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31 August 2018 Miranda Kerr vs Taylor Swift

Page history last edited by caspian2 4 years, 1 month ago

Posted by Lookout! Boxing on Sep 1, 2018 at 1:44pm

Miranda Kerr (35yo, 5'9", 120#, 27-5 overall) vs Taylor Swift (28yo, 5'10", 130#, 21-14 FCBA)
Results: Lookout!; Partial Intro: simgrrl; Story: Vassago

BEFORE: Swift 3-3-0 vs models, but somehow it seems like she's fought with a lot of them. Maybe it's just all the talking, but there seems to be something visceral about the tension between the singer and models! One model nobody can possibly overlook is Kylie Jenner and the Kardashian's semi-sib has Taylor's number, whipping the singer's behind twice (KO9 & KO8)!

Kerr has held the BBU Bantamweight title, the ACB Bantamweight title and the BBU Lightweight title, in addition to a 'Queen of the Ice Hotel' title that she won in, and held almost all of 2015.

In 2017 Miranda won the Victoria's Secret "War in Heaven" Tournament, beating Ribeiro, Ambrosio, Adgal, Palvin and Kloss. But she's lost both of her Unified Lightweight challenges, to Jenner (KO10) and Strahovski (KO7). Those were her ONLY losses to either, however, having beaten Yvonne once and whipped Kylie twice (something Swift's never managed despite two tries)!

However while 2017 was a massive year for Kerr, she hasn't transferred it into that elusive championship belt and that apparently affects her confidence these days. Even the often overlooked Anna Torv managed to take the straps off Yvonne Strahovski which the Downunder Boxing dismiss as "unfortunate & unfair". Miranda has refused to take part in the title tournament in wake of Torv's retirement and sticks to her own plan which might suggest shifting her focus to 2019 if she's unable to defeat the American's most popular female singer tonight.

Another rift occured when Empire Boxing refused to travel to Bondi Beach claiming it's still winter down there in Sydney. Well, June to August IS winter in Australia but Nikki Visser says Cameron Diaz couldn't recognize winter even if she was hit with a snowball in her goofy face. So we've landed on the neutral venue in Nassau, Bahamas where it's windy but thankfully the thunderstorms have stayed away and we can enjoy this clash of lightweight titans!

Kerr in the Aussie flag bikini shown above and comes to the ring with manager Elle MacPherson and trainer Nikki Visser. Swift, counters with her USA one-piece as she's attended by Monica Bellucci and Cameron Diaz.

Round 1:
Taylor has made her name around the league in the last couple of years but Miranda simply doesn't believe she belongs on the beach which is a classic model playground and tackles the singer to the body which quickly forces a speedy retreat from the younger blonde. The lanky Taylor is supposed to struggle even against these otherwise stubborn models and Miranda keeps her at bay with steady jabbing before clipping her downstairs. The high-tempo assault fails to really put Swift under pressure but she can only counter-punch Kerr's efforts and becomes stuck in the middle of the ring while the Australian model steals the performance marks. The opening round lacks some truly big punches but neither woman is known for the short fuse approach so the action can only get better going forward.

Round 2:
The action does get better as Taylor ups her movements and begins to pierce the model's guard with her superior reach. Miranda's bendy defense suddenly struggles to embrace the singer's aggression and Taylor remains committed to the head-hunting attack that leaves Kerr with little success in mid-distance. The Aussie model tries to switch low and land some punches to the body but Taylor sees more than ready for the upcoming Lightweight Title tournament and dances her way around the sluggish model. Taylor is no stranger to some quick moves on the music video set and she feels very comfortable on the loose surface tonight as well. Miranda eats a double hooking series on the nose that finally drops her into retreat but Swift refuses to chase her down and the cagey nature of this contest continues until the bell.

Rounds 3 & 4:
Perhaps both women know they have too much to lose but Miranda's unable to dominate the beach action with Taylor standing tall and hauling in one crisp head shot after another. Kerr is usually at her best in dodging punches but Swift exposes her like even Karlie Kloss couldn't before and it's still curious to see how much the Aussie stunner can actually embrace here. She doesn't lose her patience but skimming off Taylor's gloves and only landing an odd single punch isn't going to sway the judges and perhaps that's why she refused to take part in the Lightweight Championship sweepstakes? Swift doesn't lose her stride either and simply outworks the model by the numbers like a wiley veteran to pull away on the cards with relative ease. Who says verbal abuse and bloody nostrils always make up for all the boxing action? We're going in a slightly different direction here with these two!

Round 5:
Nikki Visser suddenly wakes up in the Downunder Boxing corner and tells Miranda "to get on with it". After all, the Aussie entourage doesn't need to save any energy for the Lightweight tournament tonight. Alas Taylor simply refuses to yield an inch across the sand and matches the older woman in a slugging crapshoot in the middle of the ring. Miranda gets tagged a couple of times but drives forward to connect with the singer's body which allows her to smash that harpoon on the liver... but it misses the target. Swift drops back but manages to stretch her elbows in time and still delivers the assault upstairs despite Kerr's push to trap her along the ropes. Taylor escapes and earns extra support from the audience while Miranda's really starting to lose her temper and that's not what you see every day. You're either born on the beach or your name is Taylor frickin' Swift as the singer delivers a study in tactical retreat which Miranda scowls at but finds no solution regardless. Bell.

Round 6:
More of the same in the sixth as the Aussie model channels the beach prowl; Taylor's too leggy for her and finds the longer reach when she needs it the most to frustrate the heck out of Kerr... and Visser... and MacPherson even! Steady counter-punching does the trick without the raw power especially when Miranda loses her precision courtesy of growing disdain over how this fight has unfolded. She tries to find a way through downstairs but Swift blocks her off and dekes to the left... and again... and again... she even finds time to kick sand at the model's knees just because she has so much time available while the Downunder camp try to figure out what's going on. The bell rings and if this fight was held on the East Coast then Taylor could have been looking at a whitewash success!

Round 7:
Miranda finally rattles the singer with a decent combo - it literally took ages for that to happen but the follow up bounces off the top of Taylor's shoulders and the Pennsylvania native responds with a cruel hook on the nose that sinks the older woman in her tracks. Taylor rips another cross on the nose and connects with a quick uppercut just to pour more dirt into Miranda's system thereafter. Coach Visser can scream all she wants in the corner but it's Taylor time and she thumps a crippling hook to the liver that makes Kerr yelp her loudest of the night yet! Another quick uppercut finds the jaw and sends the model tripping back over the sand and into the ropes where she remains as the American pounces on her and punishes with a left/right speed dial approach. Ugh! Miranda can soak up a lot but she gets banged up a lot as Swift wobbles her back & forth and crowns her impeccable performance. The ref refuses to step in but it would be a little unfair since Miranda deserves all the elite credit; Swift still batters her into stupor and shouts back at both Nikki Visser and Elle Mac in the Downunder corner. She simply cannot lose this now!

Round 8:
Miranda's hollow-eyed like someone told her the kangaroos no longer exist; she leaves her corner to resume the fight but gets pancaked with an early gut-checking drive and then pummelled back to the ropes in no time as Swift turns up the heat and bursts through the midsection to carve visible bruises around the toned ribcage. And there's no stopping the American here as she cripples the Aussie model and almost punches her through and ropes and down on the sand... Ugh! Miranda is pounded into deadmeat and the REF STEPS IN!!! He's seen enough here and the Downunder trainers don't contest this decision. They realize only a miracle haymaker could have turned their fortunes around! TKO8 Taylor Swift in uber-dominant fashion!!!

AFTER: Stunned... stoked... Taylor Swift moves into pole position for the divisional title sweepstakes! That's bad news for Odette Yustman who represents a very similar style to Miranda Kerr. No wonder Cameron Diaz is smiling like she she's posing for a cheesecake here... Taylor just delivered one of the most notorious beatdowns on an elite lightweight who didn't look ** this ** bad against all the Strahovskis and Winsteads before...

Cue in the 'Green & Gold' nightmare review...

Miranda refuses to address the media and leaves Nikki Visser to explain this crushing defeat... but the Downunder trainer is lost for words herself and claims this could be curtains for Miranda as far as the 2018 season goes. Those two title shots that slipped through her fingers need a proper reboot.. and fighting Taylor Swift proved to be a horrible idea... not to mention the horrible match-up. Who ever suspected the blonde sweetheart can move like that? Can she go all the way next?

Final result: Taylor Swift def. Miranda Kerr TKO8.