YVONNE STRAHOVSKI VS MARY ELIZABETH WINSTEAD
Body Saddle Bout
Yvonne: 34 YO, 5’9 (1.76 m), 47-21-0 since 2008, Lookout Boing
Mary: 32 YO, 5’8 (1.73), 38-36-0 since 2007, Foxfire Boxing

Before: There are grudge matches and there are GRUDGE matches. This one surely counts as the latter. Perhaps it was because there are no bitterer enemies than former friends, but FCBA Security is on DEFCOM ONE for the pre-PPV presser with Yvonne and Mary. Hard to believe the level of anger between the two as they stand at separate podiums in nearly indentical skirt-and-jacket-over white blouse outfits. Then, even before either of them speaks, they are glaring at each other with death ray intensity.
“I make no pretense about it,” Mary says bluntly, “this is a grudge match. I want to strap the Foxfire body saddle on Yvonne’s back and ride her into the canvas. She is always putting me down and I am not going to put with it a day longer than necessary—“

“Oh please,” Yvonne interrupts, “you are the one jealous of me. You are a spoiled brat. I will be more than happy to put the Lookout body saddle on you. I’ll bet I won’t get ten feet before you fall on your face and beg for mercy!”

“You might beat me, but begging for mercy is not going to happen. Oh, and guess what I found in my closet—“

The crowd gasps as Mary pulls out the White Belt which she had infamously used on defeated opponents in certain non-FCBA fights.

“You wouldn’t dare! The Front Office will suspend your nasty ass if you try it here!” Yvonne splutters.

“A suspension might just be worth it to hear the sound of it slapping down on your trembling buns!” Mary says evilly, Then aware this is not going down well with a large part of the crowd she says: “I didn’t say I would bring it, but if I did—she would have access to it—fair is fair, after all.”

Yvonne looks taken aback, but then gives a stern look: “All right, if you dare bring it, hang on a turnbuckle and the winner gets to use it. You will finally learn that I am better than you and that’s what’s driving you crazy!”

“I am not crazy—I just really, really upset with you!” Mary cries. “You don’t respect me!”

“That’s it, start crying! I cannot believe a veteran of your experience can carry on like some teenage rookie. Maybe you better ask Sophie Turner for lessons in maturity!” Yvonne snaps, but she rather spoils the effect by then sticking her tongue out.

Mary whips her jacket off: “You come over here and do that again!”

Yvonne whips her jacket off and stomps over: “Someone who acts like a child should be treated like one!” (And sticks her tongue out again)

Mary grabs the front of Yvonne’s white blouse and rips it open revealing the white satin bra beneath. Yvonne lets out a snarl and throws herself on Mary sending her crashing to stage with Yvonne astride her. Yvonne rips out Mary’s blouse and tries to yank off the pale yellow bra beneath. Mary grabs for Yvonne’s bra. The crowd surges forward to see who will win the bra tug of war, but, alas, FCBA Security has sprung into action and move swiftly to drag the enraged Yvonne and Mary away in their shredded clothes. Needless to say the sign-up rate for this bout is said to be soaring.

On fight night, Yvonne is there in in a black bikini with black boots and gloves. Blonde hair pulled back in ponytail. Mary is in blue-gray bikini with navy blue boots and gloves. Brunette hair pulled back in a battle bun (A sheepish looking Foxfire communications director Beth Harnois comes into the ring long enough to hang the infamous White Belt in the neutral corner. Mary gives Yvonne a “How do you like that?” look. Yvonne just gives her a look of disgust. The stable Body Saddles can be seen below both corners and they look all bright and shiny). Front Office has assigned one of its toughest referees to this bout and he earns his pay by keeping order during the ring instructions even as the two combatants march to their corners. The ringing of the bell rings them right back out. It’s on!

R1: Wild round as Mary and Yvonne forget years of boxing skills to just fly at each other with vicious shots to the head. Mary hit first, reels away but some back with a head shot that sends Yvonne spinning away. Their raging battle has boxing purists shuddering, but the fans are on their feet cheering the two brawlers on. Yvonne getting in more hard shots to the head and body and Mary is knocked back, but she circles around and comes back for another charge. Yvonne then able to get some uppercuts to the chin that sets Mary back on her heels. Yvonne charges in, again swinging rather wildly which allows Mary to duck under them and fire off some lunging counters to the body. Yvonne bops Mary on the nose late and draws blood. It also seems to take some of the fire over Mary. She backs away under a jab, which does slow Yvonne down, but she keeps up the pressure to the bell. Round ends with both fighters breathing hard, but Yvonne has drawn first blood. Judges decide to give it to Yvonne wide, though some MEW fans think it was closer than that.

R2: Yvonne showing more discipline this round as she works Mary who rushes at her and gets smacked up hard to the face for her rashness. Yvonne circling a clearly dazed Mary and firing at midsection, tipping her forward until she can get some stinging leather into her face. Mary covering up, but then Yvonne sends thundering hooks into Mary’s stomach driving her backwards on tiptoe. Yvonne spots an opening and lunges forward to bring her right crashing into Mary’s temple. DOWN GOES MEW! Mary suddenly slumping forward and then landing hard on her face. Mary raises her head with a blank look on her face. Yvonne steps on Mary’s butt on the way to the neutral corner. Chorus of boos from MEW fans, but howls of laughter from the Vonnie supporters. Referee sternly waving in Yvonne’s face. Yvonne hangs her head, but breaks out in a smirk as she turns away from ref. Meanwhile Mary is trying to get herself up off the canvas as the ref’s count adds urgency to her efforts. She makes it up and the fight resumes with Mary showing a real jab for the first time. Yvonne gets a jab in the mouth and another between the eyes. It makes her more cautious and buys Mary some desperately needed time to the bell. The round goes to Vonnie by a wide margin and she’s got that knockdown on her side of the judges’ cards.

R3: Foxfire’s Lightweight Trainer Rachel Nichols seen sternly talking to Mary during the break as the rest of the corner crew try to repair that damage Mary has suffered. Mary comes out now as under control (for the moment at least) as Yvonne. Some nice, crisp punch exchanges follow as the two hammer each other to the body with the occasional head shot thrown in to keep it interesting. Steady back and forth as the two look for opportunities, but these prove elusive. Then Mary seems to tire of all this control and goes in hard swing hooks to bang Yvonne back with deep sunk belly hooks and raking shots to the ribs. Yvonne falling back, but then Mary finds Vonnie’s chin and makes the blonde’s head wobbly. Yvonne jabbing but Mary absorbing the counters to keep up the pressure. Yvonne in retreat, though fighting hard, but Mary not letting up until the bell. Mary wins her first round of the bout with this close, hard-won stanza.

R4: Mary gets Yvonne early with head shots to the cheekbones and jaw, Yvonne covering up, hunched down to protectively. Mary blocked up top, goes to the body to keep Yvonne backpeddling, even better, Vonnie unable to deploy her jab properly for much of the round. Mary very determined as she punches against Yvonne’s defenses and able to slip some chin chuckers in to shake Yvonne. Yvonne finally gets the jab going properly in the final minute, but other than keeping Mary back, it’s not enough to prevent Mary from taking her second round wide.

R5: Yvonne trying to be more on the attack this round, but Mary uses her own jab to break this up with quick shots into the face and then into the belly. Yvonne hunched up and Mary now unleashes a full scale bombardment of the Strahovski melons. It’s a cruel, crushing attack on those bra cups and Yvonne is soon gasping for air as Mary just won’t let up. Yvonne looks in distress for the first time as she is backed into the ropes and Mary pounds breast and belly, then smacks blonde jaw around as Yvonne feebly paws at her. Then Yvonne is thrown back by a shot to the chin and Mary steps back as Yvonne keels over ending up on her face near the bottom rope. Mary sticks out a boot to nudge Yvonne’s butt. Yvonne reacts instantly glaring up at Mary with groggy defiance as ref hustles Mary away while making her ears ring with stern lecture. Yvonne waits for the referee to start counting, then slowly climbs the ropes to beat the count. She shakes an angry right glove in Mary’s direction. Mary shakes one right back at her. However Yvonne keeps enough of her cool to have her jab up and it keeps Mary at a distance the rest of the way, though Mary does not seem inclined to press her luck. Rounds ends with a wide win for Mary and a knockdown to balance Yvonne’s one in R2.

R6: Yvonne worked over by the Lookout corner crew and she comes out firing hard and fast. Mary caught early by a rocking right cross to the jaw and then a left hook to the chin. Mary falling back on trembling legs as Yvonne strikes vengefully at the brunette body. Mary trying to be evasive and protect her head, but takes smashing rights and lefts to belly, ribs and breasts. Mary good at backing away and making Yvonne chase her, but the blonde is seldom out of range. Mary somehow to still standing at the bell and Yvonne looks annoyed to see she hasn’t been able to get at least a knockdown. Mary gives her a weary smile and trudges off to her corner. Yvonne has to settle for a shutout round on the cards.

R7: Now it is the Foxfire corner crew that has to do emergency repair work on a battered fighter. Mary comes looking stronger than she went in. Yvonne moving in to resume the body attack, but Mary suddenly shifting her feet to draw the charge Yvonne off balance and then bringing a power right crashing into the side of Yvonne’s head. Yvonne staggers forward on suddenly rubbery legs. Mary circling around to cut Yvonne off and clip her on the chin. Yvonne knocked backwards, but retains enough her senses to cover her head and face. Mary thwarted up top, follows Yvonne’s example and does to a thorough body banging. Yvonne is hunched up and not showing much in the way of counters. Mary trying to steer Yvonne to the ropes, but Yvonne able to slip away and stay clear of the strands. Mary keeps up the pressure up to the bell. Yvonne looking shellshocked just turns away from Mary and walks slowly back to her corner. Mary watches with an enigmatic expression and then turns away herself!

R8: More Lookout repair work gets Yvonne back on her feet and greets Mary with a decent jab that makes the brunette cautious. Mary working her way around Yvonne punching at her head, making the blonde duck and try to counter. Mary slowly stepping up the pressure and the constant movement. Yvonne seems to find it harder and harder to keep up. As she struggles, Mary waits patiently for her chance and suddenly she strikes with a ripping right uppercut to the chin that slips through Yvonne’s guard. The lights just go out for Yvonne. She topples forward as Mary skips aside and watches her opponent crash into the canvas. Yvonne lies there, arms beneath her body, but she is stirring as the referee moves in. Yvonne pushes herself to her knees, but hangs there panting as she tries and fails to stand up.
“EIGHT!....NINE!...TEN! YOU’RE OUT!”
THE WINNER: MARY ELIZABETH WIBSTEAD DEFEATS YVONNE STRAHOSKI KO8

Yvonne hangs her head as she kneels there and looks as Mary raises her arms in victory. Mary walks over to Yvonne.

“You good for the Body Saddle?” Mary inquires.

“Give me a few minutes,” Yvonne pants and allows her corner crew to escort her to her stool.

Mary returns to her own corner where Rachel Nichols and Candice Swanepoel have brought the Foxfire Body Saddle into the ring. It seems like only few moments before a cleaned up Yvonne has come across the ring.

“Okay, cowgirl, show me what you got,” Yvonne says.

Mary brightens: “Nothing special, a few laps around the ring. You get to show how strong fit you are and I get the pleasure of feeling very dominate., Strap her in ladies!”
Rachel and Candice show their Body Saddle experience by getting the saddle in place and straps set. Yvonne not very happy, of course, but is stoical as Mary climbs aboard. Mary tucks her legs in close and leans forward.

“Giiii-Upppp!!!” Mary calls and Yvonne begins to trot. Mary steadies herself during the first circuit and then she decides she wants speed: “Faster!” She uses her curled up knees to encourage Yvonne to up her pace. Yvonne seems to be moving well, but as she completes the second circuit she is panting. Mary urges her on again, “You’re too slow! I know, get closer to the ropes, I want my White Belt! We’ll see what you can do with a taste of that.”

Yvonne suddenly picks up her pace as she jogs towards the neutral corner, but as Mary leans out to grasp the belt, Yvonne suddenly stops and ducks down. Mary has slipped her feet out of the stirrups and Yvonne suddenly stop causes her to go flying! BANG! Mary slams chest first into the turnbuckle and sags to the canvas in a heap.
Meanwhile, Yvonne is clawing at the straps of the body saddle. She shows remarkable ability in shedding the saddle so she can go over and grab the dazed Mary.

“I warned you not to use that White Belt on me!” Yvonne hisses.

“But—but—“ Mary tries to say, but Yvonne throws her on top of the saddle which is now sitting upright in the ring. Mary is draped across it face down and her butt is slightly elevated. Yvonne grabs the White Belt sets down on top of Mary facing down her body and starts bring the belt across Mary’s buns in a slow deliberate fashion—one smacking smite at a time.

Mary is slow to fully awaken to her plight, but as the count is reaching five (the mesmerized audience is now counting along “FOUR!....FIVE!...”

“No! No! This is all wrong!” Mary moaning (between groans as the strap strikes home again and again).

“You brought this on yourself! I didn’t want this YOU did!” Yvonne cries.

“SIX!”

“You did it to me again! I won and still you get the better of me!” Mary says. “No wonder you are so amazing!”
“SEVEN!”

Yvonne stops and turns around to look at Mary who is trying the crane her head around.

“I’m ‘so amazing’?” Yvonne asks in a dumbfounded tone.

“But you didn’t respect me. You made me so mad! I had to do something! It just didn’t work the way I thought it would! You still managed to find a way to win,” Mary said mournfully.

“You still won the fight.”

“But not this. You’ve made me a laughingstock, I hope you’re happy,” Mary said.

Yvonne stood up: “You made yourself a laughingstock with this nonsense. You’re darned lucky I like you so much. There are fighters around here who would have done a lot more than 7,” Yvonne said.

“Oh don’t worry, 7 is plenty, my butt will be aching for a week,” Mary said.

“Okay, we’re even, but I’m keeping this belt in case you get any more crazy ideas,” Yvonne informed her.

“We’re even,” Mary said and offered her hand. Yvonne shook it and then they hugged. Mary then went back to her corner pulling the saddle as the understandably confused crowd tried to take it all in.

“Good thing I’ve got her in my life,” Yvonne says later to Archer News reporter Skip Tracey, “it would be awfully dull if she weren’t.”

Too bad the bizarre post-fight events will likely overshadow the actual fight because it was a fierce back and forth affair. Mary Winstead has always shown the ability to take a lot of punishment and she certainly used that to her advantage tonight. She took a lot from Yvonne Strahovski but came back to knock the tough blonde out. Yvonne just couldn’t beat her long-time rival tonight, but knowing these two, it seems likely that the ending was more a truce than a peace treaty. We shall see.