BEFORE:

"It hasn't been a year this time," says Lauren with a hard-eyed look. "I'm finally getting a little work, and it's paying off. It hasn't shown in the 'win' column yet, but, tonight, it's going to do just that."

"This girl is better than people think," says Allison with a nod. "She's been in tough a lot. But, she's never been in tougher than she's going to be tonight."

ROUND ONE:

O'Dell: "Back at ringside and that's 'Green-Eyed Lady' by Sugarloaf you hear behind us, and that means the green-eyed lady herself, the lovely Lauren German is on her way to the ring..."

McCarthy: "And, I say this every time she shows up here. Typical. Dancing. Hooker. Opponent. NO. FCBA. Wins."

O'Dell: "German..."

McCarthy: "AND ANOTHER THING! This is an absolute DISGRACE for a so-called contender like that FRAUD Allison Mack to come out here and fight a girl without an FCBA win! It's a TRAGEDY of justice is what it is!"

O'Dell: "German..."

McCarthy: "I mean, how RIDICULOUS is this? Weirdo goes out and books a girl who's 0-5 career to fight against a supposed top contender! I demand an INVESTIGATION! Who's sanctioning fights like this! I demand an INVESTIGATION!"

O'Dell: "Are you DONE now???"

McCarthy: "Siri, get me Mark Furhman!"

Cassie: "At least he's ALIVE..."

O'Dell: "German into the ring and helped off with the robe. She's wearing that gray bikini we've seen before and rocking a rock-hard body as usual..."

Oh, the shark, babe
Has such teeth, dear...

McCarthy: "UN. REAL! I can NOT believe this!"

Tess: "Let me weigh in here. Mac, just what IS it that you can't believe? Allison has been using this song for years. Wiz BOUGHT the rights to the Bobby Darin version. What part of this is still unbelievable?"

McCarthy: "The WHOLE THING! She stole my song. She stole my nickname! Everything she has she stole from ME! I'll SUE! I'll SUE! Siri..."

Cassie: "Here we go..."

McCarthy: "Get me Gerry Spence!"

Cassie: "Huh. Blind squirrel."

O'Dell (sighing): "Mack into the ring and helped off with that black robe with the gleaming metal knife with the single drop of blood dripping from it by Jewel and Neve to reveal the blood red bikini she prefers..."

McCarthy: "And a body that couldn't get her a 9am gig at a dollar strip joint..."

O'Dell: "Truck. Go ahead and bring that bottle of the good stuff Pointy always sends over right down here to the table. Meanwhile, the ladies are about ready to go. Time for some picks. Tess favors Allison. Mac?"

McCarthy: "I REFUSE to pick that gimmick-stealing fraud! German!"

O'Dell: "Cassie?"

Cassie: "I agree with Tess!"

O'Dell: "And, we're underway. No surprse here in the early going. Lauren wants to box. Using the long jab and the excellent feet. German moves very well and she has good hands and you're seeing some of that now. Mack, though very athletic in her own right. Extremely good at working forward..."

McCarthy: "ATHLETIC? MACK? She couldn't carry my bikini top! Or, FILL it, for that matter!"

Cassie: "Probably because the stuff in Allison's bikini top isn't full of SILICONE..."

McCarthy: "YOU LITTLE...."

O'Dell: "Allison in that slight crouch, head tucked, bobbing and weaving, past the jab to work some body. Lauren quickly circles back and away, wants space. Allison not going to provide any. Mack one of those girls who loves the inside work, and, when you're as good at it as she is, that's no surprise..."

Tess: "German pretty slick, though. She's finding ways to restore the space she wants."

O'Dell: "The issue with German isn't boxing ability, and it never has been. Her problem has been her chin. Then again, Montgomery, Park, Rambin, Bennet, Ridley. No powder puff punchers in there. Final seconds ticking away here in what's been a competitive first. There's the bell. Close to Mack."

Tess: "But, not a bad round for German at all."

ROUND TWO:

O'Dell: "Back to work in the second and more of the same. German working the jab and feet for space and Mack wants to close that space and work body. And this may not be one of those situations where whichever girl gets her terms is going to come out better, because we've SEEN Mack box at range..."

Cassie: "No question about it. Allison is 5'5", so she's not short for the weight. She's only giving up an inch to German. She CAN box with her. But, she prefers NOT to."

O'Dell: "And, just like in the first round, both fighters getting some of what they want. Allison's getting inside and working some body, Lauren able to escape that and create space, then jab for points. German putting punches together in spots as well, giving just about as good as she's getting for the second consecutive round..."

McCarthy: "Just the fact that this tomato can is still standing proves what a FRAUD Mack IS..."

Tess: "A fraud who babified YOU...TWICE..."

McCarthy: "I was fighting ALL NIGHT against an ALL-STAR team!"

Tess: "What about the SECOND time?"

McCarthy: "SHUT UP, WALMART!"

O'Dell: "Drink up, boys. Thirty seconds left here in the second. Good, two-way round between the two blondes. German moving well. Landing a good percentage of those jabs, which isn't easy to do against a good defensive fighter like Mack. Ten seconds. Quick little exchange and there's the bell. Close. German."

Cassie: "And, we're even at 19."

ROUND THREE:

O'Dell: "Third begins with German on her horse. Lots of movement from Lauren here. She's circling wide behind that left. Mack looking to cut and close. Taking some solid fire from her fellow blonde and not having much success closing the distance right now. German's got exactly the range and angles she wants."

Tess: "More good stuff from Lauren. Again, no question this girl can box."

O'Dell: "And, she's boxing plenty right now. Getting punches put together. Double-tapping that jab in spots. Doing whatever she needs to do to keep Mack at bay, and it's working and working well. Allison patient. Continuing to move the feet, but she's not getting much done this round, Mac..."

McCarthy: "Other than blocking a lot of leather with her ugly FACE, no, she isn't!"

O'Dell: "Allison trying to cut the ring. Lauren a quick flurry, landed a pair of good right hands in there. Mack not hurt, but she's getting badly out-pointed in this stanza. Final seconds ticking away here in the third. German bouncing on the balls of her feet, circling, popping the jab right to the bell and a shutout victory."

Cassie: "Got to admit, that's a surprise. Not to see German win a round, but to see her shut Mack out like that. 29-28, Lauren."

ROUND FOUR:

O'Dell: "German again on the horse, circling wide, jabbing. She's found something she likes, and she's going to stick with it until Allison finds a way to counter it. Mack angling, cutting the ring now, thumping Lauren to the body inside. German tying up, slipping away. Mack after her immediately..."

Cassie: "Lot of aggression from Mack. She's not going to sit back and allow another round like the last one."

O'Dell: "Definitely not in the plans. Allison angling forward, working body. German trying to slip away and GETTING STAGGERED BY A RIGHT HOOK! Mack caught her with that one and German stumbled almost into the ropes. Allison all over her immediately, blasting away, trapping Lauren on the cables..."

Tess: "German has to get busy here. Can't just lay in the ropes and take..."

O'Dell: "And the green-eyed blonde realizing that, jabbing back in counter, trying to hang on here. Mack going downstairs in a BIG way with that guard high. She's BLASTING leather into Lauren's body. German tying up, getting shoved off, nailed with a good LEFT hook. Referee looking in, but the clock going to run out. And there's the bell! Mack wide, but Lauren survives."

McCarthy: "38-38 after four, and, for the record, I'D have been in the shower ten minutes ago."

ROUND FIVE:

O'Dell: "Fifth round begins with Allison thinking about that shower Mac was just talking about. She's after Lauren aggressively, definitely looking to get her out of there. German backing and circling, jabbing for space, but Mack walking through it, cutting the ring, banging away, mostly to the body once again..."

Tess: "This is just a bad place for German. She needs to be able to move and box, and when she's too buzzed to do that against a girl like Allison..."

O'Dell: "Mack backs German up with a solid flurry, working her toward the ropes. Lauren tying up now, trapping Allison's arms. The Front Streeter punches her way free, then blasts some leather into German's belly and ribs and THERE'S A RIGHT UPPERCUT AND DOWN GOES LAUREN!"

Cassie (singing): "Turn out the liiiggghhhhtttsss, the party's ooooovveeerrrrrr....."

O'Dell: "German sent bouncing off the ropes to land on her right side parallel to the cables. Count at three. Four. Five. Lauren not moving at all as the referee counts over her. Seven. Eight. Nine. TEN! It is OVER! And your winner by KO5 in one-punch fashion is Allison 'Mack The Knife' Mack!"

McCarthy: "Again, I'd have been in the shower a long time ago..."

AFTER:

O'Dell: "Let's go up to the ring and Tess Valmore!"

Tess: "Allison, she got some stuff done early..."

Allison: "Don't be surprised by this girl being able to box. She did it against Park and Grace was one of the best boxers in the FCBA. But, once I started getting to her. Well. That was the end of that."

Tess: "What's next for you?"

Allison: "Well, I've either got to wait another four months or until Minka loses the belts to get a title shot, so, I'll be weighing my options."