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18 September 2010 Rachel Bilson vs Shakira

Page history last edited by Archer844 13 years, 4 months ago

Posted by simguy on 9/18/2010, 9:44 am

BEFORE: "It's great to be back in action," Pretty Rachel smiles in prefight, looking business-appropriate in skirt/blouse/jacket/heels. "I've been itching to put Kunis back in her place, and maybe deal with a couple of other situations, so this..." CUE LIGHTS; JUNGLE DRUMS!!! Shakira - backed by 6 Colombian black girls in wedge formation - all dressed in wild leopard print bikinis and head-dresses like refugees from a 1960s Hammer Film - come out just a-PUMPIN' the native dance moves to a rapid conga beat. Tossing hair; flashing eyes and teeth; gyrating hips...Shak not much for podium talk, elects to humble Bilson with sheer spectacle. Rachel in doe-skin bikini; short tan suede boxing moccasins; small black gloves; long ponytail with bangs long down her cheeks. Shakira in wild neo-Aztec leopard print bikini with fringe-skirted bottoms over snug black boy leg trunks; leopard print moccasins (fringed); small black gloves; hair curly, blonde, wild. When ref asks to touch 'em up...Shak starts doing chest pumps and booty shakes on the spot, leaving Rachel to turn away in disgust.

During R1: Shak clowning: Rachel won't have it. Disciplined little brunette turns back early blonde circus-rushes with crisp, competent jabbing and brisk combinations: Shakira rebuffed, pasted - shaking her head NO - I'M NOT HURT after every setback. Midway through, Rachel catches Shak a short left uppercut/tidy right hand on the chin...SHAKIRA'S HURT! Shak no longer clowning - stepping in fence post holes - forming ragged earmuff: Rachel's at her! Li'l Bilson leans in on front foot, shimmying herself to her right while hooking at Shakira's belly: blonde girl groaning, pitching forward - she's reaching to tie up as Bilson clips away tidy. All Rachel to the bell: Shakira in stupor, stumbling forward as Rachel slides away from her, tattooing all the while. During the break, Shak's trainer shakes her by her shoulders and orders her to "TIGHTEN UP! This ain't a cocktail party!"

R2: Shak narrow of high, tight of lip - goes about her business like a little professional this round. Wide stance - tassles tossing as she steps to her left. Right hand chest high - the left stacked just below it - Shak's flapping out backhand left jabs - snapping 'em against Bilson's prepared defences, or stooping to nibble tummy. Behind the jab - Shakira jumps in sidearm rights - swinging heavily for breadbasket: Bilson bunching up, keeping elbows in to receive the blows, but unable to counter Shakira's quick-step move to slide past Rachel's right flank on follow through. Down the stretch, Rachel having some success marking Shak's face the jab: Bilson much sharper than expected early.

R3: Bilson aggressively at Shakira - taking the initiative away from blonde girl via the jab, then scooting in close to chew her up in combination. Shakira scowling, backing up: Rachel's faster, more decisive than expected, confusing Colombian beauty. Shak disorganized in retreat - wanting to brawl, wanting to box, wanting to wow the crowd: busy, no-frills Bilson just walks her girl down, touches her up for workmanlike points.

R4: Shakira using her legs - she's springier than Bilson, more agile: blonde girl finally loosening up and showing her moves. Shak bouncing back from pressure - but in good order: she'll pivot from there, forcing Bilson to withdraw merely by threatening a flank. Shak prowling to either side - feinting - coming in hot: pounce-step becomes more effective as Shak either jabs or feints her way in. Bilson covering up/crouching low - she's sound defensively, not getting hurt - but Shakira able to potshot right hands and bound past Rachel in ballistic little strafing runs this round.

R5: Shakira's legs even more dominant now - securing air supremacy for blonde girl. Shak steppin' left - tassles tossing: wide stance/backhand jabs off the tummy/sweeping sidearm rights the general menu. Bilson defensive, blocking/crouching trying to time her girl: Shakira foiling her brunette with feints/mock rushes/jabs/sudden lead rights or lead hooks. Bell: Shakira douses Bilson in electrifying combination - then bounces to RACHEL'S corner to jabber triumphantly at them in Spanish! Cue referee.

R6: Bilson attempting to engage...she's jolted via bizarre left uppercut from Shak's thigh - blonde girl jolting chin/pivoting 'round Bilson's right shoulder on follow through. Rache adjusts, attacks: Shakira fades her, circles to the right...then pounces in off the angle, clouting Rache a right hand to left ear, before bounding away again. Rachel circling the wagons, stepping forward to attack, but embarrassed time and again by her kinetic little foe. Midway through, Shakira bounces in and stays in - this time working brunette abs via astounding hup-hup. Crowd roaring as Shakira chugs away like a flyweight should: whole body tense with the delivery - fists clip-clap-clapping off Rachel's tummy/waist. Bilson trying to answer - scoring to Shakira's breasts, but leaving openings: Shak coming off the body, ringing up the chin as girls swap it up in a phonebooth. THERE GO RACHEL'S LEGS! Look of dismay in pretty brunette eyes...Rachel stumbles to her right all wobbly-butt! Shakira grins, nods, pounces, lifting a right hand up out of her pocket to swipe it across Rachel's mouth. Head-toggle Bilson, she's staring, upright: Shakira hops in close, wedging a tidy little hook into chin - blonde's girls elbow tight to her body on delivery: she's basically jumping her body weight into Rachel's jaw here. Bilson out on her feet, legs stiffening as she peels back from the impact, splashing all KO'd and helpless onto her back. KO6 in spectacular fashion, Shakira!

AFter: Shakira howling, moving to stand with her back to fallen Bilson...Blonde girl shaking that booty to celebrate - right hand pushing back her hair/left fist raised - legs spread apart as she glances over left shoulder at the conquest. Bilson proving a nasty shock early, reminding many of why she was once tabbed for flyweight greatness. Then Shakira reminds everyone that the OC was a long, long time ago.