O'Dell: "You are looking LIVE at the sold out Asylum Arena in Philadelphia! I'm Jennifer O'Dell, and I'm here along with Tess Valmore, The Bad Girl Of Bazz, Cassie Scerbo, and The Loose Cannon Of The FCBA, The Straw That Stirs The Drink, Jenny McCarthy, and ladies, we're going to wrap March with another great Asylum card!"

McCarthy: "I think 'great' is overstating it, especially since Weirdo's one REAL fighter isn't on the card. But, he's going to make us sit through fights involving some of his Dancing Hooker lightweights, because Katy Perry's here to fight tomato can Beau Garrett and Serinda Swan, who's ALMOST as insufferable as Decker was, will be in the ring against Sofia Vergara."

Cassie: "And, don't forget we have a THIRD lightweight fight, too, between Gemma Arterton and Bazz's own Rhona Mitra!"

Tess: "We'll also see action at welterweight, as Minnie Driver returns to Asylum to battle Charlotte McKinney!"

McCarthy: "And, I'm actually GLAD Weirdo tossed Decker aside for McKinney. She's a Dancing Hooker, but at least her head will fit through the door."

Cassie: "We've also got a pair of fights at flyweight, the division where I rule, including the returning Constance Wu against Jane Levy."

Tess: "And, we'll have a 'Modern Family' throwdown between Sarah Hyland and Ariel Winter!"

O'Dell: "Six fights, three weight classes, and one heck of a card. So, get those shot glasses and bingo cards ready, sit back, relax, and enjoy 'The Alphabet At The Asylum!"