Hayley Williams: (29, 5’2, 102 lbs, 2:1 FCBA, The Dollhouse) Vs.Ellen Page: (31, 5’1, 104 lbs, 1:7 FCBA, Team Canada) 

Results: Lookout!; Story: Caspian & The Dollhouse

BEFORE: Orange, red and amber fireworks go off on stage, reminiscent of a time where Haley Williams was rock star princess in her prime. These days, her band Paramore not what it used to be, but hell if she seems to care, switching her hair colour from red to orange to green to yellow, like a chameleon against different backdrops depending on its mood. Today, she’s looking confident coming down the ramp, rock music blasting in the background with one hand up high, head rocking forwards and back. She’s wearing her usual ring attire – a blueish sports bra with matching muay thai trunks and blue\white gloves, bright yellow hair hanging loose. 

Her opponent tonight is Ms Ellen Page, Canadian cutie-pie and possible one-hit wonder, when she broke into the spotlight all those years ago with eccentric comedy-drama Juno. Slightly older now; hopefully wiser as well, she’s dressed in black bra and short-cut denim shorts making her way down the ramp, waving to her fans. She should be slightly nervous tonight - Ms Page only having won ONE time in her brief career, whilst many pundits seeing Haley as the next big thing in the Flyweight picture. let’s just say we don't like Ms Page’s chances here tonight... 

Nonetheless, the pre-fight press conference is civil enough, with Williams grabbing the microphone before the first question is thrown out of reporter’s mouth: 

"I’ll admit that Ellen is pretty awesome. I pretty much watched all her movies and loved them all! She seems like a cool chick to hang with, someone I’d love to be friends with, honestly. Fighting wise, I know she hasn't had the best of luck in the ring these last eight or so years… but I think we're pretty evenly matched: age and build-wise… We're both agile; we're both tough. I think it’s gonna be one hell of a fight, and hopefully I can somehow overcome her advantage in experience. With some fan support I think I have a good shot at taking her down,” Ms Williams concludes rhetorically, with the shrill screams from the back of the arena confirming her last statement for fan support tonight. 

Ellen Page, on the other hand, not so courteous when it’s her turn to take the mic. Known for her cutting wit and deep-seated passion for controversial issues, she uses that trademark condescending smirk to address her opponent right back: “PUH-lease - Hayley got signed recently and thinks she’s the next big thing? Eat my shorts, Williams. I bet you can’t even name one movie I’ve been in - I certainly know I can’t remember any of your songs, come to think of it. So let’s stop playing nice and just get this over and done with…”  

Crowd grows silent, watching Hayley grow a shade of pink that matches her hair extensions, but then the singer simply gives a short laugh and before she can respond allows herself to be led to the ring to not waste any more time with niceties. A curious matchup tonight with both girls almost equal age, build and height. Girls prep in corners and the tension now is palpable as they await the start of the bell.  

Referee waves for the bell for ten rounds of Flyweight action, and let’s see who’s the better woman! 

ROUND 1: Hayley with some hesitation early on that costs her big time - this is why you don’t get chummy early on with your opponent, folks. It messes with your mind that the girl in front of you is your bestie when instead, she’s your f*cking enemy, and that makes you want to punch her in the face less. Ellen the one in control this round, coming in strongly with plenty of jabs. She’s clearly been training hard in her downtime, this girl measured, steady, with focused punching to Hayley’s guard together with shots to the face and body landing through gaps in defences. Ellen walking her back with excellent footwork, denying Hayley any chance to get away. Williams however rallying in the last minute, waking up her idea as she retaliates with punches of her own into Ellen’s mouth, stunning her briefly. But Ellen shrugs the blows off with a shake of her head, continuing to lay siege to Hayley’s guard. Bell rings and it’s no doubt a bad round for the Doll as she takes an early beating - she definitely needs a pep talk in the corner but the fear is whether she can recover from this early loss. 

ROUND 2: Hayley gets an earful alright - Carmen Electra combination of good cop, bad cop: one moment screaming abuse into Hayley’s ear, the next hugging her in close and whispering good luck and rainbows into her ear! “GO GET ‘ER, 'AYLEY!”  
Hayley obliging, shaking that halo image above Ellen’s head and getting to f*cking work: HERE SHE COMES, WITH BOTH GIRLS STEPPING IN AND BRAWLIN’ AT CENTER - Hayley meeting aggression with aggression head on, shocking Page with surprise hooks to the face and then uppercuts digging straight into body. Haley of course receiving same treatment in kind, but hell if Ellen can take this amount of abuse for long... Her sma frame not used to it, starts backing away at a loss of what to do if your opponent starts fighting back. Her back soon hits the ropes and Hayley’s left with a good 30 seconds to exact her revenge! Swipes at high guard now as she tries to batter those arms into submission, then spanking at poor girl’s tummy over and over allows her to take the round wide right back from Ellen! What a turnaround for Ms Williams as she proves the naysayers wrong! 

ROUND 3:  The girls have each taken a round apiece and now eager to take the lead in the third. Ellen trying to hang back at first, employing some much needed strategy with jabs at Hayley’s face from afar, striking like a viper each time she comes in too close. Williams getting frustrated, wants to brawl but just not getting close enough to be effective, starts shooting jabs of her own at Ellen’s face, giving her two fold back the number of punches. And it seems to do the trick: Ellen suddenly looking overwhelmed when a punch flurry lands one after the other on her nose and lips. She gives a yelp and a gurgle, eyes fighting back tears as she takes a step back in pain. Hayley’s eyes brightening with that opportunity she’s been waiting for: step in with a glove buried into stomach, then follow-up right hand lands FLUSH on the cheek, sending Page sprawling to the ground on her side! KNOCKDOWN for Hayley Williams in the 2nd of the 3rd!!  

Ellen blubbering, red-faced, trying to crawl to the ropes but looks like she doesn't know where the f*ck she is. Williams breathing hard, glaring down at her former idol she just heaped praises on moments before, before side-stepping her body like the plague to head to neutral corner. Referee counting the Canadian wonder out, hits count of 9 and STILL she’s barely made it off her knees… He hits 10 - she’s OUT and it’s OVER! 

Official Decision: Hayley Williams defeats Ellen Page via KO3! 

AFTER: Hayley immediately breaks into a wide smile, looking at the bright lights above as though giving thanks for this important win, lucky to find repeated success so far with this new stable. Her ambitions slowly being realized one fight at a time, and she takes a moment of contemplation before striding over to Ellen’s corner, who’s seated with her back to turnbuckle, chest heaving and eyes still knocked out shut. 

Hayley of course not *that* sort of person who humiliates, but that once polite, respectful girl now turning snarky and condescending, a wide grin at Page’s beaten form, like the devil wanting to collect her debt.  

“You were saying, hard candy?” Williams retorts, citing one of Ellen’s earlier big pictures that didn't do as well at the box office. “Come back and face me when you're relevant again, why duncha?” 

With that insult, Hayley turns her back and heads out the ring, pausing briefly when she hears the tiniest hiss of “B*tch…” flung at her from behind, a defiant Page still refusing to admit defeat. Hayley a better woman, and now growing into even more impressive fighter as well, walks away knowing that she’s the one who scored a convincing win today.