The Man In The Hat sits, as usual, at the center of the dais. To his left are Kesha, Katy Perry, Anna Torv, Mariska Hargitay, Jewel, and Grace Park. To his right sit Pink, Leelee Sobieski, Chloe Bennet, Britney Spears, Neve Campbell, and Avril Lavigne.



Man In The Hat: "All right, as usual, before we get to questions, there are some people I want to thank. Let's start with Lookout! Boxing. It's always great to have one of the FCBA's premier stables at Asylum, and, that's what you get when Lookout! comes here. Talk about elite fighters! Peregrym and Strahovski. Doesn't get much better than that. Lookout! has been here before and they'll be here again. And, we can't wait. Let's not forget our friends at Bazz, the OTHER home team at the Asylum. Another great fight tonight. And, again, that's no surprise with the level of talent they have at Bazz. And, our indie girls, the backbone of the Asylum. Without them, this event would not have the flavor it does and wouldn't be nearly as much fun. And, last but certainly not least, the FCBA Commission for sanctioning these fights and making Asylum possible. Now. Questions. Cable Boy. Go!"



HBO Reporter: "I don't like to put words in your mouth, but, you had to be impressed with Kesha..."



Man In The Hat: "Absolutely. Big K is a contender at lightweight, and you saw why tonight. That was Yvonne Strahovski out there, who's no less than one of a handful of girls in the pound-for-pound discussion. And, Kesha took four of the eight rounds. That was very, very good stuff. Now, of course, we always want a result. But, a closer look at what happened in the fight will show you that there isn't anybody in this division Kesha can't compete with on even terms. That was a heck of an effort tonight, by both fighters. So, yes. I'm impressed. Yes, I'm very pleased. Cable Boy II. Talk to me!"



Showtime Reporter: "Katy and Anna both took care of business..."



Man In The Hat (nodding): "Our lightweight cup runneth over..."



(Laughter)



Man In The Hat (laughing): "Seriously, though, as we've discussed, we have an embarrassment of riches in the division. Katy's a former champ who's as good as any light on the planet. And, talkin' about Straho, you may remember that Anna took her overtime in a title fight. The Aussie Enforcer is ALSO as good as any light on the planet. And, what you saw from those two ladies tonight, against good, veteran opposition, demonstrates exactly what I'm talkin' about. They're both special fighters. And, we can't wait to see what they do in 2017. Brunette Magazine! Let's hear a question!"



Brunette Magazine Reporter: "Well, since Leighton didn't fight tonight, I'll ask about Chloe Bennet. Is 2017 the year she makes a run at the belts?"



Man In The Hat: "Well, that's yet to be determined. But, obviously, we like what we see in Chloe. Tori Anderson is a girl with a lot of ability. All she lacks is experience. We expected her to challenge Chloe, and she did. But, once Ms. Bennet got it going, well. There IS a reason she's called 'The Next Big Thing'. And, we expect MORE big things in 2017. Tess, dear, go ahead..."



Tess: "That was a nice win for Pink. She's had some tough luck in this losing streak, but that was a great way for her to end the year."



Man In The Hat: "Absolutely. Pinkness is still an elite bantamweight. She just hit a rough patch is all. But, as you saw tonight, she has as many tools as anyone in the division and more than most. She handled her business despite some shenanigans from her opponent. I liked what I saw. Then again, I always do when Pink is in the ring. Smackeroo! Dinner time. Take us there!"



Reporter: "Huge win for Leelee tonight...."



Man In The Hat: "Absolutely. Look, haters gonna hate. Doesn't matter what Leelee does, people who don't like her will find a way to diminish it. But, here are the facts. Leelee Sobieski is an elite welterweight. She's got a full toolbox. And, she's proven it again and again. And, tonight, she proved it against one of the best fighters in the FCBA. Am I surprised? Absolutely not. And, no one else should be, either. Now. Dinner time! Tess! Smackey! Limo!"