Posted 9/30/16    11:20 pm

The Man In The Hat walks out from behind the curtain and stands on the empty dais.

Man In The Hat: "All right. Since we had the pay-per-view and Asylum on the same day, we're doing a joint press conference. And. Due to today's results, well. You all know how this goes. So. Allow me to introduce to you, Queen Serinda Swan!"

Serinda comes through the curtain wearing a white fur coat and a crystal crown. The Man In The Hat helps her off with the coat, and, beneath it, she's wearing a fur bikini. She takes her seat at the center of the dais, while the Man In The Hat goes back through the curtains, carrying the coat.

Serinda: "Before you ask, this is NOT the fur bikini I fought in earlier today. Now. I'll take questions. The HBO reporter. We always start with you, don't we?"

HBO Reporter: "I wasn't sure we were going to do this. I mean, I wasn't sure you could get here in time and Queen of the Ice Hotel isn't a lineal championship..."

Serinda (coldly): "Queen of the Ice Hotel IS a championship. And I am currently the champion. As for getting here on time, Wiz has a plane. I used it. Showtime. Go ahead."

Showtime Reporter: "Let's talk about the fight. It was a difficult one, which you had to expect..."

Serinda: "Rohrbach is a better fighter than you'd expect for a girl of her limited experience. She might well have a bright future in the FCBA. HOWever. I'm more physical than she is. I hit harder. I'm stronger. Sooner or later, that was going to play. And, when it did, well. Kelly was heading out the revolving doors. Tess. You've had a long day. Go ahead."

Tess: "There won't be any shortage of challengers for the Ice Hotel, but, I'm wondering if there's one in particular you'd be interested in fighting..."

Serinda (narrowing her eyes): "Oh, I know you're referring to Bundchen, and the answer is 'yes'. I'd love to defend against her at the first opportunity. However, as you point out, there will be plenty of challengers and we'll have to sit down and discuss just which direction we want to go in. Besides, my next fight may NOT be an Ice Hotel defense. I MAY already be booked. Smackey. Let's go ahead and wrap this up so that we can get something to eat."

Reporter: "I know better than to ask about whether or not you ARE booked and who the fight might be against, so, I'll go another direction. Mr. V says Miranda Kerr would be challenging if you won the title."

Serinda: "Kerr is a girl who deserves quite a bit of respect. And, of course, my beating her would prove something I've been wanting to prove for a long time, and that's that I'm better than Decker. Again, though, there will be a lot of challengers. And, we'll discuss just which challenge we'll accept in due time. For now, it's time to go to dinner. So, to quote Wiz, 'Tess! Smackey! Limo!'"