Retro Bout (June 1987)
Heather Locklear vs Tawny Kitaen
(Age: 25; 5'5" vs Age: 25; 5'6")
Results: Lookout!; Story: Vassago

BEFORE: We're only weeks away from Guns n' Roses debut album release so Whitesnake and Motley Crue are still the talk of the town in rock music which leads into a highly-anticipated clash between two women deeply involved on the matter. Former "TJ Hooker" and current "Dynasty" box office Heather Locklear married Tommy Lee only a year before and things are still looking swell in the Motley Crue zip code however David Coverdale's long-time fiancee Tawny Kitaen never accepted the blonde actress as one of their own:

"She's just a wannabee blonde bimbo who serves as pure window dressing. She's got no talent to speak of but keeps getting cast on network TV! Baloney! I'd rip her hair out for starters but I might as well knock her the hell OUT instead!"

Heather was long tired of being targeted by the voluptous redhead (who actually dated Tommy Lee before he hooked up with Locklear) and has finally snapped to the point she accepted the boxing challenge: "Talk about a complete airhead calling people out! What are her talents anyway? Mud wrestling? This is where David found her to begin with? Other than spreading her legs she's got nothing over me. Nothing! I'm gonna bash her face IN and that's the end of it!"

Boxing action takes place in the famed Hollywood Tropicana nightclub sometime in June 1987. Heather Locklear wears a white bikini set & black gloves. Long blonde hair tied in a curled ponytail. Tawny Kitaen wears a black bikini set & red gloves. Curly auburn red hair loose.

Round 1:
Tawny moves in a rowdy redhead style to smack immediate leather into the blonde's face trying to find out what if the rock import is for real. Heather blocks the initial charge with her face but finds her groove thereafter and triggers a hectic back & forth tussle that makes the biker boys in the stands very loud indeed. Heather whacks a chaotic series snapping Tawny's head back but eats a wild stinger on the temple as the redhead adapts a street style response and gashes the actress from both flanks in true swarming fashion. She overwhelms the "bimbo" and keeps blasting more punches on target; the precision goes away come the final minute but Locklear seems bothered by the high-octane experience after all and gets clobbered back to the post as Kitaen takes the opener on points.

Round 2:
More slugging action in the second; Tawny gears up to slam immediate leather into the blonde's face but gets busted in the cleavage and wobbles forward with a sudden whimper which allows Heather to find her aggressive mojo much to the crowd's delight. The Tropicana patrons are never tired of shapely blondes throwing some beef around and Locklear's drive snaps Kitaen's head back and drops her stumbling onto the ropes before too long... she tries to fire back over the top but Heather running in high gear is simply the supreme woman during the second round. She whoops more of Tawny's boobs and folds her into loud spasms before a clubbing hook on the left ear leaves the redhead on jelly knees at the bell.

Round 3:
Tawny rushes her punches early in the third and gets methodically outworked by the blonde foe who slowly but surely begins to dominate the action and gives the rowdy redhead more head-rocking problems. Ugh! All those years battling for attention at backstage parties suddenly count for nothing as Kitaen is unable to fend off the blonde's slugging menace that drops her onto the ropes again. Locklear piles on more juice and cuts Tawny below the left eye which prompts a lenghty verbal tirade as the actress carries the hot slugging hand into the final minute when she thumps the rocker girl into an earmuff stupor. Uh-oh! A wild hook on the nose earns Kitaen a second cut and she's furious about the fight to the point she shoves the referee away and argues with some of the patrons in the first row during the interval.

Round 4:
Heather thinks she's got the redhead all figured out and clatters into her boobs but eats a quick hook from the inside moments later and fails to buckle up when Tawny blows a right hook on the nose as well. Ugh! Blonde sinks on soft knees and has the redhead charging up the alley before an overhand double nails Locklear on each temple and wobbles her into a vicious uppercut on the jaw. Oi, Hevvy! Tawny powers ahead with a mean series and pumps leather spot on target handing the blonde a couple of nasty lumps before a desperate clinching stalemate halts her progress. However Tawny frees her right hand and buries a piston-like series into the exposed stomach which drops Heather into more spasms thereafter. The action takes place in the corner late and it's all Kitaen chopping hard punches into the blonde's midriff.. referee has a hard time pulling the rowdy redhead off her prey but the Tropicana patrons are all for outright blood now...

Round 5:
Locklear still feels all those body shots from the fourth and is late to react when Tawny blows up into her face again. The street style is back on the menu and rocks the blonde's head on speed dial before a right hook clatters the jaw and drops Locklear into loud spasms. Ugh! She tries to swing through Kitaen's charge but bounces off the top of her forehead and eats a brutal hook on the chin moments later. Uh-oh! Gravity is ready to take over but Tawny still nicks in one last shot that nails Heather on the right brow ridge and DROPS HER DOWN FOR THE COUNT!!! Booyah! Tawny yells at the crowd in visible delight and twerks her booty while the ref orders a rather slow count which might give Heather a second chance here... or not! Tommy's wife is all done here and can barely sit down on her heels at seven before bending her head against the canvas just as the merciless count passes her by. KO5 Tawny Kitaen!!!

AFTER: The original rocker pin-up gets her revenge on Tommy and his new trophy wife! Those damn covers are always second best, right? Someone passes the redhead a bowl of cannoli and she carefully dumps it over the stunned blonde's head while Whitesnake's newly re-released single "Here I Go Again" pumps through the Tropicana speakers. Tawny performs more provocative dance moves to entertain the patrons leaving Heather to crawl away in shame... for the time being. Upon hearing that Locklear plans a rematch sooner rather than later Kitaen welcomes the challenge: "You know, this side of Heather Thomas and Tanya Roberts I can smash every single blonde airhead out there. Heather just doesn't realize she's a cheap attention seeker and will never make the A-Grade! But I can always whoop her tawdry ass again! Just let me know when and where!" (winks).

Official Result: Tawny Kitaen def. Heather Locklear KO5.