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Jessica Chastain (42, 5’4, 124 lbs, 10:3 FCBA, The Dollhouse)
Vs.
Aubrey Plaza (35, 5’5, 116 lbs, FCBA Debut, Free Agent)
Results: Lookout!; Story: Caspian & The Dollhouse
BEFORE: "This is going to be an interesting one,” Jessica saying with a smile backstage. “I was surprised to learn of Aubrey was interested in fighting me, but I'm also excited to see what she's capable of. I'm a big fan of her work, and I'm also glad that she's showing interest in trying out this boxing thing. I think she may have plenty of potential if she decides to stick with it. My last two fights didn't really go well for me, so I'm coming into this one fully focused on winning. Sorry, Aubrey, but you're going to get a little roughed up in there tonight. But hey, you asked for it!" Jessica chuckles.
Aubrey with a look on her face at the other end of the table that’s making us question whether the actress was listening to a word that Chastain was saying this entire time. Frequently, the 35-year-old brunette simply looking distracted and half-stoned, her eyes wandering all over the press hall and back to her opponent across the table. Eventually, she catches the eye of a ring official, who motions to her microphone, that it’s her turn to say a few words if she wants to.
“Geez-le-wheeze, were you giving your Oscar’s acceptance speech, Jess? Sorry, I wasn’t really paying attention. Hmm, what else are we supposed to say at these things? The usual, ‘I’ll kick your butt before you kick mine?’ Okaaay. Let’s just pretend I said all that, shall we, and get to the fight itself? See ya in there, Red.”
Always a strange character that Aubrey Plaza, and even as these two women square off for photographs at the center podium, Chastain has an almost-bemused look on her face as she watches Aubrey not take this boxing thing as seriously as she had suggested earlier: Aubrey striking exaggerated poses for the cameras like she’s at some premier of her next blockbuster movie, barely giving her opponent any attention for the few minutes they’re supposed to come face-to-face.
Later in the ring, it’s the same deal, with Plaza walking down the ramp like she’s the next Queen of f*cking England, waving to the crowds with a raised hand like an obscene member of the royal family with her midriff exposed and her long brown hair dishevelled and frayed for everyone to see. Aubrey’s in a bright purple sports tube and black tights for bottoms, shaking red-gloved fists to the audience in a mock display of celebrity. Chastain on the other hand infinitely more traditional, dressed in her orange sports bra top and streaked bottoms, flaming like a phoenix and hoping to rise from the ashes tonight after a series of upsets in the past few months.
Interesting match-up tonight, in what’s sure to be an even more interesting fight that’s scheduled for ten rounds of Bantamweight action. HERE WE GO with this madhouse of horrors!
ROUND 1: No doubt that one of these girls is coming into the fight as the younger (and crazier) of the pair, and no guesses for which one we’re referring to. Jessica still not taking any chances, coming forward slowly, shooting the occasional jab towards Aubrey. Plaza on the other hand with a deceptive (and some might say, defective) personality, appearing cautious one minute before FLASH - rushing forward with a blaze of activity. Chastain the one getting shocked and surprised as Aubrey starts landing jabs all over her arms and body, driving the older woman backwards into a corner she hadn’t expected prior. Aubrey like a ball of unhinged energy as she showcases both power and speed once the microphones are switched off, actually making Jessica stumble to one side when a heavy hook slams into her raised arm. That telling smirk on Aubrey’s face is back as the round ends, the actress looking mightily pleased with her opening performance and at having fooled everyone, including Jessica. And if Chastain wasn’t taking her younger counterpart seriously back then in that press hall, she sure is right about now.
ROUND 2: Slow and steady still seems to be Jessica’s motto, at least in these first few rounds of confronting an unpredictable adversary. The Doll biding her time as she awaits another wild rush from Aubrey, which curiously, doesn’t come. Plaza back to haphazard movements left and right, using a particular random pattern that has no rhyme or reason to confuse Chastain further and make her lower her guard. But Jessica not buying the ruse, deliberate attack pattern executed as she rocks Aubrey to the arms with steady steps forward, then shoots more straight and powerful hands in her direction. Aubrey’s strategy of playing the fool not going to work this time as she quickly realises, getting out of the way of Chastain’s charge and resorting to jabbing at her head from afar instead. But the Doll manages to get out of the scrape with only minor licks of damage, doing most of the punishment instead as she catches Aubrey with her power repeatedly. Round ends with Chastain looking like she’s cracked the mad king’s egg and now frying his omelette in front of him, but this crazy fight is still too close to call at this point.
ROUND 3: Girls staying away from each other in the first minute of the third, pawing at the air in front of faces and not wanting to be the first one to fall for another mistake. Aubrey toying with her opponent again, grinning wide as she leaps in all of a sudden, arms pulled back as if ready to conduct all out war on Chastain, only to circle backwards as Jessica braces for the onslaught that never comes. This kind of trolling has its place, but we’re also starting to lose patience with the newcomer’s antics. That also includes Jessica Chastain, whose temper’s starting to flare as she takes wilder and more frequent swipes at Aubrey’s direction, only to have her quarry weave to the side and batter her body back with dull hooks to the side. It looks like the fool might have a point, as Aubrey inflicts some punishment here and there until the third minute, when Chastain roars forward in a crazed jumble of hands and legs, finally losing her cool but also wasting away her energy when Plaza simply skirts back and laughs in her face.
ROUND 4: Not looking too good for Chastain this round as she’s left panting hard, with little energy left for fun and games. Cue Aubrey Plaza, who zooms in quickly for the kill. The younger woman conducting hit-and-run tactics, flurries to the arms and midsection before she goes running backwards, leaving Chastain to pick up the pieces. Grunts from the veteran Doll as Plaza makes her look like the rookie by comparison, circling her like a vulture does a piece of meat. Chastain needs to focus, by golly, or she’s in for a humiliating end to the night - getting beaten by a fellow actress, crazed or not, on her debut – would certainly spell big problems. She manages to focus in the final minute with some encouragement from Carmen Electra in the corner, who’s trying to shout advice at her back. Chastain steadying herself with her back to the ropes, turtles up and hides her face from more abuse. Aubrey bounces in with energy, but her attacks lack the requisite venom, as predicted by Chastain’s team, and the Doll manages to ride the tidal wave to relative safety when the bell finally rings. Yes, she didn’t win herself this round, but she’s definitely gained an insight for the next few rounds and beyond.
ROUND 5: Aubrey’s smile slowly disappearing into thin air, realising that this boxing thing is nothing like a typical workout at the gym. On more than one occasion has her scrambling backwards, avoiding a wild hook or swing from Chastain that’s designed to take her head off her shoulders danger-close. At the same time, she’s realising that her punches lack the power to really hurt Chastain, with that last round a prime example of having her foe right where she wanted her to be, but still failing to put Chastain down for the count even with her back to the ropes. Aubrey targeting the redhead’s tummy this time round, thinking she’ll switch strategies and slowly wither the older woman down to nothing. She’s licking her lips as Jessica lets out painful grunts from the abuse, but Jessica herself biding her own sweet time, protecting her vulnerable face and then taking choice swings at Aubrey when she gets in too close. A hard-hitting, stiff blow to the side of the younger girl’s head is the fruition she’s been waiting for, blasting Aubrey clear to the side and eliciting a wild ROAR from her fans in the audience. If she manages to break this joker’s code soon, she has this fight in the bag.
ROUND 6: Aubrey’s eyes growing in panic the longer this fight plays itself out, quickly losing steam and momentum, and not to mention her stamina being tested to its limits. Yes, she once possessed enough energy and will to toy with Chastain, but Jessica’s been at this boxing game for far longer, still has some stamina to fall back on as we head into the second half of this fight. Jessica still flinging hooks in Aubrey’s direction, landing a stiff one-two to the body before Plaza has no choice but to jump backwards in pain, holding her midsection as she hopes to create distance. Chastain slowly tightening the noose around her neck, however, herding her into a corner and just waiting to pounce in for the kill. Plaza falling back on her jab from afar, poking at the face in a desperate attempt to keep her foe at bay, but Jessica either weaving expertly around them or absorbing them with her arms, comes barreling in in the final seconds of the round, BLASTING a straight cross into the middle of Aubrey’s arms. Aubrey’s back slams into the ropes, dazed and fearful of what’s about to come her way next. Chastain answering that with another right PUNT into her stomach that bowls the younger woman over. Aubrey left covering up on the ropes, not so sneaky now as Jessica punishes her for playing with her earlier. Bell rings and it's rare for someone like Chastain to lose her cool, but the referee has to intervene and break up this melee, herding the Doll back to her corner.
ROUND 7: Things are certainly getting heated as we head into the last quadrant of this fight. Both ladies are left breathing hard, from the mental and physical toll exerted upon each other. They circle, back to basics, poking jabs at the head before unleashing the bigger guns. Aubrey actually showing promise as a career fighter, having mastered the psychological game and only needing to brush up on her in-ring skills. She does a good job with launching combos at Chastain, battering the arms with jab-jab-hooks that betray her silliness outside of the ring. For all her comical talk at the press conference, it's clear that she's put in considerable time and effort in the gym leading up to this fight. Chastain however taking the abuse in her stride - she's been on the receiving end of much, much worse. She times her counter-attacks expertly, knocking Aubrey's head back once, twice, with shocking punts of her hand, then homes in for the kill with a hook slammed into the side of the head, sending Plaza reeling into the ropes. It's futile for Aubrey at this point, like Batman finally getting his hands on the Joker, whose tricks have all but run dry. More hooks crashing into the brunette's body at close quarters, before a final uppercut into the chin SENDS PLAZA sprawling down into the ground!
It’s a KNOCK-DOWN for Jessica Chastain, as Aubrey crashes down to all fours, landing hard onto her side and making only small moves to recover by pulling at the ropes. Unfortunately, she’s just too dazed and exhausted to make it back up past her knees! Referee hits the 10-count and WAVES her chances off! It’s over!
Official Decision: Jessica Chastain defeats Aubrey Plaza via KO7!
AFTER: Once the bell rings and the festivities have all but been concluded, Chastain physically relaxing as she leans in exhaustion against the nearby ropes, looking both relieved and happy. For one, she’s finally broken her short losing streak, and for two, she’s secured a win against an enigma of a younger opponent that is Aubrey Plaza.
The frustration leaving her eyes, Chastain quickly approaches Aubrey from across the ring, hovering over the fallen girl as the medics assess the damage she’s wrought from the side. Aubrey herself back to beaming wide even though she’s still flat on her back and parts of her body coloured pink from the abuse. It hasn’t dampened her spirits however, as she’s helped up to her feet by Chastain, and the two once-opponents share a brief hug for putting in their best efforts into this fight.
Standing ovation from the crowd as well, applauding both women for their sportsmanship and good naturedness. Chastain later on exiting the ring and speaking to reporters by the apron, who are eager to get her take on one of the more interesting fights in her career…”She definitely came to fight tonight….and I think she proved she can be a real force in this league if she gets herself signed…those first few rounds really tested me. I’m happy I was able to keep my cool and take over. It wasn’t a gimmie…AT ALL. I hope to see Aubrey doing some damage around here…she’s great. I’d definitely give her a rematch if she wants it in the future. And now, celebrations are in order!” Jessica smiles and waves to the cameras one more time before heading backstage followed by Dollhouse entourage and accompanied by some very loud cheers from her many fans in the arena.
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