Post by The Wiz  on May 31, 2017 at 8:27pm

BEFORE:

"Well," says the fighter with her face pixelized and her voice disguised, "I'm kinda surprised. I mean, this girl is making her Front Street debut, and you'd think her management would want a win. And, they aren't getting one against ME."

"Oh, she's just PERFECT for my debut," says the other fighter, with her face also pixelized and her voice disguised. "Because I CAN beat her. And I WILL beat her."

ROUND ONE:

O'Dell: "Back at ringside and those are the unmistakable sounds of 'I'm A Slave 4 U' by Britney Spears you hear behind us, but, as Britney officially retired a few days ago, we know she's not going to be coming to ringside..."

Tess: "Crowd buzzing pretty good here, Jenny. There's been a lot of speculation about who the two fighters are going to be tonight, and, we're about to find out..."

Cassie: "And, look at this!"

O'Dell: "Crowd going absolutely nuts as four-time champion and FCBA Hall of Famer Kaley Cuoco of Medallion Boxing heads down the aisle..."

Cassie: "And, if there's a queen of CBS, well, here she is, star of the top-rated show on television, 'The Big Bang Theory'!"

McCarthy: "Never watched it. I don't get all that science stuff."

Tess (mumbling): "Shocking..."

McCarthy: "WHAT did you say, Walmart?"

Tess: "Nothing, Mac..."

O'Dell: "Cuoco into the ring and helped off with the robe. She's wearing a coral bikini and showing off that clock-stopping body. And, I've got to admit, ladies, this is a bit of a surprise, because Front Street normally signs girls with little or no FCBA experience, and I can't imagine they'd put a girl like that up against a girl like Cuoco..."

All I want to eat is cherry licorice

I don't care if it sounds ridiculous

Even the birds and the bees

Eat how they damn well please

McCarthy: "WHAT is THAT noise?"

Cassie: "That would be 'Cherry Licorice' by The Felice Brothers, which is the theme song of 'The 13th Man', Front Street's new fighter, which, of course, you'd know if you read the prep material..."

I don't wanna work for no damn dead waitress

I don't have that kind of patience

Sitting around all day

With never a word to say

McCarthy: "This song doesn't even make SENSE!"

O'Dell: "It's a catchy tune, though, but the crowd not paying much attention. Instead, they're craning their necks, looking at the entrance, trying to catch a glimpse..."

Raccoons dead

The city's windy

All I think about is Cindy

McCarthy: "Cindy. Cindy. Who could this be? Not Cindy Crawford, she's 150 years old..."

Tess: "Uh oh..."

O'Dell: "And, if you think this place went nuts before, just listen to it now, because dancing down the aisle is the 'The Next Kate Upton', Charlotte McKinney!"

Tess: "I have a question. How long have you known about this, BFF?"

Cassie: "Do you really need to ask?"

Tess: "No. Not really."

Cassie: "FYI, her official Front Street nickname is 'Agent 00DDD'."

McCarthy: "That's just STUPID!"

O'Dell: "McKinney waiving to the crowd, slapping hands, thoroughly enjoying her Asylum debut...and a look at Kaley Cuoco's face will tell you SHE is not enjoying the show Charlotte's putting on at the moment..."

McCarthy: "No, but the crowd is."

O'Dell: "McKinney into the ring and helped off with the robe by Jewel and Neve. And, she absolutely CAN fill out that admiral blue bikini she's wearing..."

Tess: "Not a lot of girls who can compete with Cuoco in a disrobe, but Charlotte's one of them."

O'Dell: "And, we're about ready to go. Time for some picks. Tess, what are you thinking?"

Tess: "I've got to go with Cuoco, but this is going to be a fight."

O'Dell: "Mac?"

McCarthy: "Cuoco."

O'Dell: "Cassie?"

Cassie: "I agree with Tess!"

O'Dell: "And, the first is underway. Kaley going to use all that athleticism early. She's on her toes, moving, circling, dancing, making Charlotte work to close. Cuoco maintaining distance, then bouncing forward for quick combinations before getting back to range. McKinney wants to work forward behind the jab, but Kaley making that impossible."

Cassie: "Kaley's a hard girl to fight in open canvas. She's not just a girl who has quick hands and feet and moves well. She's got a load of power, too."

O'Dell: "And, that's why it pays to be very, very careful when you're trying to bring her to battle. Let her walk you into something, and it's going to be a short night for you. That's likely why Charlotte's keeping the guard up and the chin tucked as she works to close distance and bring her power to bear."

McCarthy: "Cuoco's not a GREAT light. She's no Palicki. But, she's far superior to Weirdo's latest tomato can, who's one talent is contained in her bra."

Tess: "Do you need the Heimlich BFF?"

Cassie (coughing): "No, I'll be fine..."

O'Dell: "Ten seconds to go in the first. Cuoco bounces forward, lands a good flurry. Charlotte a solid right in response. Kaley then back to range to circle again. Excellent first round for the Hall of Famer, who's going to claim the first and take the early 10-9 lead with an excellent tactical round."

ROUND TWO:

O'Dell: "Second begins like the first ended. Cuoco on her toes, Charlotte flat-footed, looking to work forward behind that solid left. Kaley doing a very good job of keeping that left off her, and that's allowing her to stay clear and frustrate McKinney's efforts to close. Charlotte moving the feet more now, looking to cut the ring that way."

McCarthy: "If she had any kind of corner, they'd have told her to do that coming IN."

O'Dell: "Charlotte brings Kaley to battle now, and the two blondes throw some absolute HAMMERS! What an exchange! Both heads snapped back in that flurry. Cuoco slips back to the center of the ring, but Charlotte aggressively after her. McKinney's got the blood up now..."

Cassie: "Has to be careful with Kaley's power. Don't get too aggressive."

O'Dell: "Charlotte cuts and closes and there's ANOTHER BIG EXCHANGE! Cuoco not afraid to slug with McKinney and Charlotte certainly not cowed by Kaley. ANOTHER big flurry, and Cuoco backed up. McKinney stepping in and working some of that great Hall of Fame body. Kaley tying up. Charlotte shoving off and landing a solid left hook at the bell. Close round. McKinney grabs it late."

Tess: "'And, we're even at 19 after two."

ROUND THREE:

O'Dell: "McKinney continuing to up the pressure. Cuoco landing some hard shots as Charlotte works forward, punching for respect here, but not getting a lot of it. Younger blonde wants to make the Hall of Famer trade, and that's exactly what she's now managing to do, backing Kaley up with a solid combination..."\

Tess: "Thinking here has to be that if she can stand toe to toe with girls like Upton, she can do it with Cuoco."

O'Dell: "And, you can't fault that kind of reasoning. Another sharp exchange forces Kaley back another step and CUOCO A RIGHT-HAND THAT HURT CHARLOTTE! McKinney wobbled by a nasty counter right from Kaley, and Cuoco now all in, hammering away at a wobbly McKinney..."

Cassie: "You have GOT to be careful with Kaley's power..."

O'Dell: "And, it's on full display now, as the Hall of Famer delivers salvo after salvo of heavy leather. McKinney in the earmuff, giving ground, backed to the ropes now, throwing a jab here and there but mostly trying to survive this thing. Kaley digs a little body, then goes back upstairs for one more HUGE flurry that shook McKinney at the bell! Cuoco wide in the third."

McCarthy: "And, she's up 29-28, but also in charge."

ROUND FOUR:

O'Dell: "It's Kaley the aggressor early in the fourth. She's got Charlotte in trouble and she's pressing her advantage. McKinney again giving ground, keeping the guard high, playing defense, working the counter. Cuoco working both upstairs and down as she steadily comes forward..."

Cassie: "RIGHT HAND, MCKINNEY!"

O'Dell: "And CUOCO is hurt! Charlotte catches the older blonde coming forward and Kaley's in trouble. McKinney letting the hands go now, as Cuoco retreats. Everything's turned 180 by that single punch. Charlotte bullying the Hall of Famer back into the ropes and then HAVING AT THE BODY..."

McCarthy: "Well, if there's one thing you learn in JMDD, its how to work the body."

O'Dell: "Kaley shipping the damage and keeping the gloves up. She's in clock running mode now, and she's doing it pretty well, blocking a lot of stuff being thrown upstairs and rolling with more of it. Still, Charlotte landing some hard shots, testing Cuoco's sturdy legs. They're going to pass. Five seconds left. One more hook to the body from McKinney and there's the bell. Charlotte. Wide."

Tess: "And, we're back to even after four, 38-38."

ROUND FIVE:

O'Dell: "The reversal of fortune in the last stanza leads to a role reversal at the beginning of this one, as it's now Charlotte coming forward behind the jab, looking to take canvas from Kaley. Cuoco has some leg back, though, and she's using it for some lateral movement, getting off square, working counters..."

McCarthy: "This is the difference between a Hall of Famer like ME and a random Dancing Hooker. Intelligence. Slickness. Experience. Ability to make subtle adjustments."

O'Dell: "And, subtle as it may be, it has slowed, if not stopped, McKinney's offensive. Charlotte having to work to line Cuoco up, and that's giving Kaley that extra flick of time to land punches while the younger woman works to get to her spots. When McKinney gets there, though, she's all business, landing heavy stuff to both head and body."

Tess: "She's doing quite a bit of body work this round. And, again, going to take quite the investment to make that work against a girl like Kaley."

O'Dell: "Thirty seconds to go in a close fifth. Cuoco moving better as the round goes on, and it's making a difference. She's getting nice flurries on target, slowing McKinney's forward motion even more, gaining an advantage as the final seconds tick away. There's the bell. Close to Kaley."

Cassie: "And, Cuoco's back on top, 48-47 at the half."

ROUND SIX:

O'Dell: "Kaley up on the toes again as we start the sixth. She's circling, jabbing, bouncing forward for quick flurries, then bouncing back to range. Charlotte moving the feet, steadily stalking, looking to close and bang, working body when she manages to do it. Cuoco tying her rival up, shoving her off, circling away."

McCarthy: "Again, one of Weirdo's Dancing Hookers being outsmarted by a REAL fighter."

O'Dell: "Cuoco's got that jab working well now. Charlotte tucking the head, working past it with the gloves high, cutting the ring, digging some body and STAGGERING KALEY WITH A RIGHT UPPERCUT! Cuoco crouched to counter that body attack and McKinney split the gloves and has her hurt!"

Cassie: "And, ninety-five percent of all lightweights in the FCBA are on their respective backs staring up at the ref right now..."

O'Dell: "Not Kaley. She's still on her feet, but she's plenty unsteady. Charlotte loading up the big guns and letting the shell fly. Kaley in retreat, covering, hanging on, looking in desperate trouble. Older blonde now on the ropes, guard high, and Charlotte just PUNISHING the body, ribs, midsection, any legal spot below the bust line. Cuoco screaming into her gloves but keeping them up right to the bell. McKinney wide, but Kaley survives again."

Tess: "And, we're even yet again, this time at 57."

ROUND SEVEN:

O'Dell: "Charlotte charging out of the corner to start the seventh. Kaley willing to cede canvas, still has to be feeling the effects of that last round. Younger blonde banging away, committing on everything, not worrying about counter punches. Again, she's working a ton of body with Cuoco in that high guard..."

Tess: "And, Kaley's pinking up quite a bit as a result."

O'Dell: "Charlotte just digging and digging and DROPPING CUOCO WITH A RIGHT HOOK! Again, she got Kaley crouching with the body attack and made her pay, sending her to her back with a minute and a half to go in the seventh! McKinney to a neutral corner. Count at three. Four. Five. Six. Seven. Kaley to her feet. Referee gives her the mandatory...and waives McKinney forward..."

Cassie: "Wasn't sure she was getting up from that..."

O'Dell: "Charlotte swinging away, all upstairs now as she buffets Kaley back into the ropes and then just HAMMERS SHOTS INTO THE BELLY AND RIBS. McKinney going all Neve Campbell in there as she bunches Kaley up and then STAGGERS HER WITH A RIGHT HAND! Cuoco stumbling along the ropes, rocked by a left hook and IT'S OVER! IT'S OVER! Referee leaping in and waiving it off! And, your winner by TKO7 is 'Agent 00DDD', Charlotte McKinney!"

McCarthy: "That's STILL a stupid nickname!"

AFTER:

O'Dell: "Let's go up to the ring and Tess Valmore!"

Tess: "I have our winner, Charlotte McKinney, and, you certainly know how to make an entrance to a stable!"

Charlotte (smiling): "Hey, Wiz told me we don't go small at Front Street, so, I'm just trying to fit in over here."

Tess: "Well, that was a Hall of Famer you just stopped, and you didn't look to be very intimidated..."

Charlotte (shaking her head): "Look, she's physical as all get out, has a great body. But. I WILL match bodies with anyone in the FCBA and I WILL come out on top when that happens. Doesn't matter how sturdy you THINK you are, when I get to you, I WILL break you down and use you up. That's just the way it is.