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10 March 2010 Penelope Cruz Invades Australia

Page history last edited by Archer844 13 years, 10 months ago

Decision in the Pacific

Posted by simguy on 3/10/2010, 2:56 pm

PENELOPE

Pene Cruz hates Aussie blondes. Hates 'em. Ever since Naomi Watts first strutted onto the stage and made herself Cruz-buster number one - Pene's sought to eradicate the breed.

Decision to move against Australia is a bold attempt by Pene to obtain a decisive result against the pick of the litter Down Under: Watts; Radha Mitchell; Melissa George; Emilie De Ravin - all are slated to fall before the furious Spaniard's fists. "They sprout like weeds!" Laments Cruz in the pages of Spain's "Patada a Cada" magazine, "Skinny, whiny blondes with bodies like ropes. I cannot stand them any longer!"

AUSTRALIAN RESPONSE

Watts has been under siege by the determined efforts of Mitchell and George to finally push her aside...but Pene's incursion brings a halt to all that. "She's insane," Watts tells BLONDE! Magazine Int'l. "Penelope Cruz will be shattered on our beaches - we'll never allow her to dominate us on Australian soil!"

THE AUSTRALIAN MUSTER: FLY/BANTAM

Watts: the world class, aging veteran and long standing rival to Pene. Mitchell - the new Watts: younger; wirier; greyhound sleek. Ravin - short n' feisty - an up tempo threat. George: the tough genre-girl hard luck fighter itching to claim an Oscar winner.

THE WHIRLWIND TOUR

Pene hits Sydney 2 weeks early for her first bout, acclimatizing...then it's off to the beach. Outdoor bouts set up on standard rings with large beach volleyball standing/open air arenas. 4 fights in 12 weeks - Melbourne and Sydney the two main venues: Cruz promising to leave the cream of Australian boxing in tatters. Nicole Kidman acting as MC at the venues; Yvonne Strahovski returning to add even more blonde weight to the events: both wish they were smaller, and could thwart Cruz directly.