JENNIFER ANISTON VS JENNIFER GARNER

COUGAR BOUT

Results: Lookout Writing: Archer

Jen A.: 51 YO, 5’4 ¾ (1.64 m), 8-23-0, 6 KO since 1999, Global Boxing Syndicate

Jen G.: 48 YO, 5’8 (1.73 m), 89-42-1, 60 KO since 2002, Foxfire Boxing

Before: “I understand this was ‘By Popular Demand’ fights,” says Jennifer Aniston. “I guess there are a lot of fans who would like to see me take on a Hall of Famer with multiple titles on her record and is at least 3 inches bigger than me. Well, I have to admit, I am curious to see what happens. I will admit my regular FCBA career was not exactly spectacular, but I would like to point out that I never had the benefit of regular management. I am grateful to GBS to signing me. I am hoping that, as a Cougar, I can finally show I am lot of better than my record.”

Jennifer Garner smiles at this: “I’ve had to deal with smaller opponents and some of them gave me a lot of trouble. I have never claimed to be invincible. You never know what will happen once a fight gets started. Of course, I am expecting to win, but you got a chance, kid.”

“’Kid’?” says Jen A. with a raised eyebrow. “I am 41.”

“Well, that’s 7 years my junior. Think of it as: I was in Elementary School when you were in diapers,” teases Jen.

“Goo! Goo! Gaa!” says Jen A. sarcastically.

“It’s just a thought,” Jen. G, says innocently.

“Oh sure,” says Jen A. “See you in the ring ‘Old Jennifer’.”

“See you in the ring ‘Baby Jennifer’,” retorted Jen A. with a smile.

For all the good humor of their pre-fight get-together, Jen Aniston and Jen Garner had a certain edge to their comments. Jen A. in particular said to be hoping her Cougar career will make up for a disappointing regular FCBA boxing career. As for Jen G. she would rather not find herself losing to someone with Jennifer’s record. The tension is subtle, but there even as they later meet in the ring.

Jennifer Aniston is in one of her classic outfits the orange and brown one piece she wore for the cover of “Rolling Stone” magazine. Brown gloves and boots with orange lacings. Her hair is pulled back in a ponytail. Jennifer Garner in a black halter top one piece with black boots and gloves and red lacings. Her hair is pulled back in a battle braid. The two Jennifers are quiet, but tense with eagerness to get this going. Instructions are complete and they touch gloves. Then it is off to their corners. DING! DING! The bell sounds.

R1: Jen A. very aggressive at the outset of the bout. She is quick across the ring and greets Jen G, with a swiping right across the mouth, then a left that smacks the point of Garner’s chin. Jen G. pulls back looking dazed. Jen A moves quickly to take advantage by pounding away at Jen to the face and body. Garner still retreating, trying to protect her face while Aniston is driving meaty hooks into rib cage and stomach. Jen G. trying to use her jab to slow the rampaging Jen A. down, but Jen duking down to fire her hooks up into Garner’s stomach and breasts. Jen G, looking pressured as she struggles to handle all the leather Jen A is throwing at her. Round ends and Jennifer Aniston looks very pleased at winning this one easily. Jennifer Garner looking dismayed at being roughed up like this and walks to her corner with a grim look on her face.

R2: Jennifer Garner apparently decided during the break she’s going to show Jennifer Aniston who is in charge around here. She fairly flies out of her corner and comes blitzing in against an unsuspecting Aniston. Jen A. finds herself thrust back into her own corner and punched hard to the face and body. Garner going at her opponent full-on and Aniston is really getting worked over, “CLINCH! CLINCH!” You can hear Aniston’s trainer calling out to her and Aniston quickly wraps her arms around Garner pinning her arms to her sides. That’s one way of stopping a beat down, but referee breaks it up and Jen A once again comes under a leather storm from Jen G. Aniston does manage to scramble away from Garner and make it to center ring, but follows and continues the bombardment. Jen A able to protect her head, but gets shelled hard to the body until the bell sounds. Aniston still standing, but she walks on trembling legs back to her stool. Satisfied look on Garner’s face as she scores a shutout in this round.

R3: Jennifer Aniston tries to shrug off her R2 beating by coming out swinging. Jennifer Garner must have thought she’d knocked the fight out of Aniston because she is caught by surprise as Aniston brings driving straight right left bunches into her face. Garner reels back with her face suddenly busted up, but manages to stall Aniston’s follow-up with smashing right off Jen A’s chin. Aniston shakes this off and comes at Garner again. Now they are toe to toe and slamming in the short right and lefts hands to light up ribs and abs. They go at it hard and fast. Neither wanting to give way, Then Jen A sneaks an uppercut into Jen G’s chin and that sends Garner stutter-stepping back. Garner rallies and battles Aniston to a standstill as the round winds down, but the judges decide Jennifer Aniston has edged out Jennifer Garner to win a comeback round.

R4: Jennifer Aniston looks eager to go as she sits on her stool during the break. Jennifer Garner is tight-lipped and silent. At the bell, Jen G pounds her mitts together and heads out. Jen A moving out fast and gets to center ring first. Garner is coming in, Aniston leaps forward and tries to bring an overhand right into Garner’s face over her mitts. However Garner turns and blocks the blow with her shoulder and then swings back with right cross to Aniston’s. Blow swivels Jen A’s head and sends her staggering to one side. Garner moves with her and brings clouting rights down on Aniston’s skull. Jen A trying to get away, turns back and promptly takes another big, smashing right to the jaw, then a left to the jaw. Jen A starts to topple backwards and Jen adds a crashing right uppercut that lifts Aniston’s off her feet! JENNIFER ANISTON CRASHES ONTO THE CANVAS BOUNCES ONCE AND LAYS THERE STRARFISHED__ARMS AND LEGS OUTFLUNG!

Jennifer Garner looks down at the fallen Jennifer Aniston as if to satisfy herself this time Aniston won’t be beating the count. Then Garner trots off to the neutral corner as the referee starts to count. Aniston moving around as the count goes on and rolls onto her right side, but that’s the best she can do.

“SEVEN!...EIGHT!...NINE!...TEN!...YOU’RE OUT!”

THE WINNER JENNIFER GARNER DEFEATS JENNIFER ANISTON KO4!

After: “I told you she was dangerous” says Jennifer Garner, “you saw the troubles she gave me. Fortunately, they were troubles I could handle and put her down for good in the 4th. She’s got some good stuff. She might want to stick to opponents more her own size and skill level, but that’s just my opinion.”

“I was always the underdog in this fight and I guess you all saw why,” Jennifer Aniston says later. “I think I did hurt her at times, but clearly not often enough. Her advice on future opponents? Please! That’s for me and my management to decide. We don’t need advice from her.”

Not a surprising result, but there was still plenty of action for Cougar fans in the 4 rounds it lasted. Though she claimed she wasn’t underestimating Jennifer Aniston, Jennifer Garner did seem to do just that at several points tonight. However, it wasn’t enough to save Aniston once Garner got rolling. She might not want advice from Jen G, but Jen A probably should listen. She does have her strengths, She just needs more suitable opponents. As for Garner, she seems to be enjoying her Cougar campaign and her fans look forward to seeing where it takes her next.