Posted by Simguy on 2/22/2004, 9:13 am

(For those of you unable to procure your own copy. I’ve taken the liberty of summarizing this month’s ish).

Features:

THERON BOXED IN: With fellow Krushers holding all the gold from 130 up, crown-hound Charlize has few options. Would the Krushers ever schedule an inter-stable bout for their queen?

BLALOCK UNDRESSED--Promising young blonde up and comer--she of the one-punch slinging KO right hand-got herself torn UP by hated brunette Jennifer Connelly. Can Blalock right the ship? Can she get past the nightmare of this shocking second round halt and exact meaningful, sustained revenge on that black-haired witch? In-depth interview with Jolene, searing photos of the fight.

VIVA CLAIRE! Claire Danes is celebrated in words and pictures, with an emphasis on her masterful dismissal of tuff Latina Salma Hayek. It’s been  long hard road from thinking-man’s fighter to world class champion. Danes sheds some light on her mercurial relationship with Eliza Dushku, on how it feels to have Mish squirming under thumb, talks about her plans fir a long grinding tyranny at flyweight.

NEW KIDMAN ON THE BLOCK--profile of long Nicole K in the wake of stirring resistance against Charlize Theron and her upcoming David and Goliath battle against Kristanna Loken. She’s shed that crappy red, gone golden, and hasn’t looked back.

CUTHBERT UNlishED--Photo essay of Elisha’s stirring comeback pounding of rugged Dani Fishel. Elisha dismissal criticism of her midsection, ability to withstand body punches--answers all her critics in this article.

THE BEST BIG WOMEN ARE BLONDE! How blondes came to rule the higher weight divisions. Some historical discussion of great curvy blondes of the past--tenuous Darwinian/Natural Selection argument made that blondes are predisposed to be boxing’s apex predators.

Columns:

VIEW FROM THE TOP: Janet Jones dresses down Syren as “the most over-rated trainer in the game”, goes into detail of how TE’s antiquated tactics led to Elisha Cuthbert’s stunning victory over Dani Fishel. Very personal and heartfelt attack--not for the faint of heart.

STONES THROW: Sharon Stone assesses the upcoming Kidman/Loken fight and why thinking man;s fighter Nicole has chance to shock the world.

SPOTLIGHT ON: Victoria Silvestedt-another blonde behemoth ready to rampage at middle.

FIGHT FORECAST: Jessica Biel vs. Jewel Kilcher--4 blonde experts discuss how Jewel might handle one of the best athletes in the FCBA.

TOP 10 BRUNETTES WHO MUST BE BEATEN: Jennifer Connelly surging 4 spots, Eliza still there, etc.

FIGHTER OF THE MONTH: Katherine Heigl’s workmanlike cudgeling of well-respected Peta Wilson has tongues wagging. Big Kat no joke anymore as she’s cut a swath through division elites on this run.

Cover: “Elisha Cuthbert gets to Dani with uppercuts”--shows Elisha turning tight into the punch, right hands already snapped back to her chest, eyes bright as she focuses on Fishel: Dani’s head punched back off her mitts, eyes shut, mouth open, she’s just devastated by the shot. Insert lower right hand corner: “Jennifer Garner climbs the ring ropes on a shattered Brittany Daniel”--Daniel’s pretty face towards the camera, eyebrows high, eyes closed in swoon, mouth wet against Jennifer’s oppressing hip--Garner with left fist-full of blonde tousle and that skyward thrusting right.

Reposted by Archer 6/21/11