Lily Collins versus Miley Cyrus
(Words: Caspian / Results: Lookout!)

Lily:
(28, 5’6, 112, 8:2 FCBA, VIXENs)

Miley:
(24, 5’5, 12:14 FCBA, Beever’s Babes US)

BEFORE:
Lily making a name for herself with plenty of chaos sowed on this side of the shore, running through the gauntlet of self-proclaimed Disney princesses, and tonight no exception, with her opponent Miley Cyrus eager to break the Brit’s win-streak by guaranteeing similar treatment she endured before at the hands of Vanessa Hudgens:

“For all her talk, Lily’s never faced someone as reckless and volatile as me,” the Hannah Montana star talking sh*t about her opponent tonight, wide, infamous grin etched on her face with short hair tied upwards into a micro-ponytail. “Me and Vanessa - we’re cut from same cloth. That's why I’m going to win tonight.”

Lily, to everyone’s surprise, is nodding in agreement at the table, as she explains: “You're absolutely right, Cyrus. You know what? You remind me exactly of little miss freakin’ Hudgens: loud, entitled and sure-as-hell overrated. In fact, I seem to dine on you yanks quite regularly for breakfast,” Lily concludes with a lick of her licks, one hand patting her toned tummy.

Cyrus growling, snaps back immediately and perhaps not so elegantly: “HA. I eat pieces of sh*t like you for breakfast.”

To which Lily breaks into laughter, channeling her best Adam Sandler impression: “You eat pieces of sh*t for breakfast??”

Miley has had enough of the Brit’s quick wit and defiance, falls back on what she knows: charging straight for Collins, claws out with a screech, sending the two girls tumbling over the press table and spilling over into the press junket, where they continue to slap and tug at hair until the officials can finally untangle them apart.

Back in the ring, the ref doesn't even bother getting both girls to the center to show respect. Lily trying to remain focused and keep two eyes on the platinum blonde in front of her, that irritating smirk made to be wiped off by leather, but the sudden noise of the crowd makes her eyes flit about the arena in brief panic, before seeing the condescending figure of Vanessa Hudgens lounging in the front row chair, her grin magnified on the LCD screens and waving a finger tut-tut at the camera. Uh oh - this might certainly throw Collins off her game this fight with the presence of her arch-nemesis so close to ring-side. Still, nothing much she can do at this point. The referee concurs, waves for the bell and here we go!

ROUND 1:
A measured start that's for sure, bordering on muted, as both young ladies come out of corners slow and throw jabs from afar but neither getting close enough to hurt. For all their mutual tough talk in pre-fight ritual, both girls stick to their guns for large portion of the opening round, hinting at a draw, much more due to lack of action rather than mutual punishment. Only noteworthy exchanges are when Miley snaps a series of quick hands into Lily’s face, drawing a chorus of cheers from the crowd, which says a lot about the level of excitement for the rest of the round. Lily stunned but not for long, side-steps another jab and then lands her own combination on Miley’s body, but doesn't seize the advantage when she backs away holding her side. Round ends with both girls rubbing tender regions with back of their gloves. An effective draw if I’ve ever seen one.

ROUND 2:
Lily advised by her corner to take things up a notch but you know how stubborn this girl is. First minute sees repeat with girls dancing back and forth, firing off intermittent jabs and then jumping back out of the way, most punches scoring only on guard and forearms. Miley licking her lips as she tries to impose some speed, suddenly weaving around Lily’s punches and then scoring with a right hand right into the tummy. Lily stunned, doesn't react fast enough until Miley chops another one-two into the body before backing away, ducking under a counter-hook that sails over her bleached hair. Insolent grin back on the face of the American starlet, thinks she’s faster and better... But her eyes suddenly widen as Lily responds in kind: Brit striding forward and bashing right hand into the guard, pushing Cyrus back with more pounding to the body bam bam blam. Miley thrown on defensive just like that, eats a few more cutting underhooks to the sternum before the bell saves her from a potential knockdown. Girls proven they both have speed to brawl - only question is who can take advantage?

ROUND 3:
Miley suddenly all business, tries to utilize speed once again and shut out Collins’ chances with a sudden charge, and it works! Collins thrown off balance in the first minute when Miley's punches fly at her face early and rapid, forcing her to cover up or get covered over. Miley huffing as she loops fists down low, gets in the habit of brawling with thudding lefts and rights into Lily’s belly and sides, testing Lily’s dubious claim of ’The Fittest Fly in the FCBA,’ at least according to Vanessa Hudgens, who’s still watching with glee from ring-side, wicked grin on her face as Lily’s body gets battered in close quarters. The Brit soon having enough, tried getting away but Miley not giving up the chase, resorts to clinching forward and clouting the American in the cheek with stiff, precise blows that make her ears ring. Rest of the round spent wrestling with one another as Cyrus attempts to create space for a knockout blow but fails - Lily still too strong at this point of the contest.

ROUND 4:
Lily engaging in shouting match not with Miley in between rounds, but with her own corner staff. As usual, the stubborn Brit doesn't like doing things if it ain't her way, and the results speak for themselves: Lily meeting Miley head on when the bell rings, with pundits scratching their heads wondering what the hell she’s doing getting back into vulnerable position. Miley doesn't even ask questions, breaks out the big guns and starts swinging on instinct, big hooks crashing into Lily’s guard one after the other before the Brit gets herself bent over gasping when Miley begins burying her fists into her stomach yet again. Mid-round and Lily finally begins her retreat, realizing that those return jabs to her opponent's face like pin-pricks compared to the giant bombs smacking into side of her face by contrast. Collins sent staggering to the side as her head smacked left again, and here comes Miley, looking to finish her off along the ropes! Could this be it folks?! Cyrus going to town, alternating uppercuts into Lily’s guard, then jamming into tummy, rinse repeat. Crowd roars in approval as STILL Lily doesn't go down! Instead, Miley leaning into her when the bell rings, exhausted herself but knowing she really hurt Lily this round, evident from the Brit’s loud panting and convulsing body beneath.

“Didn't you know, Collins?” Miley grinning as she plants a light kiss on Lily’s cheek.

“HOOOUFF--”

“They don't call me a wreck in’ ball for nothing’!!”

Miley ending off that little indulgent self-reference with another spanking on Lily’s tummy. Collins lets out another groan as she folds over in pain, and the referee has seen enough, pries the Disney starlet off and herds her back to corner.

ROUND 5:
Miley dominating the discourse so far, taking the last two rounds by insurmountable margin, some would say. How can Lily claw her way back from this? There goes the fifth bell and I guess we’ll find out! Lily limping forward gingerly but arms still up high. Hell if she’s been through worse in the ring and resolves not go down at the hands of such a pouty princess. Miley overly-cocky, teases with a few long jabs at Lily’s head, but then throws her hands wide open and laughs, “What’re ya waiting for Collin Farrel? An invitat-- UHGGGH!”

Lily springing forward suddenly, jamming a right hand straight into the mouth! Miley looks dazed as another one two go smack WHAP on her nostrils as she finally snaps back to senses and backs off, shaking stars from her head. But then anger flashes across her eyes. “Why you little…”

Miley charging right back at her foe, right into oncoming barrage of punches that sting her face further puh puh puh puh. Miley insistent here as she continues struggling forward, flinging arms high above her head but results in Lily tagging her in the chest instead. Result is worth in by the third minute when Cyrus gets close enough to cut Lily in half again with a chopping body blow, but Lily simply clinches up again and wrestles with her until the time is up. A big comeback round for Lily Collins and Miley doesn't even know what hit her, looking like the vulnerable one now, sagging on the ropes from the exertion.

“Wreck this, little crumpet,” Collins hissing into the side of her ear, before planting an illegal knee lift up between Miley’s legs. Everyone saw that comin’ except the freakin’ referee, apparently as a collective UGGGH and OUUUHHH echoes throughout the auditorium with the crowd reacting in pain and shock on Miley’s behalf, whose lips now parted in shock as she crumples to the ground, and the useless ref left glancing left and right, wondering what the hell just happened.

Thankfully Miley is quickly able to get back upright after a good minute of thrashing and squirming on the canvas, though both her hands still massaging her inner thighs from the blatant low blow to sensitive region. Besides her protests, nothing the referee can do but usher her back to corner. Lily feigning innocence with a shrug of shoulders.

ROUND 6:
Fans doing their best to encourage both girls to go the distance, with even Ms Hudgens having gravitated to ringside and shouting insults at Miley, who looks too out of it herself to question whose side the raven-haired beauty’s on… Lily keeps both eyes on Miley however, elbows dipped low to hide reddening tummy flesh, which proves to be shortsighted when Cyrus starts the attack with a sudden WHAP WHAP WHAP to unprotected nose. Girls going at each other like this for a good minute, taking turns slamming leather into face and chest. Lily takes a few steps back all of a sudden, leading Miley onwards with confidence - the crowd is on their feet as they smell the end is nigh. Miley charging in, shooting punch after punch into the guard. Lily looks to be in trouble as she retreats, taking the punishment, but then deftly deflects Cyrus’ right hand to the side and CRASHES a right hook straight into her face! Miley goes OUUGHH - mouth open in shock. Another scrubbing blow lands on the cheek as Lily takes advantage, now pushing the Disney starlet backwards and turning the tide. Miley throwing up hands to block but Lily’s power-hooks not to be denied, smacks her little arms away and then bashes punch after punch into the face! UGHH! Miley’s in trouble! If she can hold on a little while longer, she’ll survive the bell - no dice though - BLAM - final right cross from Collins lands square in the middle, knocking her backwards and flooring her flat on the canvas! Knockdown for Lily Collins in the last seconds of the third minute! Referee starts the count but it’s no use - Miley’s completely out cold, arms sprawled either side of her head. It’s over!!

Official Decision: Lily Collins defeats Miley Cyrus via KO6!

AFTER:
Lily with big grin as she stands over Miley, who’s chest is just rising and falling, rising and falling. Collins removes her gloves one at a time, using teeth to unravel string, cutting quite a figure as she towers over her former foe. The crowds already shouting “AMD! AMD!!” and Collins raises a hand to acknowledge them, intending to cement her win with a final message to Cyrus as to who’s the one with the real abs of steel.

But as the Brit actress turns back to exact her punishment, she doesn’t see a blur of action from the side of her eye: arch-nemesis Vanessa Hudgens spears shoulder-first into her with a high-pitched shriek, folding Collins in half as the two crash back down to the ground. Lily completely winded by Nessa’s collision into her tummy, can only writhe and moan and Vanessa establishes firm foothold, quickly straddling legs on either side of Collins’ waist and then raining down wild blows into the Brit’s face. Lily too dazed to respond, tries slapping back but Vanessa’s freshness not to be outdone.

Finally exhausted herself and breathing hard with a smile, Vanessa digs her fingers into her hated rival’s hair, tugging and pulling upwards, her chest pulsing from the exertion of humiliation as she surveys the wreckage of Collins beneath her, mouthing some incomprehensible protests.

“What’s that?” Vanessa hisses. “I think they’re chanting for my abs to smother you out, Collins…” the brunette twists the crowd’s protests to her own advantage.

“F*CK Y— MMmmpph!!” Collins’ face buried suddenly as Vanessa leans her body forward in graceful motion - she’s clearly done this many times before - expertly driving the pit of her belly into the poor girl’s face. Lily thrashing underneath, arms clawing and slapping at Vanessa’s side, and the Disney star’s white blouse now being torn completely to shreds, revealing her toned body beneath that’s pulsing and pushing itself downwards, Hudgens doing her best to keep Lily’s face pinned and humiliated in the depths of her abs.

Suddenly though, Vanessa lets out a scream of pain, tumbling off of her prey. Lily taking deep gulps as she retches upwards, trying to get away from her attacker. Vanessa still squirming to one side, hands holding her reddened tummy - apparently bitten HARD by a little pesky mouse.

“WHY YOU LITTLE B—“ Vanessa starts, face filled with rage, but then cut short by a taut SLAP to the face by Collins.

The girls lunge at each other again, squealing and shrieking, and it’s only now when the ring officials intervene, prying the two hellions apart as they continue to reach for and lunge at each other. Vanessa shrieking last as her hair being untangled from Lily’s relentless fingers and it takes at least two more officials to pull them apart. Not sure who bested who at the end of this wild melee, with Lily’s cheeks reddened from being smothered but Vanessa’s abs bleeding slightly from nasty bite wound.

“YOU’LL PAY, COLLINS. YOU HEAR ME?? YOU’LL F*CKING PAY!!” is last thing we hear as Vanessa is escorted backstage, leaving a smiling Collins still in the ring to (finally) celebrate her victory tonight.