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6 February 2011 Kelly Ripa vs Sarah Shahi

Page history last edited by Archer844 12 years, 11 months ago

Kelly Ripa.jpg Sarah Shahi 01.jpg

CELEBRITY BOXING AFTER DARK

Posted by simguy on 2/6/2011, 11:18 am

(not sure if Shahi's mgr is still active, but if so - here's a fight for her).

BEFORE: Ripa one of daytime's most notorious "Safari Hunters" (ie: blonde girls - usually extraordinarily fit - who deliberately engage hot exotics) - she's anxious to gun down Sarah S. "Shahi's about as hot a girl as I've hunted down in a long time," Kelly smirks in prefight. "I've been wrangling to get her for ages, so I'm really looking forward to this. Exotic girls bring out the best in me - what can I say?" Shahi crimping lips at Kelly's superiority-complex - dark-featured little beauty showing no fear or respect at podium. "Obviously, Kelly has me confused with some no-name hairdresser or cocktail waitress she no doubt blind-sided on a beach or something," Sarah snarks. "She's lean and sinewy, I'll give her that, but Kelly's not equipped to handle what I bring to the ring. I was captain of the DCC 'ranger' squad: Kelly couldn't even have made the base team in Dallas, let alone the elite unit!"

(Refresher course - standard pro-football cheerleader close-order battle tactics:

Cheerleading squads are built around a phalanx formation: a dense grouping of mutually-supporting girls who fight as a cohesive unit to break opposing formations in order to trample/stomp/kick the disorganized opponents into defeat.

Supporting the phalanx are free-ranging individual 'scouts' or 'skirmishers' - in Dallas these girls form the elite "Ranger" unit; in Washington it's an "Apache" squad - different cities/different names, but the idea's the same. These girls harass the flanks of opposing phalanxes, trying to create gaps in the ranks and loosen things up so the main battle group can employ a shocking blow to destroy the formation. Obviously, these skirmishers do meet each other in the open field, leading to savage one-on-one combats while the phalanxes are waiting to engage. Because they are expected to fight and win unsupported, individual battles, these skirmishing girls are generally the most aggressive, skilled and combative fighters on any Cheer-squad. They also have to be fast on their feet for their flanking and harassing duties, as well as possessing the endurance to run in space for extended periods of time. It's well known that Sarah Shahi was among the most effective and feared of these 'corsair' style cheerleaders during her tenure at the DCC - a solid foundation for her boxing/apartment wrestling career going forward)

KRip in pale blue bikini top/pale green bottoms:
http://www.popsugar.com/Photos-Kelly-Ripa-Swimming-Her-Bikini-Miami-3117455
Small white gloves; hair in scruffy battle bun with strands bracketing face.

Shahi in lavender lace push up bra; black bikini bottoms; small black gloves; hair tangly/loose.

During R1: Ripa stiff n' quick with the jab, peppering Shahi's head/shoulders. Sarah grinning, rolling in the pocket: right hand near her chin/left hand across her gut as she stands flat footed. Ripa doubles up jabs to step-close: fighters engage in ratatat give and take - crowd loving the work rate. Sarah trying to hook Kelly behind right elbow; use chickenwinged left elbow to push off; hook Kelly's jaw off the right (back) leg; lean in and down with sneaky slapping rights upside the head. Kelly working jagged up the middle - curling little hup-hup left/right uppercuts to Sarah's tits and chin - occasionally digging up Shahi's toned little midsection. Hot-tossing back and forth too close to call until a Shahi hook-to-chin seems to buzz Ripa's legs. Blonde girl withdraws, eyes spooked: her retreat enough to give Sarah the points in a deadlocked heat.

R2: Ripa steppin' to her left, working the stiff, smart left jab: Sarah stalking, bending at the waist, weaving in under blonde stick. Snatching stuff from Shahi - jabs and clawing hooks to Kelly's tummy/ribcage - brunette fighting from a low crouch, very hard to counter as she bobs and weaves. K-Rip eventually forced to ropes: she forms high peek-a-boo, trusting her super-toned tummy to defend itself. Sarah crowd close - her head bracing Kelly's raised forearms: Shahi bobbing on the spot, working little hup-hup right/lefts to Kelly's tummy - bringing mitts back to chin while bobbing Ripa's receipt. Kelly trying to nibble back at Sarah - blonde girl issuing clipping little uppercuts, then bringing hands back quick to guard: it's nip-tuck fighting toe to toe at bell.

R3: Kelly's jab on track now - finding Sarah's face as she's bobbing, then tapping her tits as she's backing off. Rangy blonde girl walking her brunette down, but showing caution: Kelly taking little half-steps back, feinting Sarah, jabbing her before committing on zesty cross/hook combinations off the front (left) leg. Shahi getting strafed by sleek blonde punching outside...Sarah withdraws, circling, trying to renegotiate terms in a Ripa third.

R4: Series of spicy engagements all around the ring as Sarah winds around her blonde/pounces in from angles/gets off ringadingdong as Kelly issues simultaneous chugging receipts. Both girls chipped up in frisky fire fights...then Sarah will disengage, circle, eyes narrow as she seeks to angle-in off Kelly's left flank. Almost too close to call, though Kelly's getting a tuff little left hook in Sarah's right-side ribs, and chipping-chin with tightly-curled uppercuts in close.

R5: Sarah's been establishing hooks-to-body - now she feints that look, but bends in looping right hands on the pounce, catching Kelly upside the head. Ripa staggered, alarmed: she retreats to ropes, forms rigid peek-a-boo, inviting Sarah to square up and trade. Shahi obliges - bumping her head against Kelly's raised guard while deploying fists in little licking hup-hup operations against flat blonde tummy...then chopping away at Kelly's flanks/around her elbows with carving palm-down rights or lefts. Ripa strong in the pocket, but getting chopped down: she's mouthbreathing, starting to wince as Sarah works those ribs. Latter half the round, Shahi coming off the body with opportunistic scraping uppercuts against Kelly's guard: blonde girl grimacing, keeping her defence together; brunette grinning, being frisky as she outworks her blonde through 5.

R6: Midring...Kelly in earmuff...Sarah bends in, dragging a wide right hand into Kelly's ribs just outside Ripa's left elbow: Shahi shouting "HAH!" as she puts the punch in thick to Kelly's throbbing ribs. Ripa grumpy, shying away: she's keeping her mitts up, but her output's dropping as Shahi steps up the punishment. Consistent, scouring attack mounted against Kelly's toned tummy/sleek flanks - Sarah curling palm-up punches when she's working inside or under Kelly's elbows/carving wide, palm-down punches to get round Kelly's elbows. Kelly in a bad way, gritting her teeth, backing away while showing the peek-a-boo front: no question Shahi's breaking down that sleek blonde torso. Ropes, late: Shahi scouring uppercuts against Kelly's guard after touching blonde in her body...Kelly laying on ropes/stooping forward behind mitts, definitely loosening now.

R7: Kelly firms - still in tight earmuff/peek-a-boo look, but chipping back little contact uppercuts, scoring on aggressive Sarah early and often. Shahi taking it well, but forced to withdraw/circle for fresh angles: pinpoint blonde punches buys Kelly's legs much needed time. Shahi reduced to lunging potshot attacks - leaning in low while dragging her right hand wide to Kelly's ribs: Ripa taking the punches ashen-faced and thin-lipped, but issuing immediate, clipping receipts. Kelly stabilizes her front, even digs a few short left uppercuts to Shahi's tits out of the tight peek-a-boo guard.

R8: Shahi pouncing in off clever feints: hesitation overhand rights clouting Kelly behind left ear, unhinging blonde legs, spilling Ripa to ropes early. Cue body attack: Shahi in close - bumping her head into Kelly's raised guard; using extended left chickenwinged elbow to push and prop. Sarah's snatching fists just tearing at Kelly - poor Ripa groaning, cringing in pain as her tummy/ribs suffer. Shahi's small mitts bouncing off taut blonde beef PIK! PAK! PEK! then Sarah's shooting uppercuts across Kelly's guard, brushing her back. Down the stretch, Ripa swooning, muscular legs trembling...Sarah scrapes left uppercut across blonde guard to brush Kelly upright against ropes, then issues a stamping, straight-punching, palm-down barrage of lefts and rights to Ripa's midsection! Kelly: "GAHHH!" as her knees buckle...Shahi grinning - hair across her eyes as she's bending her knees/stamping her fists in against Kelly's crippled body. Steady pummelling beat overwhelms K-Rip...she crumples to a seat - knees up at her chest as ref pulls Sarah away. Kelly blubbering, trying and trying to push up off her buns with her back to the ropes, but it's no-go. KO8 in gatling gun fashion - Sarah Shahi!

After: Shahi glowing...Ripa one of the fittest little minxes in the flyweight ranks, neatly processed tonight by curvy-cute Sarah. "I knew my handspeed would intimidate her," Shahi gushes in postfight, looking up at the in-ring interviewer while chatting a mile-a-minute. "When she learned she couldn't punch with me, she went into earmuff and put her body on sale, figuring I couldn't get to her downstairs. But guess what? I TOTALLY GOT TO HER! I was all in her breadbasket and ribs - really ripping away at her, and she just couldn't take it. That's how I do girls: I see what they're giving, and I take it!"