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(Result:Simguy/Words:Simgrrl)
Before: Two veteran fighters lace 'em up in the wake of the still-debated "Big Sleep"; the mass jugging-out of almost the entire Academy stable but specifically the club's flagship face - the lovely, Oscar-winning face - of gorgeous Charlize Theron who suffered untold indignities at having her visage 'mammafied' by a dozen different women.
Now Berry, attempting to cement a role in the stable, is unable to decline when offered a place at the table set with Front Street's 'ass. trainer' Neve Campbell.
"Berry's not even a .500 fighter," Neve sniffs, offering an opinion of her opponent. "She's been hanging around on the fringes of the FCBA since I got here but she's only had half as many fights. That tells you something about how 'in demand' she's been as a fighter. She can't fight; she can't put butts in seats... so what good is she? Look at her record and you see she hasn't won a fight in...how many? Five years? Six? Seriously, does anyone think this is a legit contest?"
Records aside, Halle brings Oscar-worthy gorgeousness to the podium; fitting right in between Theron, Cruz and Witherspoon in the Academy's pantheon of award-winning heroines! Smiling graciously, Halle bats her brown eyes at Neve and pouts a pretty moue; pretending to be offended her ring prowess is so lightly considered.
"Well, I guess while Neve was winning all those fights," she grins, "I had to settle for winning an Oscar. Small compensation, maybe, but it'll do. I'm new at this trainer business, but frankly I've been surprised that I've gotten more requests to fight since I signed on to teach than I did the last four years. Who knew?"
Tale Of The Tape shows how big a mountain Halle is facing...
Halle: Age-45, Ht-5'6", Total Fights-61, Won-29, KOs-13 (Last 6 Years: 1-3-0)
Neve: Age-38, Ht-5'7", Total Fights-96, Won-52, KOs-34 (Last 6 Years: 31-18-1)
Neve shows up wearing the same black push up/leopard print bikini bottom she wore three years ago when she beat one of Halle's new proteges, Julie Benz, who's ringside supporting her coach. Halle strides to the ring looking radiantly voluptuous in her 'Bond' bikini. She's clearly not conceding anything to Neve in the way of 'hotness' - despite the near seven year age difference!
During R1: Neve out quickly, dancing and sticking the left in Halle's face. Neve turning left behind the jab; casually flicking at Halle's right eyebrow as she circles smoothly on sturdy legs. DOWN GOES NEVE! Bouncy brunette walks right into a short inside chopping right to the jaw that drops her on her butt in the opening thirty seconds! Neve sits stunned, hands behind her; staring vacantly up at Halle; blinking in disbelief. Neve barely beats the count, swaying unsteadily as the referee wipes her gloves. Halle jumps in quickly to finish, driving Neve's back to the ropes and butt-stuffing her in the strands. Shoulders hunched forward, Neve suffers a blistering body bludgeoning by the black beauty. Berry, jugs-a-jumpin', pounds away with both fists; head on Neve's shoulder; bringing the hurt. Neve rocked again, staggering into a corner where she's held up by the turnbuckle and ropes as Halle hammers her again. Neve's body taking a terrific amount of punishment as she covers her head with her gloves; elbows tucked in. Time and again, Halle splits Neve's defenses to slam her head up out of her gloves. When Neve does manage to clinch, Halle smashes Neve's taut abs, breaking her down one punch at a time. Halle driving punches down into Neve's cleavage; palms down, with breath-stealing power. Neve soaking up a terrible beating and in the final minute there's no record of her throwing even one punch...just taking them. Bell: Halle finishes up shoe-shining Neve's proud rack with a back/forth flurry, then spins away with a toss of hair and struts back to her stool. Referee intercepts Neve meandering aimlessly; takes her elbow; guides her to her corner; then goes away to mark his scorecard. Like the judges, he gives Halle a huge 10-8 round as Neve (barely) survives the worst three minute shellacking of her long career on her pride alone as Halle put a Pearl Harbor style whuppin' on her.
R2: Halle off her stool before the bell; eager for a second helping of Campbell's. Neve still far from 'right' and Halle has total tactical superiority - doing whatever she wants to a Neve still creaky and cranky from abuse and just trying to stabilize the situation. Halle brushes aside the few offensive attempts by Campbell, then settles into a comfortable routine...coming over the top to batter Neve's head to the side, then hooking the body again and again. Neve cramping up; cranky; mouth-breathing; stumbling and stutter-stepping awkwardly as she's battered from corner to corner. Berry taking her time, not ignoring defense in search of a spectacular knockout. This is Berry the Trainer, showcasing technique as if she's making a training video to show Benz, Cruz and Witherspoon over the coming months. Neve never gets started; forced to clinch; back up and get herself plundered for another three minutes without any noticeable offensive forays of her own. Berry not showing any effects of the expected "ring rust" fighting like someone who's at their physical and mental best - despite her recent inactivity.
R3: Halle still getting off on a shipwrecked Neve who's been eating body punches like they're M&Ms. Neve, not having a lot of options; giving up her already red from abuse belly trying to protect her chin. Halle's every graceful; gliding in, roughing up Neve to the torso, then slipping back out virtually untouched. Halle not fooling around; landing good, hard, solidly connecting punches in combination; just burying Campbell under a blizzard of leather. Hard to believe the 'Bronze Beauty' has been away from the ring so long because she's fighting like a well-trained machine.
R4: Finally: some paw-back from Neve...at leaset until Halle switches from peppy combination punching to a more studious jabbing study of Neve's face. Neve lumping up nicely, thank you; both eyes starting to show the effect of Halle's relentless jabbing and some hard face punching. Once Halle again has Neve subdued, she goes back to the body; breaking down Neve to take the younger woman's legs away and in some measure compensate for her age/conditioning gap.
R5: Neve catching her second wind - starting to come forward constructively but she's unable to do much damage done as Halle's superior legs easily deny her combat and keep Halle well out of harm's way. Still, Campbell's finally showing a little of the aggression everyone expected to see from the opening bell and it's her best round of the fight so far.
R6: More in-and-out action by Halle who's working her combinations like she's never been away from the ring. Halle landing with stunning ease; rocking Neve's head; pounding her to the body. All the abuse adding up; further reducing Neve's effectiveness. Campbell looking very sleepy - but gamely soldiering on - looking hopefully for telegraphed hooks she can counter even as she's being buffeted from one foot to the other.
R7: Neve's head bounced and rocked by Halle's fists... yet Campbell refuses to go down. A few hard body shots from Neve eventually convince Halle of the wisdom of a tactical withdrawal late in the round. Halle coughs up the round 10-9, but she's wisely protecting a wide lead and showing 'discretion is the better part of valor'; not too egotistical or too proud to back off every so often when it's the 'smart thing' to do.
R8: Neve out and stalking Halle - who basically gives away the round taking a breather. Halle's come a long way since the early years; now she's fighting smart, more concerned with staying out of peril than of 'sending messages' or 'showing off' for her fans. She's also setting an example for the women she's been tasked with teaching - and a great example it is. She's a living, breathing, workshop of how to get on top of an opponent, then use your skill and talent to stay in control of the situation while avoiding trouble.
R9: After a round off, the ferocious Halle Berry is back; slinging combinations of punches as she batters Neve backward across the ring onto the ropes. Halle finally drops Neve to her knees midway through the round, gutting her to the body before finishing up coming over the top. 'Zombie Neve' rises unsteadily, then against all expectations, convinces the ref she's still alive. Disbelieving their own eyes, Berry's corner pleads with the ref to stop it and when he refuses, Sharon Stone screams to Berry, "You gotta put a stake in her heart, Hal!"
R10: Halle coming out to finish in Oscar-winning style; playing touch and go; sticking Neve sturdy, then moving quickly out of range; maintaining her distance. Halle doesn't forget to add a little 'slap 'n' tickle' late, jiggling and bouncing her way to the bell to wrap up an easy UD10, Halle Berry.
After: "It shoulda been stopped in the first round," Berry huffs indignantly in the aftermath. "It was all I could do not to do serious damage to her in the second and third. Either the ref is blind or simply incompetent. If one of my fighters is ever in that situation, I hope to God I have sense enough to throw in the towel and save her from harm."
Neve still buzzed in the aftermath, still insists on speaking to the media with her trainer hovering protectively near-by. "That's just total BS," she responds, answering Halle's contention the fight should have been stopped in the first. "I was never really hurt and she barely laid a glove on me after that. I don't know what fight she was watching..." Neve struggled to say more, but her trainer and the ring doctor hustled her away; ordered a CAT scan; probably fearing she may have a concussion and was perhaps hallucinating.
"I don't know who was luckier...statistically speaking..." posited one self-styled expert who wanted to remain anonymous to protect his rep as being 'impartial.' "...Halle getting the best possible result out of that first round... or Neve actually surviving! It had to be one of the strangest cosmic confluences of luck and opportunity I've seen in many a moon," said the aging fight guru with a wondering shake of his head.
Halle Berry may be 'old' but she's clearly not 'over the hill' by a long shot. With some judicious matchmaking - and a liberal application of the good sense she displayed tonight - there are fights she can make at bantam to keep her name, face - and body - in front of FCBA fans for several more years. Credit Ginny and the Academy for seeing what others didn't - and give Halle all the credit for keeping that wonderful body in such terrific shape - and fighting an almost perfect fight on this evening. |
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