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28 August 2022 Rosie Huntington Whitley vs Adrianne Palicki

Page history last edited by neon 1 month ago

OFFICIAL FCBA "BOILING POINT" PPV 2022

Posted by Lookout! Boxing on 28 August 2022 at 10:25 am

Rosie Huntington Whitley v Adrianne Palicki

(Results by Lookout, words by Sceej)

Puzzling matchup - pundits wondering why either girl would sign for this. Rosie has been in process of untracking career but jinxed versus Sceej Boxing, having suffered a loss to the laughable Carrie Prejean back in the day. Palicki wandering n the wilderness, is seems a LONG time ago when she was on top of the FCBA and wearing both the lightweight and welterweight belts. Since losing titles, Big Adrianne has been out of sorts. Reports out of the Sceej camp that the usually meek Palicki (nicknamed “The Big Girl Scout” ny the rambunctious GLN and J-Mac) has been quietly perturbed by all of the attention flowing to “Godzilla” AKA Robyn Lawley.

When asked to comment, head trainer Scrubby McGee winked and said “I shudder ta t’ink what would happen to a goil if Big Addie ever got mad!”

Fight Night

Rosie to ring accompanied by seconds Blake Lively and Taylor Swift, hair pulled back in a pony tail, red shorts, sports bra, boots and gloves. Sound system then thumping L.L. Cool J’s “Momma Said Knock You Out” and here comes “The Chin Checker”, accompanied by Scrubby McGee … and they let Jenny McCarthy out of her cage! Palciki not herself, visibly surly, prowling in her corner like a caged lioness, eyeing the model across the ring with bad intentions. For her part, Huntington Whitley with Taylor Swift in her ear, looking cooly confident. For the referee's instructions, Palicki with icy glare - who IS this?!! Jenny Mac chirping at Rosie, chirping at Tay-Tay, chirping at Blake … notices Grand Wizard and assorted Front Streeters ringside and yeah, she chirps at them too - usual Jenny noise.

Round 1

Palicki out of corner with dukes high, right hand at ear. Huntington Whitley all loose and rangy with hands low. Model dancing on toes … spitting jab from dangling left. Palicki content to follow … follow … then times a right over the jab and rocks Rosie’s world! Right hand catches blonde on the temple and she stumbles back into ropes with the big lioness on her fast! Taylor Swift urgent from corner, “Clinch!!!” British beauty grabs on and holding for dear life early but being rag-dolled by power on Big Addie! Referee in and it is a job to wrestle fighters apart. Once break established, blonde with cagy move of circling behind the referee, using foot speed to try to keep ref between her and heavy handed brunette. Uses respite to clear head then back at the big girl … jab jab .. feint’s jab and cracks Palicki a clapping right to forehead … and eats a savage hook to the ribs in reply. Now Rosie hurt to the body! Palicki doubles hook - downstairs and up … ribs and temple and shakes model visibly. Rosie fires back with right hand … looking to keep opponent off and make her respect British hitting power! Huntington Whitely lands straight right to forehead and takes left hook to jaw - advantage Palicki as blonde knees shimmy. Bell rings and Palicki is cheating up wordlessly … drawing a two handed shove from Rosie. Big opening round for the chin checker!

Rounds 2 through 4

Lively in Rosie’s ear, “Use speed, give her angles, get in - do your damage and then get out … but never back straight out! Stay away from that straight right hand!”. Huntington Whitley an apt student - she dominates the 2nd, 3rd and most of the 4th rounds, using hand and foot speed to befuddle the lanky Palicki. Blonde is in … flurries with both hands … left to body and then right to temple .. or right to sternum and left hook to the jaw … and then she is gone! Palicki right hand counter finding nothing but air - and as most fighters will tell you, few things more tiring than swinging and missing. Brit getting sassy - sticking her tongue out - pricking chin checker pride and inducing more big swings. It’a all playing into the flashy model’s hands! She is dominating rounds with hands speed and that elusive term “ring generalship”. Fates corner slapping her back and calling for more of the same. Sceej corner has confusing mixed message - Scrubby calling for focus and Jenny Mac exhorting, “Just knock this skank out!”. Near the end of the fourth, Rosie careless and back straight out … catches just the end of that long right counter but that is enough to wobble blonde knees! Look of confusion and touch of panic in Brit’s eyes as Adrianne shoves her into the cables and digs long looping hook to flank which has Rosie sagging like a second hand couch! Bell rings and Adrianne fronting up, drawing a shove from Taylor Swift as she comes into the ring to guide fates fighter to corner - which in turn has Jenny McCarthy struggling to get into the ring, braying “So it’s gonna be like that? I’m down for it … I’m down!!!” as security restrains her. 2nd and 3rd rounds to Rosie wide - total domination - but the big girl may have stolen the 4th with that late flurry. Most cards have it dead even through four - maybe Huntington Whitley ahead by a point?

Ringside, Grand Wizard to Cassie, “See that, kid? Girl fought three damn near perfect rounds. Thing is … when you’re in there with Palicki, near perfect may not cut it. Let up for a second and if one them heat seeking missiles finds the chin, you’re staring up at the house lights listening to the man count to ten!”

Pointy, “I say … is is me or is the big girl in an unusually foul humor?”

Wiz, “Yeah … I think you’re onto something. Usually she’s the big ‘Girl Scout’ - she does seem kinda edgy tonight.”

Round 5

Scrubby in Adrianne’s ear, “Now lissen Addie, she’s gonna come out play actin’ like she ain’t hoit … but she is hoit! Woik da body - take some of da sass outta dem legs, see? Den look ta finish, unnerstan’? Finish!!!”. Rosie Huntington Whitley out of corner bouncing but it is not purposeful - still trying to shake cobwebs even after a minute. Palicki with dukes under chin, weaving side to side, slipping British jab and herding blonde into smaller and smaller ring confines - then thudding buggy whip left to rib cage rattles model. Immediate follow up with left hook to temple (partially blocked) then hard left right combination to midriff, causing blonde to yelp and lean forward, trying to tie up Palicki but big girl pushes her off and pins her on ropes with paralyzing double left hook to the body. Palicki steps back for punching room and fires straight right hand that breaks through Whitley guard. Palicki turns to referee - “Ask her!”. Referee puzzled and perturbed - signals “fight” _ and Palicki again with straight right hand and again turns to ref “Ask her! Ask her if she wants to quit!”.

Boos reigning down as ref takes the Chin Checker by the wrist and warns her to cut the theatrics or he will take a point! Palicki glaring .. then right back at it! Right hand “ask her!” … right hand “ask her” … right hand “ask her” … Huntington Whitely looking very shabby as referee intervenes … is he stopping it? No, he’s deducting a point!!! Referee is deducting a point from Adrianne Palicki for failure to follow his commands … and McCarthy berserk ringside!

“What the f*ck are you running here? A sorority pillow fight?!!”

Ref now jawing with Mac … and Palicki back on Fates fighter! Straight right hand … Whitley sagging in ropes … straight right hand and bellowing “ASK HER!” … and Fates corner THROWS IN THE TOWEL. Taylor Swift into ring and chesting up with Palicki, “What the f*ck was that?!!” Palicki snarling “I want my respect!!!”. Jenny Mac now giddy in the ring - taunting Swift and Lively.

Winner by TKO in the 5th … the Chin Checker … Adrianne Palicki!

Post fight issue of FCBA Enquirer features photo shot at ringside of Adrianne Palicki snarling and Jenny McCarthy laughing maniacally = caption “Has McCarthy finally brought Palicki to the Dark Side?”