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26 February 2011 Paris Hilton vs Ke$ha

Page history last edited by Archer844 12 years, 11 months ago

Paris Hilton 02.jpg Kesha 01.jpg

"ANARCHY AT THEV ASYLUM". (Asylum Arena. Philadephia, Pennyslvania)

Posted by Results By Sim/Words By Wiz on 2/26/2011, 11:44 pm

"Good evening, ladies and gentlemen and welcome to the Asylum Arena in Philadelphia! I'm Jenny O'Dell along side Jenny McCarthy, and, J-Mac, we've got quite a card here tonight put together by the Grand Wizard and Avril Lavigne, starting with the FCBA debut of 'Six Feet Of Sexy', Ke$ha against 'The Queen Of Hot' Paris Hilton!"

McCarthy: "PLEASE! Sexy? Ke$ha isn't hot enough to be a cocktail waitress at The Mansion, let alone a Playmate Of The Year! As for Hilton, who's fought less than one FCBA ROUND in the last five years, she looks like a ferret!"

O'Dell: "Um, thanks for that analysis, Mac. Now let's go to the pre-fight interviews."

BEFORE:

"What people don't realize about me," Paris says, "Is that I can be as good at this as I want to be. I'm quick, athletic, in great shape. I could be an FCBA champion if I dedicated myself to the sport. But, I don't have time for that. I have too many other interests to spend all my time training in some gym. However, I owe Front Street one for costing me a bunch of money by destroying Phoenix Boxing. So, I'm going to pay back The Grand Wizard by costing him his investment in Ke$ha. I've trained hard for this fight, and I'm going to humiliate and ruin her in her debut. Then I'm going to Cabo."

"You know, I've been waiting a long time to finally get in the ring," Ke$ha says. "I have all this pent up aggression. And I finally get to let some of that out now and it's going to be great to do it against that arrogant witch Hilton. Hey, Paris, you won't be conscious much longer. The clock is ticking, bytch. Tick. Tock!"

ROUND ONE:

O'Dell: "Back live at ringside and there's the bell and Ke$ha's right after Paris with some wild right hands! Paris moving well, dodging and ducking, avoiding those haymakers. Ke$ha keeping after the shorter woman, giving chase, but Paris able to keep out of harm's way. Landing a jab here and there but not able to do much, mostly on the defensive here..."

McCarthy: "Ke$ha's not landing squat, either, just winging away out of position. This kid looks green as grass!"

O'Dell: "Big K IS looking sloppy, but she's keeping Paris on the retreat. Hilton can't set up to do anything because Ke$ha's being too aggressive. And there's the bell, end of the first. What've you got on the telestrator, Mac?"

McCarthy: "Couple of things here. Look at Ke$ha falling in after missing a big right hand. Same again right here. If she lands either of those, Paris' head is going to be in the front row, but she's way off and ends up out of position, wide open to a counter afterward, but Hilton's too busy back pedaling to follow up. This is NOT going down as one of the great rounds in FCBA history. I'd give it to Hilton for landing a bit more, but not by much."

ROUND TWO:

O'Dell: "Well, I gave the first to Ke$ha on aggressiveness and we're seeing more of that to start the second. The big blonde is after Paris and has her on her heels again. Ke$ha coming forward consistently. Paris pushing out punches, slapping jabs, trying to keep Ke$ha away..."

McCarthy: "Not going to do it that way! That's powder puff stuff! She's got to set her feet and land something to get this girl's attention!"

O'Dell: "Ke$ha cutting off the ring now, landing that left jab...and she's got some power in that thing. Paris jabbing back, circling right...away from
Ke$ha's right hand. Ke$ha missing wildly there and Paris lands a left-right, but Big K comes back with that jab and sends Paris backpedalling again. And there's the bell. Round two in the books!"

McCarthy: "Check the telestrator here on Ke$ha's jab. She actually moves Paris backward with it and she didn't land it clean. That is a very powerful left this girl has. She controlled that round, but she isn't setting her punches up well enough. It's all one and done stuff. Not putting punches together. Won the round though."

ROUND THREE:

O'Dell: "I agree with you, Mac, round to
Ke$ha and the third verse starting same at the first, Ke$ha the aggressor again as Paris is once again in retreat. Flicking out that jab, but Ke$ha's walking through it, still measuring Hilton for that right hand."

McCarthy: "She's got Paris spooked here and she hasn't really landed anything except a few jabs! There are openings for Paris. She's got to be more aggressive!"

O'Dell: "Ke$ha lands a jab there. Backing Paris up...OH AND THERE'S A RIGHT HAND! PARIS' KNEES GAVE A SHIMMY! SHE'S HURT, MAC!"

McCarthy: "Best shot all night for Ke$ha! Paris covering up against the ropes!
Ke$ha needs to finish here!"

O'Dell: "And that's what she's looking to do, Mac! Wild rights and lefts, but Paris is ducking and blocking, she ducks off the ropes around a wild right hand and gets back to the center. She's basically running here, just pushing out a meaningless jab as Ke$ha's throwing everything but the kitchen sink, but she can't land and there's the bell! Too much head hunting. Needed to go body there, I think."

McCarthy: "Take a look at the big punch on the telestrator here, Jenny. Paris circling right away from that right hand, but Ke$ha throws that left jab and Paris leans to her left away from it and Ke$ha saw that opening and landed the big right. Paris caught some of it on her glove or that might have been it!"

ROUND FOUR:

O'Dell: "Big K got a bit of a lecture from Neve between rounds, told her to 'settle down and take this bimbo out of there.' Ke$ha looking to do just that to misty-eyed Paris. Moving forward, chasing Hilton who's throwing the don't-hurt-me jab and Big K throwing heavy leather, but Paris is blocking, ducking, taking some on her shoulders, backpedalling, in survival mode. Big K landing that left jab from time to time, stinging Paris, backing her up."

Jenny: "Hilton's just running here. Won't set her feet to do anything. She's scared!"

O'Dell: "Ke$ha with another big right that falls short of a retreating Hilton. Paris flicks out a left jab and bounces back and to the right, staying out of range of the taller girl as the bell sounds ending round four."

Jenny: "Check out this left jab again. Right...there! That's a heavy jab this kid has. It doesn't just stop you, it sends you back a step. That's a lot of power for that kind of punch."

ROUND FIVE:

O'Dell: "The bell sounds to start the fifth and Ke$ha's stalking Paris again. Hard left jab..."

McCarthy: "OH BIG RIGHT HAND! DOWN GOES HILTON!"

O'Dell: "Paris flat on her back as Ke$ha throws both hands in the air! She heads to a neutral corner. Referee picks up the count at four! He can count all night! Paris is out! It's over! KO5 with a BIG right hand, Ke$ha!"

McCarthy: "Check the telestrator here and you'll see what happened. Ke$ha finally able to put punches together. She lands the jab which stops Paris and backs her up, then here comes the right cross right on the jaw. Paris' head snaps to the side and it's over. And none too soon for Ke$ha because the kid's all but blown up. Used a lot of energy trying to finish over two plus rounds. That's something she'd better work on, being more efficient, because that will cost you against the better fighters."

AFTER:

O'Dell: "Jenny's heading on up to the ring as they announce the result. Let's go on up to J-Mac with our winner, Ke$ha!"

McCarthy: "Ke$ha, your thoughts on your first FCBA fight...and win."

Ke$ha(still somewhat out of breath): "She didn't want to fight me! She was making all those noises about ruining me, but the first time I hit her that went out the window. All she did was run away and I got a little frustrated trying to catch her and finish her. The trainers kept telling me to settle down, but I was pumped. Adrenaline, you know? First fight and all that. Took me some time to get all the parts working, but, when I did? Time ran out on Paris. Tick. Tock