BEFORE:



"I guess I'm surprised they brought me back," says Gwen with a smile. "After all, I gave Pink all she wanted the last time I was here, but, if they want to roll the dice again..."



"One thing Gwen might be forgetting," says Allison with a smile of her own. "My dice are just like my fists. They're loaded."



ROUND ONE:



O'Dell: "Back at ringside, and that's 'Hollabackgirl' you hear blasting through the arena, and that can only mean that the singer of that song, the lovely Gwen Stefani is on her way to ringside..."



McCarthy: "NO FCBA WINS! We're going for the record. FOUR fights. NO FCBA WINS!"



Tess: "Now, calm down, Mac. We HBO to have to start showing 'Swan Lake 12: Swanado'..."



Cassie: "Starring Heidi Montag..."



Tess: "Now's the part where Mac says she was supposed to get a part in that..."



McCarthy: "I would NEVER play second fiddle to Heidi Montag!"



Cassie: "Though she once did have dueling boob jobs with her..."



McCarthy: "I did...YOU...I...YOU..."



Tess: "Cassie, get that fire extinguisher, because I think Mac's head is going to explode..."



McCarthy: "SHUT UP, WALMARRRRRTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!"



O'Dell: "Drink up, boys, as Gwen is helped off with the robe to reveal a red bikini and a body that looks anything but 47 years old."



McCarthy: "Nothin' but a number!"



Oh the shark, babe

Has such teeth, dear...



McCarthy: "UNbelievable! UNbelievable! The thieveration continues!"



Tess: "Thieverwhat now?"



McCarthy: "ThieverATION! The theft by unlawful stealing of my song and my gimmick by Weirdo and Mack the FRAUD!"



Cassie: "Should we point out for the millionth time that Uncle Wiz BOUGHT the rights to the song?"



McCarthy: "Theft by UNLAWFUL THIEVING!"



O'Dell (sighing): "That song, of course, is 'Mack the Knife' by Bobby Darin, and coming to the ring right now is Allison..."



McCarthy: "DON'T YOU DARE..."



Cassie: "'Mack the Knife, Mack.'"



McCarthy: "I. WILL. SUE!"



O'Dell: "Truck. I'm going to need a bottle of good booze and a hammer. First, let me drink the bottle, then hit me in the head with the hammer. Meanwhile, fans, let's watch as Allison climbs into the ring to be helped off, by Jewel and Neve, with that black robe with the gleaming silver knife on it, just one drop of deep red blood dripping from that knife. And, under the robe..."



McCarthy: "A body only a MOTHER could love!"



O'Dell: "The normal blood red bikini Allison prefers. And, it's time for some picks. Tess favors Allison. Mac?"



McCarthy: "I am NOT picking that FRAUD. Stefani!"



O'Dell: "Cassie?"



Cassie: "I agree with Tess!"



O'Dell: "And, there's the bell. Stefani making with the jab early. She has a little height and reach here and wants to use it. Gwen accurate with that left, keeping Allison at range with it, and now beginning to follow up with right hands. Good stuff early from Stefani, who seems to have a pretty solid fight plan in place."



Tess: "Makes sense, because she doesn't want to get into the booth with Mack."



O'Dell: "And, right now, she's preventing that with the jab and now a nice drop step. She's making Allison work to close and picking her off while she does that. Mack bobbing the head, moving the feet, trying to break down some very, very solid defenses right now and having trouble doing it."



McCarthy: "I LOVE it. The fraud's getting touched up by a girl with NO FCBA wins!"



O'Dell: "Final thirty seconds of the first. Stefani in rhythm now, jabbing Mack to distance, then dropping in those hard right hands. Allison able to land some hard shot here and there, but the first round has been all Gwen Stefani. There's the bell, and it's Gwen wide and with the 10-9 lead."



ROUND TWO:



O'Dell: "Second underway and Mack working her way forward again. She's got the head tucked now, into that quarter crouch she sometimes uses..."



Cassie: "Now, this isn't the same one she used when she knocked Mac out in 36 seconds, fans..."



McCarthy: "I'D. BEEN. FIGHTING. ALL. NIGHT. AGAINST. AN. ALL. STAR. TEAM!"



O'Dell (sighing): "The crouch, footwork, and head movement all working pretty well, as Mack's getting past Stefani's jab and into closer quarters where she can work some body. Gwen quickly tying up, but Allison shoves off, gets right back to work. Stefani tying up again, forcing a break."



Tess: "Gwen's been well-prepared for this fight. She's got an excellent plan in place."



O'Dell: "No doubt about it. Keep Mack off, and, when she gets in close, tie her up and force the referee to create space. Mack again in close and, again, Gwen ties up. Allison punching free, working the ribs. Stefani ties up. Referee will break them and there's the bell. Close. Mack."



Cassie: "And, we're even at 19."



ROUND THREE:



O'Dell: "Allison back to work coming forward in that quarter crouch. Stefani with the jab and drop step, working to maintain distance where she can box, and, when Allison gets in close, Gwen immediately ties up. Mack shoves off, works a little body, but Gwen ties up again and the referee breaks them."



Cassie: "Just checking my numbers here, but, after tonight, BFF, Allison will need 18 more fights to be eligible for the Hall of Fame..."



McCarthy (choking): "She...(cough)...Hall...(gag)..."



Tess: "Did Mac just have a drink of water go down the wrong way, or did she swallow her tongue?"



McCarthy (choking): "FRAUD! (hack)....Greatest (cough)...Playmate (gag)...Tragedy (hack)...JUSTICE!"



O'Dell (sighing): "Truck. Just send the hammer, please. Just the hammer. Half way through the third and it's another good, two way round. Mack scoring when she's in close, Gwen countering those points with points she's building up as Allison works forward. Mack again in close and working the ribs and midsection..."



McCarthy (choking): "SUE! (gag)...SUE! (cough)...."



O'Dell: "Final thirty seconds of a close third round. Mack again working body and, again, Stefani ties up. Referee quickly breaks the pair apart and Gwen's back to the jab and drop. Ten seconds remaining. Allison working in, bangs a couple of hooks to the ribs, and there's the bell. Close. Stefani."



Tess: "And, Gwen's back on top 29-28."



ROUND FOUR:



O'Dell: "Fourth begins like the third ended. It's all about the terms. Gwen doing just fine at range, but Allison in control when they get in close. Mack crowding Stefani again. Gwen tying up, wrapping around Allison's head. Mack working free, landing a solid right hand, but Gwen ties up again and the referee breaks them."



McCarthy (clearing her throat): "AllisonMackhasnobusinessintheHallofFamesheisagimmickstealingfraudwithnotalentwhoisnotfittocarrythebikinitopofthegreatestfightingplaymateofalltime-whohasbeenunfairlybannedfromtheHallofFameanditisatragedyofjustice!"



Tess: "Fans, you might want to wait until after this round to rewind that and play it back in slow motion to determine exactly what Mac just said..."



Cassie: "But, be advised, usually, Mac doesn't make any sense no matter WHAT the speed of the playback."



McCarthy: "SHUTUPSCABBO!"



O'Dell: "A minute and a half in and Mack again working forward. Stefani tying up. Allison shoves off and DROPS GWEN WITH A RIGHT HOOK! Oh, Mack up out of that crouch with a BOOMING right hook and Gwen goes CRASHING to the canvas on her right side. Never saw that punch coming!"



Cassie: "And, the only things she's seeing now are STARS..."



O'Dell: "That thing landed right on the button. Mack to a neutral corner. Referee's count at three. Four. Five. Six. Stefani trying to shake it off. Rolls to her belly. Seven. Eight. Pushing up to hands and knees. Nine. TEN! It's OVER! Gwen can't get off all fours and it's OVER! And your winner by KO4 is Allison 'Mack The Knife' Mack!"



AFTER:



O'Dell: "Let's go up to the ring and Tess Valmore!"



Tess: "I have our winner, Allison Mack, and, Allison, she had a good strategy in place, but you broke it down."



Allison (nodding): "She has a good jab and she knows how to box. She wanted to keep me off, because she knows I like it inside.

I knew I'd break that down, because I have lots of tools in the box for that. You aren't going to keep me away. I'm GOING to get in there."



Tess: "And, when you do..."



Allison (nodding): "Bad things are going to happen. Just ask your friend McCarthy."