If you are citizen of an European Union member nation, you may not use this service unless you are at least 16 years old.
You already know Dokkio is an AI-powered assistant to organize & manage your digital files & messages. Very soon, Dokkio will support Outlook as well as One Drive. Check it out today!

20 February 2011 Aftermath Decker vs Theron

Page history last edited by Archer844 12 years, 11 months ago

Posted by by simgrrlThe Grand Wizard on 2/20/2011, 2:47 pm

In the Aftermath:
While the ring announcer gets the microphone to make it official, Brooklyn stands in her corner blubbering - stunned and punished tonight by an older, harder, blonde. Theron, showing her class, is compassionate; going out of her way to offer the young blonde a few words of wisdom after destroying her. Charlize, arm around Brooklyn's shoulder, leans in, lips to the young blonde's ear in a hurried conference. When Charlize heads back to her corner, the announcer asks her what she'd said.

"I told her she's a great fighter; to be proud of what she did tonight," Theron says. "She hurt me, had me down; I had to suck it up and fight her. I wasn't sure she'd be able to compete with me like that. The bottom line is, Decker just made a lot of the old girls obselete. Cindy Crawford's over... Angie Everhart's done... this kid is the asteroid and those women are dinosaurs. The bottom line is, just because you hurt Charlize slugging, doesn't mean you can have your way with her! I'm proud of Brooklyn though, and I'll check back with her again... when I think she's improved enough to warrent another drubbing. She could be just what I need to take my game to an even HIGHER level!" she adds with a smirking grin.

Candi Swanepoel stares wide-eyed and open-mouthed; stunned by her stablemate's generosity to her hated rival while Cat Bell is not just non-plussed; she's clearly more than a little envious; licking her lips nervously as she eyes the 'next great rack.' Decker seems to have a knack for making enemies just by wearing a bikini and being Brooklyn. Charlize hands back the mic, but as she turns around, she bumps into Jewel Kilcher who has entered the ring and is reaching for the microphone.

"Just a minute, old timer," Jewel snaps curtly. "You refused to take my calls; you ignored my emails, but now I expect you to explain yourself - because everybody in the FCBA knows the end of the KruZherZ was YOUR fault and I want you to..."

Before she can finish, Charlize, red-faced and obviously irate at having her moment of glory interrupted, slaps the mic from Jewel's hand, slams her hands into Jewel's impressive bosom and shoves her former stablemate away. "I don't owe you a..."
SMACK! Jewel slaps her so hard sweat flies from Charlize's hair as her head whips around!

Before things can get out of hand, however, Laura Prepon rushes in, pulls Jewel away and gets between them. Laura raises her hands, palms out, playing peacemaker. "Come on," she pleads. "You two are old friends. Let's not do this. Not here. Not now. Remember Jewel, I was a Kruszher too, and I lost my job just like the rest of you. And it was... ALL THERON'S FAULT!!" Preps screams as she turns into a sweet haymacker of a sucker punch.

CRACK! The unexpected blow lands flush to Charlize's unprotected jaw and DOWN GOES THERON!

For a moment, everyone is stunned by the unexpected turn of events but quickly Sharon Stone and Cat Bell come running from Charlize's corner with Swanepoel, Witherspoon and Benz right behind with the Academy's two new trainers, Halle Berry and Teri Hatcher, scrambling to catch up. The Academy posse surrounds Jewel and Prepon and Stone has her hands full trying to restrain Bell who wants a piece of Prepon in the worst way!

Climbing the steps in Decker's corner, Serinda Swan and Kate Beckinsale hurry out to support Jewel and Prepon. Unnoticed in all the hub-bub, stealthily climbing into the ring BEHIND The Academy, come most of the other women from Front Street and they're being JOINED BY 'The Evil Empire' vixens!

The Academy's surrounded!
They've been suckered.
It's a freakin' ambush!

Security, not expecting trouble at the Theron-Decker fight is shorthanded and the two women assigned to ringside are easily held back by the crush of the crowd surging forward and by several members of Front Street and the Empire who've been assigned to 'rear guard' duty in anticipation of this very opportunity. By the time The Academy realize what's happening, it's already too late!

Reese Witherspoon was first to react, whirling to attack Avril Levigne. The pocket size blonde tears into the Canadian songbird, little fists pumping as she hammers Avril back against the ropes. Like an earlier Pearl Harbor, the only plane to "get off the ground this Pearl Harbor Day" is battling long odds and Reese is brought down under the combined weight of Jamie Lynn Spears, Zoe Saldana and Amanda Seyfried who leap in to put down the rebellion in short order. Zoe and Amanda each grab an arm and Jamie Lynn wraps up Reese's legs as the three pin her to the mat for Lavigne who takes out her frustration at being pummeled by straddling Reese's waist and tearing open her blouse and ripping it down to her waist, exposing a sheer white brassiere. While Avril rises up on her knees and starts punching down into Reese's robust cleavage with both fists, the rest of the Academy are also battling against long odds.

Theron is still down and dazed; too stunned to put up more than token resistance as Laura and Jewel drag her to her knees and spread her arms wide for Serinda Swan who arrives with fire in her eyes! She curls her fingers under the cups of Charlize's green bikini, plants a foot in the Golden Goddesses 'cleavage' and pulls; stretching the material until it can't take any more and snaps! Swan staggers back, arms windmilling, Theron's bikini top flapping in the wind.

Once she regains her balance, Swan knees Theron in the chest, slamming her onto her back where Prepon and Kilcher pin her spread arms under their butts. But her legs are still free and Charlize lashes out, kicking Swan in the knee and again in the thigh before the dark-eyed beauty turns her hips to squeeze between them, pinning Theron's thighs with her knees to immobilize her legs. Grinning, Swan slams body punches down on Theron's taut abs until she's beaten the breath from her. Then, sitting up, Serinda starts whip-slapping Charlize's bare breasts; beating them back and forth until tears well in the proud blonde's eyes. Then Serinda slaps her face; knocking her head from side to side while laughing maniacally.

Cat Bell had gone after Prepon as soon as she swung at Charlize - and might have caught her if Stone hadn't still been restraining her. By the time Sharon realized what was happening, Cat was already buried under the heavyweight quartet of Leelee Sobieski, Kat Heigl, Stacy Keibler and Monica Bellucci. They put Cat on her knees - Leelee and Kat each holding an arm chickenwinged, while Keibler sat on the back of Cat's bent legs, her own long, strong, legs clamped tight to Cat's waist, ankles locked in front of her. While they kept Cat immobilized, Bellucci stood in front of her, screaming (mostly in Italian) but with enough English for Cat to realize that what was happen was - for her at least - payback for Cat stripping Monica last year. Monica pulled open Cat's blouse and jerked her heavy-laden bra up and wrapped it around her neck so Keibler could use it to choke Cat whenever she resisted more than the futile squirming and twisting she was already doing.

Stone fared no better than Cat, being easily overpowered by the combined mass of big Ke$ha, Katy Perry and Cameron Diaz. Stone, no stranger to public nudity after a couple of decades in the Apartment Wrestling wars, is uncharacteristically modest and puts up a fierce struggle; battling for every piece of clothing - though Perry and Cam Diaz made short work of the mid-thigh one-piece dress Stone had (foolishly it now appears) worn to work Theron's corner. Once the dress was pulled off, her bra offered little protection, yet it too was removed - and used to bind her arms behind her back.

Swanepoel caught a bad break because a trio of jealous, vengeful fellow models descended upon her. All were carefully coiffed and freshly manicured, but they still made short work of the sleek, stylish, Swanepoel. Marissa Miller tackled Candice like a football tackling dummy and Swanepoel's head hit the mat hard, stunning her long enough for Olga Kurylenko and Maria Menuonos to strip her down to her Victoria's Secret panties and garter belt. They used Candice's own luxury silk bra to tie her wrists behind her and, once bound, Olga and Maria spread the blonde's legs wide and began to punch her thighs while Miller straddled her waist to pound her puppies into tearful submission.

Julie Benz put up a fierce struggle against Pink, Allison Mack, Nicole Scherzinger and Jamie Pressly but even knocking Mack down didn't buy her enough time. Once Pink got a handful of hair and pulled her head down, Julie was fighting blind. Nicole swept Julie's ice skater strong legs out from under her and as her butt hit the mat, the pocket size blonde got double-teamed by an angry Allison and the strongest bantam in the FCBA, Jamie Pressly. Julie was spread-eagled on her back with a woman sitting on each limb - leaving their hands free to strip and punch...which all four did with delighted gusto!

Fans showed their displeasure by booing the Front Street/Empire teams unsporting behavior; the absence of Security; the failure to have enough Security at ringside; for dilly-dallying too long; for not anticipating trouble on this scale while others just hoped they'd stay away altogether and, as one yelled, "Let the spoiled bytches get what they deserve!"

For a few moments, it looked like the late arriving Halle Berry and Teri Hatcher might yet turn the tide and rescue at least a couple of the Academy, but it proved an unrealistic and forlorn hope. No sooner had Halle hiked up her dress and put one leg through the ropes, then Neve Campbell, Grace Park and Brooke Burke grabbed her and dragged her the rest of the way into the ring headfirst, burying poor Halle under a pile of pulchritude, subduing her and stripping her down to bright red bikini panties and her thigh-hi's. Like the others, Halle's bra provided the means of binding her hands behind her, leaving her heaving bosom exposed and vulnerable.

Teri Hatcher didn't even make it to the ring. Kate Beckinsale, Kate Hudson and Jillian Barbarie went outside to intercept her before she got to the steps. Hudson grabbed Teri as she turned to go for help (she explained later). Barberie slugged Teri in the belly to knock the wind out of her, then all three picked her up overhead and carried her up the steps into the ring where they stripped her too. Hudson used Hatcher's D-cup bra to bind her hands behind her, then looked up and surveyed the scene in the ring. All the members of the Academy had been securely bound with their wrists behind them and were being pinned by multiple members of both stables.

At ringside, Ginny was on her hands and knees, groggy. In the first seconds of the melee in the ring, she'd left her seat to join her stable but someone hit her from behind and knocked her down; then she'd been trampled in the crush of people surging forward. When she awoke, her clothing had been torn and tattered, her hair disheveled and her purse missing. She couldn't get thru the crowd to the ring, and on second thought she wasn't sure it was such a good idea anyway judging by what she could see over the heads of the throng. Maybe it would be better to ease her way back to the rear and find someone in authority to send help to her girls...

NOW, the real fun begins...

As several 'hired for this occasion' camera crews filmed from ringside, they lined up the members of the Academy across the width of the ring. Then, beginning at the far end of the line, each gets JUGGED OUT in turn.

Amanda Seyfried popped her top and shook her babies to cheers from the crowd, then leaned over and carefully arrayed her breasts covering Reese's nose and mouth. While she appled the 'finishing touch' Saldana and Lavigne held Reese's legs down so she couldn't kick Mandy.

Next to Reese, Julie Benz was learning what it meant to be 'up close and personal' with Jamie Pressly's presentable puppies. While not as prodiguous as some, Jamie's rack is reasonably representative and Julie was in no position to deny that it was more than adequate to get the job done.

Candice Swanepoel suffered the double humiliation of not only being stripped of her sponsor's bra; but having it used as bondage gear to bind her wrists. She also suffered the humiliation of having the hated Marissa Miller's mounds make short work of her. Candice's long, lean, wiry, body bucked, wriggled, and squirmed frantically as Marissa put the jug to her, but with Kurylenko and Menounos both helping hold her, Swanepoel's struggles proved not only futile, but remarkably short-lived and she nodded off to the sound of three women she dislikes more than most of the FCBA laughing at her.

Stone had given up struggling, accepting her fate with equanimity; almost seeming to welcome the warm embrace of Katy Perry's proud puppies as Katy wiggled her butt in the air above Sharon's tummy, took a deep breath, then "unleashed the beasts" as she ripped open her top and plunged her heaving bosom onto Stone's face. After a few moments, Katy smiled and looked up at Cam Diaz, telling her, "She likes it...if her puckered lips and darting tongue are an indication."

Halle Berry, a veteran with much experience on both ends of a jugg-mugging knew enough not to struggle; to lay back and accept what was coming - and outnumbered as she was, there was little point. When Brooke Burke undressed in preparation, Halle looked up and said, "Well, at least I'm getting the first team." As Burke lay down on Halle and started inching upward to apply the "Coup de Grace", Grace Park protested (perhaps tongue in cheek), "Hey, why do they call it a 'Coup de Grace' if you won't let Grace's girls do it?" Halle couldn't smile or say anything because Brooke's Bounty had blotted out the lights and she slipped away into a deep-but-troubled sleep.

Teri Hatcher made up for her failure to fight harder before and put up a fierce resistance against Beckinsale, Hudson and Barberie. So much so, in fact, that Grace Park leaned over and gave the others a hand while Beckinsale unfurled her 'newly refurbished' and 'no longer B-cup' bosom. It still wasn't in Hatcher's class, but Kate made up in enthusiasm what she lacked in lactose dispensers and, after some fits and starts, Hatcher's slender body went limp and she lay still.
Once Teri Hatcher was out, Becks hurried down the line to join the "A-Team" dealing with Theron. Kate hasn't gotten over the fact that she and Theron were both considered the "Most Beautiful Woman In The World" - when it's clear to Kate she's (if not head and shoulders, at least a full cup size) ahead of Theron in that regard. She feels the honor should be reserved for "...me alone - and certainly not shared with the likes of Charlize 'fukkin' Theron!" as she told an interviewer in England.

That left Bell and Theron.

Cat and Charlize knew the situation was dire and kept their heads swiveling looking for Security in hopes of being rescued in time to avoid the fate of their stablemates. Alas, it appeared that Security had been wrong-footed once more! With no reason to expect trouble, the security staff has been caught backstage outside the dressing rooms where most of the trouble had been expected; leaving just two at ringside. With the 'rearguard' from Front Street/Empire and the crush of the crowd, they were overwhelmed and reinforcements were unable to get through the thick crowd.

Sobieski, Heigl, Keibler and Bellucci kept Cat so well under control she could barely lift her head to watch with dismay as one after another of the women she'd come to know as her friends were snuffed out by the overwhelming bounty of one after another blessed beauties. Cat turned and looked back at a grinning Monica Bellucci, then asked, "So I guess you get the honor of doing me, huh old timer?"

Bellucci bristled angrily, but shook her head sadly. "Sorry to say, no. We've something of a special treat for you Bell, something I think you will enjoy; given your particular proclivities. I'm told she's quite special."

Cat looked up and shuddered as she saw Brooklyn Decker standing over her topless. For a moment, Cat had a fleeting thought, "Monica was right," but then she arched her back and strained against the four women holding her spread-eagled. Brooklyn grinned as she spread her legs and slowly straddled Cat's waist, then lowered herself until she was seated astride Cat's hips. Leaning over, Brooklyn gathered two handfuls of Cat's short, dark, hair and then bent down to cover Cat's eyes, nose, mouth and almost her ears as well, with her beautiful, full, firm, youthful bosom. Cat's eyes widened as the air was cut off by the soft, smooth flesh molding itself to her countenance. She jerked, tugged futilely, twisted her hips and bounced her butt on the mat for what seemed a long, long, time before her struggles slowed and she succumbed to oxygen deprivation.
When the job was done, Brooklyn sat up, chest heaving excitedly, put her hands on her hips and turned to watch the concluding act of their little drama - The Tarnishing of the image of a Golden Goddess.

Charlize hadn't moved for several minutes; her face impassive; her lips tightly compressed as she watched her fellow Academy members being jugged out. She strained to move the arm closest to Cat and just managed to reach Cat's hand, holding her fingertips with hers as Cat struggled bravely before succumbing to the inevitable. "You beeches," Charlize grunted through clenched teeth. "You're going to regret this day more than any other in your miserable lives!"

Now that everyone else has been dealt with, Heigl, Beckinsale and Brooke join the Theron pack, pushing elbowing and jostling for position. Forming in a circle around Charlize's pinioned body rode some of the most impressive bosoms in the FCBA. Laura Prepon, Jewel Kilcher, Serinda Swan had been joined by Brooke Burke, Kat Heigl, Leelee Sobieski, Ke$ha, Katy Perry, Marisa Miller and Kate Beckinsale. Charlize is looking up at ten imposing racks, no doubt even more imposing from her position on her back! She couldn't resist one more dig, asking Beckinsale, "Seriously, Kate....do you think you're qualified to be in such august company. I mean, sure you got your new and improved puppies, but still....."

Beckinsale angrily kicks Charlize in the thigh, then snarls, "You'll see soon enough I've got more than enough for the likes of you. In fact, we're all going to show you just how we really feel about you..."

As they close in on Theron, other fighters at ringside from the other stables protested. A few tried - not very hard - to rescue the Academy but far, far more were clamoring to join the fun now that Theron was about to be jugged. The self-proclaimed 'Golden Goddess' has, in large part because of her tremendous success, one of the most envied (some might say reviled) fighters in the FCBA. Now, women from almost every stable saw a window of opportunity for payback for some perceived - or even actual - slight.

Foremost among those demanding "access" included Jeri Ryan - who mainly wanted to put her girls on Bell "for old time's sake" but thought Theron's face - as yet 'un-sullied by Jeri's rack - would be a novel treat. JL Hewitt, Scarlett Johansson, Lacey Chabert, Dani Fishel, Jessica Simpson and Kim Kardashian all spoke up, demanding "the once in a lifetime opportunity" to put their juggs to the 'Golden Goddess' - a woman they'd never realistically be able to defeat in the ring.
A few others, Elizabeth Berkley, Gena Lee Nolin and Christina Ricci among them, just shrugged and told anyone willing to listen that they'd, "...been there; done that already." Ricci adding with a knowing leer, "And it was worth every second I spent doing it, too."

The loudest voice in the crowd was, of course, Jenny McCarthy, who was fairly frothing at the mouth with excitement to the point she had to be restrained by several others from attacking anyone she got her claws on. "Theron! She's been ducking me. I DEMAND my moment in the sun...I paid damm good money for these juggs and I sure as HAY-EL want to put them where they'll do the most good...right on her lying, no-good, two-faced...umm...face."

Starting with Jewel, to be followed by Heigl, Prepon and each of the others in turn, the women mounted Charlize who was easily restrained by the rest, and carefully - almost lovingly - cradled Charlize's face into her bosom, squeezing her elbows together to maximinze the airtight seal. Jewel let out a yelp and pulled up, then slammed her open hand down on Charlize's face.

"The bytch bit my tit!" Jewel screamed. "You do it again and I'll punch you out, so help me!"

"Here, lemme show you how it's done," Heigl said, pushing Jewel onto her ass and kneeling at Charlize's head. "Like this..." Kat cupped both of Charlize's perky breasts in her hands, then closed her fists and squeezed...hard; her nails digging into the soft, sensitive flesh; her thumbnails skewering Theron's hard nipples. "You open your mouth to do anything other than kiss me," Heigl said with malicious glee, "and I'll crush these puny little things so badly you'll feel it for weeks."

Kat pressed her puppies down onto Charlize's face and while Charlize struggled as much as she could with eight women holding her, she didn't bite Heigl's hooters. As her body went limp, Prepon had to pull Kat away so Laura could slap Charlize awake. When her eyes were focussed, Laura used the same technique as Heigl, coming down on Charlize from above her head, hands tightly grabbing Theron's tender little orbs. Charlize bucked and arched to no avail and soon she nodded off.

"My turn," Jewel said, assuming the Heigl inspired 'top down' position. Caressing and tweaking Charlize's breasts while she slept, bringing up her nipples so she could pinch them with her thumb and forefinger. As Charlize was brought around by the pain, Jewel reared up, pulling and stretching the supple flesh; forcing proud Charlize to let out a squeal of protest. "Play nice now," Jewel reminded her former stablemate as she pressed her bulbous girlflesh down onto the face of the blonde.

After Prepon, Heigl and Kilcher took their turns, Serinda, Brooke, Leelee, Ke$ha, Katy and Marisa did likewise, each in her turn jugging Charlize to within an inch of unconsciousness before the next one in line would step up, slap her awake and then start it all over again. Kate Beckinsale was the final one in line, and as she brushed her excited breasts back and forth on Charlize's face, she taunted her, calling her "old" and "washed up" and reminding her, "Tractorpull has been calling on you to retire for three years now. What's the problem? You not getting the message? You think that all of us up here...and many more standing around this ring...would be doing this if we thought there was any real chance you still had what it takes to get even with us? You're over the hill Theron...you and your friend Pussycat over there," she kicked Cat in the ribs with her heel. Cat moaned in her dream state and one leg twitched. "The parade has passed you by, my darlin'...time to sit your overworked arse on your porch in a rockin' chair and watch a parade of pulchritude strut our stuff. You talk about dinosaurs; you and your girlfriend there are the FCBA poster girls for 'obselete'."

Then Kate slammed her chest down and scrubbed her juggs roughly across Charlize's face, not caring whether she cut off her air or not. Charlize did the only reasonable thing in the circumstances, she BIT Becks boob! Beckinsale screamed, then started smashing her fists down on Charlize's chest in blind fury. It took Cam Diaz, Monica Bellucci and Olga Kurylenko combined to pull her away and even then she landed a final kick that scored.

From ringside, Jenny McCarthy asked, "Hey, can I finish what Boobs-for-sale couldn't? I got the equipment, baby...and I know how to use it!"

"Fook off, ya bleeding wanker!" Becks screamed, turning to confront McCarthy.

The bantams are lining to take their turn at Charlize when - at long last - the reinforced Security staff finally arrives...almost a half hour after the fight ended...to put a stop to the "show."

The Grand Wizard quickly climbs into the ring, grabs the mic and says, "Ladies and gentlemen, I regret to inform you that the 'Era of Good Feelings' is OVER! It's back to biznezz as usual in the FCBA." Then he walks to Laura and "high five's" her; pulls a contract and pen from his pocket, hands it to her and turns around so she can use it as a desk to sign. Then he goes to Decker and signs her up too!

Once the paperwork is done, The Wiz stands with Laura on his left and Brooke on his right and tells everyone, "Meet the two newest Front Street additions: Laura Prepon and Brooke Decker!" They join hands and raise them overhead. "Rufe! Hit it!" the Wiz laughes as the theme, "I'm A Man You Don't Meet Every Day" begins and confetti rains down from above...

"So fill up your glasses with brandy and wine.
Whatever it costs I will pay.
Be easy and free when you're drinking with me,
I'm a man you don't meet every day..."

The spectators, who have interfered with Security - some accusing them of 'undue haste' (as they're arriving before ALL of the attackers had a chance to summarily deal with Theron in a manner appropriate as the penalty for her 'crimes against humanity') and others, including probably the commissioner; breathed sighs of relief that the travasty was finally coming to an end.

No doubt stern warning letters will be forthcomng from the FCBA's head honcho - a blizzard of meaningless empty threats referenced in endless press conferences extolling the need to put a stop to "mindless violence" and "partial nudity."
What's far more troubling to those who claim the moral high ground - including the editor/publisher of 'the Gray Lady' (Tractorpull) and other toney publications who treat celebrity boxing as a sport and adjunct to legitimate entertainment - is the liklihood that The Academy will be seeking their own retribution for the "heinous and unprovoked" attacks.

STAY TUNED...THERE'S GONNA BE TROUBLE IN RIVER CITY!

FRONT STREET PRESS CONFERENCE

Posted by Boxing World Online on 2/20/2011, 8:29 pm

The Man In The Hat sits in the center of the dais. To his left is a clearly angry Britney Spears, to his right, Avril Lavigne. On Avril's right, sit Jewel, Laura Prepon, and Brooklyn Decker. On Britney's left are Neve Campbell, Gemma Arterton, and Kristen Stewart.

Man In The Hat: "All right, gang. I've got some housekeeping ta do. We ain't takin' questions tonight. But I'll address everything a good journalist would ask. First, Claire Danes. I always knew you were smart, kid. Quotin' me pre-fight proves I was right. You're payin' attention. Great job tonight, to. But, just a reminder, the talented young kid you need ta be worried about ain't Watson. It's Scerbo. Good luck with that."

HBO Reporter: "Wiz..."

Man In The Hat: "You don't hear too good! No questions! Now, Olivia Munn. Speakin' o' smart! We give you the tools, you get the job done and push that dinosaur McCarthy one step closer ta palookaville. Lord, kid, I love ya!"

He pauses. This time no one asks a question. "Jenny G. Lord, you're like fine wine, kid! They toss great young light after great young light at you, and Jenny G is still wearin' gold! You're somethin' special. Shakira, great effort. Thought she might get the duke. And Jesse Biel. Just. A. Sample. People. Keep watching. Now..."

He pauses again and looks at Britney. "Brit ain't a happy camper right now. She ain't happy about how this fight went and how Summer Glau fought it and the officiatin' and all the rest. BUT, tonight didn't change nothin'. Brit is still the best bantam on the planet. And keep in mind, she made it back ta the top from nowhere. You think she can't get back there from the top five? She can, and she will. That bein' said, sometimes your opponent deserves some credit. This is one o' those times. Summer Glau had a plan and she executed it to perfection, right, kid?"

Britney: "I'm not going to use officials and distractions as excuses. Summer Glau fought smart, fought well, and won the fight. But she and I will see each other again. Right after I deal with Christina."

Man In The Hat: "Now, I wanna say one more thing. Will the flippin' boxing press PLEASE stop underestimatin' the Glau kid? Sheesh! Ok, let me take a minute to talk about my two kids, Kristen and Gemma. I couldn't be prouder o' these kids. I put Kristen out there with Gomez for a reason. Gomey's quick and she's polished and K-Stew has ta develop that part of her game and learn how ta deal with girls who have that package. Kristen is whip smart, as smart as any kid I've got. She learns fast. She learned tonight. She'll be better next time out. Kid has the total package. She's gonna be special. She's The Five-Tool Player. And Gemma. Blake Lively is dangerous, gang, as Queen Charlize can attest. But the Gravesend Gladiator is dangerous, too. She's tough. She's strong. She's got guts ta spare. She's goin' places and the Old Wiz is gonna enjoy the flippin' ride."

He pauses again and then stands and surveys the room. "Now, I know what you all want to ask about. I'm sure I speak for Franchise when I say that I want you to know that I am shocked and appalled by what I saw out there, and I'm NOT going to stand for it."

He pounds the dais for emphasis before continuing. "This kind of thing is a black mark on the FCBA and it can not go unpunished. Now, you all saw what happened out there and who, by their reckless conduct, started it. That, of course, was Charlize Theron, who unprovokedly assaulted Jewel! And, after Laura stepped in to defend her stablemate, the entirety of The Academy rushed the ring. At that point, Serinda and Kate Beckinsale tried to keep the peace, and the rest of Front Street and Empire entered the ring to do the same. This thing would have ended right there if not for the reckless, borderline criminal, conduct of Reese Witherspoon, who, unprovokedly once again, attacked a woman who's not even a fighter, poor Avril here! Witherspoon's criminally negligent conduct is what sparked the unfortunate incident the blogosphere has already begun referring to as 'The Big Sleep'. Therefore, I have sent an official communication to the commissioner's office demanding that Charlize Theron and Reese Witherspoon be immediately suspended indefinitely on charges including...read the charges, Av."

Avril: "Assault, simple assault, aggravated assault, unprovoked assault, assault with intent to injure, assault with a deadly weapon, incitement to riot, disorderly conduct, affray, and reckless endangerment of Wiz's hat!"

Man In The Hat: "Now, the blame does not end there. I further demand that the FCBA suspend Ginny, who made no effort to control her fighters, for an indefinite period on charges of..."

Avril: "Conspiracy, accessory before the fact, accessory after the fact, and lack of institutional control."

Man In The Hat: "And, finally, we demand the indefinite suspension of Jenny McCarthy, who tried to further inflame the situation by getting involved on charges of..."

Avril: "Incitement to riot, affray, attempted assault, attempted battery, public lewdness, morbid stupidity, and generally being a pain in the a**."

Man In The Hat: "Now, Front Street does not claim to be entirely blameless in all of this. A few of our fighters got a little carried away out there. As a result, after careful review of the tape, I will issue the appropriate fines to those who deserve them and donate the proceeds to Children's Fund International. I'm sure Franchise will take similar action with members of his own stable, as we both want to make it clear that there's no place for violence in the sport of boxing! After all, this ain't hockey! Now, the two newest members of Front Street have somethin' ta say. Laura."

Laura Prepon: "First, I want to thank Wiz and, especially, Jewel for bringing me to Front Street. It's been tough for me since that bytch Theron destroyed the Kruzherz, and tonight she made a small down payment on what she owes me for that. And she's not the only one who's going to pay. I'm looking right at you, Ginny. Oh, you pushed me in our Kruzherz days. Talked about how much potential and ability I, a fellow redhead, had. But, when you formed The Academy, who did you bring in as your welterweight? Laura P, a top ten fighter in her prime? No, a washed-up, shot old hag who just HAPPENS to be REALLY close to Her Highness, Charlize! Your mistake, Ginny. And you'll pay. Just like Charlize and Bell and everyone else associated with your little organization. Because The Jersey Devil's now the number one welterweight in the biggest, baddest stable in the FCBA, run by the most evil genius this place has ever SEEN. And if you think Theron and her Supporting Cast Of The Ancient are up to dealing with us and our good friends at the 'Evil' Empire, well, look around and ask yourself how round one worked out for you. Oh, and if you're still wondering, and you're pretty stupid, so you might be, it was ME. I was Jewel's source at The Academy. Right under your noses all along. And I gave her everything. EVERYthing, Ginny! All she needs to bring your little stable down. Tonight was just the overture. The opera's about to start. Now, my new stablemate, the hottest blonde in the FCBA and one badass Buckeye has something she wants to say. Brooke?"

Brooklyn Decker: "Thanks, Laura. As you all probably guessed, I've had plenty of offers since I won the Supermodel Tournament. And they were tempting. I mean, who WOULDN'T want to go to Sceej and replace Jenny McCarthy? But what those folks didn't know was that Wiz has been in the Brooklyn Decker business for a long time. He's been giving me career advice for months. He even...Can I tell them, Wiz?"

Man In The Hat(smiling): "Go ahead, kid."

Brooklyn: "He even gave me his scouting material on all seven women in the tournament, and he hired Casta to train me for it! So, despite all the other offers, there was no doubt I was coming to Front Street to fight for Wiz. And there's no doubt about something ELSE, either. Charlize, you were dead RIGHT when you said that Brooklyn Decker has made a lot of women obsolete. Crawford and Everhart? Absolutely. But you left someone out, the Golden Goddess herself! Sure, you got lucky and won tonight, but only because I didn't have enough time to train after the tournament. And what did you accomplish? You just put off the changing of the guard, but not for much longer. Face it, Charlize, I'm your worst nightmare. Younger, fresher, oh-so-much hotter, and with the best rack on the planet. I blew you away pre-fight, I'll blow you off any magazine cover, and I'll blow you out of the ring if you're ever dumb enough to climb in with me again. Take a good look, Charlize. The hottest woman on the planet at the center of the dominant stable in the FCBA. It's like looking back at yourself ten years ago, isn't it? Except this time the girl's hotter and fills out her bikini top. You're looking at the 21st Century Goddess, Theron. And she's assigning you to the ash heap of history."

Man In The Hat: "A girl this hot, and she can quote Trotsky, too? Welcome aboard, Brooke. Now, we're all goin' ta dinner here with our friends at Bazz and Empire. So, go on, get outta here. And go wake up The Academy, will ya?"

GINNY'S ACADEMY PRESS CONFERENCE

Posted by The Academy Press Conference on 2/21/2011, 4:58 pm

Ginny walks into the press room followed by her fighters. The redhead's head is bandaged to the point it resembles a Sikh turban there's so much wrapping. She's limping and uses a cane to support her as she hobbles to the microphones. Behind her are Charlize, Cat, Candice, Julie and Reese who line up, and behind them stand the training staff (who were also brutally assaulted) Sharon Stone, Halle Berry and Teri Hatcher.

"I've just come from a meeting with the FCBA Commissioner and he's assured me that...and I'm quoting him verbatim on this, so there's no mistake... "Something will be done!" Ginny snorts derisively. "Well, my girls and I aren't going to wait around wearing targets on our backs while we hope he and his cronies take some kind of action. We're going to dish out some retribution of our own - legally - in the ring - the way it should be done.

"I had a long talk with my training staff and my fighters and we've formulated a brilliant plan...one nobody will expect because it's so radical. We're going to go after those responsible...using the rules...dealing with them in the ring...and we're going to make them pay - dearly. Now I know some of you are wondering why we don't just turn tail and run...and that possibility came up in our meeting. A couple of these women are mothers, and they were concerned their children would see the tapes of this travesty and be upset. They were thinking maybe it had become too much like the wild west; with no rules to protect the innocent, but I convinced them that's not the case. So we're all on board; every one of us - and if it means I have to get in the ring myself then dammit, that's what I'll do. In fact, I'd like nothing better than to get that Wizzzzzzzzz character inside the ropes and kick him into the middle of next week.
"Now the girls would like to say a few words...

Charlize steps up, pauses, then dramatically flings open her robe to expose her bare bosom; her perky breasts bruised, red and swollen from the punching, grabbing and clawing they got in the assault by more than a half dozen women and the brutal torture that followed. "I was viciously attacked by a dozen or more jealous psycho bytches tonight," she began. "There's no call for that kind of thing in the FCBA, but since management is unable - or unwilling - to put a stop to it, I'm going to take matters into my own hands. They want me out of the FCBA? Well, they made the worst mistake of their lives. I'm coming for each and every one of them and I'm not going away until the debt is paid...in full! Now I admit I probably didn't take Decker as seriously as I should have, but she really didn't give me any more than I expected. It was her 'friends' who jumped me from behind. I always thought Jewel was a class act, but Prepon really fooled me...I thought she at least respected me in the ring. Heigl is just what she is; no surprise there - she's always been a back-stabbing; gossip-mongering; little weasel and any stable that has her in it is going to be sorry they had anything to do with her. As for Serinda Swan, she's a psycho crazy woman and I want to put her in a straight jacket. Cat, Candice and the rest; we're all together in this CRUSADE against the women who did this to us tonight. But Swan is now number one on my 'hit parade'."

Cat steps up, adjusts the mic and slowly scans the room with her eyes before she speaks. "I was wrong. I thought there was honor in the FCBA, but there is none. No, I take that back. There are SOME women with honor, I could hear them at ringside pleading for those animals to stop. There weren't many, but I can't honestly say there are none. But those who did this to us....they're going to regret it because there's no price I won't pay to get my hands on those responsible for doing this to Char, Candi, Julie, Reese and Sharon...but especially to Halle and Teri who hadn't even unpacked their gear before they got dragged into this quagmire."

Candice stepped up, her eyes still puffy from crying, and said simply, "Miller, Menounos and Kurylenko just made it into the top three. Top three women I'm going to destroy...one after the other. I can't promise it will happen this month, maybe not this year, but I'm young and I've got lots of time and a long memory. One day, they're going to get theirs from ME. And I'm going to do all I can to help others put them in their place as well. I've been harassed and bullied by supermodels, women who are experts at intimidation, but nothing on this scale have I ever seen before. It's shocking and disgusting."

Julie Benz grabbed the mic, almost twisting it from the stand, then said only, "I know who they are and what they did. I have it in my power...in my fists and - if necessary, my bra - to get the ultimate revenge on them. My first choice will be to stand over their unconscious bodies and laugh, but sometime in the coming weeks, when there's an opportunity to do more, I won't hesitate to take it."

Reese was trembling when she took the microphone from Julie she was so angry. "My daughter will see this...my daughter! Do any of you know how humiliating it will be for her...for me? Well, everybody has seen my boobs now, so what's the big deal if I pull them out again? And that's what's going to happen...to Seyfried and the rest. Payback in kind. Get ready FCBA, the girls are coming for you flyweights and it's not going to be pretty when I get you in my 'clutches'."

Stone just waved the microphone on to Halle, either too mad to speak or content to take her own revenge without doing a lot of talking beforehand.

Halle looked shaken as she took to the podium, but managed a veteran smile. "I want to thank the members of the Academy for this honor," she said. "Rarely has any new employee been met with such an outpouring of breasts as I was...well," she said, glancing at Hatcher, "except for Teri. I've been down this road a few times before, I've been up and I've been down and believe me, being on top is a lot better. That's why I want all those cowards to know I'm going to go out on top. Before my days in the FCBA are over, each and every one of them is going to go to a dark place....my cleavage."

Teri Hatcher didn't present a very imposing picture at the podium, but she too bared her soul...and her breasts...just to make sure everyone responsible for the attack on her knew what was waiting for them. "I may not have the biggest rack in the FCBA," she said modestly. "Or the best - although it's pretty good, if I do say so myself. It's also real, which is more than those who jumped me can say - at least if they're honest. So it's going to feel twice as good when I drop my hooters on them because I'll be being ecologically responsible when I get mine back."

Ginny concluded saying she was going to, "... make a 'courtesy call' on 'the Wizzer' and 'whoever's running Empire these days'. I'll give them a one-time opportunity to make things right, then I'm declaring war... on them, on their stables, and on everyone else who supports them by not standing shoulder to shoulder with US against them. And when Penny Cruz returns, she'll be with us in this Crusade."