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30 June 2017 Emilia Clarke vs Felicity Jones

Page history last edited by anonononononononon 5 years, 4 months ago

Emilia:
(31, 5’2, 4:3 FCBA, Lookout! Atlantic Boxing)

Felicity:
(34, 5’3, 1:1 FCBA, Free Agent)

Before: It’s undeniable that both these British actresses have been on a meteoric rise over this side of the Atlantic: Emilia Clarke finding absolute fever-pitched levels of fandom with her portrayal of Daenerys Targaryen, or Khaleesi in HBO’s Game of Thrones, whereas Felicity finding recent footing with hit movies like The Theory of Everything and of course the massively successful Star Wars: Rogue One.

One would thus expect both stars to be on an eventual collision course, and the spark that finally triggered an altercation was when Ms Clarke was recent cast as a new character in a Star Wars movie of her own, which Felicity saw as nothing but a blatant attempt at an unjustified invasion of her turf.

Neither lady was ever considered ‘close’ to the other, the usual fake smiles and polite comments suddenly melting away during one televised interview when Ms Jones declared that her fellow Brit should ‘keep to her television dragons’ and leave the big screen roles to ‘other more talented actresses’.

The Mother of Dragons obviously having none of that nonsense, and some back-and-forths on social media and mutual glares of contempt on the red carpet later, we have both girls facing off on the podium. Emilia doing her fans a favor by coming to fight with her trademark platinum blonde hair, but everything else from the chest down betrays her character’s roots, looking stunning in a bright red bikini, loose knots securing her chest and bottom dignity. Felicity smiling back smugly with that condescending pout of lips, hands on hips baring her toned tummy in a white classic bikini, brown hair tied back into a short ponytail.

Referee calls both fighters to center of the ring where they continue taunting each other. Call to touch gloves and Emilia is first to offer, but gasp from audience as Felicity simply lets out a laugh and turns back to her corner. Crowds enjoying the cattiness, clearly divided between both massive franchises in either corner. Bell rings and let's see who wins!

Round 1: Practical joker from the audience screams, “MAY THE FORCE BE WITH YOU, KHALEESI” immediately after the bell, bringing a roar of laughter from the audience and a smile to Emilia’s lips, who was expecting a heckle but pleasantly surprised by the show of support from her fanbase. More interesting is the dark look on Felicity’s face, frowning hard and then charging, intent on showing that idiotic fan who’s the real master in the ring.

Opening minute sees rough, brawling action as both girls crowd in close and bang away, Felicity meeting her objective by raining fists on Emilia’s high-guard whilst firing the occasional belly shot under and up into tummy, stunning her and almost pushing her back to the ropes. Emilia rallying late in the round though, using her feet to try and create space, jabbing at Felicity’s face as she tries to close in, then taking advantage of the stunning blows to chop heavy hooks to Felicity’s chest and body, sending shockwaves of her own through fellow’s Brit’s system. Emilia definitely feeling the force this opening round - coming ahead of her rival by a close margin, but leaving Jones seething and hungry for revenge.

Round 2: Dark side of Felicity Jones reveals itself as soon as the bell rings to open the second - Felicity comes at Emilia hard and fast, cracking a multitude of jabs at her face and leaving her with little air or space to fight back. Emilia holding her own for a good part of the round, dealing with Felicity’s punches with her forearms and absorbing those body blows by turning to her side, but Clarke can’t keep those fists away indefinitely, wondering how Jones can keep up her assault herself. Truth is Jones already feeling the effects of tiredness mid-round, but holds on just a little longer than her opponent and gets lucky when a right cross slams neatly down the middle of Emilia’s arms, catches her square on the cheek. Emilia growls more than groans, face contorts to one side in pain, but Jones’ follow-up jab barrage find their purchase as they pepper the nose and cheek just below the eye, doing some damage to Clarke’s vision. Clarke instinctively decides to retreat to find better bearings. Felicity too wisely decides not to follow, wary of it being a trap, and last thirty seconds see girls circle each other with fists up high covering their faces, but a growing grin on Felicity’s face as she starts pushing the odds in her favour.

Round 3: Third round of boxing action sees both girls turn strategic, feigning often and taking fewer risks by rushing in. Clarke in particular quite a crafty master of this, takes a big step forward with her right foot whilst shimmying her right hand in Felicity’s face, enjoying the reflex look on Felicity’s face as the Star Wars actress recoils and throws up her hands to defend the make-believe jab. Emilia toys with her opponent like this for a good while, exploiting Felicity’s predictability by sticking some actual gloves into her chest and body a couple of times, sweeping past her defences easily. Felicity getting more and more agitated by this charade, takes the bait and comes at Emilia swinging wildly, catches her on the tummy with dull under-hook one-two before eating a barrage of leather from Emilia’s return jabs, staggering her to the side and into the ropes. Crescendo from the crowd increases as Clarke calmly walks Jones down , striding after her and jacking fists up into her vulnerable body in last minute pounding. Bell saves her from the worse offering though, and Emilia is content to walk back to corner with another turn of fortunes - this time in her favour.

Round 4: Felicity not looking so smokin’ hot or confident any longer - opening seconds see her block a jab combo from Clarke but then eat a big right hand as follow up, sending her back to her corner too early. Emilia catching her breath as well, eager to punish but not so foolish to throw her chances away, stalks Jones into the corner with long jabs designed to keep her rooted, then wading in with thundering uppercuts to Felicity’s stunned jaw. Felicity giving every indication that she’s having trouble dealing with the dull thud thud thud of fists that land on her body, then chest. Jones struggling to defend herself in the corner, more obsessed with blocking those heavy punches that Emilia’s firing at her with reckless abandon, completely ignores her corner’s pleading for her to ‘GET OUTTA THERE!’ Last moment sees Felicity finally coming to her senses, decides to clinch forward, wrapping arms around Emilia’s chest and trying to shove her backwards. She succeeds for a while, at least manages to stop the debilitating blows coming her way, but honestly all Jones does is plug a hole in a dam, doing little else to win points back this round by just clinging on tightly to the Mother of Dragons. Bell rings soon enough and not moment too soon - audience getting restless at the lack of action this round. Emilia clearly heard taunting her opponent as the referee forces them to separate, scowling, “Is this your idea of a fight, sweetheart??” to which Felicity barely answers her foe as she stumbles back to corner.

Round 5: Felicity takes those words to heart, coming out of corner measured and not falling for the bait this time. In fact, it’s Emilia who gets impatient, advances on her fellow actress and starts pounding on her guard. Felicity waiting for opportune moment to strike, doesn't come till well past the first minute: WHACK across the face when Clarke doesn't see that right hook comin’. Emilia’s eyes widen with shock as another such blow lands clean on her cheek, blasting her to the side. On come Felicity, eager to finish… winds back third-time-lucky hook… AND MISSES. Emilia ducking under and going after the Brit’s chest and torso with hearty pounding on Jones’ jugs and tummy, stopping her momentum right there. Good grief - girls continue going at it right in the center, neither willing to take another step backwards, continuing the punishment to the body hup hup hup hup. Last few seconds see mutual clinch forming as the only other way forward is forward itself - girls wrestling and wresting for control with occasional HUPP to tummy to drive home their point. But bell rings before either girl can take control, referee having to shove them apart more due to exhaustion than any lingering effort to punish each other. Judges giving this round too close to call, but this pundit’s money on Felicity who scored a little more than her opponent.

Round 6: Brutal in-house fighting continues as these girls show how the Brits throw down - my my they can't keep their mitts off each other. Bodies slam together just after opening bell with a sweaty SMACK, then girls get their gloves in each other’s faces, whacking into cheeks then mashing them further into faces, hoping to disorient as well as hurt. Referee doing little to force a separation as it’s clear the fists are still flying - the girls just taking their own sweet time to time their shots for maximum damage. Felicity scoring a deep punch to the gut underneath, burying right hand straight up into Emilia’s breadbasket. The Brit feels the weight of her foe’s body sagging into hers as the strength leaves her body and an HGGGHH leaves her lips. Felicity hissing into Emilia’s ear as she slams another punch into her stomach for emphasis: “Looks like we know who’s better at this, MOTHER of dragons…” before punctuating the taunt with a *third* gut punch that sends shockwaves through Emilia’s body. The cocky Star Wars star starts herding her TV rival towards the corner, one hand tugging roughly on her platinum locks, the other guiding her by the waist, the whole time just continuing to berate her acting ability:

“We all knew you’re nothing but an overrated, B-list-- ACKKK” Felicity suddenly cut short by a throbbing pain in the pit of her abdomen, then another sharp THUD as breath leaves her lungs. Emilia, who was conserving her energy all this while, starts to bite back with her fists instead of wasting time with words. Felicity eating another right fist to the belly before she too starts swinging back, and the last minute we see desperate war for survival as both actresses get their gloves in each other’s faces again, taking turns pinning the other to the turnbuckle then whack whap WHAAP sending blows to the tummy. Felicity in the midst of driving home another uppercut to her foe’s sternum when her head is SWIVELLED RIGHT by a beauty of a hook from Emilia, who has had enough of bottom-feeding and decides to SWIPE the poor girl’s head in a multitude of directions, lashing leather into Jones’ face repeatedly. Jones lets out a deep-throated groan as she sways on the spot, more out of rage than pain, with a GRUNT swings last-resort uppercut that sails harmlessly past the side of Emilia’s face - the Mother of Dragons HUFFS a final time, THUMPS a right hand straight into Felicity’s face… AND DOWN SHE GOES! Eyes rolling up and out, she’s out like a light as Jones crumples on the spot! Referee takes one look and concurs that it’s definitely over!

Official Decision: Emilia Clarke defeats Felicity Jones via KO6!

After: Ecstatic Emilia jumping up and down over consecutive, hard-fought victories, rushing to her corner to celebrate with her team and of course, her fans. More than personal pride on the line in this opening match, dare we say legions upon legions of rabid fans howling and hooting in front of their illegally torrented computer screens tonight as the fanboys celebrate their chosen queen, whilst others perhaps cursing and swearing in Wookie-speak.

Emilia however not done with the show, gingerly removes her gloves and strolls back to the fallen Felicity Jones, who’s still knocked out and lying on one side, drool coming down the side of her mouth. With a shove of a foot, Emilia knocks Felicity over to her back, takes her time now straddling the brunette with a PLOP of her butt down on the belly. Smile of delight on Khaleesi’s face as she takes a handful of brunette hair with one hand and then SLAP SLAP slapping down into the fallen Star Wars princess’ cheek with her other, until Jones finally wakes up from her slumber with a squeal.

“Who’s the Mother of Dragons now, Jonesey? And who’s her little b*tch?” Emilia asks rhetorically.

Felicity merely groans as the Queen of Television maintains her perch, posing for the cameras with a muscled-arm pose,, no doubt sealing the debate (for now) as to which franchise produces the tougher woman.