PHOTOS COURTESY BI PHOTO LAB

Posted by Simguy on 4/30.2004, 7:14 am.

Before: Nobody’s talking about it as such, but Danes theoretically in position to wreck vengeance on the Krushers for the humiliation of Jennifer Garner--both sides downplaying any hint of vendetta in this pairing. “I view Elisha as a high profile, vulnerable bantamweight,” says Yaley Danes, “and that’s all there is to it. I see a bully, a walk-in girl, someone I can box the socks off--and that’s why I’m taking the fight.” Elisha heartily amused at the idea of her vulnerability in thus match up. “If Claire can’t handle Shannen Doherty--she’s gonna get steamrolled big time by me. I’m way too big and strong for this girl--I can’t believe she’s coming up to face me, I’m gonna have fun, and it looks like between me and Charlize, we’re gonna tidy these HISC girls right up.” Claire in half black, half white bra style bikini, matching two toned boxing shoes.--Elisha in red push up and panties, white lace trim.

R1: Danes southpaw--treating Elisha to classy razzle dazzle early. Claire chipping the right jab at ‘Lishy’s face, pivoting to the right--just easing around in a tight circle, chi tucked behind that right shoulder. Cuthbert’s hook neatly skidding off Danes protective shoulder, Cuthbert’s hooks right hands neutralized by the clever counter-clockwise slide. Down the stretch, Claire punctuates a technically sound round with a feint freeze ‘Lish and a pounding hesitation left sharp off the face. Danes with a stunning, clean punch has Cuthbert rung up and blinking at the bell.

R2: More Claire Danes operating on a bewildered young Elisha Cuthbert. Danes has her position: midring. She’s got her counter-clockwise movement and setting the table with pesky, chiseling right jabs. She’s using feints, drilling in sudden hesitation lefts straight off the shoulder--pounding Elisha’s face back, stamping those proud young jugs flat or scoring flat amidships. AND Claire’s getting the right hook--slicing, lathering blows in under Elisha’s left elbow or licking along the jaw--bigger blonde pout wobbly butt by the constant attrition of unpredictable Danes punching. Judges like it 10-8--Cuthbert made to look like a rank amateur, unable to land a single blow.

R3: Elisha shaking off the damage, puts her shoulder down and pancake tackles Danes to the ropes-- Janet Jones clapping in approval in the Krusher corner. Elisha bullying Claire--Claire looking to slip, roll and get out of Dodge. Danes alert, but not panicky--she’s blocking, bending at the waist, changing her plane, then getting around Cuthbert with sexy sidesteps--insolent hands in Cuthbert’s hips guiding her past. Cuthbert sustaining her forward momentum--missing badly occasionally, but Danes not pulling the trigger, using the openings to escape rather than punch. Shutout Elisha.

R4: Danes making cute moves in the corners, using the ropes, getting around Cuthbert. Danes making cute moves along the perimeter, changing direction, faking Elisha into standing still, then picking her up with swinging right uppercuts, Elisha coming forwards and doing brawny work to the flanks of her elusive opponent, but miday through, Danes lights the kid up. Claire sliding back, luring Elisha in and turning her--Danes with a slapping hook/drilling left hand flush on the mouth puts Cuthbert stamping back on her heels. Supreme satisfaction on Claire’s face--she’s landing clean on Elisha and moving the blonde with accurate power.

R5: Savour it ladies and gentlemen: the best Claire Danes we’ve ever seen. it’s magic when technique takes over a fight--Claire keeping ‘Lishy at the end of her fists, scoring at will to the face of her for with chiseling one-twos off the front foot, feinting to freeze her, then dropping that crowd-pleasing hesitation left SPANK on the face. Cuthbert just poising for punches, getting all torn up--she can’t stop the face punching and she’s breaking down, leaving gaping holes for Claire to pour through. Danes tearing up great chunk of Cuthbert gut, swiveling ‘round to the right after lashing paunch rights and sticking lefts--Claire dressing the younger beauty up in a glittering web of hurt. ‘Lishy tilting forward, going glum--Claire able to step to spots, wait, then pick up that chin the jagged right uppercut, put the left hand straight through the mouth and mop up those ribs the slashing, whip-arm right hook, Spectacular boxing shutout--Cuthbert bleeding from the nose, left eye swelling badly and a confused, dazed expression--judges have to award another 10-8 without a knockdown as Danes paints masterpiece.

R6: Elisha not shutout, but clearly not as effective as she started--she’s hesitant from missing the majority of her shots, and although she’s taking Claire’s punch, it’s stinging her, backing her up. Claire basically potshot ting the straight left hand when she wants to punch Elisha in the face, but crafty D putting her best, most consistent work on the body. Strapping, slicing blows tear away at ‘Lishy’s waistline, leeching away the big bantam’s strength, numbing her legs. Cuthbert sluggish as she follows Claire around the ring, too worn to cut off the ring properly or apply bell-to-bell pressure. At the break--grinning Claire claps a brazen chunk of sagging Cuthbert buttock--blonde can only offer a wounded, moist-eyed look of tired outrage.

R7: Claire stuns ‘Lishy barely with the hesitation left off her face--Cuthbert put wobbly butt--rendered vulnerable for the robust body punching that’s systematically wicking away her resistance. Claire helping herself to jug, sampling rack with shoe shining combinations before sliding off to the right--Danes just dictating in mesmerizing fashion at this point, pulling the strings on her shopworn puppet through 7.

R8: Cuthbert with a few good wide rights and lefts to the shoulders and hips of her girl--but it’s sporadic, spotty stuff--Danes still in complete mastery midring. Danes stepping to the right, easing in close: right/left off the stomach, ducking down to slip the exhausted Cuthbert receipt, then swiveling scot-free to the right. Elisha having fits trying to figure out the southpaw stance--getting touched and tarted up as Claire takes what she wants. At the bell, girls side by side--Claire takes full advantage of Elisha’s demoralized state--bending I to jam the tip-of her right elbow deep to unsuspecting blonde gut. Poor Elisha all doubled over and hugging a ransacked tummy--Danes strutting chin up,  happy smile to her corner.

R9.10: Danes the consummate professional, knows she’s not going to stop Elisha or even get her to quit, just keeps up that mind-numbing slap n’ slip midring as Cuthbert turns and takes. Claire basically getting off from her front foot--not a lot of pop, but quick, chisel-and-scrape--scrubbing the face and breasts, then sidestepping. Sign of Cuthbert’s weakness--Claire can basically ease in, roll her shoulders and put two in the belly at will--she’s getting both hands in, escaping out to the side with a duck-and-pivot--it’s classy, classy stuff. Poor Elisha breathing hard, all chewed up downstairs, gingerly coming forward and hardly punching at all at the final bell. Comes back UD10 wide--Craft Claire Danes.

After: Elisha mute with punishment as gloves are removed by a Jones flunky==Janet with her back turned, arms crossed, no even acknowledging the young blonde in the aftermath of this whitewash. Danes all happy/cocky, nodding and laughing, partying it up in her corner, swarmed by well wishers and associates, “That’s Claire Danes boxing,” says a chipper Danes in post fight. “I discourage other women. ‘Lish felt dangerous to me for a few minutes art the start, but once I started working over that soft gut of hers--I could see quit welling up in those pretty brown eyes of hers. I think I’m going to like it up here!”

Reposted by Archer 6/26/11.