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9 April 2011 Jewel Kilcher vs Shania Twain

Page history last edited by Archer844 12 years, 9 months ago

Jewel Kilcher 10.jpg Shania Twain 02.jpg

Site: The Asylum Arena, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Posted by Results By Sim/Words By Wiz on 4/9/2011, 8:08 am

BEFORE: "You know, I'm kind of surprised Shania agreed to this fight, considering what I did to her the last time we fought," Jewel says, shaking her head. "Then again, it's been over ten years, so maybe the memory's faded for her. I'll be happy to refresh it."

"I think it's Jewel's memory that's going," Shania says with a smile. "We fought 13 rounds and I dominated her in every one of them. All SHE did was land one lucky punch. To be honest, I've never considered her to be in my class, musically or in the ring, mainly because she's never HAD any class. She's always been some fourth banana in a stable built around other girls, not a star like me. And, frankly, 'That Don't Impress Me Much'."

Shania comes to the ring first, to a special version of her hit song with new lyrics written just for her opponent called "She Don't Impress Me Much." She wears a white bikini and white gloves. Jewel enters the ring second, to "Intuition", wearing a yellow bikini with matching gloves.

ROUND ONE:

O'Dell: "Well, the preliminaries are over, Mac, and we're about ready to go. I make Jewel a favorite here. I think Shania can box with her, but I think Jewel's power gives her the edge..."

McCarthy: "I think this one is a toss up. Shania hasn't fought in the FCBA in a while, but she hasn't been completely out of the ring. She's fought in Canada and at some country music venues. She's a better boxer than Jewel, and, for folks giving Kilcher an edge because of Shania's age, keep in mind, Jewel lost to Sharon Stone, who's, like, a HUNDRED!"

O'Dell: "And we're underway! Shania moving well in the early going here. Changing directions, moving side to side. Still got the legs. Jewel walking her down, trying to cut off the ring. Twain not having any. Elusive. Landing and moving. Jewel catching some of the punches on her gloves and arms, but Shania scoring. Jewel keeps up the pressure, but the brunette's legs serving her well here. And there's the bell. End of the first and you've got to give that one to Shania, Mac!"

McCarthy: "No question about it. A lot more volume from Twain there. She didn't hurt Jewel, but she out-worked her and out-boxed her. That's a solid gameplan for Shania against Kilcher. It's worked before and it worked right there."

ROUND TWO:

O'Dell: "Back to the action and Shania again on her horse here. Moving well. Jewel keeps walking her down, pressuring, but Twain slick. Moving. Bobbing and weaving. Showing Jewel angles. Getting off."

McCarthy: "Again, she's not hurting Jewel, but she's scoring, outworking Kilcher."

O'Dell: "Sure is, Mac. Plenty of volume from Twain here. Jewel still pressuring, but not able to get off nearly as much as the brunette and there's the bell ending round two."

McCarthy: "And that's two rounds for Twain. Check the replay here Jenny. See how Shania gets into a good position, lands, then gets out of there before Jewel can respond. She's in total control here through two."

ROUND THREE:

O'Dell: "And there's the bell for the third and the fight plans are clear. Shania moving and boxing. Jewel pressuring. Looking to cut off the ring. Able to do that some now. Working the body with some hooks. Twain getting out of Dodge. Back on her bicycle. And Jewel back on the hunt. Pursuing relentlessly. Looking to work the body. Shania proving elusive, but Jewel's having a bit more success. And that's the bell. I've got that one even, Mac."

McCarthy: "I've got it Shania. It was closer, but I think Twain scored more. Jewel did have some success to the body, though. Check the replay here. She cuts the ring off, closes the range, lands some nice hooks to the abs and lats. Shania doesn't want too much of that going on."

ROUND FOUR:

O'Dell: "Shania up and moving again. How about these legs, Mac!"

McCarthy: "I TOLD you, Jenny! Shania's been in the ring regularly. And she trained hard for this one. Wants to show she's still got it, and that's what she's proving right now. Look at that flurry! Nice combination for Twain!"

O'Dell: "And again, Shania sticks and gets some distance. Jewel well organized defensively. Shania's not hurting her, but she's scoring, and, as the bell sounds, I think she's won another round."

McCarthy: "Definitely did! Check the replay on this combination. Watch as she circles left here, pivots right, let's loose with three quick punches and then bounces away back to the left! That's classy stuff!"

ROUND FIVE:

O'Dell: "Britney talking calmly to Jewel in the corner. She's running things for Front Street tonight with Jewel and Neve both fighting. And the fifth is underway! Jewel still pressuring. Trying to crowd Shania. Working that body now. Good hooks to the kidney there before Shania can slip away. The blonde turning up the heat here a little, Mac."

McCarthy: "Shania's got to be careful in tight."

O'Dell: "Agreed, and Jewel's having more success closing. Cutting off the ring. Willing to take a punch or two to throw one and work that body and she's slowing Shania up some. Working those ribs. Shania wincing a little, tying up. Jewel slow and methodical. Investing in that body. And there's the bell. That one clearly belongs to Jewel. You've got a replay for us, Mac..."

McCarthy: "This is a nasty exchange for Shania. Jewel traps her on the ropes here and goes to work. Check out that left hook to the lats and that right to the ribs below the armpit. Mac The Knife can trade those all night with the likes of Jewel, but Shania can't."

ROUND SIX:

O'Dell: "And we're underway in the sixth and Jewel walking down Shania, blocking her retreat, backing her in and going to work. Good right to the side of the head there and right back to the body. Shania trying to tie up and slip free, but Jewel banging right through it, working that midsection! Shania bending forward, covering up, and Jewel rips a left into the kidney, right hook to the side of the head. Twain tries to shove Jewel off, but Kilcher stands her ground. Shania traps the left arm and Jewel bangs the lats and ribs with the right. The referee breaks, but Jewel back on the brunette, bodying her back into the ropes and punishing that body. Shania suffering here. Can't get any space. And there's the bell! That was clinical!"

McCarthy: "Twain's in serious trouble here, Jenny, if she can't renegotiate terms."

ROUND SEVEN:

O'Dell: "Seventh round now underway and Jewel right back at the brunette, working her to the ropes, banging away downstairs. Shania trying to tie up or slip away, but can't do either. Jewel leaning on the brunette, working that ribcage..."

McCarthy: "RIGHT HOOK! TWAIN'S HURT!"

O'Dell: "Shania's legs wobbled! Jewel back to the body, folding Twain forward. Another hook to the chin! Another! Shania swaying! Referee looking in! Two more hooks to the chin! Ref needs to stop this! Another left to the side of the head! Shania sliding down the ropes! Right hook to the jaw and she's down! Shania down, parallel to the ropes! Jewel to a neutral corner! Ref picks up the count at three, but he can count all night! Twain is out! The winner by KO7 is Jewel!"

AFTER:

McCarthy: "Well, since I'm being held CAPTIVE here at the table by the Weirdo's goons, let's go up to the ring where Jenny O'Dell will do the honors..."

O'Dell: "Jewel, you looked confident the whole way, even when Shania won some rounds early..."

Jewel: "I WAS confident. We had a great plan and I had a Hall Of Famer in my corner! Give her credit. She was game. She was in shape. And we all know she can box. But, I knew my power would wear her down sooner or later. She couldn't hurt me, couldn't keep me off. It was just a matter of time. I'm not sure if I impressed her, but these fists sure made an impression ON her."