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27 November 2022 Joanne Kelly vs Charlize Theron

Page history last edited by neon 4 weeks, 1 day ago

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Posted by Lookout! Boxing on 27 November 2022 at 11:45 am

Joanne Kelly vs Charlize Theron

Results-Lookout, Story-Tractorpull

Tale of the Tape

Joanne Kelly

Age 44

Height 5’9”

8-15-0

Charlize Theron

Age 47

Height 5’9 1.2”

311-127-12

8 Unified Lightweight titles

7 Unified Welterweight titles

1 Unified Middleweight title

3 Maxim Lightweight titles

2 Paramount Lightweight titles

1 Reebox Lightweight title

2 Reebox Welterweight titles

2 Paramount Welterweight title

Original Member of the Hall Of Fame

Mistress of the Body Saddle 1/26/08-1/115

BEFORE

Joanne comes to the podium. As usual Charlize is nowhere to be seen. She’s in her dressing trailer watching Joanne of the TV. Joanne looks around at the crowd. I know you want to know why I am here on the beach. I wanted a rematch and she insisted on a beach fight. Charlize is a veteran of the beach. but those were her terms. I don’t have a winning record. I have lost a bunch recently and my opponent is the Greatest Of All Time. Nobody gives me a chance, but Charlize has lost 127 fights and some of them were upsets. It’s happened before and it just might happen again. We fought two years ago. We were even at the end of six. I made a mistake in the seventh and Charlize took advantage of it and ended the fight. Tonight I am going to do my best to change that and walk away with one of the biggest upset in history. Back in Charlizes dressing room she hops off the massage table and tells the crew “Lets go”

THE FIGHT

Joanne is in her corner. She wearing sea green bikini with black gloves and boots. Her hair is loosely about her shoulders. Charlize comes down the sand aisle wearing a black robe around her shoulders, hood pulled over her head. She enters the ring, discards the robe revealing the usual red bikini with red gloves and boots, Her hair is in a ponytail. The two meet in the center of the ring for the usual instructions that they already know by heart. They touch gloves and return to their corners,

Round 1. Charlize’s opening gambit is well known. For some reason, she hasn’t changed it. Joanne knows there will be two or three right jabs coming her way. Joanne has her gloves and easily picks off the jabs and then drops her right and drives into the blonde’s midsection. Charlize goes to Kelly’s head with a right-left combination while Joanne lands a body twisting right into Theron’s solar plexus that brings a gasp from the blonde. The brunette follows up with a right hook to the chin and a left cross to the side of Theron’s head. A Charlize right cross misses and Joanne’s right uppercut doesn’t and she has Theron on the ropes. Charlize manages a pair of left/right crosses to fight her way off the ropes only to be stunned by another right uppercut. Joanne has Charlize on the ropes again. Charlize has her guard up protecting her head and Joanne steps back and then drives a straight right and left into the blondes bra. THERONS HURT. She sags in the ropes arms across her chest Her face is wide open, but the bell rings before Joanne can take advantage. In Therons corner the Nascar corner goes to work. Upton is on Theron’s case “What are you doing? You are letting her dictate the fight. The judges probably gave her a 10-8. That’s not a good start so shape up”

Round 2. Kelly is quickly out of her corner meeting Charlize not far from her corner. Charlize is moving a little slower. Joanne lands a right jab to Charlize’s face and then another. Theron manages a right cross to the brunettes head, but is again shocked when Joanne drives another pair of overhand punches into her bra. Theron’s guard drops to cover her chest and an overhand right crashes into the face sending the blonde staggering back to the to ropes. Joanne wants to end it now and goes for

Theron’s head. Rights and lefts punch the blondes head on way then the other. Theron’s eyes are going glassy. The referee start to watch her carefully but Charlize gets her gloves up and manages to push out a weak left jab. Joanns steps back to take a look at her opponent and then wades back in gloves punching away as the blonde sags in the ropes. The referee is again watching closely. Once again the blonde’s best friend,

the bell calls a halt to the round. In Theron’s corner the Nascar team goes to do their magic. An ammonia capsule is broken and waved under her nose while ice rubbed on the back of her neck. Robbie is massaging her back and Scerbo her legs. Neve forces her to drink some water. In the meantime Upton tells the GOAT. They are going to expect you to stay away, so you do the opposite. Go at her. In Kelly’s corner, she is told “great job far. “She can’t take much more but you got to remember the old rule. Theron is most dangerous when she is hurt so you got to be careful”

Round 3. Round 3. Kelly is surprised when Theron meets her in the center of the ring. They eye each other, push out several jabs and then back off. The circle each other looking for an opening. Once again the meet and clash exchanging punches and breaking it off. Kelly’s corner is yelling for her to close and end it, but those famous Theron legs still work. She is now moving in landing a couple punches to the head or body and quickly backing out. Charlize isn’t ready to engage in a slugfest yet. She needs a little more time to recover. The crowd is getting tired of the blonde’s dancing and is yelling for them to fight. Joanne is trying but Theron’s legs keep her out of danger. At the bell Charlize returns to her corner to chorus of of dissatisfaction and insults. In Charlize’s corner Kate tells her to “ignore the crowd you’re looking much better”

Round 4. Charlize leaves her corner with her gloves down by her side She rolls her shoulders and has the gloves up when the two meet. Charlize lands a left-right to Kelly face and Kelly returns the favor. They are not backing off as they have done previously. They are now toe to toe punching away at each other. Heads are rocked and bodies pillaged as the two mindlessly punch away. Charlize lands a left hook the Joanne’s jaw that staggers her. Charlize lunges to land another and right into a left uppercut that buckles her legs. Joanne pursues and is caught with an overhand right to the face. The crowd has changes it’s mind. They are now on their feet urging their favorite on, Again, a left uppercut staggers Charlize while a roundhouse right send Joanne reeling. They both wobbly move towards each other as the round ends. Both corners are engaged in some serious repairs. In Theron’s corner Kate whispers “go where you haven’t gone yet” Charlize nods.

Round 5. Joanne and Charlize are out of their corners quickly. Neither

bears any resemblance to the two women that entered the ring twenty minutes ago. They both know they have to end it. Again the crowd is on it’s feet as they close and start slugging away. They are both being rocked, Finally the Charlize lands a right cross to the face. Joanne raises her glove to protect her face and Charlize goes steps back and drives two overhand punches into Joanne’s bra. As her hands drop to protect her chest, Charlize’s right hand drops to her hip and up comes that body twisting right landing flush on Joanne’s chin. Kelly is knocked into the ropes and then pitches forward crashing face down in the sand.. Charlize takes one look as the referee starts the count over Joanne who hasn’t moved a muscle and walks to her corner where is gets a big hug from Upton

AFTER

Joanne and Charlize are sitting side by side at the press conference both almost unrecognizable

Charlize: That was some fight. Joanne had me beaten several times. Once again, it was my amazing corner with Neve, Margot and Cassie that saved me. I couldn’t have won without them. Without them, I would have never survived the third and fourth rounds. Joanne’s record may not be the best, but she is a good fighter. I felt I owed her a rematch and now I regret it. Having your face and body taken apart is not fun.

Joanne: Well thanks for the rematch. I really thought I had you in the second. I should have known you don’t go that easily. Our first fight, I was even with you at the end of six. This fight I had you ready to go in the second and the fourth. I know I have lost two to you, but I want a third try. It’s like three strikes and you are out. One more fight please”

Charlize: “I will think about it. Any comments from you of the press”

Tess: ‘Charlize as a good friend of yours, I have to tell you, I am sitting here looking at you both. If I didn’t know better I would swear that Joanne beat the crap out of you. She looks so much better than you do. I don’t think you want do it with her again”

Charlize; “Really! OK, Joanna you get a third fight courtesy of Miss Valmore. I know I am booked until next August so how about then

Joanne: “You’re on in a regular ring next time. No sand and maybe next time. I will be the person sitting at this table who was the winner and we will be talking about a best of five.

Kate Upton “Charlize, We need to get you back to the trailer. You got a half hour of damage repair. Good night everyone and have a safe trip home