DAKOTA JOHNSON VS DIANE KRUGER

Celebrity Boxing After Dark

Writing: Archer Results: Lookout

Dakota: 27 YO, 5’7 ½ (1.71 m), 2-7-0 since 2015
Diane: 40 YO, 5’7 (1.70 m), 0-4-0 since 2009

Before: After a rocky start in the world of celebrity boxing (0-7), Dakota Johnson has put together two wins in a row and is looking for #3 in this fight with German-born actress Diane Kruger.

“I heard Diane’s connections were looking for an FCBA fight and I had my people be first line,” Dakota says cheerfully. “I think she is very underrated and she’ll make a good opponent for me. I am building my career one step at a time and Diane Kruger is definitely the next step.”

Diane Kruger is none-too-pleased with the younger woman’s comments: “I am no one’s stepping stone. In fact, I see Dakota Johnson as a stepping stone to my first official win the federation!”

Diane makes her ill-will apparent when she and Dakota get into a shoving match in the ring. Diane is in a midnight blue bra and panties with thigh-high black stockings. Dakota is more modest waist-high black briefs and bra (with a golden DJ stitched on the side of the briefs and sheer thigh-high stockings. Black boxing slippers and gloves for both. Hair pulled back in battle braids.

“Why I never thought you’d show in ‘granny panties’,” sneers Diane looking down at Dakota’s undoes. “You getting shy? Who would have thought it!”

“I’ll wear what I want—I don’t have to try to make people forget I’ve hit 40!” Dakota fires back.

Diane gives Dakota a push and Dakota gives one right back. Then they grapple (not very easy when you are wearing boxing gloves) until referee jumps in with stern threats he will DQ them both! Dakota and Diane subside but try to body up on each other as the ring instructions proceed. Referee again has to restore order and get the seething ladies to their corners so the actual fight can be begin. The bell rings.

R1: Snarling fighters out of their corners and pounding away at each other as fast as they can get within punching range. Dakota with fast lefts and rights to the jaw makes Diane pull away trying to regroup. Dakota moving to cut her off and gives that lacy midnight blue bra a working over as Diane shudders under the jugg bashing. Diane finally able to get away from Dakota as they maneuver quickly at mid-ring and the German fighter’s jab kicks in to slow the American beauty down. Pace slows a bit as Dakota and Diane circle around, looking for advantages and then they both come in for some joint jugg mashing action as Diane goes after Dakota’s perky pair with vengeful straight shots. Dakota hook up in under Diane’s cups and then adds some quick overhand punches to the face. Diane falls back with some ugly swellings on her face and uses her jab to keep Dakota back. Round ends in a wide win for Dakota Johnson.

R2: Diane shakes off a the opening round and comes at Dakota with strong hooks to the belly that drive up younger woman up on her tippy-toes before doubling up. Then Diane swings awau with boisterous rights and lefts to the jaws that have Dakota head being swiveled one way and the other. The shell-shocked Dakota retreats and tries to get her jab up, but Diane going back to the belly and making Dakota grimace as her midsection is worked over with nasty enthusiasm. Diane grinning triumphantly as Dakota is looking forlorn under the attack. However Dakota does prove she move well backing up and finally gets a decent jab going. Not stopping the attacking Diane, but enough to avert being swept on the cards. Still, it’s Diane Kruger’s round by a wide margin.

R3: Diane on the attack again. She feints to the body to draw down Dakota’s guard then unleashes some nice uppercuts to the chin to make the younger woman’s head bobble. However, Dakota backs away from the danger with some good moves and uses the jab to pepper Diane’s face with punches to discourage the attack. Then Dakota shifts to counterattack mode and goes after Diane’s belly with strong hooks that have the German blonde tipping forward with a pained expression on her face. Diane now pulling back, regrouping and then swarming back in. Dakota trying to stand her ground, but is pushed back by alternating head and body punching. Dakota fighting stubbornly to the bell, but Diane wins the round though it is close.

R4: Diane still on the attack as the round gets underway. Dakota now getting it to the chest and belly as Diane’s leather scores against Dakota’s body. However Dakota not backing down and finds Diane’s chin for a series of quick., teeth-rattling uppercuts. Diane’s attack falters as her punches aren’t connecting well. Dakota surging, driving Diane back towards the ropes and then just before Diane’s buns hit the strands, a cracking uppercut lifts Diane into the ropes. She bounces off as Dakota jumps back. Diane lands on all fours and crouches this way as referee moves in. Diane scuttles over to the ropes and uses them to help get to her feet. She beats the count and insists to referee that she can go on. Indeed, Dakota can’t get at Diane who is able to show some evasive footwork to keep away from the pursuing American to the bell. However it is round that goes by a wide margin to Dakota Johnson.

R5: Diane slow coming off her stool, but she’s still got her jab and she uses it to convince Dakota Johnson that she’s still dangerous. Dakota stung by Kruger leather to the mouth and between the eyes, shifts to circling and firing off probing punches. Diane getting popped to the jaw and cheekbones keeps her guard up but then Dakota shifts into a furious series of hooks to the body. Diane knocked back by these blows and her upper guard suddenly falling apart as she struggles to regroup. Just the moment Dakota was waiting for, she leaps in and brings a thundering right into Diane’s jaw. Diane didn’t see it coming until it was too late. She is sent crashing onto her face, arms over head and legs straight. She lies there groaning as referee moves in and Dakota retreats to neutral corner. Diane Kruger barely stirs as the vcount rolls passed “TEN! YOU’RE OUT!!!”

THE WINNER: DAKOTA JOHNSON DEFEATS DIANE KRUGER KO5.

After: Dakota running around the ring, still gloved hands raised in victory as she savoprs her third straight win. Fans love her enthusiasm and cheer her on. Diane Kruger wakes up on her stool and recovers sufficiently to look vexed as Dakota prances by. She mutters something in German that doesn’t sound complimentary. Dakota stops and comes back.

“I don’t know what you just said, but you’re going to be sorry you did.” Dakota says and yanks Diane to her feet. Then Dakota sits down on the stool, bends a shocked Diane Kruger over her knee and pounds down on her bottom with her right gloved fist! Diane howling in rage and tries to squirm away, but Dakota holds her down and punches away until Diane is begging her:

“STOP! STOP! I APOLOGIZE! STOP!” (The rest is in frantic German).

Dakota does halt the bun busting but then abruptly stands up dumping Diane onto the canvas. Diane is face down as Dakota places a slippered foot on her opponent’s defeated derriere and raises her arms in a final victory stance. Then she strolls away leaving Diane to crawl away, she just wants to get out of here.

Lively contest while it lasted. Diane Kruger’s got punch left, but Dakota Johnson had more of it tonight. That puts Dakota’s record to 3-7, but she’s got still got a ways to go to prove she’s got what it takes to be a serious lightweight contender. Meanwhile, another discouraging loss for Diane Kruger. She can’t seem to find that elusive first win and time is likely not on her side. Still, the fans got their tickets worth of action and those who like post-fight hijinx got a bonus as well. Just the sort of contest C-BAD fans seem to relish.