"MONDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL"
Posted by Vassago on November 21, 2016, 11:05 pm
Cougar Boxing After Dark: "Monday Night Football"
Venue: Estadio Azteca
Location: Mexico City, Mexico
Results: Lookout! Boxing; Story: Vassago
BEFORE: To celebrate NFL's first ever visit to Mexico local star Salma Hayek decided to shake off some rust and invited fellow cougar Kylie Minogue for a special one-off showdown taking place on the famed Estadio Azteca which once hosted 'The Game Of The Century'. To confirm the cougar status, both these women were actually born already when this game was staged during the 1970 World Cup. While very few pundits expect this to be a mere 'Fight Of The Month' alone, Hayek's recent referee cameos on the New Blood event and the Latin dust-up between Victoria Justice and Camila Cabello indicated the Veracruz native still has plenty of boxing desire left in her.
Meanwhile Kylie Minogue comes off a tough beach boxing loss to Geri Halliwell which was particulary painful since suffered on home Sydney turf back in August. The petite blonde vows to spoil Salma's Mexican fiesta regardless and several international fans think this fight will be actually much closer than the partisan Azteca crowd anticipates.
Salma Hayek wears crimson red bikini set and black gloves. Long black hair tied in a tight bun at the back of her head. Kylie Minogue wears a black bikini top, silver knickers and matching silver gloves mocking Oakland Raiders' team colors. The fight is scheduled for ten rounds in the flyweight division.
Round 1:
Salma quickly catches the wind in her sails and buries the blonde under a steady jabbing assault that reels Kylie back and forces her into using some of her dancing moves early; most of the singers profit from their stage routines more than any actress is capable of embracing wholesale but the Mexican fiesta is nowhere near to be silenced during the opening round as Hayek rips cross hooks through Minogue's high guard and finds that extra range required to dwarf the blonde's mobility. Kylie tries to weather the storm but trips back to the ropes and eats a left hook on the jaw that visibly sags her on her knees; this is noticed by Salma instantly and the jabbing rush keeps picking the stranded Aussie off for remainder of the round. Minogue is lucky to escape the opener with a mere lump under her right eye but the Azteca crowd anticipates more damage to be done on that pretty face soon!
Round 2:
Minogue's two years younger than her opponent but she needs to be more aggressive if she's to spoil that Mexican fiesta anytime soon; she ducks underneath the initial jabbing drive and secures a connection with the brunette's superior jugs. A quick uppercut blast from the south staggers the local favorite and dumps her on the heels when Kylie keeps plugging along and clubs more phone booth-like punishment. She leans on the actress and nearly headbutts her in the proccess but a chapter taken out of JMD script overwhelms Salma wholesale and sends her backing into the ropes. Kylie cracks another double hooking combo but this time finds the jaw and rocks Hayek's head late as the Azteca support remains deafening yet it doesn't influence the Aussie comeback effort.
Round 3:
More clean hits from the blonde force Salma into a hurry-up mode and both cougars punish each other badly in the opening minute. The lump under Kylie's right eye begins to grow with every second but Salma's lips are swollen nicely too yet the two women keeps firing away until Hayek runs out of steam and gets caught with a vicious uppercut on the chin. Kylie tries to clobber her jugs again to underline her superior position but Salma's experience allows her to adjust even though she gets headbutted for good as she leans forward and seeks a clinching respite. Minogue remains unmoved and somehow the accidental blow escaped the referee's attention too so she pummels the stagnant brunette back to the ropes and explores the holes in the low guard by ripping heavy jabs into the ribcage. Salma aches out her loudest of the night but survives the late Aussie onslaught; the stacked Mexican odds look quite foolish now and Kylie screams out right into her opponent's face at the bell.
Round 4:
Kylie reckons she's got the buxom actress rattled and keeps supreme faith in her mobility. However Salma pumps herself up for a comeback and tangles with the singer in another phone booth-like assault. She lands a couple of hooks on the lump under the right eye and if she manages to keep the intensity going, Minogue will be nursing a golf ball-sized eye before too long. However racking up those two previous rounds makes Kylie really cocky here and she refuses to back off from the close range heat despite Hayek's punching resistance apparently receiving a nice boost. The trigger-happy assault keeps lingering until Minogue's wound finally begins to affect her vision and allows the older woman to smash her with a double left combo on the temples. Kylie wobbles forward with a loud yelp and quickly eats a thunder right hand that slams her on the jaw and spins back to the ropes amid the increased Azteca roar. Minogue sinks on her knees while being trapped in the corner and the final thirty-odd seconds is all about Hayek who keeps head hunting her subdued foe and lands another couple of nasty hooks that firmly turn the blonde's eye into a golf ball-sized nightmare.
Round 5:
The singer is stunned while inspecting her wound during the interval but Salma predictably preys on it seconds into the fifth and literally clobbers the blonde into a standstill within the opening minute. No more jug attack and body bangin' as the brunette rips one hook after another to make sure Minogue's right eye is swollen shut. And with those efforts the Aussie determination and fighting spirit vanishes faster than the Raiders could march down the field here in the Azteca tonight. Hayek has no mercy and screams out while rocking the blonde's head back & forth... Kylie gets caught in a Mexican leather storm and checks out straight into the referee's arms just past the minute mark. "Stop it or I'll knock her head off!", Salma shouts at the man in charge but Minogue's in no shape to continue having had her face royally bashed in by this stage! TKO5 Salma Hayek!!!
AFTER: Most pundits won't mind betting on the Raiders rolling through the Texans in a similar fashion later tonight but there's no upset in the Azteca's pre-NFL boxing showdown. The fight didn't last the distance and it comes as no surprise when stamina and cardio is the last thing you expect between the cougar drill. Salma got off to a fast start but looked vulnerable thereafter and if only Kylie showed more tactical poise, she could haved lured the Mexican sexpot into a suicidal charge down the stretch. However she wanted to slug it out for glory and suffered a nasty eye wound that eventually led to her brutal demise instead.
As impressive as Salma's execution was, the focus now shifts to Derek Carr and Brock Osweiler. The Mexican fiesta will undoubtfully linger long into the night regardless of that 'other' result.
Final result: Salma Hayek def. Kylie Minogue TKO5.
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