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(Result: simguy/Words: simgrrl)
"Look, don't take this the wrong way, but IF Heigl's in shape - AND she's motivated - AND her head happens to be screwed on right on a particular day, which sad to say is not the way to bet - THEN Cat Bell's a decided underdog," the editor-in-chief of BLONDE! admits over a pint of Guinness in his sky box before tonight's 'main event.' "Everybody knows Bell's on the 'wrong side' of 40 while Heigl's on the 'wrong side' of 30 - I mean if there's a wrong side at 30! The unknown factor in this fight is Bell's an established force in the FCBA and has been for years while it seems every time Kat Heigl gets a chance to step up and separate herself from the pack, she blows it, big time! Just remember, you did NOT hear that from me! Kat's still one of our 'flagship blond brands' and I wouldn't want it getting out we ever said anything bad about her...but suffice it to say, the girl has has confidence issues...awright?"
Heigl's trainer Monica Bellucci talking tough prefight: "Keibler, Kurylenko and I have got Kat primed and ready to 'put out the Cat.' In all the years I've know her, I've never seen Heigl so hyped up before a fight. My problem has been trying to calm her down, not usually a problem with a girl as cool and laid back as Kat Heigl."
Heigl facing the press tells everyone, "Bell's been hiding behind Theron's skirts for too damm long. It's time somebody dragged her sorry old azz out into the daylight and beat it like a drum!" Heigl still fuming about the way she was 'mishandled' by the KruZherZ management. "I'm a seven time champion in three different weight classes; a Hall Of Fame bound blonde who NEVER got the respect and attention due me because Miss Charlize 'I'm The Queen' Theron's glory-hogging was aided and abetted by Sharon Stone, Kim, Ginny and that Pussycat Bell. I WILL rule the FCBA with an iron fist now that I finally have the opportunity they conspired to deny me!"
Bell dismisses Kat with a casual flip of her hand. "She never liked me," Cat sniffs. "Even before I joined the KruZherZ Heigl, Prepon, Witt, Henstridge, Keibler, Kurylenko, Pressly, Kilcher and...oh my Gawd, there's too many to name. Once I was on board, they couldn't stand that Kim, Sharon and Charlize listened to me; took my advice every now and then. They had serious personnel issues in that stable; things I could see as an outsider that they couldn't - or wouldn't address. Changes had to be made and while I'm really sorry some of those ungrateful 8itches lost their jobs, hey that's showbiz!"
THIRD WOMAN IN THE RING: When the referee is introduced, the crowd gasps because it's none other than Jeri Ryan! The Academy had protested "vehemently" to the FCBA about their assigning longtime Bell hater/rival Ryan as referee for her fight, but the FCBA stood firm, pointing out Ryan had already been signed, trained and vetted as part of the 'referee development program' so their protest was quickly denied.
IN THE CORNERS: Sharon Stone/Charlize Theron with Cat Bell: Jewel Kilcher/Neve Campbell for Kat Heigl.
IN THE CROWD: As if Ryan in the ring isn't enough, surrounding the ring - almost like a 'lumberjill' match - are many of the members of Heigl's stable ('The Evil Empire') there to support her. They included ex-KruZherZ Jaime Pressly, Olga Kurylenko and Stacy Keibler along with Marisa Miller, Gemma Atkinson, Jen England, Cam Diaz and Kate Beckinsale. Also on hand were members of Jeri's Knockouts (Lacy Chabert, Love Hewitt, Kelly Brook and Ali Landry) who came to see Jeri's refereeing debut. There as a Front Street contingent (Grace Park, Anna Torv, Gemma Arterton, Katy Perry, Ke$ha and Leelee Sobieski) who showed up to harass the triumverate ofTheron, Swanepoel and Bell. Then there are the Foxfire fillies (Virginia Madsen, Laura Vandervoort, Jen Garner, ME Winstead and Mandy Moore) all hoping to see Bell get her clock cleaned; a veritable 'who's who' of women who with an ax to grind with the Academy!
Despite all the rumors in Hollywood of casting possibilites for a new 'Wonder Woman' movie (2013) and TV show (2011), it still stunned the crowd when Cat Bell showed up in a "Wonder Woman" costume: blue, star-spangled, boy-cut shorts; a red, gold-trimmed bustier; red mid-calf boots and a gold tiara! Clearly, this was a woman who thought she was capable of 'playing younger' - or maybe looking to fill a guest spot as 'an older, retiring, WW' a guest star who appeared early to pass the reins to a young replacement. Madsen - the voice of Queen Hippolyta in the 2009 animated Wonder Woman film (and who Bell had stripped after beating her) was heard to snark, "She better hope to play Wondie's momma, 'cause the only 'Wonder Woman' film I can see her in at her age is a 'Wonder Bra' commercial!"
It would appear that Kat Heigl had somehow gotten wind of Bell's costume choice because she came striding to the ring in her own surprise - a shocking Supergirl (Superwoman?) outfit consisting of a sheer skintight blue top with the familiar 'S' logo being severely distorted by her bulging bosom; a tiny little red thong over sheer blue tights; and red, mid-calf, boots. Both fighters wore red gloves matching the shade of their ensemble.
During R1: Right at the opening bell Heigl surprised Cat by coming out rightie, then suddenly shifting southpaw! BELL IS DOWN! Cat surprised; slow to react; gets dropped her on her butt by a short, quick right hook in the first few seconds! Bell up wobbly at eight; Heigl back into her usual right-hand stance, swarms the reeling big cat, driving straight battering ram left jabs into Cat's face; curling mean rights up into the bulging bodice of Cat's Wonder Woman top and taking the brunette's breath away as she's driving her ropeside in disarray. Heigl bodying up, wedging her left forearm under Cat's chin, bending her head backward, then pounding away to the body with punishing right hands! Stone/Theron screaming at Ryan, wanting her to back Heigl off and get her arm off Cat's throat but the buxom blonde referee turns her back to them and leans in to closely watch the brutal, one-sided assault.
Heigl bending her knees, bringing rights up from her thighs to pancake both of Bell's breasts! Cat, her left hand cupping Heigl's right shoulder, left hand draped loosely over Heigl's left bicep, just sponging up the hurt and not fighting back. Theron, seeing she has no choice, grabs a towel and throws it into the ring but Ryan just kicks it out of the ring and allows the brutal beating to continue! Heigl riding Cat's body along the ropes - away from Stone and Theron who are up on the ring apron - bludgeoning Bell into the corner, stacking her up and ruining her to the body!
As Stone and Theron start to climb through the ropes to stop the fight, they're grabbed by several of the women at ringside and pulled down like a gazelle by a pack of hyenas. Leading the charge are Madsen, Bellucci, Keibler, Kurylenko and Pressly, although Diaz, Pressly and Kurylenko aren't far behind and the rest are closing in! Swanepoel and Benz leap from their seats, but are trampled by the pile of pulchritude stampeding toward the Academy corner to get their hands on Theron and Stone - two of the most hated and reviled women in the FCBA if the turnout to get at them is any indicator!
Heigl ignores the churning mass of feminity bubbling in the far corner and concentrates on the task at hand - the destruction of Cat Bell's lush body. Kat narrow-eyed as she concentrates her punches on Cat's cleavage, intent on humbling one of the legendary 'racks' in the FCBA. Heigl streaming blows onto Cat's defenseless rack with cruel, criss-cross, palm-down, ram-stamping lefts and rights while the stunned Bell's body slumps forward, butt-stuffed deep in the turnbuckles; wild dark hair tumbling down over her closed eyes; cherubic mouth agape as she's being ranSACKed! Kat's violent piston-punching shuts down Cat's body finally; driving her first to her knees, then forward on all fours. Cat Bell's a jug-shocked beauty as she slowly rolls onto her back; trembling arms flopping out to the sides and her limp legs spread-eagled in a vanquished V.
The winner by one of the most decisive KO1's ever: Katherine "Kat" Heigl as Jeri Ryan raises her arm overhead in a completely unnecessary indication that Kat has won - something anyone with even a minimal knowledge of boxing could see for themselves. Down on the arena floor, Witherspoon, Benz, Swanepoel, Theron and Stone are all helpless in the grasp of three, four or even five women from the various stables present to enjoy the show. They're brought to their feet and pinned against the ring apron in a line-up with the women holding each of them by the arms and legs; and another behind them with a fistful of hair making sure they get to witness what is to come next. If one didn't know better, they might suspect this had all been choreographed in advance!
Cat Bell vs. Kat Heigl (conc) too much venom for 1 post
Posted by for simguy on 11/25/2010, 1:24 pm, in reply to "Re: PPV: Cat Bell vs. Kat Heigl"
After: Bell staggering to her feet, wandering numbly in circles in the middle of the ring...and Kat takes more! Jewel and Neve hurridly get Heigl out of her gloves, then Kat launches herself, driving a shoulder into Cat's battered paunch; lifting her onto her shoulder and running her into Heigl's corner where she SLAMS Cat back onto the turnbuckle. Bell's head whips back, then forward, chin on her reddened chest. Kat lifts Cat's limp legs over the ropes on either side, then with one hand on Cat's chest, she gently arranges her arms over the top ropes. Bell unresisting; barely aware of her surroundings, but Jewel and Neve hold her wrists anyway to keep her in position for Heigl who mounts the ropes, standing tall over the broken brunette, one hand in Bell's hair, the other clenched fist pumping the air in triumph.
Then Kat grabs the front of her own shirt and RIIIIIPPPPPPPP tears it open, baring her breasts! Heigl throws Cat to the mat on her back and mounts her; straddling her waist. Kast lifts Cat's head, pulls it forward and settles her big, heavy, breasts on Bell's blank face; arms wrapped around; holding fistfuls of Cat's dark hair; forcing her flushed face deep into the swell of her cleavage. Bell's barely coherent; her legs sweeping slowly back and forth across the canvas; hands on Heigl's hips, pushing weakly in vain. No way a near unconscious Bell is going to get the younger, stronger, determined blonde off of her now that Kat's got it locked in.
Bell's hips bucking upward; slumping back down; knees lifting on either side of Kat's hips, right leg stretching out then dropping limp to the mat. Heigl looking up, glaring with glaring red eyes into Theron's face as she smothers her girlfriend out. Charlize screaming in frustration; pulling and wrenching her body futilely against the combined power of Keibler, Kurylenko, Pressly and Catherine Zeta Jones(?!!) who have her pinned firmly against the ring, forcing her to watch as Cat Bell gets jugsmothered out by a venomous Kat Heigl.
When Bell's struggles slow, then fade away and she goes limp, Heigl slams Cat's head down on the mat, her bare bosom heaving excitedly as she leans forward, hands on either side of Cat's head; her bare breasts slowly rocking from side to side above Cat's oblivious face. Heigl raises her right hand, index finger extended, and points at Theron. "You're next!" she mutters with undisguised hatred written on her ruddy face.
Then Kat stands up, pulls her torn shirt together over her bare breasts and steps over Cat's spread-eagled body and exits the ring. The women at ringside release Theron, Stone, Swanepoel, Benz and Witherspoon (Pene Cruz was - luckily for her - in Spain filming a commercial this evening) and as they fade away into the shadows, Charlize scambles into the ring, lifts Cat's head into her lap and slaps her cheek trying to revive her.
Slowly, Bell comes around, her hands jerking and twitching up to cup her battered, bruised and humbled breasts. "Wha....?" Cat mumbles incoherently.
Theron hushes her with a finger to her Cat's swollen lips. "Hush.... Don't try to talk..."
Later: "Quick is what counts!" Kat Heigl crows in her postfight appearance. "That's where I have it all over Bell. My feet are quicker; my hands are definitely quicker and my mind is quicker. Without quick, they get to hit you in the face and that is both demeaning and discouraging. Also it hurts - a lot. The secondary advantage is, of course, quite a few years of scrabbling around, learning that the healthiest attitude is to inflict maximum pain in minimum time.*
"I got on top of her in the opening minute and never took my foot off the pedal. At one time, I played Cat for Theron in sparring sessions when Theron was figuring out how to beat Bell. I helped Theron beat her and I haven't forgotten how. Bell isn't the fighter she was ten years - or even five years - ago, but she's still dangerous and you have to respect her right hand. That's whyy I wanted to jump her right from the get-go; put my foot on her throat and never take it off.
"Some of you may think I went too far with the jug smothering, but Bell, Sobieski, Ryan, Bellucci, Madsen and other 'juggy' girls know that old saying: 'if you beat a girls rack you own it.' That means you not only have a right, but an obligation, to lay 'em on her. It's something 'underdeveloped divas' like Theron, Keibler, Loken, Kurylenko, Swanepoel, Garner, Torv, Helfer and all the rest of them can't understand and probably never will, because they don't have what it takes to do it. It's just a 'big girl' thing; something we do because we can," she laughed with a toss of her blonde hair as she turned and strutted away.
Bell, who had to be helped from the ring, was 'unable' to meet with the media so her "close personal friend" Charlize Theron appeared on her behalf. "Of course, Cat is disappointed," Charlize sighed. "We all are; everyone who bought a ticket for this expected a tough, hard-fought, back and forth battle. To have it end so quickly just didn't seem right."
Asked what happened, Charlize merely shrugged. "I didn't see the first punch, my view was blocked, but obviously it was the one that did the damage. She was never right after that - although she kept fighting right through to the end like that champion she is. Unfortunately, that's the risk you take in a welter fight, or one with big women; one punch can end your night."
A reporter with a BRUNETTE! magazine ID badge asked if Heigl went too far with "that unnecessary jug mugging and the uncalled for breast smothering" but Theron refused to let herself be drawn into controversy. "I never cared much for it myself," she said with a slight flush of color on her cheeks. "You heard Kat's rationalization; she did it because she could. I guess if I wanted to, I could sit on a girl's face, but something about that seems wrong - especially at a boxing match; it's more of a wrestling thing...I mean...if you do it at all."
*'Quick' analysis by John D. McDonald; "Free Fall in Crimson"; 1981.
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