DANI FISHEL VS KIM KARDASHIAN (JMD)

Results: Lookout, Writing: Archer

Jugs of Mass Destruction Bout

Dani: 38 YO, 5’1 (1.55 m) #36D, 127-90-12, 77 KO since 1999, Foxfire Boxing

Kim: 39 YO, 5’3 (1.60 m) #34D, 10-23-0, 10 KO since 2008, Global Boxing Syndicate

Before: Two mature JMD boxers seem eager to put their juggs on the line. Dani Fishel, long a legend in the FBA, Hall of Famer and now Foxfire Boxing’s JMD specialist. Kim Kardashian, not exactly a legend, but she’s been around over 10 years now and is enjoyed some success in 2019 under her new GBS management.

Dani is as irrepressible in the prefight as ever: “Maybe I’m not quite the ‘hot stuff’ I was back in the old days, but I still love to be in the ring and trying to dominate my opponent. I like to think of a JMD as ‘Primal Boxing’. We put something very womanly on the line and the superior woman wins—well, unless I happen to lose and then it was the luckiest woman who won.”

Kim rolls her eyes: “Apparently you’ve run into a lot of lucky women lately.”

Dani’s eyes narrow: “You feeling lucky, Kimmy?”

“As a matter of fact I am,” Kim said, “unfortunately for you.”

“Then we better get to the ring soon—your luck isn’t going to hold once I start punching your puppies.,” Dani said.

“You’ll be on your knees begging for me to stop punching YOUR puppies, you mean,” Kim retorted.

Dani marches over to Kim: “That is not going to happen, Kimmy—ever!”

“I can dream, can’t I?” Kim said snidely.

Dani lunges for Kim and the two of them bang their big chests as they struggle in an impromptu test of strength. However, FCBA Security rushes out to separate the seething women, but not before some exciting (to some, anyway) pictures of Dani and Kim’s clash make social media and a the fight quickly gains “grudge fight” status.

Come fight night, Dani Fishel strides to the ring with trainer Nia Peeple. She climbs into the ring to remove her robe. She is in a bikini with black halter top and blue and white bottoms with blue boots and gloves white laces, Dani’s is in double pigtails.

Kim Kardashian comes to the ring with trainer Daisy Fuentes and enters the ring. She removes her robe to reveal a red and black faux lingerie bikini with black gloves and boots (red laces). Kim’s dark hair in pulled back into a single braid.

Both fighters look eager to get going and referee has to be firm to keep things under control under ring instructions. Finally, the gloves are tapped and the two fighters are in their corners. The bel rings.

R1: Dani crosses Kim up early with a left feint at her juggs while bringing her right in overhand into Kim’s jaw. Kim popped good, turns away and tries to regain her senses. Dani working Kim’s head and jaw until the battered Kim K gets her gloves up to protect her head. Now Dani is free to go after Kim to the juggs and she does so with great enthusiasm. Quick popping shots to the underside of Kim’s bra cups and then straight on punches to crush those melons against Kim’s own ribs. Then some lefts and rights to the sides to send Kim’s hooters sloshing from side to side. Kim lashing out with her jab to try to get Dani to back off. Dani hanging in to keep those juggs a-jumpin’! Then she adds some belly hooks to add to Kim’s misery. Kim does manage to hold her ground and keep Dani from pushing her into the ropes for a worse beating. Round ends with Kim gasping for air after Dani’s chest shots kept her lungs emptied. Round goes to Dani Fishel wide.

R2: Dani right back at Kim as soon as the new round gets started, but Kim standing her ground and now she’s firing crushing rights and lefts into proud Fishel rack. Dani never one to back down, hangs in and goes after Kim’s equally proud puppies with another lashing attack. JMD fans are cheering the two boob bangers on as they struggle for superiority. Dani adds some belly hooks an these do help knock Kim onto her heels. Dani trying to pour it on, but Kim’s going belly with hooks of her own. Fierce body banging that goes to the bell and the referee has to jump in to break it up when the two won’t stop punching. Very close round, but judges give it to Dani.

R3: Kim and Dani plunge right back into the inferno as soon as the bell sounds to start the new round. They move quickly across the ring and start those body punches as they go at it toe to toe. Juggs getting the primary attention at the start, but they are matching each other bra busting punch for bra busting punch. Then they both drop their targeting to go after each other to the belly. Short right and left hooks are being jerked into trembling sweat shiny belly meat and ringsiders start to hear the grunts from both as these shots dig in. They start circling a bit, trying to get leverage, but they are keeping even in terms of punches being landed. Dani’s known for her toughness in such battles, but Kim’s looking tough herself as she hangs in stubbornly. The bell rings and the two step back. They stand there panting, sweat dripping off their bodies and then silently turn away to return to their corners. The judges declare the round was a DRAW.

R4: Right back into the trenches go Dani and Kim. They get out to the center of ring and quickly resume the battle of attrition as the body punches come slamming home. A little different his time as the belly and ribs start out as the targets and the steady pounding has both fighters tipping forward until they are leaning on each other. Referee has to move in several times to break this off. Then over the last half of the round JMD start cheering as Kim and Dani go after each other rack with fresh energy. Kim is setting her feet and pushing them to push her punches harder and harder. Dani Fishel trying to stand fast, but starts to waver and then she stumbles back. Kim leaps forward with belly hooks to try to double Dani up. Dani jabs back and catches Kim a hard clip to the chin that momentarily stuns her. Dani moves back and establishes a new defensive line to hold Kim off when she comes back in. Pounding torso thunder and lightning to the bell. Both breathing hard, but sharp-eyed observers think Dani looks a bit shakier than Kim as they go back to their corners.

R5: Dani Fishel shifting her attention to Kim’s head as the new round begins. She rattles Kim with unexpected blows to the side of the head. Kim drops back, but quickly returns and she goes after Dani’s chin and jaw. Dani hit hard, but holds her position and fires back at Kim to the head. Kim blocking these shots, so Dani goes back to the breast punching and Kim’s rack comes under fresh hammering. Kim now the one hanging in and she’s firing back to Dani’s rack. The mammary mauling continues steadily, but then Kim stuffs a right hook into Dani’s belly. Dani shudders and jackknifes forward. Kim then brings an uppercut into Dani’s chin. Dani’s head snaps back and she stumbles back, arms waving wildly. Kim smashes rights and lefts into Dani’s jaw swiveling her head from one side to the other. Then a final straight right and left into Dani’s chest and DOWN GOES DANI FISHEL! Dani lands with shuddering force on the canvas and lies there, arms over head, legs spread in a perfect starfish. Referee moves in. Dani’s eyelids are fluttering and her chest is heaving, but when she tries to sit up she topples over onto her side and lies there, drooling onto the canvas as the referee declares:

“EIGHT!...NINE!...TEN!...YER OUT!”

THE WINNER KIM KARDASHIAN DEFEATS DANIELLE FISHEL KO5!

After: Kim warmly congratulated by Daisy Fuentes. She has her gloves removed and heads across the ring. Dani Fishel has been hauled to the Foxfire corner and propped up on her stool. Dani looks up sleepily at Kim.

“You aren’t looking so good,” Kim comments as she looks over Dani’s bruised and swollen face. “Maybe I should forget the post fight and settle for you admitting I’m better than you.”

“Screw you, Kimmy! You aren’t getting anything like that out of me,” Dani says flaring to life.

“I thought you might say that. So I’ll just settle for this—“ Kim says and yanks Dani off her stool and stuff her against the corner turnbuckle. Then she wraps her arms around Dani’s head and stuffs the smaller woman’s face into the sweaty hot darkness of her breasts.

Meanwhile the crowd is chanting: “J---M---D! J—M—D! J—M—D!”

Kim applies the smother until Dani is limp in her arms. Kim then lets Dani slide down until she is in a seated position on the canvas, deeply asleep with her chin resting on her collarbone.

Kim then strolls back to her own corner. Along the way she happily calls out to her cheering fans: “QUEEN KIM STRIKES AGAIN! I LOVE JMD!”

Dani Fishel could not be reached for comment. (“She’s sleeping it off,” Foxfire spokesperson Beth Harnois confides to Archer News reporter Skip Tracey.)

Quite a fight while it lasted. Both fighters showed plenty of grit and enthusiasm for this largely JMD contest, though it some well-placed jaw and chin shots that actually won the fight for Kim Kardashian. Good win for the GBS fighter. Another disappointing loss for Dani Fishel, but we suspect she’s not yet ready to hang up the gloves. In the meantime, JMD fans got to enjoy another stirring example of their favorite type of fight.