Charlize Theron vs. Joanne Kelly (Cougar)

 Words: Front Street / Results: Lookout!

BEFORE:

Golden Goddess Cougar Tour continues with Canada the next stop in the form of brunette beauty Joanne Kelly. And, while Charlize has been doing VERY well on the Cougar circuit, Kelly's no pushover, and Joanne wants to make sure everyone knows it. "I've won big fights against good fighters in the FCBA," the Canadian says. "And, not that long ago. Obviously, she's a legend, and I respect her. But. I don't sweat her."

"Joanne is real competition," says the Goddess. "And, that's JUST what I'm looking for."

ROUND ONE:

Feeling out process early. Goddess using that long left jab well. But, she doesn't have much reach on the rangy Canadian, and Joanne's finding the range pretty quickly and BOOM! Kelly lands a NASTY right hand and THERON IS HURT! Charlize all wobbly-butt just a minute in to this thing, and here comes Joanne looking to put a KO1 over the GOAT on her resume! Kelly is ALL OVER the blonde beauty, battering her back into the ropes and letting her have it with both hands. Theron hanging on in a tight guard, jabbing back here and there, trying to ride this thing out as the referee looks on, clearly on a hair-trigger. Final thirty seconds sees Kelly really PASTING the Hall of Famer and wondering what she's got to do to get the ref to put a stop to this. Whatever it is, she doesn't do it. The bell rings ending the proceedings. Joanne's taken it wide to lead 10-9, but a huge opportunity has gone wanting.

ROUND TWO:

Kelly pressing now, stepping forward behind the jab, backing up the blonde, looking to, if not finish up, clean up. Got to be careful, though. Few fighters in FCBA history have been better at turning fights around than...BOOM! Right-hand counter and Joanne is HURT! That quickly, the blonde spins things 180 and it's the Canadian who's all wobbly butt! Blonde firing away with both hands, backing up Kelly, forcing her against the cables, then making with the heavy artillery. Charlize still hasn't shaken all the cobwebs and that's helping the brunette as she hangs on in a high guard running clock and firing back here and there. Theron looking hard for the "off" switch, but not able to find. CT lands a hard right in the final seconds that gets the ref's attention, but, before he can step in, the bell rings, ending the stanza. Theron. Wide. And, we're even at 19.

ROUND THREE:

Theron in charge. Now she's the one walking forward behind the jab, landing hard right hands to back up a still-wobbly Kelly. CT has those great legs back now, and she's getting just about everything on some of these hard shots. Kelly able to avoid taking most of them clean, and, to her credit, doing a good job of shipping the clean leather that does land. But, it's grim stuff for the Canadian, who'd doing little more than taking a beating. About two minutes in, brunette starts clinching to slow things down, and that helps. Goddess able to shove or punch free eventually, but the brunette runs some clock and starts to get her own legs back. Final thirty seconds sees the fighters on relatively even terms, with Kelly now giving as good as she gets. But, at the bell, there's no question the GOAT has the round wide and the lead 29-28.

ROUND FOUR:

Fourth begins the way the third ended, on even terms. Ladies at gunnery range in the middle of the ring getting their respective boxes on. Both working the left hand, dropping in rights off them, building nice combinations. Veterans also showing excellent defense, moving heads, hands, feet, creating difficult targets while slipping or blocking punches. It's the kind of stuff you could put on an instructional video and absolute honey for boxing purists. Sweet science all the way, as blonde and brunette play angles and geometry and work beautifully to foul sights and set up openings to fill with leather. There's not much in it from beginning to end, and no effort to steal the points is made by either fighter in the closing seconds, so, when the bell rings, it's very tight for the first time, but it's Theron for the third straight round, and CT now leads 39-37.

ROUND FIVE:

More ranged two-way boxing with both blonde and brunette getting into rhythm. Again, no one able to gain a real advantage as the ladies go back and forth, back and forth. Until. They don't. All of a sudden, about a minute in, Kelly begins to take command. Theron's covering up, giving ground. And, it's all a result of a sneaky right hook Joanne lands, one that hurt Charlize but didn't look like it. Fans confused for a few moments, but eventually realize the GOAT is in trouble and the Canadian is taking her to the woodshed. Soon enough, crowd on its feet as Kelly pins Theron to the ropes and PUMMELS her for a full minute. Ref looking in, but Charlize defending herself, punching back in spots, doing enough to keep him away. Final seconds see Joanne just WINGING away looking to finish, but, at the bell, Theron's ridden it out again. It's Kelly wide, though, and the blonde's lead is now 48-47.

ROUND SIX:

Kelly in command. Brunette determined to finish this time, and Theron struggling mightily to prevent her from doing that. CT keeping the guard high, giving plenty of canvas away, working to both run clock and stay off the cables. Joanne too crafty to allow the latter, however, as she works the blonde backward, eventually pinning her and making with the big guns. CT in a tight earmuff, rolling with, slipping, blocking, countering here and there, but clearly taking the worst of it in a big way. Again, Joanne looking for that elusive finisher, but Theron's chin proving, as it has for over two decades, to be made of very, very stern stuff. Kelly doesn't stop trying though, thumping away even into the final seconds when Theron, apparently having shaken the worst of the damage, begins responding with hard combinations of her own. At the bell, it's Joanne wide and we're even at 57 after six.

ROUND SEVEN:

Ladies back to boxing on even terms. Joanne too experienced to press now, realizing, after the spirited battles late in the sixth, that Theron has the legs back. Instead, Canadian happy to box with, and holding her own very well on these terms. GOAT, meanwhile, working the left jab, dropping rights behind it, moving the feet, playing solid defense just like the brunette. It's more textbook stuff from both fighters like we saw in the fourth, and there's not much in it until, two minutes in, BOOM! Right-hand THERON and DOWN GOES KELLY! An absolutely perfect right hand from the blonde lands flush on the Canadian's chin and Joanne crashes to her back, bouncing once before settling on the canvas! Theron raises the arms above her head and goes to a neutral corner to await the inevitable. Count is a formality. Kelly is down and out and it's OVER and your winner by KO7 is "The Golden Goddess", Charlize Theron!

AFTER:

CT checks on Joanne on her stool. Kelly able to rise so the two tall beauties can hug it out. Plenty of respect from the blonde in the post-fight. "I always say I've been lucky in my career," the GOAT says. "I got signed early, at 23 and got to work through my prime. Some girls, they just don't get the opportunities, and you always wonder what would have happened. Joanne's like that. Already in her 30s before she got chances in the FCBA. If she'd have been signed ten years before? She might be a Hall of Famer."