(Words: Caspian, Results: Lookout!)

Kate Beckinsale vs Jennifer Love Hewitt (Cougar Bout)

Kate:
(47, 5’7, 54:38:3 FCBA, VIXENs)

Jennifer:
(41, 5’2, 54:72:1 FCBA, Free Agent)

BEFORE:
Onwards to the Hall of Fame, according to unofficial statements from VIX officials, who are struggling to explain Kate Beckinsale’s hard push these past few months as she aims for the magic 100 fights by the end of 2020.

“Pish-posh. You still listen to the tabloids, dear?” Kate smiles as she shakes her head at reporters in denial. “I’m having the time of my life - never felt better both inside or outside the ring. Plus, how often do you get a chance to beat up Jennifer?”

She’s of course referring to multiple award-winning champion Jennifer Love Hewitt, who was also eager to take this rematch after coming out on top the last time they fought in 2015.

“Kate’s definitely pushing herself,” Jennifer says with a shake of a head. “And she’s gonna go over that ledge tonight. Girls our age, bless our hearts - we shouldn’t be fighting this packed of a schedule, even if back in my day, I could put away three girls in a month no problem.”

Interesting match-up tonight as Kate goes after a thorn in her record, losing their last fight in six rounds when she really shouldn’t have: Beckinsale sporting a five-inch height advantage over her old foe, with the pair of cougars standing toe-to-toe on stage and looking worlds apart in terms of build and trajectory of their careers.

Still, there’s a cordial touch of gloves as both women depart backstage for their final preparations. Back in the arena, Hewitt still looks like a million dollars as she struts down the ramp in a sparkling navy blue bikini, holding up white gloves. Hewitt looks focused as she marches down the ramp next, her hair pulled back into a tight ponytail as she disrobes into a black bikini top and white boxing trunks, complete with red gloves on either hand. Referee’s eager to get this fight on the way as he waves for the bell. HERE we go with ten rounds of Bantamweight action!

ROUND 1:
Hewitt soars in like a cold front, making good on her promise to make their second encounter much like their first as she pounds away on Beckinsale’s guard with zero hesitation, drawing early yelps from the Vixen, who still seems intimidated by her opponent. Quite a sight to see indeed as the shorter woman controls the taller one, Jennifer storming in like a little firebrand and not giving Kate any space to take any swings of her own, instead battering her sides with hooks and quickly taking more potshots into her arms whenever Kate looks like she’s about to try something. Beckinsale manages to get away in the last minute, breathing slightly laboured as she pesters Hewitt to the face with long-range jabs, finally scoring some points for herself till the bell rings.

ROUND 2:
If Beckinsale was looking to dominate, however, Hewitt still ain’t having any of it. An early rush forward by both women sees Kate take a painful swipe across her chin, which sends her reeling to the side. Hewitt follows up with more punches aimed all over her body and chest, but Kate recovers enough to automatically go back into a defensive pattern - she’s learnt her lesson indeed, staying at a distance and pounding away on the arms with lefts and rights, socking Hewitt to the face whenever her opponent tries a follow-up rush inwards towards her. That’s how you impose a reach advantage, folks, as the five-inches is a divide too large to cross for Jennifer, with Hewitt finally retreating to take stock of the situation from afar.

ROUND 3:
Hewitt shows some signs of trouble as she tries repeatedly to probe at Kate’s defences, but fails. Her earlier strategy of all-out advance made sense at that time - surely an effective way of getting her hits on the aging and towering Brit. But now, after Kate’s gotten a few rounds to herself and used to her tactics, Hewitt’s eating shot after shot after shot as her face gets tagged with precise jabs, her body taking a beating as well as Kate gleefully leaps in to hammer her with combos, then scoots back out of the way before Jennifer can take a swinging hook back at her . Not sure how Beckinsale lost this fight the last time, but surely it’s an embarrassment the Brit wishes to alleviate tonight as she dominates the rest of the round.

ROUND 4:
Jenn not making things easy, however, driving an early cross to the arms to stun Kate on the spot, the American accurately predicting where her Brit counterpart was gonna sally to next, steps forward and slams a right hand into her guard instead, which draws an OUMPH from the Brit, followed by more grunts as another hook catches her on the side of the ear. For a moment, Hewitt looks back in control, rushing forward and digging more leather into the side of tummy, but she’s equally caught by surprise when a snap hook rattles back into her forearms, with both ladies continuing to dance around each other for the rest of the round, small steps inwards followed by ripping swings that only occasionally land. Jennifer however does manage to stem the bleeding from the last two rounds as she retakes by a small margin.

ROUND 5:
We hit round 5 and for these Cougars, we’re effectively in the last stretch of ten rounds: both Kate and Hewitt feeling the burn as well, of course, coming forward heaving slightly as they put their dukes up one last time. Tentative jabs from Kate sting into the arms as the Brit looks eager to finish off her foe and be home for tea and crumpets, till Hewitt also lights her face and body up with return machine-gun fire, the American not to be bullied as she suddenly CHARGES in looking for the kill! Hail Mary attempt to end things early as Kate scrambles back to control the raging woman, narrowly avoids a hook-uppercut combo directed at her chin, and by the stroke of luck PUNTS the American’s head to the side with a counter-hook as she came soaring in, sending Hewitt crashing down to her side as though her strings are CUT all at once!! OUCH!! Brutal strike outta nowhere, with Hewitt groaning, then rolling over to her back, where she has her eyes squeezed shut for the rest of the 10-count! Referee waves his arms in the air and it’s OVER!!

Official Decision: Kate Beckinsale defeats Jennifer Love Hewitt via KO5!

AFTER:
Another one bites the dust as Kate’s quest for immortality continues! Backstage, a loud blonde shriek echoes through the arena hallways as her chief naysayer plots her destruction before she manages to cross the finish line! Kate however can only hear the cheers echoing throughout the arena as she sports a grin by the ropes, her brow soaked with sweat.

Hewitt is offered a hand and Kate’s condolences, but this time, the actress refuses, preferring to stay seated on the ground and allow the medical team to patch her up. Kate shrugs her shoulders, returns to her corner where she holds up four fingers to the crowd, indicating the number of fights she has left to clear the magic hurdle. Can she make history by the end of 2020?