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24 January 2011 Cheryl Cole vs Winona Ryder

Page history last edited by Archer844 13 years ago

Cheryl Cole.jpg Winona Ryder 04.jpg

Posted by Knowlesey on 1/24/2011, 9:35 am

The feisty Cheryl Cole has taken Victoria Beckham’s place in this matchup, and is anxious to prove that her disastrous defeat by Miley Cyrus was down to stupid overconfidence, rather than lack of ability.

She has been sneering at Winona for the entire buildup to this fight, and is still goading the older girl when they meet pre-fight,

“This is the night you get your stupid old face really gets busted up! D’ya like soup, pet? Cos that’s all you’ll be able ta eat once Ah’ve finished with ya!”

Winona just frowns, pretending she cannot understand Ms Coles’ Geordie accent.

“Sorry, what! Is that even English? Your face is angry and your lips move, but what comes out – utter shit! Whatever you’re trying to say, li’l tramp, you’ll be regretting when I beat you up later!”

The fight takes place in a private members club in North London, the audience a very exclusive group of gentlemen, who are about to witness something new.

After receiving their instructions from the ref, the sneering girls return to their corners, Cheryl in a revealing one piece black, only fits where it touches outfit, with Winona in red bra and pants.

Round 1

Cheryl looks for a quick start, and finds it, her quick left jab finding Winona’s face an easy target as the older girl slowly tries to get underway. Cheryl follows Noni around the ring, the older girl backing off, but just picking up punishment wherever she tries to hide her face – the Brit is just jabbing her for a pastime here, not quite adventurous enough to follow in, knowing that Ryder will hurt her if she gets her in a clinch, but just sticking to a game plan of banging the actress’s face until it bruises and swells – and the plan works through round 1.

Cheryl’s round – Winona has hardly landed a punch.

Round 2

Winona has received a bruising first round, followed by an ear-bashing from her corner, and she is more lively at the start of the second. But Cheryl is clever, and she is quick enough to just keep on smacking those left jabs into Ryder’s face, which is already beginning to look puffy, and, with Winona tiring, the Brit ups the tempo, whipping a right hook across the American’s face to go with that sharp jab, sprawling her against the ropes, then following up with thudding punch after thudding punch to her cropped haired rival’s face, until she sinks to the canvas, her face mask of pain and blood, her nose dribbling the red stuff into her mouth and down her chin. Winona’s eyes flash hatred as she sees Cheryl’s smug grin, and she hauls herself to her feet at 7, muttering, “I’ll get you, tramp!” as the singer bounces a few more left jabs off her face before the end of the round.

Cheryl takes the second round, too.

Round 3

With the blood wiped from her face, Winona doesn’t look quite as badly battered as she did at the end of that second round, but Cheryl soon has her defending herself again, that left jab bumping her head back. Cole gets in closer, looking to get her right hook in at Ryder’s face, but the actress is still wily, and she clinches the singer, pressurising her arms and snapping, “Gotcha now tramp! This’ll slow ya down!” as she pulls her right arm back and smashes her fist right into the Brit’s crotch, a deliberate low blow which the ref ‘doesn’t see’ and which fells the pretty singer, mouthpiece on the canvas as she groans on her hands and knees. Cheryl is on her feet at 6, having her gumshield replaced, but she is shaky, and is soon pushed into a corner of the ring, where Noni bangs punches into her body, all the time snapping, “Hurt ya! Hurt ya!” almost in rhythm with the blows. The bell rings, but Noni has one more punch to land – another savage right hand below the belt, which again drops the Brit to the canvas, curled up and weeping.

Winona takes the round – even ignoring the illegal knockdowns she had the better of it.

Round 4

Now it’s Cheryl’s turn to glare at her opponent, and she’s straight into action, bouncing jabs off Noni’s bruised and bloodied face, then she lands a solid right hook to the actress’s jaw, and she goes down, on her back at first, then struggles to her knees, tries to stand, and just sits down, falls backwards, and is counted out.

Cheryl Cole knocked out Winona Ryder in round 4.

After the fight, Cheryl goes looking for Winona to humiliate her, but the American has disappeared, aided and abetted by her stablemates. The Brit just announces, “Ryder may have got away, but I tell you what! When I beat Spearritt up, she’ll have to do twice the asslicking instead!