"BBU JMDD Cougar Nights"
Maria Grazia Cucinotta vs Elizabeth Hurley
JMD Value: 39D vs 30G
Results & Story: Vassago

BEFORE: While the BBU prepares to stage the JMD/JMDD title tournaments' semi-finals in the upcoming weeks, these two cougars have agreed to battle it out in jug muggin' rules during a special "Cougar Nights" session over at the league's Cardiff HQ. Maria Grazia Cucinotta has demolished Carla Bruni last time out but is a newcomer to JMDD despite sporting a massive 39D cleavage. Meanwhile Liz Hurley boasts about her amateur foxy boxing days back in the 90s which leads BBU TV's Denise van Outen to question the reasons behind her unexpected comeback as she hasn't actually won a fight since a taking a decision over Cat Deeley nine years ago. Apparently some private sponsors have stepped up to pour cash into her bank account but the female celebrity boxing universe has changed a lot since Hurley made the news with her topless jug pounding performance. Can she still take it some twenty five years later? Even Denise van Outen admits it's a very bold move from the Hampshire model-turned-actress.

Maria Grazia Cucinotta wears a lacy black bikini set and red gloves. Long black hair straight. Liz Hurley wears a light blue bikini set and white gloves. Long dark brown hair tied in a sleek ponytail. The fight is scheduled for ten rounds in the welterweight division. JMDD rules apply.

Round 1:
The hot-blooded Italian jumps into an early charge and splits Liz's mitts very easily during the opening minute making a steady connection with the 30G cleavage which immediately reels the older woman back on her heels. Liz delivers a couple of hooks on the model's ribcage but struggles to find enough space in classic bumper car boxing and begins to moan in discomfort when Maria ups the intensity of her attacks. She smacks a series of uppercuts to keep Hurley under control and whips a quick shot on the jaw to further dent the Englishwoman's hopes of a counterpunching response. Elizabeth disappears behind a high earmuff when she simply can't live with the intensity of Cucinotta's drive but she leaves too much room to work around downstairs and the Italian duly wrecks havoc in the midsection area - running away as a clear winner of a one-sided opening round.

Round 2:
Hurley's lenghty spell on the sidelines does her no favors here against the bad-tempered Italian who barks with every punch crashing into the English rack early in the second round. Liz does have the reach advantage but she bounces off the younger brunette's forearms far too often to make a significant impact and drops on her heels when Cucinotta tackles her boobs from both sides and squeezes them against each other. This kind of a drive threatens to spill Elizabeth's mounds into the open and she wobbles forward to lock a clinch in the easiest way to survive the tough jug muggin' ordeal. Maria wrestles her back to the ropes though and slips through to pierce the ribcage again which backs Hurley against the turnbuckle and allows the younger brunette to ravage some fine English tummy. Ugh! Liz slumps against the ropes as she soaks up a proper beating and looks seriously out of breath at the bell with Cucinotta shouting back to the crowd in her native language.

Round 3:
Liz finally finds some rhythm and splits the Italian's high guard before lifting her boobs against her chin in spectacular fashion. Maria came out a little flat out of her corner - perhaps she thought Liz remains stuck on the defensive side again - and pays a clear price for her sluggish second-guessing. Liz leans forward and settles down for the uptempo uppercut drive that shuts down the younger brunette until she swings over the top and catches the actress on the chin in a desperate but successful effort. However Maria only skims off the English chest thereafter and wobbles into a drilling left hook on the jaw that gives Elizabeth more breathing space. Another uppercut series follows and lifts Cucinotta's jugs - the Italian slumps on her heels and shows significant defensive flaws; Liz pounds her back to the ropes and dominates the jug-to-jug contact before sinking the younger brunette on soft knees with a left hook on the liver area right at the bell.

Round 4:
Hurley threatens a wholesale comeback now and both cougars swing in uptempo fashion during a hectic point-blank range exchange in the opening minute. Liz connects with the uppercut drive that lifts Cucinotta's mounds repeatedly but the Italian cougar shows sore durability and refuses to back off - instead she hammers in from both sides and squeezes the English rack so viciously that Liz is the one that blinks first and screams out in pain. The older brunette wobbles forward after losing the uppercut connection and eats a scything left cross on the mouth before another proper hook drills her solar plexus and renders breathless for a moment, breathless and exposed even! Maria doesn't need more time to slam a left/right cross on the older woman's mouth that drops Hurley's arms by the side and a brutal cross once again finds the solar plexus and FOLDS ELIZABETH ON HER KNEES a split second later! The Cardiff audience applauds that effort but Liz stares down at her boobs before dropping onto all fours as she struggles to recover her breath. She eventually gets up at eight but is clearly shaken and very much stirred physically. Cucinotta gives her no time for additional respite and crashes into her boobs from both flanks again... the brutal thumping on speed dial wrecks havoc in Hurley's cleavage and shuts her down in anguished spasms of pain which only fuels the Italian's desire to knock her out. Liz trips back to the ropes but she offers nothing back anymore and even fails to apply a clinch so Cucinotta hauls in unanswered punishment and threatens to render her helpless opponent topless... eventually Elizabeth's screams and lack of reaction are more than enough for the referee to jump in and halt the vicious destruction of the proud English cougar with exactly 34 seconds still left on the clock. TKO4 Maria Grazia Cucinotta in bruising jug muggin' fashion!!!

AFTER: Hurley's turned into jelly mode and slips through the referee's grasp to bellow out on the ropes with her eyes closed. It still takes almost a full minute before she stops moaning and heads back to her corner but she needs to hug her breasts indicating the ammount of damage she suffered during this bad-tempered affair. Maria Grazia glares down at her from the opposite corner and nobody can wipe that huge grin off her face tonight! She gets her gloves removed and approaches the moaning Liz to strip her off the bikini top. The British model acknowledges her defeat and offers no resistance when the strategic piece of her wardrobe ends up in the Italian's hands as a battle trophy. "It's been a pleasure!", the raven-haired model winks to the vanquished foe while Elizabeth's vile response escapes the conventional rating and shouldn't be quoted here!

"Useless tramp got what she deserved!", Maria Grazia tells Denise van Outen during a brief post-fight interview and suggests she's ready to enter the ring whenever a 40 plus opponent steps forward to challenge her, "Of course Melanie Sykes is retired now but there are fellow cougars like Tara Moss or Victoria Silvstedt who fit my striking range. Who knows, perhaps even Joanna Krupa calls me from one of these Miami beach suites? As long as I keep winning, there's no point in discussing my retirement!"

Final result: Maria Grazia Cucinotta def. Elizabeth Hurley TKO4.