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Krysten Ritter vs. Jenny McCarthy
(Results: Lookout / Words: Queens)
BEFORE:
A cold war about to turn hot. Krysten Ritter wearing a skin tight black halter top, a black leather jacket, and hip hugging blue denim jeans with thigh high heeled black boots at the press conference with Jenny McCarthy on the other side of the press table already in a gold robe as if she came to Crypto Arena ready to do just one thing: fight Ritter. Both were accompanied by respective stablemates: Krysten by Elyse Levesque who was wearing a pink skin tight halter top with dark grey tights and Jenny accompanied by Adrianne Palicki in a red top and black denim jeans. Shots that would be heard around the FCBA between Krysten and Jenny were about to be fired.
“When Jenny actually challenged me to a match in this Pay-Per-View I thought she was insane. Then someone told me she was. I mean, she hasn’t won a match in months and she wants to go against a Queen,” Krysten snarked.
“Didn’t Alexis use that body of yours as a punching bag during the Queens debut? Just imagine what I’m going to do to it, you’ll be moaning on the canvas and have to be helped out of the ring,” Jenny snapped back.
Krysten took a more intimidating stance as she retorted, “I don’t know what kinky sh*t you’re in to; I’m just waiting for you to show me some moves.”
McCarthy replied, “don’t look to intimidate with all your goth leather ‘show me a move’ bullsh*t - just bring it on and I will send you home crying to your mama!”
Elyse Levesque snickered at that statement under her breath knowing how full of it Jenny was.
One of the many things the Queens are good at is intimidation and Krysten Ritter was wearing four inch flat heel boots. She was already tall at 5’9” but add four inches and she flirts with six feet - 6’1” to be exact in comparison to Jenny’s mere 5’7” giving her a a six inch intimidating height advantage.
Going into the standoff, it was impossible to not notice how much taller Krysten Ritter appeared compared to Jenny McCarthy. Krysten merely smirked with a hand on her hip as she stood, looking down at Jenny who brought her first dangerously close to Krysten’s solar plexus. Ritter was daring her to try something. The photographs from the press spoke volumes of the superiority of one girl over the other and the uphill battle one was facing but the Queens and Sceej girls were about to go at it in the ring giving the press a lot more photos.
Fight night live at Crypto Arena at LA LIVE in Los Angeles, California and the audience was going wild as a clash between the Queens and Sceej was about to begin. First out, having lost the robe in favor of a red bra and gold boy shorts, red gloves and red boots; but did not lose her entourage, Jenny McCarthy. She hopped into the ring and raised her arms to the mixed cheers of the crowd - this was the Queen’s backyard after all.
From the Queen’s entrance, through the glowing pink and blue fog that had been building, two tall silhouettes emerged, facing the ring. Their pale skin glistening in the colors of the lights, the slightly taller brownish-red haired Elyse Levesque stood behind the raven haired beauty that is Krysten Ritter who had daggers in her eyes.
With Elyse wearing what she worse at the press conference, Krysten was wearing a black bikini bra and panties with black gloves and black boots. The duo made their way down to the ring and Krysten hopped under the ropes and into the ring where she rose her arms to deafening cheers of the Queens fans. She smirked over at Jenny McCarthy knowing that had to annoy her.
The referee calls the two girls over and runs down the mandatory before telling both girls to touch gloves which were met with death glances as both turned for their corners.
This match is scheduled as a catchweight match between the welterweight Krysten Ritter and the lightweight Jenny McCarthy. The bell sounds and HERE WE GO with ten rounds of catchweight action!
Round 01:
Girls exit their corners circling each other. A bit unusual for Jenny but something about Krysten doesn’t feel right to her. Ritter, taunting for the shorter woman to come at her it didn’t take long for McCarthy’s patience to run thin and close in the gap. She was met with a fist thrown by Ritter which DUG into McCarthy’s abs with enough force to push the blonde almost all the way to the ropes as the breath was taken from her. If Krysten wasn’t playing with her prey, she could have probably ended it while McCarthy was gasping for breath but she merely continued to circle.
Jenny, realizing she wasn’t going to beat Krysten in a direct physical confrontation switched to a mid-guard bouncing stance. Every time Ritter tried to move in, McCarthy moved in a little faster and landed straights to Krysten’s arms and shoulders - trying to reduce the force at which Ritter could hit back.
This went on into the final minute when Jenny mistimed her move in and was met by a SMASHING blow to the forehead by Krysten cutting a gash. Ritter followed up with a dazing uppercut and several CRUSHING punches to the abs but before she could really get any work done, the bell ending the round sounded leaving McCarthy holding her torso and bleeding forehead while Ritter returned to her corner.
Even with the valiant effort by Krysten at the end of the round, Jenny had racked up more points from the constant barrage at Ritter’s arms and shoulders that she took the round close.
Round 02:
Intermission, and the Sceej corner worked to patch up their girl and while in the Queens corner, Krysten was being iced on her arms which were the target of McCarthy. A quick intermission and the girls were back on their feet well before the time for the bell. Once more, the girls came out of their corner, Krysten sidestepping to the right only to be shocked by Jenny who rushed her taller raven-haired counterpart and PLUNGED a fist through Ritter’s guard and into her taut stomach earning the sound of a gasp from the taller girl who was shocked.
Not giving time for Ritter to respond, McCarthy went after Krysten’s ribs knowing she’s bendy and can otherwise easily dodge shots, racking up points as Krysten’s eyes glazed over from the force Jenny was applying from her punches. Ritter, being backed towards the ropes, had no choice but go for the clinch.
Separated, McCarthy grew frustrated even if she was racking up the points - she wanted to take the welterweight down hard. The match is waved to resume in its final minute but as Jenny moves in she’s once more met by Ritter’s STRONG offense who POUNDS two hard hitting gashing straights into McCarthy’s cheek before McCarthy raised her guard allowing Ritter to go for the breadbasket with PAINFUL shots that looked like they were putting Jenny McCarthy on her toes.
Bell rang and the round came to an end. Another valiant effort by Krysten but the early onslaught by Jenny had her win the round wide on points.
Round 03:
Girls again back to their corner although both looked in pain. Once more both sides were working on their respective girls. Elyse hopped up onto the ropes which put the Sceej side on alert, but she merely turned to Krysten and scolded her for holding her punches. The Canadian told the American that it was time to put Jenny McCarthy down as she’s a “has been.” Jumping down from the ropes, Levesque hoped her quick talk got through to her American friend.
Krysten and Jenny stand up, looking fairly stable like it was the first round as the bell sounded and round three was off. McCarthy, bouncing, once more closed the gap fast but this time was met by a RAMMING haymaker into her left temple that twisted her whole body 45 degrees followed by a second CRUEL haymaker that landed square in McCarthy’s nose leaving a trail of blood behind as the dazed blonde took multiple steps back.
Krysten smirked and proclaimed, “I guess it’s time to take out the has-been.” With that, Jenny, who was still in serious pain, managed to slip a hook into the unguarded Ritter’s chin to be met with a return hook that BLASTED her onto her toes and stepped her dangerously close to the ropes. Ritter was making McCarthy look like a jobber at this point but McCarthy had a few tricks up her sleeve as she punched Krysten in her jugs earning a screech for each of the hits that stopped the beautiful raven-haired girl in her tracks before she landed a punch dangerously low on flat tummy that doubled her over.
However, before McCarthy could fully capitalize on the turn of events, Krysten parried an incoming uppercut; catching the arm with her right and delivering another CRUSHING left straight into McCarthy’s nose which now stream with red hot blood. As the bell sounded, an already in flight straight hit McCarthy again in the nose earning protests from the Sceej corner as a ‘late hit’ but the referee wasn’t watching that closely.
Krysten let her opponent go against the ropes before and the two returned to their corners.
After tallying the points, the round is ruled in favor of Krysten, close; and it seems to Levesque that her American counterpart did take her advice.
Round 04:
Intermission saw the Sceej corner working hard and fast after what Krysten had done to Jenny who was cursing the raven-haired girl. Meanwhile, in the Queens corner, much work didn’t have to be done and a few more words of encouragement from Levesque going into the fourth might be spelling the beginning of the end for Jenny.
Bell sounds and both girls are out of their corner. The bouncing McCarthy trying to stay out of gun range of Krysten Ritter. Ritter controlling the action as she begins to box McCarthy up and the two start shooting jabs from afar. Entering minute two, Krysten is not content with the long game and forces her way in close, delivering SMASHING straight after straight into Jenny’s nose before delivering a CRUSHING uppercut into her jawline that forced her back and into the ropes.
Now in a precarious position, Ritter gets to work on Jenny: thumping deepening jab after jab into Jenny’s torso making sure she was letting McCarthy recover enough that the ref who was watching closely wouldn’t jump in. Another haymaker to the left temple sent McCarthy into a turnbuckle but before Ritter could set up to finish the deal, Jenny clinched with all her might at the few seconds remaining until the bell rang - saving her from the welterweight’s fury.
There was no question: the round went wide to Ritter.
Round 05:
Halfway through now and the Sceej girl doesn’t look so good. She’s patched up as best as they could do and back in the Queens corner, Ritter looking every bit as intimidating as she could be. The round begins and while Krysten looks like she did in round one sans a few bruises, Jenny did not look too good but was putting on a brave face as she tried to hang in there.
As the pocket closed between the two, McCarthy took wild swings at Ritter which missed. At this point, Ritter had become annoyed that Jenny had gone five rounds with her and when McCarthy swung again, she caught the jab off her right arm and HAMMERED in a left straight to the solar plexus forcing Jenny McCarthy to gasp for air. Not content, Ritter delivered an uppercut right into the exposed face of McCarthy causing more blood to start gushing out from the nose that had already taken Ritter’s abuse.
With McCarthy standing, Krysten delivered a haymaker to each temple, turning McCarthy’s face 45 degree in each direction before following up with a punch to the solar plexus that put McCarthy on her toes and a CRUEL uppercut to the jaw that dropped Jenny to the canvas.
Krysten walked to a neutral corner to let the count begin. 1, 2, 3, 4… Jenny is barely moving; dazed from what had just happened; 5, 6, 7… Jenny tries to force her body to respond from its crumpled position; 8, 9, 10… Jenny McCarthy is out!
Official Decision: Winner by KO5, Krysten Ritter!
AFTER:
Krysten put her foot on Jenny’s stomach and rose her arms in the air in a victorious stance for all the photographers. She even blew a few kisses. Then she walked over to each of the turnbuckles and hopped on to raise her hands at the crowd which was chanting her name and drowning out the McCarthy fans. Finally, after whispering something inaudible to Jenny, she made her way out of the ring and received a hug from her Canadian stablemate before the press intervened.
“I was taking it easy on Jenny for the first few rounds: she’s a has-been with pride but there’s only so far I was willing to let her go before I put her down,” Krysten said. “I’m sure she won’t forget this and if she does I am always willing to remind her of it again,” Ritter added.
With the brief statement, Krysten and Elyse headed up the Queens ramp while medics worked on Jenny McCarthy. |
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