Avril Lavigne
(33, 5’2, 128 lbs, 12:7 FCBA, The Dollhouse)
Vs.
Sammi Hanratty
(22, 5’1, 114 lbs, 11:8 FCBA, The Wannabees)

Results: Lookout!; Story: Caspian & The Dollhouse

BEFORE:
Finally, the MAIN EVENT for tonight is upon us, featuring two girls who have only one thing in mind - destroying their opponent in front of a live crowd tonight. Following a nasty back and forth exchange between these two over social media these last 2 months, they finally get to settle their differences in a ring, in front of our very eyes in JUST A BIT!

“This stupid B*TCH right there thinks she’s soooo amazing. Lavigne pleasantly opens the pre-fight press conference. “She’s been harassing me on Twitter like a total obsessed PSYCHO ever since I challenged her. She is nothing but an attention wh*re and a sl*t who constantly posts photos of herself in bikinis. Just a dumb sl*t!” Avril repeats the word for emphasis as she turns to Sammi, who’s sitting across the room, arms crossed, an amused smile on her face.

“You know Sammi, Stella is SO much better than you, it’s not even funny. No wonder you’re only ‘Number 2.’ You’re totally her little b*tch. Its pathetic! She would kick your ass just like Nessa did if you ever did fight her. But before that happens, *I* will kick your ass TONIGHT and make you apologize for all the sh*t you said to me… Check it out, I even invited the Hudgens sisters and saved them a front row seat. They’ll totally be here to watch me kick your creampuff ass all around that ring, b*tch.”

Another a long tirade from the resident spunk princess, the insults rolling off her tongue like a waterfall filled with expletives. Sammi however used the abuse by now, having resolved long ago not to let her emotions get the better of her - something Ms Lavigne can definitely afford to learn from...

“GOD, this is so funny…” Sammi responds with a giggle which is immediately replaced by her bursting into laughter at the end of Avril’s monologue. “I mean, the first time they told me about Avril challenging me, I literally face-palmed and laughed so hard. What the hell makes you think you can take me on? I’m ranked so much higher than you, I’m in much better shape, and I actually work out, which is something you really hate doing judging by the look of things. You know, Avril, there’s a reason I post so many bikini pics on Instagram and you don’t… It’s because I actually have the body for it and you’re just an old, washed up fatty!”

“YOU’RE SO DEAD, b*tch!!!” is Avril’s immediate (and typical) response, springing up from her chair at being called the ‘f’ word, intending to settle things with her right there and then, but Sammi’s not even done...

“You’re just a jealous irrelevant b*tch, and I’m going to f*cking THRASH you and make you cry like the little loser you are. THEN, I’m going to make you kiss this--” the blonde stands up, turning her ass towards an already fuming Avril and patting her cheeks for emphasis. “Sure you still want this fight to happen??” she concludes with a wry smile.

Avril obviously has some more choice words for her foe, though it’s relatively inaudible when the microphones are subsequently thrown off their stands when both girls go CHARGING at each other on stage and sending the equipment flying off in mass chaos. Occasional shrieks and squeals intensify as both girls grab onto each other’s hair to cause maximum damage, with arena officials scrambling in from the sides to restore order and send each girl to her dressing room so that they can actually fight in the ring tonight. Later, after the wild melee is finally broken, both of them are herded to their dressing rooms and kept far apart in isolation.

Its finally fight time! The challenger to Avril’s unofficial crown is the first to enter the arena: Sammi Hanratty confidently striking a pose at the entrance and then strutting down the runway as though she belongs in the Dollhouse itself. She’s clad in a sexy blue bikini and black boxing gloves, her sturdy fit body on full display, the young blonde seems to be amused by the boos she’s receiving from this hostile crowd, grinning at them as she makes her way to the ring. She’s channeling some Avril-blood of her own with her spunky attitude and eagerness to make a statement tonight.

The residet Punk-Princess enters the arena next, clearly miffed that her punk-rock kickass persona is being stolen by wannabe Sammi. Blast of her own music and she goes skipping down the ramp in her usual black and pink sporta brta and matching tights, black and pink boxing gloves waving in all directions, showing everyone what they are really here to see. She’s accompanied by both Carmen Electra and trainer Kristanna Loken as she quickly reaches the ring, clearly wanting to get things started as soon as possible.

Once she’s in the ring and that mouth of hers opens, however, and the words come pouring out, it’s clear that she really means business tonight. Sammi once again, calm and collected, chuckles at the Canadian and motions her with both hands to ‘Bring it’. Could Avril finally have met her match here both in terms of skill and size of mouth? We’ll soon find out - referee waves to get things started, so here we go with ten rounds of MAIN EVENT Flyweight action!

ROUND 1:
MAN do these girls NOT like each other… bell rings and it’s like a resumption of the same catfight that just took place on stage moments earlier, both ladies flying forward then TEARING into each other in a tangle of arms, legs and frayed hair. Of course, plenty of squeals and yelps as they look to unleash hell from the very beginning, hoping to score a quick knockdown as much as simply wanting to hurt the other girl BADLY. Sammi the one not counting on how much spunk the older Avril still has left in her tank, gets her hair tugged roughly about to the sides (somehow still manageable despite wearing leather mittens), subsequently finding herself getting controlled in close quarters as Avril RIPS and PUNCHES at her body at the same time. Sammi less focused by comparison, hands also chugging and arms swinging wildly at Avril, but it’s more haphazard pattern than precise targeting. The result is Avril declared the winner at the end of this round, having more choice blows landing on Sammi. But we’re not entirely sure if the two girls were even keeping score in the first place, when the referee has to physically pull and keep them apart at the bell.

ROUND 2:
Next round and the girls are growling at each other as though eager to resume hostilities immediately. Avril flying out of her corner, trying to rush inwards and get in Sammi’s face again, but what’s this? Sammi putting the brakes on her own advance at the last minute, letting Avril skid past her awkwardly, a right hand sailing past nowhere. Sammi swings in a hook of her own at her off-balanced rival, BLASTS the older girl direct to the face and sending Avril stumbling off to the side with an UGGHH. Still, one punch ain’t gonna deter her so easily - Avril continues stalking after Sammi, almost stubbornly swinging away at her direction. Sammi however starting to fight a little more smartly, picking Avril apart with jabs from a distance and using her blind rage against her. Avril taking shots to the head and body over and over, her quest to close distance being denied with Sammi just a few steps ahead of her each time. Well, at least we know one of these girls can box. Sammi playing mind games with Avril this whole time, leading her about by the nose and exploiting her temper. Bell rings and the girls are a round apiece, with the score dead even.

ROUND 3:
Avril’s corner already warning their girl not to get played so easily in between rounds, but in our experience, telling her what to do can be a hit or miss experience. Avril nodding furiously but everyone’s wondering how much of Carmen’s advice really got into that thick skull and crossbones of hers. Well, we’re about to find out. Sammi doing the taunting again as the bell rings, goading Avril forward with a seductive, “Come here, babe. Come and get knocked the f*ck out!” hiss cum whisper. Avril hiding her head behind her gloves, doing exactly that with her forward feet, but to her credit, remains cautious as she jabs at Sammi’s head, more intending to shut her up than scoring points. Sammi once more using her agility to dictate distance, staying out of Avril’s reach but then again not firing many punches back at her either. This fight is starting to turn into part-physical warfare, part psychological battle, with Sammi wearing the Doll out early and then picking up the broken pieces later. Only time will tell if it’s the correct strategy for the blonde to use. For now though, it seems to work, Avril continuing to tire herself out despite her corner’s warnings, then getting frustrated when she gets poked by Sammi’s jabs. Only herself to blame, if you ask us...

ROUND 4:
If Avril wants to come out on top, she really needs to become more adaptable to her opponent’s strategy. That’s what we’ve been saying all this while, though the girl’s temper has a habit of getting in the way of wisdom. Round 4 and let’s see whether her age makes her necessarily the wiser. Sammi playing with her prey early on, taking any lull in the action to use that mouth of hers to good effect: taunting Avril’s age to her body weight, then comparing her past relationships to current ones whom Sammi’s taken an liking to instead. Those comments would have incensed any other gal, but Avril surprisingly doesn’t go flying at her like a crazed banshee. Instead, it’s the most measured performance we’ve seen Lavigne to date, circling and jabbing with purpose, closing the distance with a steady advance and punching. Sammi the one with hesitation in her eyes as she sees the locomotive coming at her from a distance, but only starts to panic when it’s bearing down on her - she suffers for her complacency with Avril’s jabs start pestering her guard, Lavigne beginning her head-hunting once she’s in range of her opponent. Grunts now coming from Sammi’s lips as more than one jab lands stiffly on her cheek, the blonde forced to cover up and retreat as she struggles to deal with this new threat that is Avril freakin’ Lavigne. The rounds so far are swinging back and forth like a complicated seesaw, but hey, that’s what the fans have paid to see, no? Avril with a comeback performance in this round as she retakes the lead!

ROUND 5:
Well, we were just singing the Dollhouse starlet’s praises, when Avril gets SMACKED across the face with a nasty right hook, stunning her hard in the first minute! OUCH. Round had started off innocently enough, with both girls cautiously sizing each other up and taking small steps forward. Avril picking up the pace early though, thinking that she had hurt Sammi in the previous round sufficiently, but then she walks right into a left hand stunning the nostrils, followed by a left-right combo that batters her tummy doubling the blonde over, and FINALLY, a deft hook from Sammi hanratty crashes into the side of her cheek, sending Avril sprawling down onto her side, hitting the deck in a KNOCKDOWN!

Sammi one hell of a devil as she parades around the ring as though she’s just won the title belt itself. Knocking Avril down must be one hell of a statement for her, though Avril doesn’t look nearly as impressed, obviously. The Dollhouse starlet is rapidly crawling towards the ropes, her black mascara zigged this way and zagged that across parts of her face, Sammi’s leather gloves doing a number on them with that last exchange. Referee counting out the numbers, finally making it to the count of eight when Avril manages to find her footing on both feet. A close shave for her, most definitely. And to think that we were just commenting on how far she’s changed!

Sammi looks locked and ready to rumble, with two minutes left on the clock for Lavigne to try and stay alive. It’s gonna be another close one, judging from both girls’ corners starting to scream advice behind their backs when the bell finally rings to resume. Sammi goes FLYING at Avril, looking to end this... Lavigne with initial terror in her eyes as she covers up and scoots out of the way best she can... but not before eating straight hands to the body. What can we say? A Lavigne doesn’t change her spots? At least she manages to survive to the end of the round, though we worry whether she can last another five rounds from this point onwards.

ROUND 6:
As we enter the second half of this fight, we worry about Avril’s performance starting to take a dip in quality, simply by virtue of the fact that she’s facing someone who’s younger, faster and arguably stronger. Hate us all you want, but those are the cold, hard facts. The one thing Lavigne has going for her over this upstart blonde is her recent momentum… IF she can bring it to bear quickly. Round 6 begins and Sammi now the reckless one charging head-first forward, thinking it’s about time to knock Avril’s head loose and put her out of her misery. Avril, however, still very much alive, recovering from the initial shock punches to her tummy and guard but then quickly getting away and keeping Sammi at distance. Hanratty growling as her quarry escapes her for the upteenth time, once more underestimating Avril’s stamina reserves in this fight. The blonde gives chase anyways, and it proves to be a big mistake for her: Avril finally taking her corner’s advice, slapping choice leather into her cheek each time Sammi wades in to take a big swing at her instead. Avril content with jumping backwards, avoiding the hook, then jamming a quick one-two into her nostrils and cheek. This way, she slowly whittles away at the blonde from afar, succeeding in finally stopping her in her tracks late in the third minute when Sammi lets out a surprise YELP of pain when a one-two-three combo jams itself straight up her nostrils. Sammi rooted with both hands covering her face in pain, her eyes watering hard. By the time she regains her senses, it’s too late to avoid the right hook that’s sailing in from the side - BLAMM - Avril taking her due revenge with an incredible swivel of the younger girl’s head to one side, twisting her body off her feet and then crashing down to the ground in a beauty KNOCKDOWN of her own!

The audience jumping to their feet and shaking their fists in both support and protest, depending on which side of the aisle they’re on! Avril too tired however to gloat, simply backing away to her own corner and praying to the gods that Sammi’s done for as well. No dice, however, with the younger girl slowly crawling forward on her belly, her willpower on full display as she grits her teeth and tries to rise using the ropes for support. Avril just breathing hard in corner, with Carmen whispering into her ear and trying to keep her focused in case this goes on for another round or two.

Referee hitting the count of 9 and Sammi is back on her feet just in the nick of time, the blonde hugging the top rope and eyes fluttering wildly as though that recovery itself took a big bite out of her. Bell rings immediately after, saving Sammi from another potential knockdown. Avril cursing under her breath, with both girls now having to contend with each other for another possible three rounds of agony.

ROUND 7:
Honestly, both ladies dispensing with the unpleasantries by this point in the fight, looking like they’re both about to tip over from a passing breeze. Sammi in particular looking banged up and hurt, her face bruised from the shellacking she received in the previous round. Avril slightly better, but still cautiously advancing with both forearms over her head as the bell rings. Sammi unsurprisingly backing away in reflex action, not liking the feels of getting knocked down to the ground for the second time running. Initially, she protects her head well, Avril’s jabs taken on her gloves. Her tummy getting swiped a few times, but it’s nothing serious to worry about. Sammi however feeling over-eager, tries counter-striking when Avril snaps a couple into her guard, thinking she can catch the singer off guard instead. Avril’s chin getting grazed by one of Sammi’s return punches coming in fast, but the Doll simply shrugs it off and POWERS an uppercut down the middle and inwards pass the guard, catching Sammi right on the chin and SNAPPING her head back with an UOOOGHHH! Sound of exasperation from the blonde, who’s dazed and wobbly from that one punch! She stumbles backwards, arms flailing listlessly, as Avril pounces on her like cheese on rice, swiping her face left, then right, followed by ANOTHER uppercut knocking her face skywards! Sammi’s eyes glazing over, body swaying back and forth, before finally collapsing face-down into the canvas! SURELY this must be it?!?

Another KNOCKDOWN from Ms Lavigne and typically this fight would’ve been over, but this is also Sammi Hanratty we’re talking about here, bitter recent rivals refusing to let go this easily. Avril groaning in her corner as she sees Sammi STILL trying to make her way back up along the ropes, her fans in attendance contributing somewhat by chanting her name along the way. How much MORE can this girl take?? Referee hits the 9.5 count and Sammi manages a miracle of a recovery!

There’s STILL two minutes left on the clock though, and regardless of what Avril’s corner might be hissing into her ear this time, she looks primed and ready to finish this on her own terms. Before the ref’s hand even descends to resume the round, Avril is already flying forward at her foe. Sammi immobilised still, her back towards the ropes when Avril CRASHES into her with a meaty SMACK. Groaaaaan from her lips as Avril buries fists into her body over and over again, then jams more gloves up into her chin - unadulterated abuse as Sammi just stands there helpless, taking the punishment. Her strength long gone from her body, her hands and legs only working to cling on desperately to the ropes behind her in order to prevent her from tilting over. But there’s no fight left Sammi at this point of time - the referee sees this as well and WAVES it off to protect Hanratty from permanent damage! IT’S OVER!

Official Decision: Avril Lavigne defeats Sammi Hanratty via TKO7!

AFTER:
Avril STILL wailing away at the head and body, trapping her hated foe against the ropes, with her own body pancaking inwards and the bell ringing rapidly in the background trying to delay the inevitable. Sammi almost completely knocked out, mouth open and drooling on Avril’s shoulder as more meaty smacks are buried into her tummy down below. Avril with a mixture of rage and exhaustion on her face, finally done and drained of energy, moves out of Sammi’s way, allowing the defeated blonde to fall forward to all fours before quickly collapsing to her side on the mat. Lavigne not in much better shape as she leans against the ropes for support, completely exhausted, arms draped over the top rope to keep herself from collapsing to the mat next to Sammi. The Punk-Princess is panting hard, trying to gather the strength to stand up without the support of the ropes while staring down at her defeated hated foe in relief. A few moments later and Avril slowly begins unlacing her gloves, before pushing herself off the ropes with a grunt and takes a few unsteady steps towards Hanratty, yanking Sammi up from the mat by the hair and screaming into her face:

“Biiiitch!!! You got f*cking owneddd! APOLOGIZE TO ME!!!”

Sammi barely registering what her foe is saying to her, her face now swollen red and her bruised belly pulsing in and out for air. Still, she manages a curt “F*ck off, you cow”, even spitting in Avril’s face in defiance.

This girl has fighting spirit, we’ll give her that. But it isn’t wise to insult the person holding you close, at her mercy. Avril’s face contorting further red in anger and disgust, slapping Sammi in the face and then again demanding for submission as she towers over the younger girl: “APOLOGIZE, YOU PATHETIC sl*t! For all the sh*t you said to me! Or else...”

Sammi groaning and moaning in response, denying Avril the satisfaction of hearing what she wanted to hear. Unfortunately, Sammi’s corner already close to intervening by the wayside. As a final goodbye message, Avril kneeing the blonde’s tummy before hissing some last words of advice into her pained face: “Get the hell out of my ring and never talk to me, or about me, again! You psycho loser!”

With a HEAVE, Avril flings Sammi clear through out of the ring through the ropes, using her hair in particular to gain enough momentum and leverage. Sammi flying through the ropes and then landing onto the apron with a SPLAT, just before the poor girl is saved and attended to by members of her own stable.

Avril SPITS down from above in her direction, her rock music blasting through the loudspeakers and letting the world know who’s won tonight.

Later, the rejuvenated Punk-Princess telling reporters: “Haha! What a loser. I told you she was getting her ass kicked tonight! This b*tch is a dumb pathetic sl*t. I hope she learned her lesson today, but if she ever mouths off again, I’d be happy to teach her some manners again any...f*cking....day! Later, b*tches!” Avril laughs as she exits the arena, already plotting the next conquest on her agenda.