Emma Roberts (27, 5’2, 100 lbs, 4:5 FCBA, The Dollhouse) 

Vs.

Felicity Jones(34, 5’3 107 lbs, 2:2 FCBA, Free Agent) 

Results: Lookout!; Story: Caspian & The Dollhouse

BEFORE: “She's a Brit. And I don't like' em.” Emma opens up at the pre-fight press conference. “Twatson and Collins are the worst, but I'm sure Felicity here is not much better. Also, she has a dumb name. I'm sure she thinks she's some big star now, but sorry to break it to you - in America, you're a NOBODY. People barely even heard of her around here. ‘That girl from that abysmal Star Wars movie’ is the best you'll get. And after tonight, it will be 'That Star Wars girl who got the sh*t beat out of her by Emma Roberts'.” Of course, the Brit responds to the blonde in kind: “Emma seems to have some beef with us Brits,” she begins. “I can see why…Every one of us has prevailed over her thus far, and I don't see that changing tonight. She questions my place here in the arena, but what has the poor girl done recently? Some dog movie of some sorts, if I’m not wrong? Emma, dear, I honestly can’t say I’ve watched ANY of your movies… EVER...and most people probably share the same sentiment.” 

Emma boiling at her opponent’s words, doesn't realize until now that words can hurt both ways. She tries to lunge at Felicity from across the table, claws out and screeching, but is held back by her staff as she hurls some vulgarities right back at the grinning Brit. 

It's fight time, and Roberts coming into the arena bringing her A-game, including that mouth of hers. That recent cover spread on Shape magazine doing wonders for her own publicity… suddenly, she’s the talk of the town and some say even the face of the Dollhouse entourage. She casually bursts through the curtains wearing a white satin robe, partially covering her trademark pink sports bra and white tights underneath, pink & white gloves, her blonde hair tied in a ponytail. Roberts makes her way to the ring, a focused, almost pissed off look on her face, never cracking a single smile despite the wild cheers of her many fans in the arena.  

She’s facing off against the latest British import to break into the American market. Emma may not be impressed with her rival’s filmography, but the crowds surely are, cheering her on as she enters the arena smiling in her blue cotton bra and panties, white shawl tied around her shoulders and matching blue gloves completing her fight night look. Jones takes her time on her way to the ring, smiling and waving constantly, stopping occasionally to take selfies with some very excited fans, which only serves to infuriate the impatient Roberts who seems about ready to exit the ring and drag Jones inside by the hair. 

Felicity finally makes it into the ring as both girls b*tch-stare each other from opposite corners. Both girls are finally instructed to begin tonight’s action as the bell rings - here we go with the first fight of the night and ten rounds of flyweight (and best actress?) action! 

ROUND 1: Seminal action early on, both girls coming in range but throwing occasional jabs, neither eager to make first mistakes. Emma upping the tempo early in the the second minute, with a roar, punishing the Brit’s guard with jab jab jab jab, hounding Jones about the ring as they go unanswered. Jones getting bullied and she knows it, her own return jabs no use as Emma suddenly on the early warpath, piercing the body with more straight punches as their feet shuffle forward and back, forward and back. Felicity saved by the bell as the round closes with an unwanted opening for the Star Wars queen. By contrast, Roberts’ corner looking pumped, excited, welcoming a smiling Roberts back to her own corner with equal smiles and pats on the back. Hold on there fellas - we’re only done with the first round and you’re already celebrating? 

ROUND 2: Both girls more measured in the second, feet moving light as they lunge in and out, punching at the head, trying to convert it to speed bag. Thankfully Emma notices the change in pacing, first two punches land on her nostrils clean, but subsequent jabs from Jones pepper her raised forearms. Neither girl willing to back down however, and clash of fists in the middle of the ring suddenly have the crowds on their feet - they’re just going at each other! Jones keeping her head low, legs bent and elbows chugging in and out... Roberts hurt when punches slam into her midriff over and over moaning as she backtracks and tries to get out of brawling distance. It’s *her* turn to her saved by the bell when the round ends, denying Felicity her full payback. Close comeback from the Brit as she proves she belongs in this fight! 

ROUND 3: Equally loud cheers from both corners as the two girls stride forward, looking to brawl. Emma perhaps needing to think twice about her strategy here: she’s not built for close quarters fighting - at least not with someone as well-built as Jones. Felicity fully aware of this fact, comes a’charging and looking to secure a win like the previous round. Emma fending off big punches to her tummy as the hooks come sailing in faster and harder. Suddenly, she TAKES the shot! A right uppercut CRASHES into the chin as Jones goes FLYING back!! Jones left her head wide open for that shot by concentrating on the body. Emma Roberts now eyeing the win early, sailing right back and chuggin’ fists to the belly, then continuing to wail on her guard up top, knocking the head and torso back and forth! Felicity on the ropes, fighting to stay in this game, but her body pounded upon by merciless Roberts. But Roberts looking too drained herself to put her away just yet... The bell rings and both girls look grateful for this respite - even that famous mouth of Roberts’ concentrating on sucking in air instead of taunting her opponent. 

ROUND 4: Emma Roberts clearly dominating this fight so far, allowing Jones little victories to keep the appearance of a fair fight, at least from Roberts’ POV. Disastrous round for Jones in the third reminding her that she needs to pick up the pace, which she does here. Early exchange in the fourth has the Dollhouse member stunned when a right hand crosses hard into her nose, after Felicity narrowly avoids a hook to the head.Her eyes widening more with surprise than pain at Jones’ ability to punch back at this stage, when another hook goes wide over Jones’ head. This time, Emma bended over with invasive uppercut to the stomach, cutting her in half… a THIRD hook to the face lands clean AND EMMA’S WOBBLED! Shaky feet as she stumbles to the side and trips over her own legs... DOWN she goes!! KNOCKDOWN for Jones in the first minute of the fourth! 

What a roar of approval from the crowd at the older girl’s chances of maybe pulling off an upset here tonight! Roberts faltering on all fours, quickly gets up to her knees but has trouble finding the ropes. Referee patiently counting her out, the rest of the audience holding their collective breaths. Will this be the upset of the evening?? Ref hits the count of 8 and Emma manages to rise up to both feet, answering the question with a mighty GRUNT. MONSTER effort from her as she wills herself to continue fighting. She certainly has to - there's two more minutes on the clock if she wants to survive this! 

Felicity all too happy to charge right back in when the referee rings the bell to continue - Emma defending herself with much rigour - there’s more than the outcome on the line for her, her pride refusing to let her lose again to another British upstart. Felicity just can't quite find the same success for the remainder of the round - her punches landing on forearms instead of skin and Emma still a bit quicker on her feet despite getting knocked down prior. Round ends and Jones gets the comeback she was waiting for, but surely she must be feeling disappointed at her inability to finish Roberts off. 

ROUND 5: Emma looking hesitant, playing it much safer here, as she should - gone is the wanton aggressor who just keeps on coming. Felicity trying to exploit this, fills the void with aggression if her own, but again proves it hard to catch Emma and put her down for good. Roberts jabbing at her defensively, keeping her guessing with punches blinding to the face. Felicity grunting each time she gets in close for a moment, only for it to evaporate when her own counterpunches don't find any purchase. Still, judges giving the round to Felicity in what might be controversial fashion, rewarding her for her aggression despite not landing any significant punches consistently. Dollhouse members getting nervous in their own corner, watching Emma throw her lead away and the outcome of this fight heading downhill very quickly. Roberts however still defiant, throws any of her trainer’s suggestions away with a wave of her hand and a deep growl at the very suggestion that she might be losing. Perhaps she has something else up her sleeve that will turn this tide? 

ROUND 6: Round 6 and this fight seems to be going the distance… girls tiring despite the will inside to continue fighting. They make their way out of corners a tad slower than usual. First exchange of blows however tell a different story, with both firing a mutual hard jab into the face once they get in range. OUCH! Cheeks taking the impact and then making them jump backwards out of pure instinct. They’re circling each other, looking for an opening. Emma poking the tummy with fast jabs of her own, irritating Felicity to no end as she can't quite anticipate the shots in order to block them. Her response? Knocking Emma’s head back with a jab-jab-jab of her own to the nose and lips, then going for another big hook up high, rattling the American on one side of her head with sheer power. Thankfully, Emma’s raised guard took the brunt of that one, if not she would certainly be kissing the floor a second time by now. Rest of the round is as uneventful as the girls take time to catch their breaths, rest and reevaluate. Both of them now heading into dangerous waters as they test the extent of their stamina and resolve. 

ROUND 7: Let's see which girl has the balls to win this! Here we go with the seventh! Emma circling early, poking at defenses, but still wary of Felicity’s power. Jones showing irritation at the early attacks, arms flailing north and south as the extent of her face and body coming under assault. She fires back a stiff punch that lands on Emma’s chin, which manages to STUN her briefly. This is it!! Jones charging in… left right hooks landing on that magazine cover-worthy bod of hers! Roberts mewling, body taking a beating, uses an opening mid-swing to clinch forward and stop the pain momentarily. Felicity caught in the embrace, tries using her hips and shoulders to break free, but doesn't sense any danger until an uppercut CATCHES her hard on the bottom of chin! SNAPS that head backwards painfully! UGHHH! Jones looking glassy-eyed as much as defenseless! Emma still bent over from her aching abs, but she wills herself forward, sending shots of her own into the Brit’s body left right left, hooking the flanks and then piercing the belly and breasts. Jones’ turn to turtle up and try to clinch, when her back hits the ropes and there's NOWHERE else for her to go… Roberts not allowing the embrace, however, keeps her at arm’s length and continues to swipe hook after hook into her shell shocked and rapidly reddening face! Felicity in trouble here, arms barely defending herself, gloves pushing meekly into her assailant’s shoulder and face, as if that’s gonna stop this hellcat from going for the kill. Bell rings at MOST inopportune time… just a little more and Jones would have surely been on her butt and down for good… Referee has to pull a still-swinging Emma off of her prey and back to corner, allowing Felicity to sink down to her knees, punched out and wondering what just hit her. “You’re f*cking dead Jones!” Emma shouts at the hurting brunette as the round comes to a close. It’s not looking pretty for the Brit folks, but doubts still lingering about Roberts’ inability to put Felicity away again. 

ROUND 8: We’re heading into the EIGHTH, ladies and gents – this is now tied with the longest Dollhouse match to date!!! Tell that to both women though and all you’ll get is a scornful look of pure hatred. Both ladies not taking their eyes off each other as they come out of corners. Felicity first to strike back, hoping to turn the tide against her, but her jab jab taken on the arms by Emma, who seizes the moment and lets fly a BIG HOOK TO THE FACE!! ROAR from the crowd as Felicity swivels on the spot, eyes fluttering, mouth hanging wide open as she CRASHES to the canvas in knocked out heap!! It MUST be over folks! 

Emma celebrating with the last of her reserves, doesn't bother waiting for the referee’s count-out and already rushing back to corner with a smirk and two hands raised high. Carmen Electra beaming widely as well, but wouldn't be doing her job as trainer if she didn't remind Emma that - holy hell - Felicity Jones still stirring by the ropes, crawling steadily back to her feet, hoping to defy the odds tonight!! Emma scowling at the brunette’s meek efforts, seeing it as act of personal defiance against her, but that changes into a look of shock as Felicity does make it back up to shaky feet, just as the referee counts ‘NINE!!’. Looks like it’s NOT over! We still have one minute on the clock… 

Emma flying forward in a crazed RAGE, literally snarling with each blow landing hard on Felicity’s guard and body. She jumps in quick with opening salvo: a powerful superman punch blowing Jones back into the ropes with a loud HNNGGH. Felicity hoping to weather the onslaught for another minute, but she’s looking more and more shaky by the moment... Emma plugging fist after fist off her flanks, then repeating same hooks up top, rocking the head left and right like a tree caught in a hurricane. It’s only till Roberts goes after the jaw again does the pain prove too much for Jones: quick and short chip chup CHAP - snap uppercuts breaking her guard apart - Felicity’s eyes squeezing shut as FINAL uppercut KNOCKS her teeth up into her mouth and her entire body goes flying backwards into the ropes. Poor girl then tilts forward face first into the canvas, for the SECOND knockdown within a minute! This time, however, the Brit can barely move and only manages to roll to her back and stare groggily at the ceiling as the count reaches 10…she’s NOT getting up! It’s OVER! 

Official Decision: Emma Roberts defeats Felicity Jones via KO8! 

AFTER: What a match, what a match! Emma with an impressive win here tonight, proving she can stand toe-to-toe with someone for 8 rounds and then some. Perhaps we should keep our glowing opinion to ourselves though - feeding her already-inflated ego might have even more disastrous results in the long run. 

Not content with her impressive victory tonight, Roberts already ‘attending’ to her fallen adversary, pulling her up by the hair with a big smirk on her face. Felicity silently whimpering to herself as she’s forced back to tired feet, powerless as the younger girl leads her about the four corners of the ring in her first Walk of Shame, something she will later vow never to experience again. Emma keeping her in close with one arm firmly around her battered waistline, fingernails digging into the back of her hair with other hand, all the while with taunting lips pressed into the side of her face. 

“See what happens, you sl*t? You should have stayed where you belong, Jonesey... You and all your other ugly, overrated, good-for-nothing BRITS… Do me a favour and tell Emma Twatson and Collins I said payback will be a b*tch!’” 

With a final shove, Roberts sends Felicity crashing face-first back down into the canvas, leaving her motionless and contemplating her future in semi knocked out state. Not the outcome she wanted today, for sure, but it’s a clear warning sent to the rest of the FCBA that Ms Emma Roberts is here, bolder than ever, and certainly NOT to be trifled with!