If you are citizen of an European Union member nation, you may not use this service unless you are at least 16 years old.
You already know Dokkio is an AI-powered assistant to organize & manage your digital files & messages. Very soon, Dokkio will support Outlook as well as One Drive. Check it out today!

15 June 2011 Gauntlet Prologue

Page history last edited by Archer844 12 years, 7 months ago

Posted by Results By Sim/Words By Wiz on 6/15/2011, 8:07 am

Man In The Hat: "Live from the Trump Taj Mahal in Atlantic City, New Jersey, this is 'The Gauntlet'! At ringside, along with Hall Of Famer Britney Spears, I AM The Grand Wizard of Boxing, and, Brit, tonight Jenny McCarthy is about to try somethin' no one else has been dumb enough to do before...eleven rounds of boxing against eleven different opponents!"

Britney: "That's right, Wiz, and dozens of different fighters have signed up for the opportunity to go one round against J-Mac tonight. No one knows whom she'll fight or when, as the names will be drawn randomly before each round."

Man In The Hat: "The rules tonight are interesting to say the least. The fight MUST go eleven rounds. This means that if Jenny stops one of her opponents, or if an opponent stops Jenny, the round is simply counted as a 10-7 round and we move on to the next round. Also, the three judges will decide and reveal the round scores at the end of each round. So, we'll know which opponents beat Jenny and which ones Jenny beats AND we'll know the score of the fight all night. Any questions, Brit?"

Britney: "Just one. Why did HBO choose US to do this?"

Man In The Hat: "Just guessin', kid, but their normal announcer formula is one Hall of Famer and one wingnut..."

Britney(laughing): "Well, since I'm in the Hall of Fame, I won't consider that an insult. Meanwhile, here come two gentlemen in suits carrying a huge container..."

Man In The Hat: "Brit, that would be Salvatore Abruzzo, the chairman of the New Jersey State Athletics Commission on the left, and, on the right, Tony DePaolo the chairman of the Pennsylvania State Athletics Commission. These fine men will be drawing the names tonight. And, if you're wondering what the chairman of Pennsylvania's commission is doin' here in New Jersey, he and Mr. Abruzzo are good friends from way back."

Britney: "And coming down to the ring now is our ring announcer, MICHAEL BUFFER. Let's go to the ring!"

Buffer: "Ladies and gentlemen, let me introduce first our musical guest for the evening...Mr. Harry Connick, Jr!"

Man In The Hat: "Listen to that crowd givin' it up for Harry!"

Buffer: "Now, without further delay, LET'S GET READY TO RUMMMMMMMMMBBBBBBBLLLLLLLLLLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEEEE! Introducing first, the woman of the hour, having her 100th fight,the Playmate Of The Freaking Century, the Greatest Fighting Playmate Of All-Time, The Flagship of Sceej Boxing, The Author, The Actress, The Centerfold, The Once and Future Bantamweight Champion Of The WOOOOOORRRRRLLLLLLLLD....JENNYYYYYYY McCAAARRRTTTTHHHYYYY!"

Harry: "Oh the shark, babe. Has such teeth, dear..."

Britney: "And here comes Jenny, Wiz, blowing kisses to the fans...oooh...stopped doing that when she saw some of the fighters who are at ringside..."

Man In The Hat: "Well, remember, everyone who signed up is here, and none of them know if they'll get to fight tonight..."

Britney: "Uh oh! We have trouble already! Jenny's screaming at someone in the crowd..."

Man In The Hat: "Pot up the ring mic, guys in the truck!"

Jenny:"...out of here! I want her out! Out!"

Britney: "Who is she screaming at..."

Man In The Hat: "Oh, for...Tess! She's tryin' ta throw Tess out!"

Jenny: "...you heard me, Walmart! I want you OUT of here!"

Britney: "This is getting ugly! Tess is headed for the ring!"

Man In The Hat: "McCarthy's career is gonna end on 99 fights because Tess is gonna KILL her!"

Britney: "Jenny motioning Tess into the ring and Tess is climbing in..."

Man In The Hat: "Freakin' Trump has billions, but not a penny for security, apparently..."

Britney: "Palicki in between the two, thank goodness. Telling Tess to cool down, but Tess motioning for Adrianne to get out of the way...saying she doesn't have a problem with Palicki..."

Man In The Hat: "Tess respects Palicki and respects her backin' her stablemate, but she wants at McCarthy, who's still waiving Tess forward..."

Britney: "Adrianne being the voice of reason here, not budging. Tess has kicked off the shoes!"

Man In The Hat: "And for the folks at home that might not know, Tess is a black belt. When she kicks off the shoes, she's abot to kick somethin' ELSE..."

Britney: "And there's security, thank goodness! Getting in the ring to break this up..."

Man In The Hat: "DON'T THROW HER OUT, BOYS! SHE'S WITH ME! YOU ESCORT HER BACK TO HER SEAT, UNDERSTAND? THERE YOU GO!"

Britney: "Well, now that THAT little incident is over, Jenny's disrobing, looking daggers alternately at Tess and over here at the table while Mr. DePaolo is drawing the first name, handing it to Harry Connick, who takes it up to Mr. Buffer."

Buffer: "And her opponent..."

Britney: "Uh oh! That's 'Under Pressure' by David Bowie and that means..."

Buffer: "Representing Foxfire Boxing, FCBA Hall Of Famer and multi-time lightweight champion of the woooooorrrrrrllllllddddd, JENNNIFFFFERRRRR GARNNNNNERRRRRR!"

Britney: "I do NOT think this is how Jenny wanted to start this fight..."