Mischa Barton vs Amber Heard

(Free Agents)
Results: Lookout!; Words: Caspian


Before: Amber Heard looking to finally break her loooong losing streak (5 in a row, last she checked), and what better way than to get in the ring with a fellow actress who has even more losses than her?


Mischa Barton not liking the sound of that one bit, retorting at the pre-fight press conference: “At least I didn't marry Johnny Depp… You have to be some sort of damsel-in-distress, weak-at-the-knees little girl to let that freak show sweep you off your feet,” Mischa says cooly into her mic.


Amber didn't hear much of Mischa’s retort, face having turned very hot just at the mention of her ex-husband’s name. She stammers back into her microphone: “E-Everyone needs to just shut up about Johnny and me. We’re done. Through. Everyone should just get over it and--”


Amber’s rant cut short by Mischa’s amused laughter. “Looks like I hit a nerve there! Don't worry darling, I’ll make this quick and easy for you, just like your marriage.”


“F*ck you Mischa. Let's do this,” Heard shouts into mic, regaining her anger, as she stands and gestures wildly at the former Orange County star. Mischa returning the taunt with a ‘Bring it on!’ and the two stars have to be physically separated before they come to blows.


Mischa in dark orange bikini, white gloves. Heard in white bikini top, black bottom, red gloves.
Bell sounds and here we go!


Round 1: Mischa out of gate quick, some powerful jabs thrown at Amber’s guard, a few rock her slightly as they graze chin and cheek. Heard looking tenuous out there, grimacing with ‘Aahhs’ and ‘Oohhs’ as Mischa’s fists connect. Amber decides to rally mid-round, shakes off glancing blow to chest and powers right hand into middle of Mischa’s guard, stunning her for a moment. Amber continues her rally, more hard blows thrown, but having trouble hitting flesh. Bell rings as both girls already breathing hard, but Mischa cutting it close due to cleaner hits.



Round 2: Both girls hitting harder in center of ring - both know what’s at stake here! Gloves smack into forearms and occasional cheek, but then Amber is slamming her fist into Mischa’s unprotected gut over and over again - the OC star too slow to react to incoming blows, decked across her face when she tries to lower her guard. Mischa resorts to retreating to avoid the onslaught. Amber chases her, but has difficulty keeping Mischa in one place, receives jab-jab-jab to the face for her efforts. Amber Heard takes the round wide at the bell, is elated but is looking even more tired now.


Round 3: Mischa having none of that Johnny-Depp-loving tramp’s nonsense, attacks with aggression at start of bell: jab-jab high, then powerful right hand crashes into Heard-guard. Amber seeking to maintain lead by not looking troubled by the onslaught, avoids another big right hand by weaving right, PLUGS Mischa in the chin with a short counter-uppercut! Barton’s face shudders as her left hand follow-up misses completely - allowing Heard to punish her further, going underneath by throbbing at belly with left-right hook. Mischa shudders once more, no choice but to force a clinch with Heard. Brunette breathing hard into Amber’s shoulder, clinging onto her mouthpiece by the skin of her teeth. Thankfully bell rings with a smirk on Amber’s face, shoves her struggling foe off her and strides back to her corner confidently.
 

Round 4: Amber Heard looking like she has truly regained her confidence - raises fist to acknowledge the crowd’s cheers as the bell rings - doesn't see Mischa bulling in from her corner until the last minute!! Mischa slams a powerful left hand into Heard’s hasty guard, loops a right hand straight under, this time ploughing into tummy, drawing a gruuuh from the blonde as she continues to be battered left and right from a renewed Mischa, until beaten back to ropes. Mischa looking like a wildcat scratching at a woodpost, slamming gloves into Heard’s forearms, the force of which just taking their toll on her head - Heard trying to beat back at her foe, shooting short uppercuts into blonde’s gut, but Mischa shrugging them off, retaliating with painful hook into Amber’s cheeks that sends shivers down Amber’s body. Bell finally rings to save the blonde, both arms draped on the ropes, but Mischa also catching her breath with shoulders slumped over, grin on face.


Round 5: Girls understandably start round in mild stupor - feet shaky from growing exhaustion. Heard throws first punch, looking for payback - gets SLAPPED by a counter-right hand from Mischa, that hits her nose. Heard stumbles back in pain, tries jabbing at brunette to keep distance - Mischa grunting from blows but still wading in - painful uppercut to chin snaps Amber’s face up and back. Hungry brunette follows up with more tummy torture, looping her left arm around Heard’s shoulders to hold her in place, then right hand just chopping glove up and into her body. Amber’s eyes go wide as wind slowly beateb out of her tummy, has no choice but to clinch to protect herself. Mischa trying to shove Amber back to ropes, but Heard surprisingly still conscious and strong, wrestles the brunette backwards and chops her left hand into Mischa’s kidneys. Now Barton’s turn to grimace as she’s punished in her sides from the clinch, tries to separate by pushing shoulders to force bodies apart, but leaves her face open to more punishment from Heard. Heard capitalises, throws hooks to face and forearm, again doesn't see Mischa’s fist coming up and under, CRASHING into chin and sending the blonde flying back to the ropes-- but bell rings just before Mischa can finish her off. Good thing too - Amber looks about ready to collapse if not for the ropes at her back.


Round 6: Slower round as Mischa tries to put Amber away but the blonde wisely tries to evade, dodging out of the way of some huge bombs. Mischa, though, visibly tiring, hand speed rapidly slowing down - Amber’s turn to shine! Blonde now steps forward and attacks, jab-jabs actually striking Mischa’s cheek and drawing grunts. Amber connects with another straight right hand, rocking Mischa… gets greedy, goes after tummy left-right-left-right and POWW-- Mischa returns with a hard right hook to blonde’s cheek that swivels Heard to the right!! A follow up glove just flattens Heard's nose as she lets out a primal grunt and some droplets of red fly into air. Heard retreats as far as she can, leaving tired Mischa any hope of giving chase. Both ladies sway on feet, gloves waving in faces, as bell rings, giving Heard a slight lead this round from earlier offense. Heard wearily retreats to stool where her team quickly try to patch up bloodied nose.


Round 7: Both girls seem to prefer to go all-out fighting! Crowd cheers their effort as they get in close and dirty, smashing fists into every target they find. Left hand smashes into Amber’s cheek, but blonde counters with a sharp pop to Mischa’s chin. Amber goes for tummy and jugs once again, jerking fist upwards into Mischa’s belly - Barton’s body jerking from stiff blows, but strong gal manages to hold on, has the good sense to alternative both fists directly into Amber’s already-vulnerable chin, popping head back and sending more and more spit and blood flying. Heard soon looking like she’s completely out of it - swaying on shaky feet! Mischa draws arm back fully and POWERS FINAL FIST into base of blonde skull. Amber’s eyes squeeze shut as her body flies back, landing on canvas with thud! Knockdown Mischa!!


3...4… Mischa gingerly rubbing belly with glove as she stumbles back to her corner.


5...6… Amber Heard desperately trying to roll over to her side, begins arduous climb back to her feet!


7...8… Heard makes it to her knees, but she’s pawing at the air around her looking for imaginary support!


9… Heard is barely trying to rise anymore - knees just flap upwards but her body just doesn't cooperate! Tears start forming at the edge of eyes as she knows that she’s done!

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10!! It’s over!! Referee calls for the bell!



Official decision: Mischa Barton defeats Amber Heard via KO7!



After: Amber still blubbering on her knees as Mischa strides over and sinks fingers into blonde hair, forcing the distraught Heard to stare up into her conqueror's face. They exchange fierce words: Mischa a wide but devious grin on her face, Heard now defiantly staring back, blinking away tears. When asked later by reporters what words were exchanged, Mischa is curt and dismissive: “It doesn't matter, because Amber Heard doesn't matter any longer. No doubt some pundits are wondering how someone like her can ever recover from being beaten by someone like me. Don't worry - I ain't offended. Because the reality is that she’s the one who lost today. And that means she’s done.”


Heard not available for comment - quickly escorted out of the ring by her team before any reporters can ask her about her thoughts. However answer is clear as day on her tear-soaked face and bruised cheeks. Will this truly be the end of Ms. Heard?