Posted by Simguy on 6/20.2003, 7:01 am.

Before: Danes lured to an obscure British beach resort (“Creepthorpes? What the fu…?”
Claire to her manager) for an outdoor brawl against plucky Rachel Stevens--fight piped in live to the PPV,  obliging the participants to brawl at an unseemly hour of the day which has Claire in a foul mood and ready to take no prisoner. Stevens the kind of compact, short-limbed fighter who could give Danes problems if she can put tidy straight punches together--tough style to execute however against crafty Claire. Danes in black and white two-toned bikini, Rachel in 2pc underwear: blue top, red bottoms, frosted hair.

During r1: Classic Claire, prepping the opponent, getting her range and rhythm midring. Stevens nice and compact, hands up, elbows in, trying to walk Danes down, but blonde dictating terms--tapping jabs setting the table, stinging hesitation rights, pretty pivots to the left, chin tucked behind that left shoulder, Danes radar working beautifully early--she dips under Stevens’ right hand on cue, swivels left and snick-snacks that doubled up hook, robs and ear. Shutout Claire, making eye contact with a little smirk on befuddled Brit.

R2: Claire digging to the body--Rachel stepping compact, straight lefts and rights--both women having some effect, Danes rolling to get close, then biting at the ribs and tummy of her foe, dipping her shoulder and ripping fierce left or right uppercuts into flesh, Claire willing to get her head clubbed as Stevens punches-with and bangs back blonde face, but Danes commitment to the body pays off. En of the second minute--Claire rolling, digging--Stevens breaking down and RACHEL TAKES A KNEE! Curvy Brit on bended knee, gobbling air, tears welling up--Danes sampling Stevens’ belly and finding it goooood this round.

R3: Very aggressive Claire weaving up the middle--hands at her temples, she’s blocking Stevens’ right with a raised left wrist, countering sweet with a jagged little right uppercut to the chin. Claire blocking the wide left in similar fashion--taking it on her compact guard, countering with a ripping left uppercut to the point of the chin. Rachel floundering, swinging away--Claire just Ka-CHING! Ka-CHING! Checking that chin with fish-hook uppercuts from either hand and STEVENS SPILLS TO HER BUTT! Rachel flustered, back to the ropes--she’s dazed, hurt as she tries to roll to her right hip to get up, but it’s NO GO! Comely KO3 Claire Danes.

After: Danes taking the normally durable Brit apart like cheap Lego--systematic destruction sees boxing lay the foundation for body work, body work leading to pinpoint counters on the chin that Stevens just couldn’t handle. Replays show the economical side-to-side weave, the precise blocks setting up tight, precision counters--when Claire fights like this, she’s tough to stop. “:I can’t see what excuse Hayek is going to come up with to keep ducking me after this,” says a brazen Claire in post fight. “Those weren’t ‘pesky punches’ I was belting Rachel with, those were Latina-busting haymakers. I just hope Salma doesn’t choke against Kreuk--to me that’s a 50-50 fight and if Kris wins, no way she’s giving me a shot.”

Reposted by Archer 11/20/10