If you are citizen of an European Union member nation, you may not use this service unless you are at least 16 years old.
You already know Dokkio is an AI-powered assistant to organize & manage your digital files & messages. Very soon, Dokkio will support Outlook as well as One Drive. Check it out today!

23 May 2011 Jessica Biel vs Cobie Smulders

Page history last edited by Archer844 12 years, 7 months ago

Jessica Biel 09.jpg

CELEBRITY BOXING AFTER DARK

Posted by simguy on 5/23/2011, 9:32 am

BEFORE: Cobie a prohibitive underdog at most books...is Jessica being babied? "Nonsense," Biel says when asked the question point blank. "Everybody needs rounds, needs work, and even though I'm a cut above Cobie, she's got terrific conditioning and some nice boxing skill on her side. Nobody is a lock against anybody - just as Serinda Swan or Britney Spears. When you're Jessica Biel, every girl you face comes in at 120% because they want that upset. I'd say Cobie's probably on a par with Kaley Cuoco for threat-level!" Cobie demure - understanding her role, if not accepting of it. "Everyone thinks it's going to be a quick night for Jess and that she won't even work up a sweat - but I don't see that happening at all. I'm in way too good of shape to get steamrolled, and I've got the right tools to frustrate Jess. Don't be surprised to see me touching and busting her up. And if I can lean into a few good right hands as well? Don't be surprised to see Jessi hurt!" Jessica in leopard print bikini top/white bottoms; white gloves; dark hair long/loose. Cobie in tan western motif bikini with fringes along the decolletage; black gloves; black hair loose, tangly.

During R1: Jessica affecting an Andre Berto look: left hand dangling, right at her chest; wide stance as she bounces on balls of feet. Cobie more conventional - right at her cheek, left probing jabs: Jessica lights Smulders up something awful this round. Everything swift n' sudden from Jess...she'll roll to her right to slip Cobie's jab, then rocket back in with swinging right hand counters FLUSH to jaw; she'll dangle that left hand, whipping it up and around to kiss hooks-to-jaw, or slice to tummy, keeping Cobie miserable with pain. Smulders shellshocked - gobbling immense single-shot power-counters - frequently rocked onto her right (back) leg as her left leg comes up off canvas while her head jolts hard-right. Cobie blown to the canvas for a knockdown half way through, but she beats the count...only to continue taking withering single-shot lefts and rights from a springy-legged Jessi B in the first.

R2: Same again - same stance from Biel - same vicious-fast right hand counters off the torso-roll; the same whippy hooks off the thigh. Same effect on Cobie as her head gets spanked and swiveled...legs loosening up as she stumbles around the ring. Biel can't drop the Cobester this round, but she's grinning, enjoying the show: Smulders looking sleepy, blinking in confusion as she's punched pillar-to-post in the second.

R3: Same again - Cobie still can't get off to answer, though she's anticipating better now - covering up/hunching forward to block some of the head shots. Smulders taking the power better - still getting bullwhipped around the ring, but looks to have her legs together through 3.

R4: Cobie dutiful, keeping right at her cheek - jabbing Jessica off; pre-empting Jessica the jab...good left hand technique from Smulders. Cobie also stepping in off the poke to jam a rigid left uppercut into Jessi's ribs; wiping off Jessica's tits via slap-chop right hands. Biel unhurt, but not busy - content to bop around, use her legs, showboat a bit.

R5: Same again - Cobie unspectacular, but efficient - using the jab to keep Jessica from pouncing; closing in spots to fit Jess for left uppercuts to body. Jess caught pulling out by rangy Smulders right crosses - brunette leaning in, getting good spank off left-side of Jessi's jaw. Biel unhurt, but dropping the round: she gets a bit of a wake-up call in the corner as trainer wants more focus.

R6: Just like that - Jess turns it on, shuts Cobie out. Biel with the left hand dangling...she's twitch-feinting Cobie, then leaping in sudden lead right hands or lifting rising lefts off her thigh to thump Cobie's midsection. Smulders in tight earmuff, grimacing as she's belted: Jess finding a choppy little right hand in behind Cobie's left elbow to work those ribs a bit through 6.

R7: Spirited two way fight breaks out as Cobie forms earmuff to lean her way in close - accepting wallop about her head/shoulders, then answering back left uppercuts (body)/looping right hands (head). Biel in and out, circling to her right: she's hitting Cobie a ton, but Smulders covering up well to receive, blocking the worst of it. Cobie's surviving the hits better, allowing her to answer back in spots...still Jessi's round, but Smulders upbeat even as she's scuffed and disheveled through 7.

R8: Jessica doing her thing - rolling torso-right with Cobie's jab, then slinging back wicked right hand counters; dipping-and-ripping left uppercuts to Cobie's midsection; tilting right to get an angle for hatchet-chop rights behind Cobie's left elbow. All Biel until late: she's a little lazy recovering from her own right hand - hands low...Cobie steps in, plants a rangy right clean to Jessica's jaw and BIEL IS ROCKED! Jessica momentarily shunted onto her right leg as left foot swings up off canvas...Biel putting the left foot down way to her right, looking all buzzed and confused. Cobie moving forward in earmuff, dipping left shoulder to dig left uppercuts to Jessica's midsection, then chipping her the short left hook/right hand...Biel punched back to ropes, forced into earmuff...she's bobbing at the waist, taking a pasting to drop the round under a fusillade of energetic Smulders punches.

R9, 10: Virtual shutout rounds for Jessica, with spots for Cobie. Smulders keeping dukes up, afraid to punch: Jessica circling, feinting, menacing...Biel's eyes narrowed as she gets off swift, merciless counters from either hand, lashing at ribs/head. Cobie beaten around the ring, but proving durable: even when rocked, she manages to keep her feet, stay covered up, and absorb good thumping work in her ribs. Goes to bell with Jessica firmly in control - UD10 Biel, wide.

After: Jess sunny in postfight - giving Cobie a hug and preening for cameras...just a typical day in the office for Ms. Pound-for-pound. Kaley Cuoco less impressed - tweeting throughout the bout "Jessica can't finish", "Cobie's taking Jessica's power", "Jessica's tired - she's faking it!" On and on - blonde cutting her stablemate no slack for going the route tonight.