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31 August 2018 Karlie Kloss vs Iggy Azalea

Page history last edited by caspian2 4 years, 1 month ago

Posted by Lookout! Boxing on Sep 1, 2018 at 1:26pm

Iggy Azalea #26 (Chimera) vs Karlie Kloss #11 (Fighting Academy) Result:Lookout/Words:simgrrl
Azalea: (28yo, 5'10", 148#, 7-5-0) vs Kloss: (26yo, 6'1", 132#, 13-6-0)
(#) June Welter Rankings by "Boxing World Online"

Before: Both women have KO'd every opponent they've beaten; an interesting statistic of no particular value - other than viewers shouldn't look away or leave the room during the action, because this is one fight that is unlikely to go the distance!

Iggy hasn't fought often - she's 0-1 since joining Chimera eight months ago. Her previous two stables - a joint management - went "belly up" so she's still got a lot to prove. Tess Valmore's recent article (August 2018, Tractorpull, pp 17) questioned the wisdom of Stephanie McMahon and her "so-called management team" (not for the first time) for their decision to sign Azalea, let alone incur the expense of moving her from Australia when other, arguably better qualified, fighters were out of work and already here. (Some can be found at intersections holding cardboard signs saying, "Will box for food!"

There's little doubt of Iggy's ability to hit people, hard - but the same critics worry she has trouble avoiding being hit hard herself... something she ought to avoid given the stunning power in Karlie Kloss's long, limber, arms. (Did we mention Karlie's arms are L-O-N-G?)

"Tay-tay and Gigi both faced that Aussie songbird, and they gave me the inside scoop," Karlie sneered dismissively. "She's got a nice voice and that big ass, but neither will be much help to her in a boxing ring - not against a true welter who hits the way I hit! I mean, look at her record... she got laid out by Taylor AND Gigi... Ha-fukkin-deed! Yep, even Gigi Hadid dropped good ol' Azzhole like a bad habit! Then she was dumped by yet another lingerie model, La Lima! She steamrolled her in the Ice Hotel, laid her out like a Polar bear rug in the lobby for God's sake!

"I really don't see what all the fuss is about; she's another big, slow-footed, blonde who's using her size to bully smaller fighters. My gawd, Yvonne Strahovski "owned" her - and so did Michelle Ryan. No wonder Igg-no-minimus disappeared for the last six months, she's been out searching for her big fat ass, the ass everyone's been kicking around like a beach ball!"

Kloss has twice earned - and twice lost - welterweight title challenges. It's notable because few women even GET two chances to win a title, let alone before the age of 30. A few weeks ago, Karlie turned 26! There are plenty of women from the Fighting Academy at ringside supporting Karlie and her stable tonight, including Taylor Cole, Torrie Wilson, Gigi Hadid, Rachel Barnes and others. Two more, Mia Kang and Amber Heard, are fighting on tonight's card and might find their way to the ring either before, or after, their own fights.

Chimera's Head Trainer Jeri Ryan with assistant trainer Ronda Rousey and corner woman Natasha Henstridge escort Azalea to the ring. Iggy's in a blue one-piece with an Australian flag design, blue gloves and blue trainers. Her hair is loose to her neck, held off her face by a blue elastic band. Ryan in an untucked man's white shirt, the sleeves rolled up to her elbows; the others in shorts & Chimera logo polo shirts.

Ultimate's Fighting Academy trainers Kelly Hu and Sarah Michelle Gellar join Karlie's "good friend" Taylor Swift (Empire) who had been with Karlie in the locker room before the fight (perhaps Karlie's taken Mia Kang's advice) Taylor even walking with Karlie in the ceremonial stroll to the ring. Kloss choosing red lingerie, a 2-piece that looks like it came right off a Victoria's Secret catwalk, red gloves, shoes and a matching red scrunchie on her ponytail complete the all-red ensemble.

Referee for this bout is a five time FCBA Welterweight champ when she was a member of Tank Enterprises, Terry Farrell! Terry calls the women together and makes it clear she won't put up with any fouling, low blows or hitting on the break. She asks each if she understands and both nod. Clearly, Farrell's not about to brook any misbehavior on her watch being long away from an FCBA ring.
* * *
During Rd 1: Karlie Kloss taking advantage of Azalea's rustiness after the long layoff, comes straight at her and slams a right-left combination into the Aussie's thick body. Iggy grunts but otherwise shows no ill effects from Karlie's powerful body punching. Azalea answers with a left hook that stuns Kloss briefly but Karlie answers with another combo to Iggy's body and the big Aussie blond backs off grimacing. We're thirty seconds into the fight and already both women have been rocked!
It's a smiling Kloss who's stalking Azalea, Iggy grudgingly retreating to buy time to get her breath but Karlie's not going to give it to her and airmails a long distance right that goes unanswered, missing by just inches. Crowd all up and screaming, loving the non-stop action after a couple of yawners in earlier bouts. These are full grown WOMEN who've come bearing fangs! Azalea using the jab more often, trying to keep Kloss off her while she recomputes, even resorting to holding both hands out in front of her, putting her gloves on Kloss' shoulders as Karlie doggedly bulls ahead; accepting Iggy's gloves in her face in exchange for getting close enough to touch that big blonde's body with both fists.
Kloss swinging her fists back and forth under the Aussie's raised arms, batting Iggy's perky little Australian boobies back and forth like she's swatting a couple of cute little Koala cubs. Iggy's eyes dripping tears as Kloss continues to b*tch slap Iggy's JMD's (Juggs of Miniscule Dimension).
Azalea, unable to stand it any more, desperately clinches and the two gangly woman stumble, stagger and wobble around the ring - their miniature bosoms pressed together - like "drunk dykes dancin' on a red-hot Sydney Saturday night." (Words and music by Iggy Azalea).
Karlie hugs Azalea, pulling her head down onto Karlie's shoulder, holding it with her left hand at the back of Iggy's head, then she hammers three, four...five rights low into the pit of the heavy blondes belly. Iggy's eyes wide with shock, her mouth gaping, unable get a breath as her mouthpiece slips out and dribbles down Karlie's back, bouncing on the canvas at Farrell's feet. Terry kicks the mouthpiece aside as Karlie bends her knees to get low, then suddenly rises up as she brings another huge right hand up from her knees and buries her fist deep in Azalea's softened up belly! Iggy's knees buckle but she clings frantically to Karlie's neck, dragging Kloss down with her as she almost goes to her knees just as the bell rings ending one of the most action-filled and exciting first rounds in recent memory.
At ringside, the Ultimate Fighting Academy women on their feet screaming and chanting "KARLIE! KARLIE! KARLIE!" In the other corner, the Chimera stable members sit in stunned silence, shocked at the ease with which "Big Karlie" had systematically dismantled their top welter contender without once hitting her in the head! Of course, Karlie won the round on points, breezily.

Rd 2: Iggy holding onto the ropes as she trudges back to her corner along the side of the ring, not trusting her legs to go where there's nothing to hang on to. She flops limp on her stool as Rousey starts giving her advice while Ryan does what she does best, grabs two cold packs, pulls down the straps of Azalea's Australian flag suit and slaps the cold packs on her bruised and battered breasts. Henstridge stands by ready to hold a third cold pack to Ryan's forehead (the sight of Iggy's perky little boobs being swatted like gnats must have given her flashbacks to some of her own fights). Kloss laughing at something Kelly Hu said, then looks over and winks at Swift who looks uncomfortable as she self-consciously touches her own bosom... in sympathy?
The break isn't nearly long enough for Iggy Azalea who has to wait to stand while Ryan and Rousey pull her shoulder straps back up, then she needs a hand on her butt from Henstridge to rise. Iggy looking to hurt Karlie this round, throwing bombs with both hands at her new target...Kloss' smirking face! Karlie dodging, ducking, dipping, and largely avoiding taking any damage, but she's too busy to throw many punches of her own. Still, whenever Iggy is close enough to reach Karlie's head, it puts Iggy close enough that Karlie can easily, reach Iggy's chest...so the action continues along the lines of Azalea, left to the head; Kloss right to the chest; Iggy, right to the head; Karlie, left hook to the chest, right to the chest, left to the belly; Iggy right to the head... KLOSS IS HURT!
A right by Azalea anticipated Karlie's ducking to her left and she put her face squarely in the path of Iggy's big right hand! Kloss almost knocked on her backside by the blow, sending her stumbling backward, arms windmilling in desperation to remain upright. Karlie hits the ropes with her back bounds back toward Azalea who winds up and ... misses....when Kloss ducks under a wild right.
Karlie comes up behind Azalea and both women whirl around with their right hands cocked and locked, but it's Iggy's left that she raises in time to block Karlie's right that is most important. It gives Iggy the time to reset herself so she can club Karlie in the left ear hard enough to knock her off balance. Again they clinch, each digging into the others flank with her free hand as they both wrap the other arm around her opponents back to hold her in place. Farrell slaps at their gloves to get them to let go, but neither is willing to take that chance this late in the round. At the bell, both shove the other away, turn and head back to their corner, each more or less satisfied that she'd done what needed to be done. But according to the judges, it was Iggy Azalea who took the round on points (close).

Rd 3: Third round started much as the second; Azalea trying to hurt Karlie, throwing punches from crazy angles with both hands; Kloss stalling, buying time to clear her head and avoiding more damage, yet still trying to get to Iggy's suspect body at every opportunity! Karlie stalking; Azalea has yet to figure out how to deal with Kloss' aggression. Azalea trying more counters, letting Karlie initiate, taking advantage of any opening or mistake, no matter how slight, to land a big blow that may turn the fight in her favor. Iggy not having much luck in the first minute...or the second, but she sticks to her plan - only now realizing that she has no plan B to fall back on!
Karlie, knowing she can't win this fight by simply running and giving away rounds, decides to go back on offense where she did the best work earlier. Timing Iggy's punches, Karlie leans back, lets Iggy's right hand flash past her nose, then as Azalea followed thru, Karlie leans into a straight right of her own over Iggy's arm... SMACK! Kloss punched the blond Aussie right in the mouth! Azalea recoiled, mouth bloodied, hands raised in front of her, palms out in a 'don't hurt me' gesture.
Karlie, stomping forward, brushed Iggy's hands aside and swept her left fist across Azalea's tender little titties! Iggy whined in pain as Karlie's left fist swept across the soft fleshy mounds. Iggy let out a second grunt when Karlie's right fist slammed onto the left side of Azalea's jaw and Iggy kept reeling backward in disarray, unsure what do with this youngster who kept pursuing her.
Seeing Iggy turning her back to her as she pivoted, Karlie lunged forward... just as Azalea completed her pivot to throw a wild right hand she hoped might delay Kloss' and keep her from chasing after her. Iggy's fist smacked flush on the point of Kloss' chin! Karlie's lower body kept moving forward even as her upper body was thrust back by the power of Azalea's fist driving into and thru her face! Karlie slammed down to the canvas on her back, the wind knocked out of her by the impact! As Karlie's lungs struggled to take in air, she was dimly aware of Azalea walking past her to the far corner.
Terry Farrell stood over Karlie, her arm swinging back and forth above her counting. Karlie struggled to roll over and pushed up on all fours as she heard Farrell, "SIX!" Karlie sat back on her heels and pushed herself into a sitting position. "SEVEN!" Hands on her knees, Karlie tried to rise, her feet sliding on the canvas. "EIGHT!" From one knee, Karlie rose unsteadily, nearly losing her balance... "NINE!" She straightened, swayed, but stayed on her feet. Terry asked, "You OK?" Karlie nodded; not understanding but dimly aware the "correct" reply was yes or a nod. She had guessed right!
Iggy came at Kloss, fists up, right at her cheek eager to finish off this tall model and cement her status as a top ten welter! Azalea's right shot straight out but Karlie - barely aware of it herself - somehow knew what Iggy would do and leaned back slightly, just far enough that the fist reached maximum extension inches short of her nose. Eyes wide, Karlie stumbled back against the ropes, lifting her hands to her cheeks as before Azalea's left hook slammed into Kloss' right glove, mashing it back into her face and knocking her off balance to her left. Karlie leaned on the ropes as Iggy squared up to her and unleashed three more hard body shots to her belly. Cramping, Kloss folded forward, hands still protecting her still flawless face (hoping to keep it that way).
Azalea digging her fists into Kloss' middle, each impact forcing Karlie to move her feet; crabbing sideways with her tight butt cheeks sliding against the middle strand of nylon covered Manila Hemp. Iggy stepping with, using her left to nudge Karlie toward her right hand; then the right to push her back into her left. Azalea working the tall brunette model over like a heavy bag, feeling more give in Kloss' long, lean, frame with every punch. Azalea was ready to end the fight when Terry Farrell jumped between them! She'd won! Farrell was stopping the fight! Iggy raised her hands... only to realize she hadn't heard the bell; Farrell was pushing her back toward the Chimera corner; Ultimate's hired hands were grabbing Kloss, supporting her back to the shelter of her corner. Iggy's knockdown had set her up and won the round (wide), but there was still more work to be done!

Rd 4: Azalea sat on her stool watching Kloss' frantic seconds working on her while Rousey and Ryan were both talking at the same time, one in each ear. The only good thing was Ryan and Henstridge each had grabbed a cold pack and were holding them to her throbbing breasts. Kloss had really done a job on her 'kids' and she wished she'd listened when Theron had advised her to forget looking good for photographers and "wear the damm chest protector" Chimera had bought for her.
Iggy on her feet anxious to get back to work on Kloss' body while Karlie was still relaxing on her stool before the bell, but when it rang, both women rushed forward - Iggy to put an end to Kloss once and for all, Karlie just wanting to stop Azalea from abusing of her body any longer. They faced off and both threw punches willy-nilly with little thought of defense, so intent was each on just hurting the other. Their seconds were beside themselves with Rousey and Ryan screaming from the Chimera corner and Hu and Gellar trying in vain to get thru to Kloss from Ultimate's. The fans, naturally, loved the action and the sight of two tall, good-looking women mindlessly bashing each other around without regard for their appearance or how well dressed they looked in their ring attire. Not just another model fight, this thing was personal on a visceral level!
Iggy was throwing everything she had into her attack, but Karlie - while not yet fully recovered - was giving back every bit as good as she got. They battered each other back and forth for most of the round, with several long breaks during which they either leaned against the ropes, or just draped themselves around each others neck, slumped against their opponent belly-to-belly, breast-to-breast, groin-on-groin and swayed like two lovers as they took turns punching each other in the sides, flanks or the back of the head until they'd caught their breath. Then they'd step back and trade power shots until one, or the other, ran out of gas and then they'd embrace for a while, panting, their chests rubbing erotically until they were again ready to try to destroy their opponent. When the bell rang, both were drenched with sweat, their suits molded to their bodies showing every line, curve, dimple and swell as they staggered exhausted to their corners. Some women in the crowd noted that Farrell's referee uniform was nearly as sweat-damp as the two fighters, though all she'd done was stand rubbing against the ropes while they performed in front of her. For some inexplicable reason, Iggy won round on points (close).

Rd 5: Karlie starts the fifth seeming to be recovered after the earlier knockdown, but the rough back and forth battle in round 4 left both looking "well used up." Iggy and Karlie both need to damage the other early this round, and Kloss lands the first big punch, a left hook to rattle Iggy's composure. Azalea quickly fighting back, catches Kloss with a right, then a left hook to the body short-circuits what had seemed a promising start for the tall model. Trading mid-ring, both head-hunt, but Kloss' isn't ignoring Iggy's big body either and it's Azalea's modest bosom that seems to get receive most of Karlie's attention!
Middle minute of the round and the heavier Chimera welter has taken control; she's landing two to every one of Karlie's and the slim-hipped brunette seems to be wilting under Iggy's heavy-handed hammer blows. SHE HURT HER! Iggy reaching back to get a little extra 'mustard' on her fast ball, gets beaten to the punch by Kloss who snapped a short little right hand inside that caught Iggy square on the point of her chinny-chin-chin! Azalea's eyes crossed and she stumped off to one side ("steppin' in post holes" they used to call it). Karlie grabs Iggy's left arm, swings her around and BANG! Drives a straight right to the face, mashing Iggy's nose flat! Azalea sits back onto the middle rope, her elbows over the top strand. Karlie moves in just ahead of Terry Farrell and gives Iggy her "Kloss-to-phobia" - a powerful right uppercut under her belly button that (per Kloss) "Pushes all a woman's internal parts up to her lungs. After just one they can't breath... or breed!" And judging from the look on Iggy's ashen face, Karlie may be onto something as her body rebounds off the ropes!
The crowd roars as Azalea is smashed in the face and goes flying back to the ropes again, her wildly flailing arms tangle in the ropes, the only thing that keeps her from going down! Blonde's eyes glassy and unfocused, and referee Farrell wisely gives her a standing eight, after which, Iggy's still willing and shakes her head when Terry asks if she's had enough.
Iggy's just a big blond rag doll, hanging on with her back to the ropes. Kloss, eager to go back to work, bodies up to Azalea, belly bullying Iggy back into the ropes where Karlie cradles her with her left as she heaves big, merciless, right hands up from the floor, burying her glove into Iggy's ravaged belly over and over - and at least once - she punches her in the crotch panel of her suit!
Farrell issues Kloss a warning, but even with that brief break, Azalea can’t get her big ass out of the ropes and when Farrell steps away, Karlie rushes back and slams her body against Iggy's, wraps her up and resumes the brutal carnage; heaping on hurt in what can only be described as a "good old fashioned beat-down!"
Karlie leaning her weight on Iggy, pins her like a butterfly on a display board, ramming her powerful right hand into Azalea's battered lower body; then her strong left beats those proud, perky, Aussie titties flat; finally both fists uppercut Iggy's face. At the bell, Azalea's lower lip is bleeding, her left eye swollen almost shut and her nose is running a crimson river of blood. Karlie wins the round (shutout)

Rd 6: In Chimera's corner Ryan holding a towel, begging Azalea to let her throw it in. Rousey, however, argues, "I can fix her," Henstridge stands silently, holding the spit bucket in case Azalea wants to barf her guts up. Iggy declined the well-intentioned advice, insisting she can continue.
Iggy comes out exhausted and they clinch; two weary warriors stumbling and bumbling about, finally ending up on the ropes. Karlie bumps her forehead on Azalea's chin, stunning her briefly...long enough for Karlie to open her path to the blonde's torso, where she goes to work; plunging tired, meaty, lefts and rights into Iggy's battered belly. It's mean-spirited, hard, grinding work. Iggy clinching, struggling to smother Kloss' offense in vain. Karlie just wrestling the blonde's arms back, getting them out of her way to slam her fists into Azalea's once-firm tummy; and pancake her small, round, soft juggs!
Iggy wilting under the relentless brunette pressure of Karlie's never-ending body torture. Iggy's eyes roll back, her hands slowly drop down (perhaps, unconsciously shielding her breasts from the damage Kloss is wreaking on the proud Aussie's bosom).
With that opening, Karlie leans into a final, huge, uppercut; a clean shot up under Iggy Azalea's chin that drives her head back. As Azalea's big body arches backward, the lights go out as she crashes to the canvas, her body enveloped in a cloud of rosin dust as it settles limp; used up; unmoving!
Referee Terry Farrell takes one look and immediately waves off the needless count and raises Karlie Kloss' hand. After a brief hesitation, Farrell agrees to pose with Kloss over Iggy's inert body in Ultimate's Fighting Academy corner while the Chimera women are still trying to get through the ropes to get to their fighter. A "no doubt" KO6 win for Karlie Kloss!

After: Taylor Swift already climbing to the ring before referee Farrell raises Karlie's hand. Taylor steps across Iggy's stretched out body, grabs Karlie in a bearhug and lifts off her feet before giving her a kiss! "I wanted you to body shame her for me," Taylor told Karlie. "But looking down at her all broken and beaten, I realize you've done more than that. So thank you.

Later: When the press asked her about why Taylor Swift had been in Karlie's dressing room so long before the fight, Kelly Hu just shrugged. "The heart wants what the heart wants," she muttered. "I don't have the authority - or the power - to deny Karlie's desires. As long as Bellucci and Beckinsale at Empire refuse to forbid their girl from hanging out with Karlie, I'm left to begging Karlie to be discreet; not embarrass Ultimate's other girls with her choice of lifestyle. Besides, if that keeps her mind on the task at hand - separating bimbos like the Aussie warbler from her senses - who am I to argue? So far, it's been working just fine!"

In the wake of Karlie's stunning, decisive, victory, a jarring headline in the morning papers sent shockwaves thru the FCBA...

"Karlie Kloss Engaged to Joshua Kushner!"

"The 26-year-old model, founder of Kode with Klossy, is the face of brands including Swarovski, Adidas and Estée Lauder. She's been dating the entrepreneur and venture capitalist since 2012, but despite their public profiles, they’ve kept their relationship out of the spotlight. Karlie, who is often publicly linked to singer Taylor Swift, declined to speak about her private life.
Kushner is the younger brother of Jared Kushner, a senior advisor to President Trump and a brother-in-law of Ivanka Trump. Kloss doesn’t speak publicly about her political soon-to-be in-laws, but has said that she voted for Hilary Clinton in the 2016 election."

Taylor Swift, in seclusion, issued a statement via her publicist, "Karlie had been a close personal friend of mine in time times of trial and tribulation. She will always have a place in my heart, despite any betrayal she may - or may not - have perpetrated upon me by leaving me for this backstabbing grab for power and famous family connections."
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