“XMAS ODDITY”

Posted by Simguy on 12/25/2004, 10:25 am.

(Who’s Helfer? New blonde temptress on “Battlestar Galactica”—the new series. Just when it looked like Alana de la Garza would waltz away with the “TV Hottie” award—along comes a blonde to contest the matter. Similar svelte physique—like an Ashley Scott).

Before: Fight staged in advance of the new season “Battlestar Galactica”—Helfer being hyped as the “New Ashley Scott”—anything to grab headlines. Tall sleek blonde in Romijn or Theron mold cuts an impressive sight at the, but Cliché an old genre warhorse not impressed. “I’m going to welcome Tricia to the FCBA in style,” predicts Karen. “Looking at her, I’m already excited at the prospect of wearing her out along the ropes—she’s one tasty blonde. Tasty blondes area dime a dozen though—this chick is no Romijn or Theron—3 minutes into this fight and I’ll expose her for what she is: a cheap knock-off wannabe.” Cliché in leopard print bikini, Helfer in crimson bikini.

During R1: Helfer: sinewy grace, sliding footwork, using the ring, Turning her shoulder into slicing licks, hands often open, relaxed as she steps around. Guard varies: she’ll bury her face in her hands and lean inside the arc of Cliché punches—she’ll point the left shoulder and drop the left hand, cocking the right at her cheek. Paws and slaps to set up harder shots—pretty the way she’ll touch and brush at Cliché, then smite her. Cliché gobbling up Helfer’s power with ease: brunette walking through it, reaching her jab into Trish to locate but having trouble landing the right hand on elusive blonde.

R2: Cliché patient, persistent—shoving her jab into Tricia’s chest, looping righty over the top, clubbing the hook as Karen steps in and makes it personal, Rougher, rowdier, sloppier looks as Helfer slides along the ropes—Cliché engaging, hounding. Down the stretch, Cliche catching Helfer’s chin a clouting right cross, comes back underneath with a thick stroking hook on flat tummy—worried blonde clinches up snug, legs skittish with hurt.

R3: Tricia sliding, turning Cliché—blonde retreating warily, but always touching Cliché the jab, occasionally walking her into an oily right hand, then grooving that smooth hook across shiny Cliché pate. Karen trudging in, taking punches and ignoring them—frustrating round for her as she’s late getting off, letting Tricia work from a comfortable distance at tempo of blonde’s choosing.

R4: Cliché putting hands on Tricia, palming blonde biceps and shoving her roughly to ropes—Karen getting big n’ brawny. Pushing, mauling, holding and hitting—Karen just keeping Tricia pinned down and shellacking on the hurt—lusty lefts and rights carom off blonde’s head, shoulders, thud thick and moist to gut as Helfer gets all supple and slinky on defence. Cliche very heavy handed—turning her hips to sling hooks in behind Helfer’s elbows, bending blonde chassis and earning breathy grunts of protest as Tricia leans forward behind her guard. Down the stretch, crude but crunching right uppercut shakes Tricia up—she sits in the ropes, tilted forward, hands at temples as Cliché mops up that luscious body to the bell.

R5: Corners of Tricia’s mouth downturned—she’s slinking away from Cliché, pushing out the don’t-hurt-me jab and trying to buy time. Cliché striding forward, pulling hard right hands on target, twisting to strap home the left—luscious long armed beat down as Helfer grows sullen and listless along the ropes, Tricia holding like a veteran, especially when Cliché right hand graze that chin—blonde takes no chances in another buig brunette stanza.

R6: Tricia being routed—skidding along the ropes, elbows in, hands up—Cliché storming in and winging reckless powershots to coax Helfer out of there, CLOICHE GOES DOWN! Tricia walking brunette in, rolls the Cliché right hand and comes back a slinging right on the mouth—Karen scooting to her backside in  shock as Helfer flashes her first sexy grin of superiority. Rest of the way hardfought—Cliché still coming forward, wide with her punches—Tricia nice n’ supple in the pocket, fitting counters onto Karen’s available chin, licking hooks across her midriff, slipping and dodging to take the sting off brunette haymakers,

R7: Tricia engaging more now, coming off the ropes, laying in and stroking with Cliché, Karen getting her teeth, fighting hard, but continuing to wing wide—she’s conv8inced she can halt Tricia, abandoning technique for brute force. Helfer operating silky at clse range, hands up at her cheeks, dropping her right foot back to dip down, then scorching Cliché licking hooks across the chips. Blonde stepping to the side, turning brunette, making her move her feet—Trish laying nice snik-snak stroke across straining brunette midsection, protesting brunette abs.

R8: More Trish outclassing Cliché midring—Karen making herself available but not punching—she’s just following Tricia around, getting drilled. Helfer pulling out all the stops, widening her stance, becoming more a smooth, Trinidadesque puncher as Cliché tires. Lead right hands set up slicing blonde hooks—Cliché’s face busted up nicely. Pawing, seeking jab replaced by a limber singer off the hip—nice loud spank as Cliché blinks groggily in response, Tricia easing in close, then sliding out, getting hooks as she coaxes Karen forward and blonde not neglecting that ribcage—going there with sinewy, licking insistence, Shutout Trish goes 10-8 without the knockdown—badly beaten Cliche wobbly butt, hollow-eyed back to her corner.

R9: Tricia hurts Cliche again first minute—lead right hands and grooving hooks off the face—Helfer’s teeth bared, eyes vicious—Karen just numb and taking as she trudges forward. Cliché too tuff—she won’t go out to blonde bombs—Helfer takes a little off the fast ball, starts using her legs more, boxes out the round behind that lanky jab.

R10: Tricia complaining of hurting hands during the break—she’s tapping out the jab, lifting it off her hip, slapping her punches as she turns and bamboozles Cliché, Credit Karen’s durability—she’s still coming forward, but she’s tragically beaten up—not a lot of punching as brunette wades grimly forward to take more medicine. Tricia holding down the stretch, smart—getting greasy to ease Cliché to the finish line safety first. Comes back UD10 Tricia Helfer.

After: Fine effort from both sci-fi starlets—Helfer dressing Cliche up a bit over the last half but both women enjoyed time in the driver’s seat tonight. Karen not the same after the knockdown: winning the fight to that point, she wouldn’t take a single round from the sixth on as Helfer deftly dismantles a hardnosed brunette.

Reposted by Archer 3/24/10