Avril Lavigne
(34, 5’2, 130 lbs, 16:8 FCBA, The Dollhouse)
Vs.
Jenna Coleman
(32, 5’2, 114 lbs, 20:7 FCBA, Lookout! Boxing)

BEFORE:
The camera pans inwards to find Avril Lavigne first lounging in her backstage chair, legs curled up comfortably on the sofa and pulling strands of her hair backwards with her fingers. After that one-round KO of her previous opponent, Leighton Meester, just weeks ago, she has every reason to believe in her own superiority as she heads into this next fight. Not surprisingly, she starts off the interview with that very tone of confidence:

“I know Jenna is like a big deal in the UK boxing scene and all… but this is AMERICA, b*tches. Nobody even knows who she is around here, so why is she so full of herself?! It’s pathetic. I’m coming off of a huge win - I knocked Leighton Meester out in three minutes, b*tches, so if Jenna thinks she’s all that, it’s cuz she’s never fought me yet! I celebrated my birthday yesterday and got my new single released just a few days ago - Its a huge week for me! So I’m planning to continue celebrating tonight by beating Jenna’s chipmunk ass and sending her back to the UK! And then I’ve got Selena Gomez next week. That creampuff better be f*cking ready!” Avril concludes with a snarky laugh.

Jenna Coleman with a cocky smile to rival her American counterpart’s as the pre-fight segment pivots its attention to her next. The Brit girl is a former Flyweight AND JMD title holder, having defeated the likes of Hayden Panettiere and Sophia Bush over this side of Avril’s Atlantic, so some pundits naturally wondering what dangers Ms Lavigne has gotten herself into this time by picking a fight with such an accomplished opponent.

“Heh. This time, Ms Lavigne’s bitten off more than she can bloody well chew. She thinks she knows how to humiliate a girl post-fight? Clearly she didn’t see what I did to Emma Stone, Anna Kendrick, Ariel Winter… and the list goes bloody on. Don’t worry, dearie, I’ve got a lovely birthday present waiting for you in that ring. It’s going to make you regret the day you were born.” Jenna ends with quite the scary statement as she stares menacingly into the blonde's eyes before cracking a sly smile.

Fight hour rolls around soon after, and both girls are taking their turns coming down the ramp from backstage. Avril coming in first with her rocker-chick persona in full overdrive - plenty of tongue-sticking and raised fingers for her adoring fans to lap it all up. Jenna dressed in a tight leather bodysuit, black and gothic, channeling that punk-girl look that’s rivaling her rival’s tonight in terms of spectacle. This is sure to be one hell of a clash of personalities as we get the fight started! Referee heckled by the fans to speed it all up as well and let them go, and it’s not like these two girls are gonna shake hands anytime soon either. So without further ado, HERE we go with ten rounds of Flyweight action!

ROUND 1:
Avril channeling the same vibes as her previous fight with Meester, trying to storm forward and surprise her opponent with plenty of opening jabs to the head. We can sorta guess her motives here, of course, as she wants to cement her place in FCBA history by scoring two consecutive first-round knockouts in a row in her career. BOY what a feat that would and could have been. Alas, Jenna Cole ain’t no Leighton Meester - the Lookout! starlet initially showing some surprise at Avril’s burst of aggression, but quickly adapting to the energy ball being thrown at her face, and starts using her feet to keep her distance. Avril scoring more than usual to the face and body, no doubt, but she’s in for a rude awakening if she thinks she’s gonna put Jenna down the same way she did Meester. Jenna the one with her signature smirk on her face by the end of three minutes, knows she’s foiled the Canadian’s plans and can’t help but gloat in her direction. She’s lost this round, though we assume she has the entire war’s battle plan on her mind instead of fixating on trivial trophies.

ROUND 2:
However, there’s no doubt that Avril’s learnt much as well since her un-retirement from the ring. She’s trying out different tactics and adapting to different styles, which we absolutely love to see her do, especially at this later stage of her career. She carries that same spring in her step as she hopes to keep up the pressure and her lead, sticking her glove repeatedly in Jenna’s undefended tummy over and over, thereby building on her confidence that her blitz tactics might just be taking a little longer than usual to have an effect. What she doesn’t count on, however, is Jenna pushing right back in the second half, landing a right hand of her own straight to the singer’s nose and sending shockwaves through her body, but also her fans as they let out a loud GROAN on her behalf! That punch MUST have hurt! Avril’s eyes wide as the moon as she quickly calculates what her next step has to be. No rest for the weary however as Jenna decides on her behalf by flicking more punches her way - they’re mostly taken on the forearms but Coleman still manages to push Avril back from whence she came. This second round’s becoming a draw by the time the bell sounds - certainly NOT what the Dollhouse girl was expecting!

ROUND 3:
And JUST like that - Avril forced on the defensive! Her mind must be doing cartwheels as she figures out how the hell she can turn the tide back into her corner! Initial flurry of blows landing on BOTH girls’ faces, making them groan and wince, but the difference is Coleman succeeding in snapping the head sideways and upwards, a quick combination of a hook followed by an uppercut landing in somewhat lucky consecutive fashion. Pundits of course just lamenting the fact that Avril’s defensive capabilities still leaving a lot to the be desired, especially when the Canadian girl’s on the rampage and out for blood. Jenna sending another one-two gut-punch banging off her sides, making her back away in throbbing pain. Last minute and Avril decides to keep her distance, tending that long jab and spooking her opponent when Jenna gets in too close again. We’ve seen better from Lavigne, but hey, stranger things have happened in her corner before she came out on top at the end of all odds.

ROUND 4:
Jenna the one looking like she’s eager to take the Canadian down a notch by scoring an early knockdown of her own, just in order to prove a point that she can... Both girls’ pride getting the better of their judgement so far in this fight - they’re mainly charging at each other blindly without much thought for personal defence. This allows Avril some breathing space at least, as she pesters the oncoming Brit with her jabs whilst retreating and side-stepping around her attacks. Jenna however can’t be denied forever and ever, snags some hooks off the Doll’s side and smashing them into her guard up top, further shattering her sense of invulnerability and rattling her cage badly in the third minute. Still, in terms of actual punches landed, Avril takes this round by a small margin, though it’s still hard for us to predict which girl’s gonna end up on top with the constant back and forth.

ROUND 5:
Like we were just saying… the next round is characteristics as we witness both girls adapting and switching, but generally a slowdown in the action as Jenna catches her breath and signals (wrongly) to Lavigne that she’s vulnerable for a comeback. Avril’s turn to flit forward, punching with gusto, only to be forced a taste of her own medicine when Jenna sticks her glove straight into her cheek when she comes inwards to brawl. Golly - these girls are sincerely testing each other’s limits, as well as their patience. By the last minute, Avril has had enough, taking another two-shot jabs to the head and body with nary a whimper, before sailing in and SLAMMING a right hand fiercely into Jenna’s cheek! OUCH. Coleman underestimating the rage and fury behind her Canadian niceties, as she gets pushed back halfway across the extent of the ring, trying to stay alive in the last minute. Avril however STILL ceding the round overall, much to her own dismay - that last superwoman punch putting her in the driver’s seat for sure, but it’s still up to her to floor the the gas pedal for the remainder of this fight.

ROUND 6:
And by golly she does exactly that! Jenna has a hurt look in her eyes at the opening bell, some hesitation flashing across her face all the motivation Lavigne needs to CHARGE! Dangerous gamble on her part but turning to fortune as she hounds and batters away at the retreating girl, clearly after that elusive knockdown achievement! Jenna taking the abuse and covering up her head nicely, but even she can’t possibly compete with a banshee like Avril, who’s hellbent on scoring leather on skin. Jenna eating an uppercut to the sternum after her guard goes up to protect the face, doubling over in agony before her face is SWIPED LEFT by a follow-through hook from Avril! UGHH. AND DOWN COLEMAN GOES!! She’s sprawled onto her side by that beauty of a right hook - can Avril claim ANOTHER impressive victory here tonight?!
Referee starting the count amidst the cheers the audience… Coleman pushing herself up on all fours, looking dazed but very much alive. She shakes her head with her eyes squeezed shut, as though willing the ringing pain from her senses. Avril, as predicted, already with that smug smile plastered on in corner, her chest pulsing in and out as she predicts her own victory over this so-called wonder-Brit. Imagine the shock on her face when Jenna simply shrugs off the knockout and gets back up to her feet in time for tea!
One minute left on the clock and uh oh - there’s that same look of fire and fury in Avril’s eyes, not boding well for either her opponent or herself. As expected, the Canadian flies forward when the referee waves to continue, intent on putting Jenna away but entirely misreading the situation here. Jenna not looking like someone who’s on the ropes, those years of JMD-ing and Flyweight title-chasing doing wonders to build her resilience in a fight that matters. She’s on the backward pedal, no doubt, ceding the round to Avril, but damned if she’s about to let her score a victory here in the sixth. Avril the one left panting when the last minute is up, the exertion on her part doing more damage to herself than her opponent, unfortunately.

ROUND 7:
Far from expecting that first-round KO, Avril’s corner looking more and more worried when the bell rings to start the seventh and third-quarter of this fight. Lavigne entering untested waters by doing so - historically speaking, she hasn’t fared too well when the fight deemed it fit to go the distance. To her credit though, she sucks her chest in and takes the fight to Coleman regardless, continuing to abuse the forearms and poke at the belly early in the first minute. Coleman biding her time, however, grunting when the punches land but being methodical with slamming back when Avril leasts expects it. On a whole, Jenna is clearly doing more damage here, ramming leather into Avril’s nostrils and lips in between the reckless swings. And pretty soon, Avril’s face starting to light up a bright shade of pink and red, with hints of blood trickling down one of her nostrils even. Still, she refuses to acknowledge it, stubbornness or tenacity on her part - we’ll leave it up to you to decide. Regardless, this round doesn’t end well for her when the judges clearly award it to Coleman, as they should have. Avril needs to find an alternative route if she wants to salvage this fight in the remaining three rounds.

ROUND 8:
Unfortunately for her, the banged up Punk-Princess seems to be completely out of gas as she slowly steps out of her corner, striding forward reluctantly and initiating some slow looking offense by swinging wildly at her opponent’s face, looking to brawl with Jenna and perhaps land a lucky blow. Against someone like Meester, that might have worked by quickly overwhelming a less experienced girl. But Jenna adapting quickly to Avril’s desperate attempts, using counter-punching to wreak havoc on her face and body. Lavigne’s corner shouting at her from behind to stay behind the frontlines and start fighting a little smarter, but its tunnel vision city for the blonde, continuing to batter at Jenna’s guard three-fold, but as a consequence, eats a stiff punch right to the kisser in classic quality over quantity showdown. By the second half, Avril’s left panting and holding her chin, staring in dismay as another errant punch comes crashing in, and the pain finally takes its toll on her, shooting distress signals to the brain… Cue Coleman, who immediately POUNCES on her like a waiting bobcat, sailing forward and peppering her body with strikes, before swinging her head left and right from the sheer power put behind each hook thrown sideways! Poor Avril in trouble as she’s weathering the sudden hurricane without any prep work done or countermeasures in place. Another hook blows her tired arms clean off to the side, leaving her head even worse prone to the elements. Coleman CRASHES another punch into the side of her face, sending her body rotating on the spot before CRASHING down sprawling out on her tummy with a faint groan! KNOCKDOWN for Jenna Coleman in brutal revenge fashion!!
Aaaaand STILL this fight looks to be in continuation, with Avril Lavigne attempting to push herself back up the same way her opponent did prior! Only this time, there’s a real pained strain evident on Ms Lavigne’s reddened face and trembling limbs - the referee’s at the count of 8 and STILL the moaning blonde barely pushed her chest off the ground. He finally hits the 10-count with the exhausted Punk-Princess collapsing back to the mat with a groan, seemingly accepting her fate. Lavigne is DONE and THIS BATTLE IS SADLY OVER!

Official Decision: Jenna Louise Coleman defeats Avril Lavigne via KO8!

AFTER:
Don’t think we’ve ever since such a cocky smile grace a girl’s face, and that’s saying something, considering the number of fights we’ve covered Lavigne taking a victory walk over her opponent’s expense. This tragic time, however, Avril’s the one reduced to a blubbering mess, as Jenna gleefully walks over to her and plants a foot down firmly on her head, mashing Avril’s cheek to the mat and making the blonde yelp out in both shock and pain. “Happy birthday, slag.” The brunette mutters at the squirming girl underneath her foot.

Jenna unrelenting, keeping the pressure firmly down on the helpless blonde’s cheek so that she’s unable to escape despite the weak thrashing of her body below. Savouring the moment, of course, Jenna poses for several photographs and shots before finally lifting her foot off of the whimpering Canadian’s face, instead using the same foot now to nudge Avril’s body, rolling the defeated blonde to her back without much resistance. Taking her time to remove her own gloves, Coleman then turns her attention to Avril’s, who’s now busy moaning and massaging her own aching face. Jenna bends down, forcibly grabbing Avril’s wrists before gingerly starting to remove Avril’s gloves off her hands as well. The blonde tries to protest but lets out a huge GASP as her resistance earns her a balled fist that smacks hard into her soft pale belly from above, making her eyes pop out of their sockets and the driving all the wind from her lungs. That seems to have done the trick: Lavigne is finally left lying drained of all resistance, gasping for air on her back and unable to prevent Jenna from slipping those gloves off her hands.

Jenna holding the pair up to the audience, as though they were title belts of their own accord. “These are mine now,” she declares to everyone watching, before tossing them absentmindedly to her own corner. “Alright, princess, it’s time to see how well you can walk after this marvelous Birthday battering I just gave ya.”

Avril now weakly resisting below, trying to force her head up as though trying to shake her head left to right in order to signal her reservations about this ‘plan’ of Jenna’s. Jenna letting out a deep sigh, as though regretting the beaten girl’s protestations.

“I’ve got no time for this, b*tch. Get your fat arse off the mat NOW!” she bellows down at her face, suddenly reaching and grabbing Lavigne’s black sports bra, her hand locking on the material right above the cleavage as she YANKS it upwards in a most-violent fashion, forcing the beaten girl up to her feet in a shrieking panic from fear of being disrobed in front of a live studio audience…

The humiliation however not over yet, with Jenna keenly aware that her time may be limited: already by ringside Avril’s hombres and corner trying to get past the ring officials and intervene with her antics, but ironically, the Dolls don’t realise that the referees’ efforts to stop their interference are taking their attention off whatever foul plans Jenna is gleefully executing inside the ring itself. Jenna keeping her grip on the front of Avril’s bra before leading the mewing girl behind her about the three corners of the ring, all the while issuing commands behind her back. “Better try to keep up Slag. Or this cheap ass bra is gonna burst!” she teases. “Not that there’s anything to see under there….”

Finally done walking Lavigne around, Jenna is heard shouting to the crowd: “See…this is what Canada has to offer! How utterly sad!”

Eventually, the Dollhouse crew, including Katheryn Winnick, manage to break through the blockade, and BOY do they look pissed on behalf of their own stablemate, rushing under the ropes with the intention to tackle Jenna Coleman to the ground. But Coleman quickly shaking her head at the premature end to her celebrations -shoving Avril roughly away and sending her tumbling into their waiting arms.

“There ya go. One defeated, no-talent slag! Bring me someone who can actually fight next time will ya? Roberts maybe…though I doubt she can do much better than Birthday girl here.“ Jenna chuckles before quickly exiting the ring and retreating before the Dollhouse personnel can orientate themselves for proper revenge…

A shocking result for one girl tonight, especially when treated in an eerily-similar manner to which she would have done if she had won the match. Somewhere, somehow backstage, plenty of her past victims letting slip small smiles of their own at the thought of just desserts being served ice-cold tonight.