the room next door to get ready for her upcoming fight with Charlize 'The Golden Goddess' Theron.

Later in the media center, Katy was more serious and (politely) declined to reveal the content of her postfight exchange with Ryan. “Suffice it to say, Jeri and I will certainly meet again,” Perry said. “We both know this isn't how our new rivalry should end. She had some stuff she felt she has to get off her chest and...” she paused with a smirk, took a long pull on a bottle of mineral water, then added, “...and there's some things I'd like to get off her chest too.”

Then she got serious, “Before you ask, yeah, there will probably, almost surely, be a few more Perry-Ryan fights down the road. But first, I want to talk to my management about Upton. It grates on me that she's walking around flaunting her 'things' and talking like her 'stuff' is so great when, really, she's a pretty ordinary model and actress. She's certainly not a whole lot better than Ryan... in my opinion as an unbiased observer of the competition.”

Asked to explain, Katy shook her head. “Look, this isn't the time to be talking about Upton. But imagine if you can... Suppose she didn't wear that heavyweight support bra. Where would those massive hooters of hers be? I'll leave it to your imaginations. Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got to get to my ringside seat so I can support my friend Rihanna in her battle against the forces of blond evil!”

As Katy left the dais, Jeri Ryan was just arriving. Katy stopped and they exchanged a few words, then Katy called over a young assistant who had a small cooler strapped over her shoulder. Holding up her frosty mineral water, Perry advised her older nemesis, “It's hot up there under the lights, you should hydrate before you go out there.” Katy finished her bottle and gestured to the girl who opened her satchel and let Katy pick one. After she chose hers, she stepped aside and motioned to Jeri to help herself. She did and twisted the cap to break the seal, then took a long, satisfying drink. She nodded to Katy and then headed out on stage.

Jeri, in her turn at the podium, refused to discuss either her conversation with Perry or - despite being pressed to “give us all the dirt” by our favorite blond reporter - what Rihanna said to her that made her react as she did in the ring. “There'll be plenty of time for both of us to talk about who said what to who and what we're gonna do about it. I imagine there'll be a whole lot of talking going on before I fight next.”

The buxom Boxing Online blonde sitting up front asked, “When IS your next fight and will it be with Katy...or maybe Rihanna?” Ryan glared and then shrugged. “If it were up to me, I'd do Perry again next month. But you media people know who pulls Katy's strings. That crazy old man will likely try to keep me dangling 'til I'm fifty! One of you brave reporters should ask him if he's REALLY that scared of me or is it just he has 'issues' with...”

Suddenly realizing she'd perhaps said too much, or was about to cross a line she shouldn't, Ryan quickly shut up, apologized and left the dais. Reporters muttered and whispered among themselves, trying to figure out what she'd been about to say before she stopped talking and skedaddled.
* * * *
Perry's trainer, Jewel Kilcher, was later quoted, “If that'd been me back in my heyday, I'd have gone after Ryan, yeah! This wasn't supposed to be a JMD fight, but at her age, I guess that's all Ryan's got. Katy's not your typical JMD girl, and Front Street's not that kinda stable. I told Katy, this wasn't the time to get into that. She wants to go after Jeri with JMD rules, she needs to talk to the Wiz. I'm fine either way. My job is to keep her out of trouble and that's what I did. I'm pretty sure Kate understands, or will after she's talked with the Wiz and had a while to cool down. I don't think anyone doubts what she'd do to Ryan if they met again.”