Or "GOMEY GOES FOR GLORY IN GLASGOW"
(Site: Glasgow, Scotland, UK)
Posted by Bazz Fight Club
on 3/31/2011, 11:14 pm
The Bazz crew races out of the tunnel and into the arena. Poindexter Del Crunchy leads the way which with his size parts the crowd like Moses and the Red Sea. The girls follow. Regan, Wagner and Scerbo surround Selena Gomez who hops up and down as she moves into the ring with her silk hoodie over her head. The crowd roars as the entourage bounds its way towards the ring. It's standing room only in the cozy 4500 person arena and they all want to see the American girl get her beating at the hands of Kara Tointon a Brit with excellent promise.
Kara Tointon's crew is already in the ring as Pointy stands on the apron and opens the ropes and lets the Bazz Fight Club in. He immediately goes over and shakes the hand of a shorter but just as fight yong man, David Knowlesey the creator and manager of the BBU.
"David! Quite the exciting venue you have here tonight! Great job mate! Great job! Your girl looks good!" Pointy compliments the former star cricket player for the England's national team.
"Thanks Pointy I wish we could all say the same thing about our boys in India! Sri Lanka mate! Sri Lanka of all teams! They both need us back in uniform! You in Scotland's blue for the six nations and I've got to get our boys back in the fold batting again." Knowlesey said back to Pointy.
"I'm afraid the mind is willing but the body's all broken down at this point Knowlesey! Let's have some fun and then a beer afterwards to talk about BBU's trip to the US with us and Front St.! Good luck mate!" With that Pointy releases his tight grip on Knowlesey's hand and starts his walk back to the opposite corner.
"Another former homegrown athlete has entered the ring! Ladies and gentlemen! The manager of Bazz Fight Club and the former eight man and member of the last grand slam winning rugby team from Scotland, Poindexter Del Crunchy!" The ring announcer pounces on the opportunity to introdcue Pointy who acknowledges the cheers with a simple overhead shake of his fist and a nod towards the screaming crowd. Interestngly enough the first thing he notices is Justin Bieber's hair located in the first row as he cheers for Pointy and his girlfriend.
"Alright you know why you're here lassie let's get down to business!" Pointy pep talks Gomez.
"Man this crowd is crazy! I'm nervous!" Gomez shows signs of cracking under the pressure until Bridget Regan breaks in.
"Hey Gomey we're all nervous when we're sitting where you are now! You'll get used to it. We're right here behind you so just get out there and kick some bloody British ass!" The Brunette welter screams into Gomey's face with a crazed smile on her face evoking confidence in the young girl.
The two camps walk to the middle of the ring. The two fighters go eye to eye while the referee starts with instructions. Selena Gomez in the Signature Jean Paul Galtier Bazz leather uniform two peice and devastating, especially to one Justin Bieber. Kara Tointon matching the devastation with a practically see through bikini, Bieber still devastated and now completely horrified.
Meanwhile Cassie Scerbo has seemed to find her own opponent. She gets right into the face of Tiffany Mulheron. Scerbo has done her scouting and sees Mulheron as the biggest flyweight threat amongst Knowlesey's seemingly unending supply of little girls and Mulheron no simpleton knows exactly who Scerbo is.
"So you're the 'Scerbonator'" Mulheron throws enough sarcasm into her Scottish accent to get the message across to the diabolical American.
"That's right and I guess your the alpha DOG in this pack of poodles." Scerbo responds with her own accent on the word dog as she nods her head to the three other flyweights backing up Tiffany.
"I thought that you'd be a little more impressive quite frankly. A little better looking actually. I'm really a little disapointed." Tiffany resists the urge to turn and laugh with her friends. She knows Scerbo is way to quick and evil to take her eyes off of even for a quick second.
"Oh how could I ever compete with a girl who talks with rocks in her mouth and a hairdo that takes eight hours to blow dry into shape." Scerbo moves her hand up and touches the blonde's hair.
Mulheron moves quickly to swipe her rivals hand away from her face but not quickly enough for Scerbo. Her little test shows that the Scot wasn't paying attention, which isn't the case, or that she may just not be quick enough to battle with the likes of her or Panettiere.
Just then the Scottish flyweight looks upwards from Scerbo with a horrified look on her face. Pointy is looking down at the two with a grimace on his face and it scares Mulheron. After a raised eyebrow towards Scerbo he returns to the instructions.
"You know you may be right Scotty. Maybe you got better hair for picking up the ladies like the ones behind you here but you'll never be able to fight effectively with it." Scerbo laughs at the scowling Scot.
"What are you talking about? I date professional athletes like your boss here not women!" Mulheron says defensively.
"Yeh maybe but that hair still ain't gonna do it. Let me show ya how it works with the ponytail beyotch!" With that, in front of thousands of screaming fans Scerbo turns on her heels and gives the unsuspecting blonde a full on pony lashing.
The crowd had since given up watching the fight instructions and turned their attention to the two flyweights jawing at each other on the side. So when Scerbo's ponylashing was performed to pure perfection they let out with a collective "Ooooooooooh!" Introducing Tiffany Mulheron to fighting FCBA style before she ever steps on American soil. She stamped her feet in protest as she watched the triumphant Scerbo return to the Bazz corner.
ROUND 1
Both fighters come out quickly but their first punches betray their nerves. Kara strikes first with a quick jab to Selena's chin. It steps the brunette back and the Brit follows up with a three punch compbination that also does damage. The crowd is on its feet cheering and so is Pointy yelling out encouragement to his fighter, trying to get her back on track. The two fighters get close and trade punches and then clinch. Referee breaks it up and Tointon goes into a confident jitterbug dancing around her foe trying to land some long distance jabs. To her credit Gomez doesn't give up she bellies in and gets off a couple of good jabs before the bell rings.
This round goes to Kara Tointon as the girls fight off some nerves in front of the raucous crowd.
ROUND 2
After a calm talking too from Bridget Regan Gomez comes out with more gusto. While Kara seems content to dance from a distance Gomey moves in slowly but surely. She cuts off the ring and starts to work on the Brit with crisp jabs. Tointon boxes her way out of the corner and is chased down by Gomey. Jab Jab Jab from the Bazz girl. They don't do much more damage than put Gomez on the map with the judges. She starts to get her footing and begins to dance with Tointon. They begin to trade punches. Neither one is the flyweight power puncher that Scerbo is but faces are getting red as the gloves reach their targets. Tointon lands two good jabs but is treated to Gomez' first successful combination of the fight. A one two that lands on either side of her jaw.
A slight round for Gomez as the crowd settles into what is turning into a good technical fight.
Round 3
The two girls come out strong. They're both in good shape, Tointon from her hours in the gym with the almost sadistic Knowlesey and Gomez from plowing up and down the dreaded hill at the Bazz Mansion all winter long. They are still trading punches. Both fighters are quick technically sound boxers but neither can get the edge. Suddenly Tointon lands a powerful right off a combination that staggers the Bazz brunette. The crowd is on its feet as Gomez bounces off the ropes tracked closely by Tointon. The Brit quickens the pace while Gomez protects her face, mitts on either cheek. Kara goes for the body but doesn't effectively keep her own face protected, a taste of blood can make one overconfident. Gomez backs her off with a right cross that swipes across the blonde's pretty face. Pouts all around as Gomey backs Tointon off and recovers throwing some good punches at the end.
Round is a draw with the judges and the crowd enjoys the close yet technical fight.
Round 4
Gomez comes out and lands several methodical jabs. She finally decides to take Scrbo's advice and begins an effort to chop off the queen's head. Everytime The gorgeus blonde lets her guard down it's Selena time in her face. The blonde staggers while Gomez shows off her JP Galtier ensemble to the crowd with some slick footwork as she tries to move in for the kill. Tointon covers up while Gomey tries for any opening she can find. The round consists of Gomez tracking the blonde Brit from corner to corner launching assault after assault until the round ends.
A wide one for Gomez that settles the crowd back into their seats.
Round 5
Gomez struts out ready for action. Tointon still game but hurting. The two bounce some punches off of each other but Gomez again gains an advantage and begins to back up the blonde. Suddenly one of the few body shots the Bazz girl throws for the night lands stiff against Tointon's liver. She shudders in pain and backs against the ropes. Gomez bounces in once again still with plenty of fuel from the jaunts up the hill. She lands a quick combination against the Brit's head which sends her swooning. The Gomey goes downtown pumping shot after shot to the body as Scerbo is heard over the disapointed crowd singing in a low baritone "The liver! The liiiivvvvveer!". The ref jumps in and ends the stomping pushing back Gomez to her corner while Kara Tointon slumps to the canvas.
A celebration erupts in the Bazz Corner. Everyone slapping their girl on the back for a well fought win. Pointy moves quickly to the ropes where Knowlesey is tending to Kara Tointon who is handling a very slow recovery. The two men pick her up and she stands on her own as the crowd cheers her. Selena Gomez comes over and gives the girl a hug. Tointon pats her on the back and nods as she and Knowlesey climb through the ropes and into the dressing room.
Meanwhile the soon to be Royal Highness Kate Middleton steps into the ring to announce and congratulate the winner. She is surrounded by her own entourage of body guards, a couple of which Pointy knows from his rugby playing days. As it turns out the future Princess is a big fan of the FCBA and is said to be a big force behind Knowlesey's venture into boxing over in the UK.
As she makes her announcement Cassie Scerbo and Tiffany Mulheron resume their tete-a-tete off to the side.
"That was a pretty slick move spanky pants. It'll mean nothing once I get you into the ring though." The Scottish lass states as they go eye to eye.
"Oh it has its effect. You'll see once I tar and feather ya in about two rounds when we fight!" Scerbo responds.
"Well one good lashing deserves another." It's right then that Scerbo realizes that Mulheron has put her own hair in a ponytail and intends on meting out her own lashing.
While not even remotely considered an original move at this point Cassie ducks back quickly. Obviously she can't allow the turning Scot to actually pull off a dreaded ponylashing on her.
It just isn't done. So she bounces all the way down onto her back avoiding the long blonde hair. Then in a move Scerbo probably picked up while bullying boys four years older than her as a kid she pops right back up to a standing position and proceeds to yank down Tiffany's boxing sweats all the way to her ankles all in one deft action.
The crowd lets out a hushed howl at the sight of Scotland's best flyweight hope now depanted in front of the future bride to the future king of England. As for Princess Kate she has Selena Gomez' hand raised and her mouth dropped open wide as she gets a full look of Tiffany Mulheron a fully pantless beauty trying to escape from Cassie Scerbo, who has her hand raised in full on slap mode.
The Blonde Scot tries to get away but her feet are tied up by the pants and she only begins to fall flat on her face. Not before Scerbo's swinging hand connects with her right cheek letting out a resounding slap loud enough to hear all the way back in Philadelphia. In the middle of the night The Wiz sits bolt upright in his bed and pulls the sleeping eye mask off his head. "Scerbo!" he howls. "Another Scerbo nightmare? You've got to get some help Wiz." Lis Harnois advises without even opening her own eyes or moving from her pillow.
"Aaaiieee!" Tiffany Mulheron screeches as she hits the deck learning the hard way that one doesn't mess with the Scerbonator. As the sting of the Scerbo Spanking takes effect the Scottish Flyweight sees a grinning Justin Bieber jumping up and down in the first row and thinks "Good God Gomez really is dating that Beatle reincarnated hairdo.
Meanwhile it's pandamoniums breaks out in the ring. Kate Middleton is swept waway to safety by her bodyguards, two of which have been tasked with keeping "eyes on" Scerbo at all times who is now considered the greatest threat to the British Monarchy since the Spanish Armada. The BBU refuses to take this sort of debauchery sitting down and take to the ring in droves. Scerbo stands tall or at least as tall as 5'-2" will take her and gets ready to do a pretty good replay of General Custer at Little Big Horn. Suddenly all twelve of the ring inturders stop in their tracks and slowly back down.
"Ya that's right! No one wants to take on the Scerbonator!" Cassie yells heroically until she sees Bridget Regan standing behind her, sleeves rolled up and ready for battle. "Oh yeah you'd be a big help too."
"Okay then here we go." Pointy states calmly as he scoops up the flyweight and launches himself out of the ring and begins to wade through the crowd towards the locker room. Ultimately he is forced to carry Scerbo like a pizza over his head so that the crowd can't get to her.
"Pointy what just happened out there?" Cassie asks calmly from above while she watches Justin Bieber's hairdo move towards the exit up ahead of them.
"Oh an international incident. Just an international incident lassie." Pointy responds with the same calmness as they make their way to safety.
"Did I cause it? I really don't think that I did." Scerbo tries to defend herself as the ride continues up the aisle.
"Oh let me assure young girl they are already putting your picture into the British Google site next to that phrase."
Coming up next: A strategic retreat from the UK.
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