O'Dell: "You are looking LIVE at the sold out Asylum Arena in Philadelphia! I'm Jennifer O'Dell, and I'm here along with Tess Valmore, The Bad Girl Of Bazz, Cassie Scerbo, and The Loose Cannon Of The FCBA, The Straw That Stirs The Drink, Jenny McCarthy, and ladies, we have six bouts in three weight classes to put a wrap on the month of May..."

Cassie: "That's right, Jenny, but the most interesting action will be taking place in ONE weight class, flyweight, where we'll see Front Street's top fly, Kristen Stewart, against Britt Robertston, and two of the Front Street girls who are in need of big years. Kat Graham, coming off a disappointing loss to Cheryl Cole, will be back in action against Sammi Hanratty, and Leighton Meester has a rematch against my stablemate and Bazz Bestie Brenda Song. And we all remember how that went the first time..."

Tess: "And, let's not forget the bantamweights, which will feature a pair of Asylum returns. Elizabeth Banks is back, this time to take on Pink, and, in another rematch, The Latin Union returns to Philadelphia with Elodie Frege, who'll be battling another girl that's in need of a good year, Leven Rambin. And we all remember how THAT went the first time..."

McCarthy: "And, when Frege beats her again, she'll be out the door, just like the Original Dancing Hooker, Scherzinger! But, forget about all that nonsense, and let's talk about one of Front Street's two REAL fighters, Anna Torv, who'll be in action in our lone lightweight fight of the night, against another representative of The Latin Union, Laura Pausini."

O'Dell: "Six fights. Three weight classes. Two guest stables. It's going to be a great card tonight, so get those shot glasses and bingo cards ready, sit back, relax, and enjoy 'The Union At The Asylum'!"