Jenny McCarthy
(47 / 5’7” / 67:65 FCBA / Sceej)

Elyse Willems
(34 / 5’3” / 5:5 FCBA / The Comediennes)

Results: Lookout! / Story: The Comediennes

Pre-fight:

“I told The Comediennes they better bring a body bag for Elyse,” says Jenny as she holds up a black body bag. “But I brought my own since they’re too stupid to listen. I’m going to finish Elyse early and put her stupid little stable in their rightful place. Under me!”

“Look, we all know why this fight is happening when it’s happening,” says Elyse. “Jenny McCarthy broke into Comediennes headquarters, ambushed me, and then stole our data. Then she released the video to the entire world. She’s gotten away with a lot for a long time. I’m not going to allow my stable to get pushed around by freaking Jenny McCarthy of all people.”

R1: Elyse comes out of her corner like her hair is on fire. She tosses jab after jab at Jenny, each one of them nailing the bigger girl. Jenny gets walked back a bit, clearly taken aback by Elyse’s aggression.

Elyse continues to work Jenny around the ring. Despite the reach advantage, Jenny can’t get a punch in. Elyse has a fire in her eyes as she slams a right hook into Jenny’s midsection. Elyse continues to walk Jenny around the ring.

Jenny throws a nice combo that breaks Elyse’s momentum and the two reset close to a neutral corner.

Elyse stands tall as Jenny starts throwing a barrage of punches. Elyse’s defense holds up and she’s able to counter punch enough to open up a window for a right hook. It hits Jenny’s chin perfectly and the bell rings. Elyse takes the opening round somewhat comfortably.

10-9 Willems.

R2: Out come the fighters and Elyse tries to work a combo, but it’s broken up by a McCartny jab.

Elyse shakes it off and tries to go in for more, but Jenny finds a right cross that knocks Elyse on her heels. Elyse puts her gloves up and Jenny tees off on the body.

Right, left, right, left, right, left… Jenny tenderizes Elyse’s abs and the smaller blonde’s hands drift down. Jenny with a right hook that knocks Elyse backwards into the ropes. The Comedienne covers up as Jenny puts the heat on.

McCarthy sinks three straight rights into Elyse’s ribs and the Canadian lets out a howl of pain. Elyse scramlbes from the ropes, but Jenny throws a right cross that connects and puts her in the corner.

Jenny sports a massive smile as she proceeds to throw blow after blow. Elyse can’t stop her. She can’t counter punch. Her defense gets knocked down as her body gets hit with seismic confidence shattering jolts. Jenny hits Elyse with the left uppercut then follows with the right hook.

The Comedienne captain falls to the canvas. Her eyes are closed. Her face is already starting to puff up.

Jenny walks back over to her corner and barks something at her trainer.

Elyse doesn’t move… she’s in dreamland. The ref counts to 10.

Winner: Jenny McCarthy KO Round 2.

Post-fight:

Jenny gets her gloves off and snags the black body bag from a trainer in her corner. She drags the bag over to Elyse, whose eyes are just cracking open. Jenny pushes one of The Comedienne trainers out of the way and drags Elyse to the center of the ring by her hair.

“You with me?” Jenny asks the almost comatose Elyse. “Maybe next time you’ll keep that mouth of yours shut.”

Jenny slides Elyse into the body bag. She stands over the beaten blonde, wiggling her ass as she zips the big black bag. The last thing Elyse sees before the bag closes is Jenny’s smug grin and her middle finger next to it.