Posted 9/30/16     4:50 PM

SYLVIE MEIS VS KIM KARDASHIAN

JMD BOUT

Writing: Vassago  Results: Lookout

BEFORE: Dutch lingerie model Sylvie Meis suffered a nasty beating at the hands of Lindsey Pelas on her FCBA debut last month but refused to travel back to Europe without actually taking a JMD scalp on the American soil. Meanwhile veteran Kim Kardashian remains one of the favorite punchbags on this side of the pond - confirmed by her latest defeat versus Sophia Bush - yet claims she can deliver a heavy jug beatdown herself and has scouted the prospects of trashing the Dutch model over the past fortnight. Meis agreed to step in for her second official JMD bout without a single blink of an eye; she's heard ALL about Kardashian's tawdry presence but then again, who in the female celebrity boxing universe hasn't? And the odds couldn't be any closer too; this is one of Kim's best chances to score a rare win and she hasn't been so highly touted ahead of a fight for the last three years at the very least. She's both taller and younger than Meis but ESPN's Erin Andrews wonders whether the obnoxious brunette won't underestimate the unknown Dutch quantity tonight? Losing to Lindsey Pelas speaks little of Sylvie's fighting potential; she's racked up over 20 fights back in BBU and posted a record close to the one Cheryl Cole brought to America last fall. Still, for once a Kardashian defeat might well yet turn out to be a genuine surprise!

Sylvie Meis wears a silver & black themed lingerie set straight from her personal Hunkemoeller line and orange gloves. Long blonde hair tied in a sleek ponytail. Kim Kardashian wears a black & white themed bikini set and golden gloves. Long raven-black hair with light brown flashes straight, tucked behind the ears. The fight is scheduled for ten rounds in the flyweight division. Jugs Of Mass Destruction rules apply.

Round 1:
Kim launches an immediate jabbing offense and wants to throw the guest blonde off her comfort zone as early as possible; she's defeated Lindsey Pelas herself which gave the bookies the platform to make her such a pre-fight favorite and Meis gets another taste of jug muggin' spinning back to the ropes under the brunette's steady barrage. Kim uses her superior reach to dominate the close range exchange but she loses her focus after a while and slams a quick hook on the jaw to warrant an angry interruption from the ref. Kardashian vows to stick to the JMD rules but the moment of respite allows Meis to kick start her campaign and she bumps into Kim's jugs first showing supreme agility. Kim never suspected her rival can tee off so quickly and almost loses her footing as she tries to adjust to the blonde's late surge. It's to no avail as Meis cranks up the uppercut juice and pounds Kim back to the turnbuckle in familiar fashion where she keeps raining punches until the bell and beyond. Ref has a busy time sepearating the two and Kardashian isn't impressed by the tough latter part of the opener - rightfully so.

Round 2:
Sylvie eyes another fast start but gets beaten for the opening punch; Kim stacks her up on her heels with a monster left hook to the jugs and then adds another blow to the windpipe which really affects the blonde. Meis gasps for air with mouth wide open but Kim whoops her on the guts regardless and moves into a steady uppercut approach that backs the Dutch model butt-in-ropes just past the minute mark. Meis scowls in her efforts to break free and halt the American's momentum yet she only skims off the forearms and gets pummelled to the body repeatedly which visibly slumps her in the corner down the stretch. Both women make a lot of noise but Kim's angry squeals dominate the volume and she rallies back from the previous round's disappointement by hooking up with the blonde's jugs in the final minute again to shut Sylvie completely off on offense and wobbling her back & forth under the heavy pressure. Kardashian doesn't want to let go at the bell and sticks extra beef just to make sure Meis is hurting plenty but the ref reminds her she could lose a point if she does this again. Like if a proud sociallite could ever care about fair play in a JMD fight?

Round 3:
Kim has the Dutch woman under the cosh and most pundits think the shot to the windpipe really rattled the blonde's cage. Sylvie refuses to launch immediate trademark JMD slugging drive and learns to regret that soon as the American wraps her up in an uppercut frenzy and reels on the back foot seconds into the third. Cue in those bookie odds as Kim devours the blonde in a close range rapid fire and hammers her back to the ropes with the Dutch model unable to mount a significant response until it makes little difference anymore. Incredible scenes on display here as the much maligned sociallite just ramps up the volume by rendering Meis into a standing JMD punchbag; she has her eyes glued to her foe's cleavage and apparently tries to wreck Sylvie's personal lingerie line for the crowd's pleasure, the European guest must have wondered about her Pelas demise but Kim just beats her up here in the third and rocks the 34D assets side-to-side until Meis simply can't take it anymore AND COLLAPSES ON HER BACKSIDE in the corner with few seconds still left on the clock. So close but so far yet... Kim thinks she's pounded the blonde into the point of no return and there's a lot of mist in Meis' eyes when she gets up at eight. She looks down at her battered cleavage but bravely nods back to the referee she's good to go which makes the American outright mad but the time is up anyway and both women head back to their corners with Kardashian clearly ahead on points.

Round 4:
Kardashian picks up where she left off jabbing confidently to the jug in close range UNTIL she gets caught with a desperate hook to the windpipe herself; she wobbles forward while trying to catch her breath only to find the Dutch model crash into her rack with a recovery drive that makes sister Khloe cringe on the sidelines. Blonde power to the fore as Meis wraps up the briefly stunned brunette into more pain and secures a speedy hooking drill from the side pressing Kim's jugs against each other; even Sophia Bush would be proud of that sight. The sociallite's biggest problem over the years was subpar punching resistance and Sylvie makes the most out of her somewhat fortunate opportunity to stack the brunette up in phone booth-like exchange. Kardashian wobbles on her heels amid the trigger-happy rush and fails to keep her arms in tact as she gets whooped in dominant fashion. She swings over the top searching for another blatant head shot but Sylvie ducks underneath it and drills the solar plexus to make sure Kim gets hurt on the spot. Oi, Kimmy! The American is out of breath for good after that one and while she seeks a life-saving clinch, the blonde stuns her with another uppercut frenzy sending her spinning into the corner where another hooking series from the side almost pops the brunette's jugs into the open. Kim looks down at her embattled cleavage before betting caught on the solar plexus again... AND SHE HAS TO TAKE A KNEE after that shot with her oxygen supply down at zero... What a mighty comeback from the blonde who shouts back at the fallen sociallite and Kim just stares at the canvas rather than trying to embrace the Dutch taunting... We're out of time to witness any post-knockdown action again but Meis is right back into this fight and quite frankly Kim looks much worse to wear after her own meeting with the boards.

Round 5:
Kim tries to halt the blonde's momentum with a power drive early in the fifth but gets beaten for the opening shot and Sylvie just drills her windpipe to make the brunette scream out her loudest. Another hook to the solar plexus has the American looking spooked as her eyes open really wide but the lungs don't pump any air to avoid the sociallite from getting rendered numb in the center of the ring while the blonde STORMS into the exposed cleavage to deliver a heavy uppercut beating that lifts Kardashian's jugs into her slumping chin. A truly monster drive leaves Kim serving as a punching dummy and she tweaks her knee under the onslaught which aids her looming exit's prospects.... no stopping Meis now as she connects with the rack in juicy fashion and bombs away to glory... Kim wobbles forward and cries out for mercy.. what a sight this is... but Sylvie rocks her with another bomb to the solar plexus WHICH JACK-KNIFES the aching brunette face forward onto the canvas moments later... Kim is downed into a smoking heap and that's all she's got, folks! The world famous butt sticks up in the air while the rampant Dutch model can barely contain herself anymore. KO5 Sylvie frickin' Meis!!!

AFTER: "Stay down, you ugly cow!", the blonde plants her foot on the American's butt and presses her down to the canvas while Kim mumbles her surrender with eyes closed. She does indeed stay face down during the blonde's gleeful tirade around the ring but Khloe Kardashian makes a desperate bid to avoid more Dutch heroics on the night. She enters the ring only just as Meis has her gloves removed and rolls the stunned Kimmy onto her back to rip out the bikini top off. "Oh no, you don't!", Khloe grabs a handful of Sylvie's hair from behind and pulls her away from her sister - to find that the blonde's fingers are still locked into Kim's bikini top and the defeated girl endures a topless ending after all!

The security crew wrestles Khloe away from the Dutch model after a hectic struggle but Sylvie clutches to the ripped bikini top as a battle trophy and shouts abuse back at the Kardashian camp before dusting herself off and planting her foot on top of Kim's naked rack for the best post-fight shot available.

"I know you're pure trash, bytch but you deserve all that and more", Sylvie waves the bikini top in front of Kim's face but the poor sociallite is unable to mount any response as she remains saddled in KO daze and just lays down there spread eagle under the blonde's heel. Meis might not be the top-selling name in America but she's got all the looks in the world and warrants any JMD-themed card presence in the foreseeable future. Just make sure Tigress Uppercut Magazine stays in touch with the Foxfire Atlantic crew and gives her an exclusive piece in one of their upcoming editions!

Final result: Sylvie Meis def. Kim Kardashian KO5.